Percy Jackson's Greek Gods (3 page)

THE
GOLDEN AGE
OF
CANNIBALISM

A
T FIRST,
K
RONOS WASN’T SO BAD
.
He had to work his way up to
being a
complete
slime bucket.

He released the Elder Cyclopes and the Hundred-Handed Ones from Tartarus, which made Gaea happy. The monstrous guys turned out to be useful, too. They had spent all their time in the abyss learning how to forge metal and build with stone (I guess that’s pretty much all there was to do), so in gratitude for their freedom, they constructed a massive palace for Kronos on top of Mount Othrys, which back then was the tallest mountain in Greece.

The palace was made from void-black marble. Towering columns and vast halls gleamed in the light of magical torches. Kronos’s throne was carved from a solid block of obsidian, inlaid with gold and diamonds—which sounds impressive, but probably wasn’t very comfortable. That didn’t matter to Kronos. He could sit there all day, surveying the entire world below him, cackling evilly, “Mine! All mine!”

His five Titan brothers and six Titan sisters didn’t argue with him. They had pretty much staked out their favorite territories already—and besides, after seeing Kronos wield that scythe, they didn’t want to get on his bad side.

In addition to being king of the cosmos, Kronos became the Titan of time. He couldn’t pop around the time stream like Doctor Who or anything, but he
could
occasionally make time slow down or speed up. Whenever you’re in an incredibly boring lecture that seems to take forever, blame Kronos. Or when your weekend is
way
too short, that’s Kronos’s fault, too.

He was especially interested in the destructive power of time. Being immortal, he couldn’t believe what a few short years could do to a mortal life. Just for kicks, he used to travel around the world, fast-forwarding the lives of trees, plants, and animals so he could watch them wither and die. He never got tired of that.

As for his brothers, the four who helped with the murder of Ouranos were given the four corners of the earth—which is weird, since the Greeks thought the world was a big flat circle like a shield, so it didn’t really
have
corners, but whatever.

Krios was the Titan of the south. He took the ram for his symbol, since the ram constellation rose in the southern sky. His navy blue armor was dotted with stars. Ram’s horns jutted from his helmet. Krios was the dark, silent type. He would stand down there at the southern edge of world, watching the constellations and thinking deep thoughts—or maybe he was just thinking he should have requested a more exciting job.

Koios, the Titan of the north, lived at the opposite end of the world (obviously). He was sometimes called Polus, because he controlled the northern pole. This was way before Santa Claus moved in. Koios was also the first Titan to have the gift of prophecy. In fact,
Koios
literally means
question
. He could ask questions of the sky, and sometimes the sky would whisper answers. Creepy? Yes. I don’t know if he was communing with the spirit of Ouranos or what, but his glimpses of the future were so useful that other Titans started asking him burning questions like:
What’s the weather going to be on Saturday?
Is Kronos going to kill me today? What should I wear to Rhea’s dance?
That kind of thing. Eventually Koios would pass down the gift of prophecy to his children.

Hyperion, Titan of the east, was the flashiest of the four. Since the light of day came from the east every morning, he called himself the Lord of Light. Behind his back, everybody else called him Kronos Lite, because he did whatever Kronos told him, and was basically like Kronos with half the calories and none of the taste. Anyway, he wore blazing golden armor and was known to burst into flames at random moments, which made him fun at parties.

His counterpart, Iapetus, was more laid-back, being the Titan of the west. A good sunset always makes you want to kick back and chill. Despite that, you didn’t want to get this guy mad at you. He was an excellent fighter who knew how to use a spear.
Iapetus
literally means
the Piercer
, and I’m pretty sure he didn’t get that name by doing ear-piercings at the mall.

As for the last brother, Oceanus, he took charge of the outer waters that circled the world. That’s how the big expanses of water bordering the earth came to be called
oceans.
It could have been worse. If Iapetus had taken over the waters, today we’d be talking about the
Atlantic Iapet
and
sailing the iapet blue,
and that just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Now, before I turn to the six lady Titans, let me get some nasty business out of the way.

See, eventually the guy Titans started thinking, Hey, Dad had Gaea for a wife. Who are
we
going to have for wives? Then they looked at the lady Titans and thought, Hmm…

I know. You’re screaming,
GROSS! The brothers wanted to marry their own
sisters
?!

Yeah. I find that pretty disgusting myself, but here’s the thing: Titans didn’t see family relationships the same way we do.

First off, like I said before, the rules of behavior were a lot looser back then. Also, there weren’t many choices when it came to marriage partners. You couldn’t simply log into TitansMatch.com and find your perfect soul mate.

Most important, immortals are just
different
from humans. They live forever, more or less. They have cool powers. They have ichor instead of blood and DNA, so they aren’t concerned about bloodlines not mixing well. Because of that, they don’t see the whole brother-sister thing in the same way. You and the girl you like might have been born of the same mom, but once you grew up and you were both adults, you wouldn’t necessarily think of her as your sister anymore.

That’s my theory. Or maybe the Titans were all just freaks. I’ll let you decide.

Anyway, not
all
the brothers married all the sisters, but here’s the rundown.

The oldest girl was Theia. If you wanted her attention, all you had to do was wave something shiny in her face. She
loved
sparkly things and bright scenic views. Every morning she would dance with happiness when daylight returned. She would climb mountains just so she could see for miles around. She would even delve underground and bring out precious gems, using her magic powers to make them gleam and sparkle. Theia is the one who gave gold its luster and made diamonds glitter.

