Perfect You (8 page)

I heard a noise, looked over my shoulder, and then almost dropped the box. Will was standing a little ways behind me, leaning against the wall, like he was trying to look relaxed but couldn't quite get there. He watched me wrestle the box onto another already overcrowded shelf without offering to help, and the overwhelming urge I'd felt to kiss him started to seem a lot less overwhelming.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," I said.

"Like you'd have let me help you," he said, taking a step toward me. "Besides, right now I'm supposed to be counting shoelaces in our storage overspill. Guess now I'll have to stay late to do it."

"I didn't ask you to do that."

"I didn't say you did." He took another step toward me.

"Good," I said, but my voice came out all wobbly and cracked.

Then he kissed me. He touched the sides of my face, my neck, and then rested his hands on the small of my back, pulling me closer, and my whole body burned. He tasted like cinnamon, which surprised me because I'd just seen him eating a burger, and then I realized he must have eaten a mint or something and it just . . . melted me.

I could have kissed him forever, I think, but once again vitamins messed up my life. The corridor door creaked open and Dad yelled, "Kate, did you find those Garlic Gels yet?"

I jumped like he was right next to us and Will touched my shoulder, whispering, "Your dad, right?"

"Yeah, I gotta go." I tried to pretend I didn't notice that him whispering in my ear had given me goose bumps, and walked off before he could notice. Or say anything.

I could say I don't know why I walked away like that again, but that would be a lie. I walked away so I would be the one who left, and I left so I wouldn't have to see him do it first.

"Hand 'em over," Dad said when I reached him, and I blinked at him before remembering I was supposed to be bringing back vitamins.

"How come you're not at the booth?" I said, hoping to change the subject. "I mean, didn't you tell me someone always has to be there during mall hours?"

Dad blushed. "Well, it gets sort of boring out there sometimes, and you were gone for a while." He looked at me. "You weren't able to find them, were you?"

I shook my head, and he went and got the vitamins. I sat in the booth and wondered what the hell had just happened. I'd basically asked Will to make out with me. Why had I done that? What had I been thinking?

I hadn't. That was the problem.

I couldn't face going to school, afraid that Will might say something and equally afraid that he wouldn't, and in the morning I tried to convince Mom I was sick. I got up when she said Grandma would stay at home with me, though, and before I knew it, I was walking into first period, dreading what was going to happen.

Only nothing did.

I walked into class and Will was talking to Jennifer M. smiling and nodding and not noticing me at all. I wanted to smack her. And him. And then go home and spend the day eating ice cream.

It was a really distressing feeling.

"Did you understand the reading?" Jennifer S. asked when I sat down. I looked at her, totally not caring that Will was still talking to Jennifer M. In fact, I hoped they hooked up. Her insanely jealous boyfriend, who played football and had a neck the size of my leg, would break Will in half.

"Sort of," I said, and Will looked over his shoulder at me then, clicking the pen he was holding over and over really fast. For a second, I thought he looked nervous.

"So . . . about last night," he said, and as soon as he did, I knew what was coming. The

"Look, last night I was drunk/in a really bad place/etc, and I just don't see you that way"

speech. I'd heard Todd make it about a million times, and that was always how he started it.

I didn't want to hear it now, especially not in front of everyone.

"I don't care about it, just quit clicking your pen, okay?" I said, and looked back at Jennifer S. "Did you understand the reading?"

"All I remember is that when people get certain kinds of anemia they end up eating stuff like paint."

"And dirt," Will said, butting in just like always. He looked at me again. "You don't care?"

He almost sounded hurt.

"Yes. I don't care, so please spare me the speech."

"Speech?"

"What are you, an echo?"

He stared at me for a moment, and then grinned just like he had last night. "What kind of speech am I supposed to make?"

Flustered, I looked at my desk, and kept looking at it until class started. Of course, it ended up being group day. And guess who was in my group?

That's right. Jennifer M., who I was still having residual feelings of irrational hatred for; Kim, who actually thought being student council treasurer meant something and spent all his time discussing ancient movies from the 1980s; and Will.

"But there aren't killer robots around now, Kim," Jennifer said when he finally paused to take a breath mid-rant about some movie no one but him and a bunch of ancient people had ever seen. She turned to me. "Let's focus on the reading. Kate, what did you think about the section on blood typing?"

I'd read it last night, while worrying about what had happened with Will, and remembered nothing about it. "I thought it was . . . well, it was interesting. What do you think?"

Jennifer sighed. "You didn't do the reading, did you? Will, please tell me you did the reading. Never mind, I know you did. What did you think about the blood typing stuff?"

I could practically hear her eyelashes fluttering. I reminded myself that I'd hung out with her, and that aside from a tendency to pit Jennifer S. and T. against each other, she wasn't so bad. And who'd want Will, anyway?

I ignored the little voice inside me that said, "Me!"

"I think it's really complex," Will said. "There's a lot of stuff going on, you know?"

"Absolutely," Jennifer said. "You mean how blood types were discovered, right?"

"That's it. The evolution of it all," Will said. Okay how come she didn't get that he clearly hadn't done the reading either? I cleared my throat, and he looked at me, grinning again, and then glanced at Jennifer.

"Wow, are these your notes? You've even highlighted--yep, this is exactly what I was thinking. You've got to mention all of this when we get called on."

"Really? You think it's okay?" Jennifer said, and looked over at Jennifer T., who was talking to Jennifer S.

While she was distracted, Will leaned toward me. "You need to work on your bullshit skills," he whispered.

"Oh, please. If I had dimples and pretended everything she said was interesting, she'd be all over me too," I whispered back.

He laughed. "So you're saying you're immune to the Will Miller charm?"

"I'm definitely immune to anything you call the Will Miller charm, you loser."

Will stretched, still grinning. His shirt rode up, showing a little bit of his stomach, and I watched Jennifer turn back toward us and stare at that little patch of skin like she'd been hypnotized. Honestly, it was so sad the way some girls got totally stupid over--

Will tugged his shirt down, and I looked up to see him looking at me, grinning a slow smile that made me want to smack him. And then make out with him.

I glared at him. He winked at me and I slumped back into my chair. Stupid Will.

Stupid me.

Work was fine, I stayed in our booth the whole

time, even eating dinner there. Dad said he admired my dedication and asked if I wanted to straighten up our storage space.

"After all, you've gotten a good look at it now, right?" he said, and I said, "Sure," trying not to blush.

Back in the corridor by the shelves that held box after box of Perfect You vitamins, I tried to put them into some kind of order and didn't think about Will. I didn't wonder if he was at work. I didn't wonder what he was thinking about, and if he was thinking about me.

Not much, anyway.

In the morning, I woke up before my alarm went off because Mom and Grandma were arguing. I got up and opened my door a little, peeking out at them. Mom was standing by the bathroom door, which was open just enough for me to see that Grandma was inside fixing her hair.

"So what you're saying is that I'm on my own like always," Mom said. Her voice was quiet, just above a whisper. At first I thought it was because she didn't want me or Todd to hear, but then she wiped a hand across her eyes and I realized she was trying not to cry.

"Darling, I'm not even going to respond to that. I'm here, aren't I? I want to help you."

Grandma picked up my hairspray made a face at it, and then picked up her own.

"And how are you going to do that? I told you what we needed last night, you said you'd have to think about it, and now you've told me 'no'?"

"That's not what I said. I said I'll help you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it's not my job to save you from your husband's choices. You chose to stay with him, you live with what he does. Does that sound familiar, darling?"

"So, this is really about Daddy and something I said to you before I went to college? You can't seriously be comparing Steve to him, Mother, and I sure as hell hope you aren't saying I'm like you."

"No, you made that quite clear before you left. And then you didn't say a word to me or your father until you graduated with no job and a mountain of student loans."

