Peach Blossom Pavilion (59 page)

She caressed my hair with her crooked, arthritic fingers. "I know that you and Pearl had sworn blood sisterhood."

"How did you know all this?"

"Pearl told me everything."

"But I thought-"

"Although she believed that I had lost my mind, she was a nice daughter. So she still came to report things, even though she thought that I wouldn't understand. It was a filial ritual of hers."

"Aunty Ah Ping, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you.

"Life is suffering. It always has been, and it always will be."

I studied her leathery face, feeling too pained to respond.

She went on, "Xiang Xiang, you want to know why I pretend, right?"

I nodded.

"Surely there's always a reason for things to happen, or not happen. It is called Karma. As you must have already known, my Karma is bad. Very bad. Some people stop eating meat to dissipate their bad Karma, but I'm not able to do that, since I'm a chef and can't be a vegetarian. After I'd tried but failed to ruin my voice, I decided to accumulate merit by not talking. That way, words can't contaminate the original purity of my mind. Xiang Xiang, to stop talking is to stop `killing.' It's words that killed Pearl."

I was still stunned that this frail, homely, once deaf and crazy woman was now talking so sensibly, and so eloquently.

She spoke again, her voice now urgent, "Xiang Xiang, now leave, quickly."

"Aunty Ah Ping," I searched her eyes, "please come with me to Peking."

"I can't. I have to stay here and watch over my daughters' spirits. Besides, I'm an old woman. I don't give much thought to the future, only the past."

In the garden under the moonlight, we embraced, then bade each other farewell. Forever.

When I was by the gate, I turned back and stared at her. Her face, an enigmatic mask that was both the witness and embodiment of sufferings, now shone bright and pure under the moon.

"Aunty Ah Ping, please come with me."

She shook her head.

I knew it was futile to try to persuade her. "Then take very good care of yourself."

She cast me a meaningful look and made a gesture as if to say "you, too." Then, silent once again, she began to walk and soon disappeared around a corner.

PART SOUR

34

Ginseng Tea

oth Jade Treasure's and Leo Stanley's pens scratch noisily on -the paper, materializing my sufferings and nightmares into salable dreams.

When jade finally puts down her pen and clicks off the recorder, she exclaims, "Wow! Grandmama, that's really wonderful! "

"Wonderful?" I cast her a chiding glance. "My miseries and sufferings?"

She makes a face like a child's when accused of lying. "You know what I mean!"

"Of course I do, that my sufferings can be translated into wonderful stories and sold for a wonderful price."

She imitates my Chinese. "Aii-ya! Grandmama!"

Leo immediately comes to his fiancee's rescue. "Popo, what jade means is that you're a wonderful person."

"All right, all right." I lift the corners of my lips-as I did seventy-odd years ago-to resemble a blooming lotus. "I've told you my life is even soapier than aTV soap opera."

Jade asks, "Grandmama, how could you miss killing Big Master Fung?"

I throw her an annoyed glance. "Because I'm not a born murderess, that's why! Do you want a criminal in your family?"

"I think I already have one-your father."

"But he was not. I told you he was convicted of a crime he'd never committed."

"Sorry, Grandmama, of course not." Jade pauses, seemingly thinking very hard, then, "But you really shouldn't have missed, because killing Warlord Fung was your entire goal in life."

"Yes, but a lot of goals never get fulfilled in life, right?"

The two exchange a curious glance. Then jade says, "I think you were just so scared that you missed his heart."

"Yes, I was scared, very scared, but I think the real reason was my Karma."

Jade stares into my eyes. "So your Karma wouldn't let you kill Fung?"

"Yes. Maybe it was my mother's talk about the Buddha's compassion that my gun was directed not to his heart but instead to his ear.

Leo asks, "Popo, did you ever regret it?"

"At first I did, very much, but not now."

Jade makes a face. "But why not? Grandmama, I still think you should have killed him."

"My big princess, let me ask you a question. Do you want to strangle your little cat?"

"Oh, no, of course not!"

"Then how can you think that I should take away the life of a human being?"

