Percy Jackson's Greek Gods (9 page)

“SO,” the giant Demeter boomed, “YOU ARE NOT AFRAID?”

Eric’s fifty goons dropped their axes and ran screaming like little girls.

Eric tried to rise, but his knees were jelly. “I, uh, I just…uh—”

“YOU WANTED TO BE FAMOUS FOR FEASTING!” Demeter roared. “AND YOU
WILL
FEAST, ERISIKHTHON—EVERY NIGHT, A GREAT FEAST AS YOU INTENDED! I AM THE GODDESS OF THE HARVEST, THE MISTRESS OF ALL NOURISHMENT. YOU WILL EAT AND EAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS, BUT YOUR HUNGER WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!”

Demeter disappeared in a flash of emerald light.

Poor Eric ran away whimpering, and swearing to the gods that he would never
ever
touch that sacred grove. It didn’t matter. That night, when he had finished his dinner, he was just as hungry as when he started. He ate a second dinner, then a third; but he felt no better. He drank like, a gallon of water; but he couldn’t quench his thirst.

Within a few days, the hunger and thirst became unbearable. He only got relief when he slept. Even then, he dreamed about food. When he woke up, he was starving again.

Eric was a rich man, but within a few weeks he had sold most of his possessions just to buy food. He ate constantly, all day every day. Nothing helped. Eventually he lost everything he owned. His friends abandoned him. He got so desperate, he even tried to sell his own daughter into slavery to get money for food. Fortunately, Demeter wasn’t cruel enough to let
that
happen. The daughter pleaded for someone to rescue her, and Poseidon came to her aid. Maybe he figured he owed Demeter a favor for the horse-cuddling incident. Maybe he just didn’t mind helping out a pretty mortal girl. Anyway, he took the girl under his protection and made her a housekeeper in his underwater palace. As for Erisikhthon, he wasted away and died in agony. Happy ending.

Word got around. The mortals decided that maybe they should take Demeter seriously. Anybody who controls food can bless you—or they can curse you very, very badly.

After that, Demeter figured she’d gotten her anger out of her system. She decided to relax and enjoy life, and the thing that brought her the most happiness in the world was her eldest daughter, Persephone. Oh, sure, she loved her other kids; but Persephone was her favorite.

“I’m done with drama,” Demeter told herself. “I’m just going to kick back and enjoy spending time with my wonderful daughter!”

As you can probably guess, that didn’t work out so well.

PERSEPHONE MARRIES HER STALKER

(OR, DEMETER, THE SEQUEL)

I
 
HAVE TO BE HONEST
.
I never understood what made Persephone such a big deal. I mean, for a girl who almost destroyed the universe, she seems kind of
meh.

Sure, she was pretty. She had her mother’s long blond hair and Zeus’s sky blue eyes. She didn’t have a care in the world. She was sure the whole world had been invented just for her pleasure. I guess when your parents are both gods, you can come to believe that.

She loved the outdoors. She spent her days roaming the countryside with her nymph and goddess friends, wading in streams, picking flowers in sunlit meadows, eating fresh fruit right off the tree—heck, I’m just making this up, but I’m guessing that’s what a teenage goddess would have done before smartphones were invented.

The thing is, Persephone didn’t have much else going for her. She wasn’t all that bright. She wasn’t brave. She didn’t really have any goals or hobbies (other than the flower-picking thing). She was just kind of
there
, enjoying life and being a spoiled, sheltered, overprivileged kid. I guess it’s nice work if you can get it, but I didn’t grow up that way, so I don’t have much sympathy for her.

Still, Demeter
lived
for her daughter, and I can’t blame her for being over-protective. Demeter had had enough bad experiences with those sneaky male gods. After all, Persephone had come into the world because of a snake ambush. The kid was lucky she wasn’t hatched from an egg.

Of course, since Persephone was declared off-limits, all the male gods noticed her and thought she was incredibly hot. They all wanted to marry her, but they knew Demeter would never allow it. Anytime one of them got close, Demeter appeared out of nowhere with her dragon-drawn chariot and her wicked golden sword.

Most of the gods let it go. They decided to find some safer goddess to date.

But one god couldn’t get Persephone out of his mind—namely Hades, lord of the Underworld.

Perfect match, right? An old gloomy dude who lives in the world’s largest cave filled with the souls of the dead, and he falls in love with a pretty young girl who likes sunlight and flowers and the Great Outdoors. What could possibly go wrong?

Hades knew it was hopeless. Persephone was completely out of his league. Besides, Demeter wouldn’t let
any
god get close to her daughter. No way in Tartarus would she let Hades date her.

Hades tried to get over her. But he was lonely down there in the Underworld with no company except the dead. He kept putting on his helmet of invisibility and sneaking up to the mortal world so he could watch Persephone frolic around. In other words, he was the world’s first stalker.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had a crush on somebody that bad, but Hades became obsessed. He kept sketches of Persephone in his pocket. He carved her name on his obsidian dining table with a knife—which took a lot of work. He dreamed about her and had imaginary conversations with her where he admitted his love and she confessed that she had always had a thing for creepy older guys who lived in caves full of dead people.

Hades got so distracted, he couldn’t even concentrate on his work. His job was to sort out the souls of the dead once they got to the Underworld, but the ghosts started escaping back into the world, or wandering into the wrong spiritual neighborhoods. The traffic jams at the gates of the Underworld got ridiculous.

Finally Hades couldn’t stand it anymore. To his credit, he didn’t try to trick Persephone or take her by force—at least not at first. He thought: Well, Demeter will never listen to me. Maybe I should talk to Persephone’s dad.

It wasn’t easy for Hades to visit Mount Olympus. He knew he wasn’t welcome there. He certainly didn’t want to ask any favors of his annoying little brother Zeus, but he put on a brave face and marched into the Olympian throne room.