Mom flinched. "That's not fair. I came home because I read that Daddy was ill, not because I wanted money. I've never asked you for anything, but the life Steve and I have built . . . we're in danger of losing it."

"Not if he gets a job."

"He has a job."

"Oh, Sharon, please. You married a child and frankly, it's time he grows up. I'll help you, but I'm certainly not going to support Steve's absurd fantasy."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. Steve's amazing. He's actually capable of emotion, and he would do anything for me or the kids."

"Would he?" Grandma said, and I saw Mom look at the floor, her face turning a dark, shamed red. "As I was saying, if I did what you asked, it would only delay the inevitable.

Steve's little dream is just that, darling, a dream, and putting off his wake-up call for a few months or even a year won't change a thing. I will help you, though, and all I ask is that you think about what I said. A marriage isn't supposed to be--"

"That's enough," Mom said, looking back up at Grandma. Her face was still red but her voice was icy cold. "Keep your damn money. I don't mind work, unlike some people, and I know more about marriage than you ever will."

"Darling, that's a bit melodramatic, even for you, and I think we both realize I know plenty about marriage. I did survive mine, after all."

Mom took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then said, "There's no point in you staying here any longer."

"You want me to leave?" Grandma seemed shocked and, weirdly, hurt. I didn't think that was possible. "Yes, Mother, I do. I want you to leave as soon as possible, and if I'm ever stupid enough to ask you for anything again, just pretend I'm a child. You won't be able to ship me off to boarding school like you did then, but it should still be easy enough for you to ignore me."

"Darling--"

"I don't want to hear it, Mother."

"What do you think life at home would have been like if I hadn't sent you away?"

Grandma said. "Do you think your father would have decided to give up his little blue pills? Do you think he would have been around more, or noticed either one of us if he was? Do you think I would have somehow become a better person? A better mother?

Getting you out of that house was the most unselfish thing I've ever done."

"The only thing," Mom said, but her voice was shaking.

"You may be right," Grandma said. "But still, I won't support Steve and his ridiculous scheme. However, I do want to help you, darling. I won't mention what I said last night again, but I will give you enough money for this month. I don't want you working two jobs, especially when one of them is selling those hideous cosmetics."

"What's the catch?"

"No catch. I just want to see my family. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Frankly, yes, but I'll live with it. Once the month is over, though--"

"Yes, darling, I understand. Thank you for the cash, now get out.'" Mom shook her head. "Mother, you trying to do guilt is like . . . well, it's like me trying to sell forty-dollar eyeliner."

"Oh, I'm not that bad at it, darling," Grandma said, and shut the bathroom door.

I crept back to bed and wondered what Grandma had said to Mom about Dad and their marriage. It must have been really . . . well, typical Grandma. As far as Dad and his vitamins went, I had to agree with her, though. Dad's dream was a stupid one and I didn't care if it got crushed.

In fact, I'd love it if he got a real job again. It would mean part of my life would go back to the way it used to be. It would mean no more working at the mall, no more piped-in music or tiny booth or people staring at Dad and his vitamins and then looking away like he embarrassed them.

No, there was nothing I'd miss about working at the mall.

Well, one thing. With one person. But it had happened, it was over, and that was that.

Still, I was relieved to get to first period and find out Will wasn't in school.

Or at least I wanted to feel relieved. I was actually sort of disappointed when I walked into class and didn't see him, but the disappointment could have come from having to face biology so early in the morning. Or because I had to hear Jennifer M. talk about her new purse, which was just as annoying as it sounds.

No, I was pretty sure the disappointment I felt had nothing to do with Will.

Then Jennifer started talking about him. "I heard Will isn't here because Monica is a complete wreck and he can't deal with it,"

she said. "You know they were sort of together for a while, right? Well, supposedly she went to see him at work last night, and he had a hickey from some other girl. I mean, okay, they weren't actually together anymore, but still. He's always got a girl waiting, you know?"