Peach Blossom Pavilion (49 page)

"Bang!"

The explosion ended both Baba's pride and suffering.

Blood, like crimson lizards, popped from his temple, scurried down his cheek, then leaped onto the ground.

Now the wall behind him was bare, for my baba had become a crumpled heap on the ground .. .

The scene was terrifying but then the words came back to me: One does not live under the same sky as his father's murderer. I now knew what was next for me.

"Teng Xiong, we have to separate anyway because I will go back to Shanghai, to Peach Blossom."

She grabbed my arms. "Precious Orchid, are you out of your mind?"

"I didn't stay alive to be a whore. Revenging my father has been my secret reason to live. I'd almost given up hope that I could find this warlord. Now it must be heaven's will that you have told me who he is."

"Precious Orchid, please listen to me. You can't succeed in getting revenge; he's still too powerful! Even if you kill him while you're serving him in bed, imagine the consequences. It's not worth losing your life for a monster!" Now Teng Xiong was pleading. "Precious Orchid, forget what I told you. Pretend it was a night„ mare.

"I can't." I gulped down the scorching tea. "I have to go back."

"Precious Orchid, please. We've gone through all these dangers to find our freedom, so don't be a fool now. Besides, Fang Rong and Wu Qiang won't let you go unpunished for escaping!"

"The worst is they'll put me in the dark room for a few days, I can stand that. Teng Xiong, I'm sorry, but I have to go back to Shanghai."

"Please don't! Besides, you don't have enough money to go back, do you?"

I flinched. Suddenly I realized I'd been living mainly on Teng Xiong's money-I made hardly any from the opera troupe. And her money was, in fact, Big Master Fung's money, meaning my father's murderer's blood-smeared money!

Teng Xiong spoke again. "Before we go our separate ways, I'll give you some silver. But I'm afraid it won't last long, since we've already spent most of it."

"How come?"

"Precious Orchid, all these expensive hotels and elegant restaurants ..."

I was barely listening, so right after Teng Xiong finished, I said, "Then I'll work as a prostitute again to save up money."

She threw me a penetrating glance. "Precious Orchid, listen to me, forget about revenge and go on with your life. I'm terribly sorry that I can't help you anymore. I am now but a clod of mud dissolving into the sea-I can hardly help myself. We must go our separate ways. I'm not going to tell the opera troupe and neither should you, but if they see you and ask about me, just tell them you have no idea where I am."

"Where will you go?"

"I'm sorry, Precious Orchid, but I won't tell you because I don't want you to be in danger. Just forget about me and go on with your life. But don't worry too much, I'll be fine. You take good care of yourself."

I doubted she really thought she'd be fine. Her words sounded almost like a funeral song to me. I shivered. She drew me into her arms and pulled up the bed sheet, then we cuddled against each other.

Teng Xiong gently released me, went to open a bottle of wine, and poured us both full cups. The two cups hit, giving out a tiny explosion.

"Precious Orchid, ganbei..." Unable to go on, she tilted her head and drained her cup.

I lifted my cup and poured the wine down my mouth. The bittersweet liquid inflamed my throat then, like a fiery snake, undulated down my esophagus. I put down the cup and began to sing "Beyond the Yang Pass"-a capella, since I didn't have my qin with me anymore. Teng Xiong joined me. In the sadness of the evening, her voice sounded so pure that all my worries and fears seemed to dissolve in its romantic lingering.

Tears swelled in both of our eyes. Tears of joy. When suffering reaches its peak, there can only be total letting-go, from which exultation emerges.

29

Replaying the Pipa

1 the next day, as I had dreaded, Teng Xiong was gone. She must - have put something into my drink to make me oversleep. On the table, I found a leather pouch with silver coins and a letter.

My Dearest Precious Orchid:

Sorry that I have to leave without saying goodbye. I wish I could have left you more money but what I took from Fung has mostly been spent-on supporting the opera troupe and the two of us. I'm not complaining; I just want you to understand.

Pack your belongings and move on as quickly as possible. Please don't try to find me. Because not only will you put yourself in danger, it'll be of no avail.

Only Old Heaven will decide whether our paths cross again in this or another lifetime. My only wish is that if we meet again in this floating world, you'll be able to love me. Sometimes I wish we had died under the moonlight, cuddling against each other inside that bell. That would have been a lovely ending for us, don't you think?

