Perfect

FOR E-ROCK AND )-BUG,
WITH LOVE

APRIL USED TO BE MY SISTER. She used to he
nine and charming. She used to respect the two most
important laws of sisterhood: Thou shalt not spy and Thou
shalt not report thy sister's crimes to the authorities.

Now Ape Face is ten and everything's different. She is
evil, and she must he destroyed.

Here's how it happened: The week before school
started, my ex-sister burst through the closed door of the
bathroom we share and found me. On my knees. With my
head in the toilet.

"EMwAVw," she said. " Naaasty.

I removed my fingers from my throat and swallowed.
"Don't tell Mom."

"Don't tell Mom what?" she said.

"That I have the flu, April. Obviously. I don't want her
to worry.

"Ohhh. Is that what it is? The flu?"

I wanted to call her the worst name I could think ofsomething I heard Jason Gullo call Ryan James in gym.
But with Ape Face, you have to choose your words carefully. "You'd better not tell her."

Ape Face raised one eyebrow. "Or what?"

"Or else. That's all I'm saying."

"Oooo." She waggled her fingers at me. "Scary.