"But that's different, he's your enemy! "

"How do you know your cat was not your enemy in your past life? "

"Grandmama!"

Leo pats his fiancee's hand.

I sigh. "Hai, maybe deep down I just didn't have the heart to kill him. Although he didn't have one either. But who knows?" I pause, then, "However, I did shoot off his ear. To a man like Fung, the loss of face over losing his ear would be almost worse than if I had killed him."

Another long silence during which my two yin yang kids are busy capturing my feelings and reminiscences in words.

Then jade leans close to me, widening her eyes. "Grandmama, after you'd escaped from Shanghai, did you go back to ... to ..."

Since she feels too intimidated to finish the sentence, I finish it for her. "To being a prostitute?"

The two heads, one black and the other blond, bob like a pair of yin yang balls.

I chuckle inside. Why are decent, highly educated, American young people so interested in whores? With all this sex education and talk about freedom of sex, why are they still starving for more?

Now Leo says in the Mandarin Chinese he learned so elegantly in Ge-lin-bi-ya. "Pogo, please tell us how you came all the way here to the States. We want all the details."

I wave an arthritic hand at both of them. "Be patient, young people! I've promised you I won't board the immortal's journey to the Western Paradise, nor take the crane's flight, not until you two have my whole story safely in your hands! Not only that, I still have to muster up all my remaining strength to go on the," I swiftly switch into English, "book two for publicizing this memoir."

Leo looks puzzled, and even handsomer. "Book two? Popo, do you mean you have enough materials for a second memoir?"

Before I have a chance to answer, jade casts him a chiding glance. "Leo! Grandmama means `book tour.' Listen more carefully next time!"

Now it's my turn to cast jade a sharp, chiding glance while leaning to whisper into her ear. "Jade, stop that! Don't ever make fun of or chide someone you love and who loves you even more. True love happens only once in your entire incarnation; you understand?"

She makes a face, trying to look cute (she does, though). Then she shoots up from the sofa. "Grandmama, I'm going to fix you another cup of ginseng tea. Leo, you want me to fix you one, too?" Now she turns to shoot her fiance a soul-sucking glance.

I shake my head. Hai, that's how young people lose their minds when their hearts are burning in the illusory flames of passion. Then I almost burst into laughter when I see jade walk in imitation of the shredded-golden-lotus steps. Leo's eyes follow her bare legs and red-nailed toes like a cat watching the rolling of a spool.

In no time jade comes back with cups of amber liquid. She hands one to Leo, then pushes the other one right between my lips. "Grandmama, please drink. I've put lots of honey in it. It'll give you smooth skin and lots of qi. "

At ninety-eight, what do I need smooth skin and abundant qi for? To seduce another soon-to-be-corpse-one-hundred-year-oldand-dying? Of course the smooth skin is for my TV appearances (predicted by jade), and the qi for the many hectic book tours!

Suddenly I decide to play child to satisfy jade's "motherly" instinct as well as her good intentions. I obediently drain the bittersweet tea as if swallowing my equally bittersweet Karma. Then I go on, "I made a promise to myself that I'd not go back to `you know what' and I did-"

Leo widens his beautiful, almost feminine eyes. "Popo, you mean you did go back to ..."

I bite my lips hard to prevent myself from exploding into laughter. But alas, I fail miserably and guffaw like a demented woman.

Jade pats my back and massages my arms; Leo sits right opposite me, looking stupefied. Finally I have to will myself to stop. Jade dashes inside the kitchen to prepare me more ginseng tea.

When she runs back and hands me the cup, I take several sips, then say to the two comical faces, "All right, where was I before you two tried to murder me with my own laughter?" I put on a poker face. "All right, I was starting to say that I did keep my promise and never went back to you know what."

The two sigh. I don't know whether it's from relief, or disappointment.

35,

Back to Peking

fter I'd left Peach Blossom Pavilion, I hailed a rickshaw and shad it take me straight back to my hotel. I took off my clothes and soaked in the bathtub, hoping the hot water would remove the soiled feeling that was left from my last sex with the still-living Fung and also cleanse the blood still splattering in my mind. Now one thing was certain: I would not go back to prostitution.