He happened to catch Zeus in a good mood. The lord of the skies had just finished all his godly work for the week—scheduling the clouds, organizing the winds, and doing whatever else a sky god has to do. Now he was sitting back, drinking some nectar, and enjoying the gorgeous day. He was daydreaming about another beautiful lady he was intent on marrying, namely Hera; so when Hades came to see him, Zeus had a faraway smile on his face.

“Lord Zeus.” Hades bowed.

“Hades!” Zeus cried. “What’s up, man? Long time no see!”

Hades was tempted to remind Zeus that it was “long time, no see” because Zeus had told him he wasn’t welcome on Mount Olympus; but he decided he’d better not mention that.

“Uh, actually…” Hades tugged nervously at his black robes. “I need some advice. About a woman.”

Zeus grinned. “You’ve come to the right place. The ladies love me!”

“Okay…” Hades started to wonder if this was a good idea. “It’s about one particular lady—your daughter, Persephone.”

Zeus’s smile wavered. “Say what, now?”

Hades had been holding in his feelings for so long, he just broke down. He confessed everything, even the stalkerish stuff. He promised he would make Persephone an excellent husband. He would be devoted and give her everything she wanted, if only Zeus would give him permission to marry her.

Zeus stroked his beard. Most days, he would have gotten angry at such a ridiculous request. He would’ve brought out his lightning bolts and sent Hades back to the Underworld with his robes on fire and his hair all spiky and smoking. But today Zeus was in a good mood. He was actually sort of touched that Hades had come to him with this problem and been so honest. He felt sorry for his creepy stalker brother, and he
definitely
understood how a guy could get obsessed with a woman.

Sure, Persephone was his daughter; but Zeus had
lots
of daughters by lots of different ladies. It wasn’t like Persephone was his special favorite, or anything. He was inclined to be generous and give her away.

He drummed his fingers on the arm of his throne. “The problem is Demeter. Uh…that
is
Demeter’s daughter, right? I forget.”

“Yes, my lord,” Hades said.

“Her favorite daughter,” Zeus remembered. “The light of her life, whom she never lets out of her sight, et cetera.”

“Yes, my lord.” Hades started to feel uncomfortable. “Should I talk to Demeter? Perhaps if you broke the ice and made her promise to listen. Or maybe I should declare my love to Persephone?”

“What?” Zeus looked appalled. “Be honest with women? That never works, bro. You’ve got to be strong. Take what you want.”

“Uh…really?”

“Always works for me,” Zeus said. “I suggest kidnapping. When nobody is looking, capture Persephone and take her back to your crib. Demeter won’t know what happened. By the time she figures it out…too late! Persephone will be yours. You’ll have plenty of time to convince the young lady to stay with you in the Underworld.”

Hades was starting to have doubts about Zeus’s wisdom. “Um, you’re sure this is a good idea?”

“Totally!” Zeus said.

Hades chewed his lip. The whole kidnapping thing seemed a little risky. He wasn’t sure if Persephone would actually like being abducted, but he didn’t know much about women. Maybe Zeus was right.

(For the record: NO, HE WASN’T.)

“There’s one problem, my lord,” Hades said. “Persephone is never alone. She’s either with Demeter or with some nymph or goddess chaperones. How can I abduct her in secret? Even if I use my invisibility helmet, I can’t turn
her
invisible or stop her from screaming.”

Zeus’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Leave that to me. Go get your chariot ready.”

Zeus waited until Demeter was busy doing some agricultural stuff on the far side of the world—like ripening the barley in Libya, or something. I’m not sure what.

Anyway, Persephone was left in the care of her nymph chaperones. Usually that worked out fine, but the nymphs weren’t really cut out to be bodyguards. They could be easily distracted, and so could Persephone.

As usual, the girls went out into the meadows. They spent the morning exploring the hills and having splash-fights in the river. After a nice lazy lunch, letting their dresses dry in the sunlight, Persephone decided to go pick some flowers.

“Don’t wander too far!” one of the nymphs called.

“I won’t,” Persephone promised.

She wasn’t worried. The world was her playground! Everyone loved her, and besides, what could possibly go wrong while she was picking flowers in a meadow?

The nymphs were sleepy and warm and full from lunch, and so they lay down for a nap.

Persephone roamed the hillside until she’d gathered an entire bouquet from the nearest rosebushes. For some reason, the roses didn’t even have thorns. Their intoxicating smell made Persephone giddy. She traipsed a little farther away and spotted a whole field of violets.

“Oh, pretty!”

She wandered through the violets, picking the best ones and dropping the roses, because they now seemed pale in comparison.

Well, you can probably see where this is going, but Persephone was clueless. She didn’t realize Zeus was causing these flowers to grow—making each batch more colorful and fragrant than the last, leading Persephone farther and farther away from her chaperones.

So how could Zeus, a sky god, make flowers grow? Dunno. Best guess: he still had some pull with Gaea the Earth Mother, even though she was asleep. I’m thinking Zeus could occasionally summon her power to make things happen on the earth—maybe not huge things, like creating mountains. But making flowers grow? Not a big deal.

Persephone wandered from flower patch to flower patch, murmuring, “Ooh, pretty! Ooh, pretty!” as she picked her favorites.

Before she realized it, she was miles away from her sleeping nymph friends. She meandered into a secluded valley filled with hyacinths.

She was reaching down to pick a beautiful red one when the ground rumbled. A chasm opened at her feet, and four black horses pulling a massive chariot thundered into the sunlight. The driver was dressed in dark flowing robes. He wore iron gloves, with a huge sword at his side and a whip in his hand. His face was covered with an elaborate bronze helmet engraved with images of death and torture.