Perfect Daughter (22 page)

The car behind beeped; she hadn’t realised the lights had turned green.

She thought back to her teens, when all she’d wanted was for life to fly by faster, catapulting her into adulthood and all the wondrous things that awaited her. And now she regretted that impatience, understood that she’d been running blind, hurtling towards a future that was nothing like the one she’d hoped for. For years afterwards, she’d drawn comfort from the happy memories and taken refuge in dreams about her life as it might have been had she tried harder to hang on to Sven. If only she had tracked him down and given
him
choices. But the fact was, he didn’t even remember her. She was nothing to him.

Sitting in the car, contemplating this, she inhaled sharply as her mobile phone rang on the passenger seat.

‘Yes, this is Martha’s mum.’ Her stomach knotted as it always did when an unfamiliar number came up. Who was this? School? Hospital? Was her daughter okay?

‘Hi there, this is Gideon’s mum, Allison. I hope you don’t mind me calling. I thought it might be a good idea if we met up?’ The woman had a Bristol accent and sounded about her age. She also sounded more than a little nervous.

‘Yes,’ Jacks said, wearily. It probably couldn’t be avoided.

A couple of hours later, after she’d completed her chores and got her mum ready, she drove up Grange Road.

‘We’re off on a little adventure, Mum. Going to meet someone for coffee. Maybe you could have a nice bit of cake. Do you fancy that?’ She pulled the car into Weston General Hospital.

Ida looked up at the modern, brown-brick building. ‘Harptree.’ She stated the word clearly and concisely.

Jacks stared at her mum. ‘Yes, that’s right.’ She walked round to the back of the car to retrieve Ida’s wheelchair, feeling quite choked. ‘Harptree’ was the name of the ward her dad had been in when he died.

The two made their way to the Costa coffee shop just inside the main entrance. Jacks wheeled her mum up to one of the small tables, got three coffees and, as promised, a piece of carrot cake for Ida. She smiled awkwardly at several of the nurses who came in holding purses, walking briskly and ordering hot drinks with no time to waste. And then Allison appeared. Jacks instinctively knew it was her. The way she hovered in the doorway, looking anxious, swallowing and glancing around as if hoping to spot a friendly, supportive face. Jacks could see where Gideon got his good teeth and wide smile. Allison also had great skin; she looked younger than her forty years, with her hair cut into a short bob. She was wearing navy trousers, clogs and a royal blue tunic with short sleeves and white piping on the collar and sleeves. She had a little upside-down watch hanging from the breast pocket and a pair of scissors poked out the top.

‘Jackie?’

‘Jacks, yes. Hi. I got you a coffee, didn’t know how long your break would be or if you were in a rush, so I thought it’d save time. It’s a latte, hope that’s okay.’

‘Any coffee is always good, thank you.’ Allison raised the cardboard cup and sipped. ‘And thanks for coming here. It’s hard to organise things outside of here, with my rota, but I’m on a break, so…’

‘This is my Mum – Ida.’ Jacks filled the seconds of silence while both wondered how to continue.

‘Ah yes. Hello, Ida. Martha has told me all about you.’ She smiled.

Jacks felt a churn of unease. She hadn’t realised that Martha had met Gideon’s mother or that they had exchanged this level of information. She pictured them sitting around Allison’s kitchen table, laughing and planning like a family; even the thought of being excluded in this way made her feel sick. But it was her fault, she knew. She had effectively excluded herself.

‘It’s good to meet you. I haven’t much time, so I guess we should cut to the chase, talk about the situation,’ Allison prompted.

‘Yes,’ Jacks sighed. She was quite prepared to cut to the chase. She wanted to be honest, but part of her also wanted to wound this woman who seemed to be better informed and better connected to the young couple than she was. ‘I’m not happy about it.’

‘Me either.’ Allison widened her eyes and pursed her lips.

Well, at least that was something, at least she wasn’t planning a baby shower and starting to knit booties. Jacks considered how best to proceed. Everything she wanted to say was cued up on her tongue. First on her list was how Martha was throwing away her chance to go to university. Jacks took a deep breath, but Allison had taken the lead.

‘I like Martha very much, I really do. She’s a lovely girl. But she’s so young and I don’t think you can know your mind at that age, not really, and that worries me. Gideon has worked very hard to learn his trade. He has big ambitions to set up on his own and my fear – apart from him getting hurt by someone who is too young to know what she really wants – was always that he might… I don’t know how to put it.’ She bit the inside of her cheek as she looked at the floor. ‘I guess I was always worried that he might get saddled with a baby who he will have to spend the next eighteen years paying for.’ She shrugged her shoulders.

Jacks stared at Gideon’s mum across the table and fought the desire to shout. She had to stay calm, as Pete had reminded her, for everyone’s sake. ‘So to get this straight, you are worried that Martha has got herself pregnant just so that Gideon has to support her? Is that what you are saying?’

Allison raised her hand as if to ward off any further comments. ‘Not exactly. I don’t think it was done on purpose – you know what it’s like with kids, they confuse sex with love.’ She shook her head disapprovingly. ‘But I know that for some girls it’s quite an attractive option – to not have to work, to have kids, stay at home. Not that that was how Gideon was brought up – I have always worked full time, never relied on anyone but myself, financially. I like being independent.’ Allison sipped her coffee.

Jacks felt like crying. She wanted to tell Allison how she used to work in the bank three days a week, before she’d become her mum’s full-time carer. She wanted to shout how going out to work was a piece of cake compared with being on call twenty-four/seven, a slave to the sound of her mum’s bell. She felt attacked and her instinct was to defend herself. But this wasn’t about her or Allison, this was about their children. Plus Jacks knew what a nurse’s life was like; during all those long shifts she probably looked after thirty Idas. She determinedly followed Pete’s advice, stayed calm and spoke from the heart.

‘Martha was all set for university. She’s had offers and is very capable of getting the grades and I feel that she is throwing it all away. I’m not just
unhappy
about the situation, I am gutted, absolutely torn apart.’ Jacks found it harder to voice this than she’d expected. A lump built in her throat. ‘She’s not the kind of girl to sit at home and not work.’

‘That’s what
she
said.’ Allison again confirmed the relationship she had with Martha.

‘Well she’s not a liar either and so if that’s what she said…’ Jacks let this trail.

‘Martha said you didn’t like Gideon.’ Allison’s tone was quiet, far from aggressive, but hurt.

God, Martha! Is there anything you are not telling this woman?

‘I’m sure that’s what she thinks, but it’s not true. I haven’t had a real opportunity to get to know him, but he seems like a very nice boy and Martha is clearly very fond of him. I suppose I’m angry with him for putting my daughter in this situation. But I’d be angry with whoever it was.’

‘He
is
a really nice boy, hard working and genuine. He’s had a lot to deal with in his life. He took it very badly when his dad and I split up. His nan pretty much brought him up – I was working all the hours – and to his credit, he’s looking forward to having a family of his own, more so than I would have imagined. He came with Martha for her appointment yesterday, took to it like a duck to water. He’s always liked the idea of children. I think that comes from feeling quite lonely as he grew up – we don’t have a big family, just him and his cousin Tait, and Tait was born and brought up in Sydney; my sister emigrated years ago. But I hear what you are saying about feeling angry. I feel the same.’

Jacks stared at her.
Appointment? What appointment?

Allison placed a finger under her little upside-down watch and checked the time. ‘Look, I’ve got to get back to the ward, but it’s good we’ve met at least, and had this chat. Whatever happens, I’ve got a feeling they are going to need us, both of us.’ She smiled, bending low and resting her hand on Ida’s arm. ‘Bye, Ida, it was nice to meet you.’

Jacks watched her stride out of the coffee shop and towards the lifts. The meeting hadn’t exactly gone as she’d planned it.

Back at Sunnyside Road, she pulled the wheelchair from the car.

‘Come on, Mum, let’s go get some air.’

Jacks wanted to walk, clear her head while she replayed the conversation with Allison. Pushing Ida along the pavement on their way to the shops, she thought about Martha having gone to the appointment without even telling her. Yet Allison, almost a complete stranger, had known all about it. Who were they, this woman and her son, whose lives had suddenly become enmeshed with her own?
Oh God, I’m losing her! I’m losing her, and that woman, with her full-time job and upside-down watch, will just replace me, take over. I’ll be squeezed out… Please, someone, help me! I don’t want to lose my daughter
.

Jacks wheeled her mum around the corner and out towards the Beach Lawns. ‘Let’s go pick up some bits for tea, shall we?’

As she rounded the bend, she saw Gideon on the opposite side of the street. She looked down, making out she hadn’t seen him, but he was clearly heading for her.
Shit!

‘Mrs Davies? Mrs Davies?’ he called.

Jacks slowed and waited for him to catch up. ‘What, Gideon? What do you want?’

‘I don’t know.’ He looked at the ground.

‘You’ve come after me to tell me you don’t know what you want?’ she barked.

‘Yes. Well, no, not really.’ He licked his lips, which were dry with nerves. ‘I just think we should talk to each other. I want to talk to you.’

Like Martha does to your mum, you mean?
‘Well, go ahead, talk.’ She stared at him.

He hesitated. ‘I practised what I was going to say to you, but…’

Jacks groaned.

‘But now I’m here in front of you, I’ve gone a bit blank.’

Jacks watched him kick the toe of his black Converse sneakers against the pavement. He looked up at the sky as though that might be where his inspiration lay, flicking his long fringe from his eyes. ‘The thing is, I know you don’t like me.’

Oh God, not you too!
‘It’s not that I don’t like you. As I said to your mum earlier, it’s that I don’t like you for Martha, don’t like how you have come along and messed up her life.’

‘Okay.’ Gideon was calm. ‘I think that’s kind of the same thing, but the point is, I love Martha, I really do and she loves me and I won’t always be working for no money in some backstreet garage. I’ll have my own car business one day. I’ve got plans.’

‘You think this is about money?’

‘Isn’t it?’ He looked confused.

‘No, it isn’t! It’s about Martha achieving her dreams, finishing her exams, going to university and watching the whole world open up in front of her. You are stopping her doing that.
You.
’ She ground her teeth. ‘My daughter could pick any path, that’s what her tutor told me. Those were the actual words. She is so smart, she can pick any path!’

Gideon nodded. ‘I know she’s smart. But the fact is, she’s chosen me. That’s the path she picked.’ He looked again at the pavement. ‘It’s happening. We’re having a baby and I want you to feel happy about it.’

‘Do you, Gideon? You want me to feel happy? Well, there’s a coincidence, because I want to feel happy too.’ With that she steered her mother along the pavement and didn’t look back.

Mid afternoon, Jacks heard the front door close and looked up to see Pete coming into the kitchen.

‘You’re early,’ she observed.

‘I finished early so I picked the kids up.’ He smiled at her as though expecting praise.

Jacks simply nodded, not willing to thank him for collecting his children, something she had to do most days.

Martha had gone straight up to her room, avoiding her mother, and for this Jacks was grateful. She could delay for a while longer the decision about whether or not to mention her hospital appointment. Jonty trotted into the kitchen with his bag of dirty PE kit in his arms.

‘Is that for me?’ Jacks asked, as though he had brought her a gift.

‘Yes.’ He dumped it on the table and without breaking his stride asked, ‘Is Martha going to have a baby?’ He was wide eyed. ‘Elliot said she was, but I said I didn’t think she was because she doesn’t even have a husband who could be a daddy.’ He wrinkled his nose and waited to see who was right, him or Elliot.

‘That’s right, Spud, she is going to have a baby.’ Pete smiled. ‘Exciting, eh? You will be an uncle!’

‘I don’t think I’m old enough to be an uncle, am I?’ Jonty looked quizzical.

‘Sweet Jesus,’ Jacks muttered under her breath and covered her eyes.

Jonty considered the news as he reached into the biscuit tin for a pre-tea cookie. He stopped midway, with his hand in the tin, and turned to his parents.

‘What’s up, mate?’ Pete was primed for an adverse reaction; he had lots of answers ready.

‘Well…’ Jonty swallowed. ‘I was just thinking…’

‘Thinking what?’ Pete urged.

‘I don’t want to share my room with Martha and a baby. I don’t think there will be enough space.’

‘Oh, don’t you worry about that!’ Pete laughed. ‘These things have a funny way of working out.’

Jacks stared at her husband. Was that the best he could come up with? She had to admit that she too was curious about how on earth they were all going to fit into their already cramped terrace. Unless…
Oh no!
Her blood ran cold at the thought. Martha might go and live with Gideon! This was the first time she’d considered that. If Martha left, it really would be the end.

Jonty, placated by his dad’s stock phrase, grabbed his biscuit, held it in his mouth while he replaced the lid, and went off to slump in front of the television.