She became the Titan of clear sight. Because she was all about bright and glittery, she ended up marrying Hyperion, the lord of light. As you can imagine, they got along great, though how they got any sleep with Hyperion glowing all night and Theia giggling, “Shiny! Shiny!” I don’t know.

Her sister Themis? Totally different. She was quiet and thoughtful and never tried to draw attention to herself, always wearing a simple white shawl over her hair. She realized from an early age that she had a natural sense of right and wrong. She understood what was fair and what wasn’t. Whenever she was in doubt, she claimed that she could draw wisdom straight from the earth. I don’t think she meant from
Gaea,
though, because Gaea wasn’t really hung up on right and wrong.

Anyway, Themis had a good reputation among her brothers and sisters. She could mediate even the worst arguments. She became the Titan of natural law and fairness. She didn’t marry any of her six brothers, which just proves how wise she was.

Third sister: Tethys, and I promise this is the last “T” name for the girls, because even
I’m
getting confused. She loved rivers, springs, and fresh running water of any kind. She was very kind, always offering her siblings something to drink, though the others got tired of hearing that the average Titan needs twenty-four large glasses of water a day to stay hydrated. At any rate, Tethys thought of herself as the nursemaid for the whole world, since all living things need to drink. She ended up marrying Oceanus, which was kind of a no-brainer. “Hey, you like water? I like water too! We should totally go out!”

Phoebe, the fourth sister, lived right in the geographic center of the world, which for the Greeks meant the Oracle of Delphi—a sacred spring where you could sometimes hear whispers of the future if you knew how to listen. The Greeks called this place the
omphalos
, literally the belly button of the earth, though they never specified whether it was an innie or an outie.

Phoebe was one of the first people to figure out how to hear the voices of Delphi, but she wasn’t a gloomy, mysterious sort of fortune-teller. Her name meant
bright
, and she always looked on the positive side of things. Her prophecies tended to be like fortune cookies—only good stuff. Which was fine, I guess, if you only wanted to hear good news, but not so great if you had a serious problem. Like if you were going to die tomorrow, Phoebe might just tell you, “Oh, um, I foresee that you won’t have to worry about your math test next week!”

Phoebe ended up marrying Koios, the northern dude, because he also had the gift of prophecy. Unfortunately, they only saw each other once in a while since they lived very far apart. Bonus fact: much later, Phoebe’s grandson, a guy named Apollo, took over the Oracle. Because he inherited her powers, Apollo was sometimes called Phoebus Apollo.

Titan sister five was Mnemosyne—and, man, with my dyslexia I had to spell check that name about twenty times, and it’s probably still wrong.
Pretty sure it’s pronounced NEMO-sign. Anyway, Mnemosyne was born with a photographic memory long before anyone knew what a photograph was. Seriously, she remembered
everything
—her sisters’ birthdays, her homework, putting out the garbage, feeding the cats. In some ways, that was good. She kept the family records and never
ever
forgot anything. But in some ways, having her around was a drag, because she would never
let
you forget anything.

That embarrassing thing you did when you were eight years old? Yep, she remembered. That promise you made three years ago that you would pay her back that loan? She remembered.

What was worse, Mnemosyne expected everybody else to have a good memory too. Just to be helpful, she invented letters and writing so the rest of us poor schmucks who didn’t have perfect recall could keep permanent records of everything. She became the Titan of memory, especially rote memorization. Next time you have to study for a spelling test or memorize the capitals of all fifty states for no apparent reason, thank Mnemosyne. That kind of assignment was
totally
her idea. None of her fellow Titans wanted to marry her. Go figure.

Finally, there was sister number six: Rhea. Poor Rhea. She was the sweetest and most beautiful of the lady Titans, which of course meant she had the worst luck and the hardest life. Her name either means
flow
or
ease
. Both definitions fit. She always went with the flow, and she totally put people at ease. She would wander the valleys of the earth, visiting her brothers and sisters, talking to the nymphs and satyrs who had sprung from the blood of Ouranos. She loved animals, too. Her favorite was the lion. If you see pictures of Rhea, she almost always has a couple of lions with her, which made it
very
safe for her to walk around, even in the worst neighborhoods.

Rhea became the Titan of motherhood. She adored babies and always helped her sisters during their deliveries. Eventually she would earn the title
the Great Mother
when she had kids of her own
.
Unfortunately, she had to get married before any of that happened, which is how all the trouble started….

Oh, but everything was so great! What could possibly go wrong?

That’s what the Earth Mother Gaea thought. She was so pleased to see her kids in charge of the world, she decided to sink back down into the earth for a while and just be, well…the earth. She’d been through a lot. She’d had eighteen kids. She deserved a rest.

She was sure Kronos would take care of things and be a good king forever and ever. (Yeah, right.) So she lay down for a quick nap, which in geological terms meant a few millennia.

Meanwhile, the Titans started having kids of their own, who were second-generation Titans. Oceanus and Tethys, Mr. & Mrs. Water, had a daughter named Klymene, who became the Titan goddess of fame. I’m guessing she was into fame because she grew up at the bottom of the ocean where nothing ever happened. She was
all
about gossip and reading the tabloids and catching up on the latest Hollywood news…or she would’ve been, if Hollywood existed. Like a lot of folks who are obsessed with fame, she headed west. She ended up falling for the Titan of the west, Iapetus.

I know, he was technically her uncle. Disgusting. But like I said before, the Titans were different. My advice is not to think about it too much.