I hope I can have the good Karma to be reborn as a man in my next life so you can finally love me with one mind and one heart. I pray that your Karma will be better than mine. Take good care of yourself so you will have a long and happy life. Please pray to Guan Yin that my next life will be a better one. My last thoughts will be of you.

May Heaven bless us till we meet again.

Teng Xiong.

Tears pooled in my eyes, then spilled onto the letter, smearing Teng Xiong's characters and transforming them into miniature corpses.

Slowly my eyes wandered to the window and rested on the fishbelly white of the morning sky. Then, seized by a panic, I pulled out my luggage and started frantically to pack.

Once again, I felt completely alone in the world. I dared not stay around the opera troupe and so I hid myself in a shabby inn and slept to forget my worries. The thought of going back to Qing Zhen flickered, but now that I really could do it, I realized even if I could face the man I had deserted without a goodbye, I could not face life again in that bare temple on the lonely mountain. The only person I had left now was my mother, but I still had no idea where she was. Alone in an unfamiliar city, finding her seemed beyond hope.

Days and weeks passed. Then suddenly, to my alarm, I noticed the money Teng had given me had already run low, leaving only enough for a few more frugal weeks.

My plight struck me all over again as I dropped onto my bed. "Oh heaven, what am I going to do?" I thought out loud.

When my initial fear had waned, another idea emerged-to replay the pipa.

I jolted. Was it my Karma to live out all my days as a prostitute?

Though dismayed by the idea, I couldn't think of any other way to get out of my predicament. It took me three agonizing days to make up my mind. After that, as if on cue, things just fell into place.

It all happened by chance.

The owner of the inn where I stayed was a woman in her late forties, and a retired prostitute. Seeing that I was alone, depressed, and beautiful, one time she asked me if I needed help. Although the question was posed in the most courteous manner, I immediately understood she knew that I'd been a fellow sister. To my chagrin, flower girls seemed to emit a special scent which could easily be detected by their "comrades." But now I almost felt relieved that she had sniffed me out. It saved so much time now that we each knew who the other was.

She introduced me to Immortal Cloud-a high-class pavilion like Peach Blossom. But unlike Peach Blossom, Immortal Cloud was new and very small in scale, with only a few girls. Although I still looked young and beautiful, at twenty-three, I was considered declining from my prime in comparison to the fifteen- and eighteenyear-olds. However, the younger ones lacked my sophistication in the arts and skill at pleasing.

It did not take long for me to become quite popular.

I changed my name again. Now I was Meng Zhu-Dream Pearl. A name to commemorate Pearl.

I told the mama that I would be independent, meaning that I didn't belong to Immortal Cloud but would give them a share of what I earned. The mama said that temporary sisters keep a third while the pavilion gets the rest. The deal was harsh, but I had no choice. I also had to pay the hotel owner a commission for introducing me to Immortal Cloud. No doubt she also got one from the pavilion.

Of course I had no intention of working here long, only long enough to save up money so I could go back to Shanghai and settle with Fung. After that, if I escaped, I would devote however many years it took to finding my mother. So I deliberately kept a low profile, acting pleasing to everybody and never involving myself in any gossip or quarrels between the girls.

Besides my beauty, talent, and skill in the bedchamber, my customers also liked me because of my Shanghainese accent, which rendered me exotic and mysterious. Why would a girl come all the way from Shanghai to Peking to plunge herself into the domain of the amorous and decadent? They'd probe but all they got in response were flirtatious smiles, darting glances, and provocatively massaging hands.

I had no interest in befriending any of the three other sisters in Immortal Cloud. Not only had I become very suspicious of people, but I simply didn't feel like opening up to make new friends. None of the girls here could be compared to Pearl.

Life was not difficult here. However, though the other sisters were always pleasant to me, I could not help but fear that someday one would play Red Jade to my Pearl. The mama, though hardly as imposing as Fang Rong, still made me uneasy. I could see her brows furl when customers selected me over her own sisters. Of course with them, she kept nearly all of their earnings.

Even more disquieting, being back in a turquoise pavilion continually reminded me of my old friends. I particularly missed Spring Moon and worried about her. I was sure she'd be fine so long as things went smoothly, but if not, she'd be in trouble, for she lacked cunning and had no talent to protect herself. Now all I could do was to pray for her.

Sometimes I'd also wonder whether I should take revenge on Red Jade for Pearl's suicide. But whenever this thought arose, I'd remember Pearl's admonition in her last letter: