Paul Lynde - A Biography (17 page)

Chapter 12

“I don’t know who the hell Paul Lynde is…”

Paul Lynde

Paul was not aware of it, but he was about to open a closet and let out an eleven-year-old skeleton. He had been staying at the Valley Forge Hotel near the Philadelphia Theater, where the actor would begin his tour of
The Paul Lynde Show.
It was an evening with Paul Lynde, as himself, something he had never done before. He was extremely uneasy about the format. He wrote much of the material himself and hoped it would be entertaining. This would be the first time he would not be able to hide behind a character. He had also always relied on another actor being on stage with him for support.

“I don’t know who the hell Paul Lynde is or why he’s funny, and I prefer it to be a mystery to me,” he said. He told Johnny Carson, the only time he ever appeared as a guest with the King of Late Night TV, that if his show did not do well, he couldn’t blame it on the character. He admitted to the host and to the live audience, along with the millions of viewers from home, that he was scared to death of being himself. Part of Paul’s appeal for many fans was the way he was so publically open about his fears and insecurities.

Cliff Jahr, the reporter from the
Village Voice,
arrived at the hotel. He introduced himself and sat down. Paul was nervous; he always dreaded what the media would ask him. If it was about why he never married, he would talk about his high school sweetheart, Marilyn, who had married someone else, and he would say he never got over it. He told Marian Christy of the
Boston Globe
that if he were to marry, it would be the Mediterranean type, and added, “Women with that kind of background know how to make a man feel masculine as they are everlasting feminine.” Other times he had explained he was too much of a workaholic to be married. He confessed to the press that he filled that void with the love from his fans.

Paul lit another cigarette. He had quit smoking for a couple of months, but relapsed recently. He poured himself another drink as he waited on edge for the questions — always anticipating the day when a reporter would ask him about the nightmare that still haunted him. Cliff soon put the nervous actor at ease and so did the vodka. The interviewer spoke at length with Paul about his life and career. Then, out of nowhere, Paul began talking about what had happened at his hotel in San Francisco a long time ago. “Why did he jump — no, he didn’t jump — why did he fall?” Paul said. Paul had never been confronted about that story by the press after the day it happened, and yet he seemed to need to get it out in the air. When Paul finished talking about it, Cliff diplomatically went on with his questions. He asked him who his audience was, and Paul said his following was straight, not gay. “You know gay people killed Judy Garland, but they are not going to kill me.”

The Paul Lynde
show opened every night with the star; he always felt an audience should not have to wait to see the main performer. He waited for his cue before stepping up to the round stage. He was nervous, but thought of how different things were now than when he first started out playing nightclubs in the 1950s. He remembered one painful night, how he was bombing at a night club, when Jack Benny, who had been in the audience, came up to him after his act. He told the young comedian that he had talent, but his unique humor would take a while to catch on. He assured him that just as it had happened for him, he too would walk on stage one day, without saying a word, and the audience would immediately start laughing. Those thoughts were interrupted by the music — it was Paul’s cue. He took a deep breath and entered the arena. As he walked to the center of the stage, without saying a word, the audience was already laughing.

Paul did a series of humorous monologues and then told the audience he would be back shortly. Mimi Hines and Roz Clark took turns singing, and in between Paul’s exits he would change what he was wearing. His everyday wardrobe was full of stylish clothes as he was always a sharp dresser, often accenting his outfit with an ascot around his neck. At one point, the star of the show returned to the stage dressed in his sequined tic-tac-toe jacket of Xs and Os. A recording of Peter Marshal’s voice asked questions from
The Hollywood Squares,
and Paul would answer them with his favorite zingers. He introduced Wayland Flowers and his X-rated puppet Madame — who when asked by Wayland if she smoked after sex, answered, “I don’t know, I never looked.” Paul had discovered Wayland when he saw his show in a lounge. The lifelike wooden marionette and her master would soon become semi-regulars on
Squares.

Paul sang “Kids” from
Bye Bye Birdie,
and he allowed the audience to ask him questions. He kept one of his favorite outfits for last: a long flowing caftan. He asked the audience if they liked it. After cheers and claps, he then explained it was good for orgies…food orgies. He ended his show with his heartfelt words, “Until we meet again, you stay happy and keep well, because I sure need you.”

Most of the reviews of the show were good. The
Daily News
wrote: “…Paul’s reminiscing through
Bye Bye Birdie,
along with giving some of his favorite answers from
Squares
made for an enjoyable evening.” The bad reviews were kept out of Paul’s sight by his staff, as they knew he would be impossible to console if he saw them.

During this tour, Paul encountered several upsetting incidents. He was at a club with costar Mimi Hines, where she was burned by a cigarette on her hand. Paul almost always took his leading lady and the cast members out after the show. One paper wrote that her costar was drunk and burned her. Mimi Hines told another paper that Paul did not burn her, but that a guy in leather who did not want women in the bar, did.

The other upsetting event was witnessed by Cliff, the reporter, who had accepted an invitation from Paul to join him and his costars for a few drinks in town. They had all gone to a few local pubs where mobs of excited fans surrounded the star. Cliff later wrote in his article how, “Suddenly, a hefty woman with huge cleavage and a blonde beehive hairdo emerged from the crowd and charged at Paul, ‘You son-of-a bitch-you have the nerve to come around here after ripping us off? Saying those things? I’m a transsexual and you’re a faggot just like the rest of us.’ With that she spat at him.”

Paul was so shaken he was ready to quit all show business. The empathetic reporter helped calm the star down. Then Paul resumed with his show, but he would never get over that someone actually spit on him.

Paul felt personally attacked prior to this episode. Buddy Hackett, the comedian known for his brash jokes, was a guest on
The Tonight Show
and told Johnny Carson, along with millions of viewers, that he was on another game show called
Celebrity Sweepstake.
He said that the show was different from
Squares
because they weren’t given the answers. Paul could not believe the nerve Buddy had. He was sure now the viewers would think less of him if they thought all his funny jokes were not off the top of his head. Buddy had actually been the center square before Paul took it permanently. He was a guest panelist on the show for a while, but then was not asked to return.

After the 1950s quiz game scandal, the Federal Communication Commission made it a federal offense for a network to mislead audiences.
The Hollywood Squares
had a disclaimer that ran for ten seconds during the show, which read:

The areas of questions designed for each celebrity and possible bluff answers are discussed with each celebrity in advance. In the course of their briefing, actual questions and answers may be given or discerned by the celebrity.

Those words scrolled by so fast that it was almost impossible to read them. The keeper of the center square could ad-lib if necessary, but he never wanted to be in that position. “People think because you’re funny, you ad-lib. I’m a script man,” he told reporters time and time again.

Yet, Paul was so outrageously funny in person without a script. He really was the funny guy with quick wit that everyone knew from TV. His peers, his friends, and even the reporter who enjoyed a night out with him, all said he was the funniest person they had ever met, but the comedian never believed in himself enough to chance any performance without written material. It wasn’t just the words he said or the way he said it that floored audiences, he was also the titan of timing.

Buddy had once stepped on Paul’s line during a taping of
The Hollywood Squares
in front of a live audience. A contestant chose Paul, and the emcee, Peter, directed the question to him:

“According to Julia Child, how much is a pinch?”

Before Paul could speak, Buddy yelled out “five dollars,” which did get laughs.

Paul looked annoyed, but then waited for silence and said to the audience, “Stick with me now…Just enough to turn her on.” He somehow still timed it right and got the bigger laugh.

That year, Dinah Shore paid tribute to Paul on her talk show. She had invited some of his very closest female friends, Charlotte Rae, Maggie Smith, Karen Valentine, and Alice Ghostley to honor him. Paul commented about all the women seated around him and how they were “marvelous friends.”

Paul explained he did not like being on talk shows as he felt they were so revealing, and on
Squares
the audience even knew when he was in a bad mood. Someone off camera added, “We all know when you’re in a bad mood Paul.” The host of the show asked Paul how he met all the girls, and then she asked him what he thought of Karen when he first met her. Paul without hesitation answered, “Immediate love,” and added, “I think she has ESP with me.”

Dinah had dated Burt Reynolds, who was known as one of the sexiest male celebrities at that time. She and her guest were talking about how in Vegas the biggest draw was Burt Reynolds and Paul Lynde. Paul grinned, “Sex and fun.”

Paul happily told the story of how he was driving home one night after having a few drinks and he happened to be driving on the wrong side of the road when a policeman stopped him. As the policeman walked over to the driver with his ticket book out and pen in hand, Paul rolled down his window and yelled to him, “I’ll have a cheeseburger…all the way.” According to Paul, the policeman recognized the actor and gave him an escort home. Paul might have used that line more than once — according to Kaye Ballard, she was in the car when Paul was pulled over and also used that line.

Paul’s car insurance was astronomical from all the tickets he had been issued. His costars on
Squares
were concerned about safety when he would drink and drive. Eventually, he took Peter’s advice and hired a limousine driver for the nights he went out on the town.

The more serious stories of Paul’s arrests and drinking never affected his popularity. In a national poll that had asked 1,600 people how they felt about performers not in their own series. Paul came in at the top with Kate Hepburn and Robert Redford. He came in as America’s fourth most popular star. He was being seen on just about every popular show and game show there was on TV. He told several reporters that he was making a million dollars a year and could not believe how much more one could make doing television then Broadway plays. Some of the shows he appeared on were
The Glen Campbell
show (three times)
Truth or Consequences, That’s Life, Laugh-In,
and
The $10,000 Pyramid,
and even
The Dating Game.
He also was a three-time guest on The
Carol Burnett Show,
which he said was his favorite to do. Paul was too shy to do talk shows, but every now and then he would agree to one. This time he did not seem bashful at all, he would astonish the host and millions of viewers.

Chapter 13

“A room is like a stage, if you see it without lighting, it can be the coldest place in the world.”

Paul Lynde

Seinfeld might have called it a man purse, but when Paul walked out in front of millions of viewers on national television slinging his shoulder bag in the 1970s, it was more than a little shocking to America. This was on
The Merv Griffin Show.
The host asked him why he carried one. Paul nonchalantly answered, “They just don’t put enough pockets in men’s clothing.” He usually carried a script around, and he needed somewhere to put his sunglasses, reading glasses, cigarettes, lighter, checkbook, and pens. He was photographed a few times holding his man purse and never seemed to care.

It seems this celebrity no longer worried about the public knowing who he was. During one of his summer tours, a man called out to Paul, “Why didn’t you ever marry?”

The star snickered, “What do you live in a cave!?”

Another time, he was asked by a radio host why he thought so many women loved him. He answered, “Probably because I have no interest in them at all.”

Paul was at the height of his career and perhaps the power of having wealth and fame and being fed up with having to hide his personal life, gave him the courage to be himself in public now. He was the only actor to have done such a thing in that era. As the one-line jokes on
Squares
continued to reveal more and more of Paul’s sexual orientation, America was let in on one of the best kept secrets in Hollywood. Yet, his sex appeal to women piled up more love letters then anyone at NBC, and they were often accompanied by cookies, cakes, and candy. Paul read every piece of mail and did his best to answer as many as he could, usually sending an autographed photo of himself. This man, who never thought of himself as good looking, was considered one of the sexiest men on television. He told a reporter that he never considered himself sexy. He said he had some women fans that would die for him and some that stalked him. One woman parked outside his house with her child, and when Paul ignored her, she wrote to Harvey Korman complaining that Paul was a terrible person.

One female fan in particular made a connection with her idol. She was a school teacher named Beverly Mitchell. She had bought tickets to see him perform in one of his plays, and as he signed a playbill for her, she asked the star for advice about a subject she knew he was an expert on: battling weight. The former heavy weight gave her suggestions on how to diet more efficiently. She went back to see the show every night that week and they engaged in lengthy conversation afterwards. Beverly soon moved to his home town and named her dog Paula after him. Her new friend would visit her there when he came to see his relatives. She also made a museum in her home of all Paul’s memorabilia, and when she told him that she took her second graders on tours there, he said, “Oh those kids are going to be so bored.”

Paul was dubbed Mount Vernon’s favorite son. His former high school had dedicated a wing in his honor in 1970, and he was featured in “Let’s Hear It For Ohio,” commercials. Beverly, who was grateful for her friendship with her idol, wanted a sign placed in town for him. The town approved, and the sign was painted and designed by Shirley Fletcher, which read:

mount vernon, home to paul lynde.

It was mounted in front of another sign:

daniel decatur emmett, author of dixie, born and buried here.

Paul was flattered by Beverly’s dedication, but he was a little uneasy when he learned that she dug up his foot prints when he came to her house in the snow and put them in the freezer. Beverly eventually lost one hundred pounds and credited her idol for having been her support and inspiration.

Paul appreciated his women fans; he always said they made the best audience because they knew how to laugh, but occasionally he had to hide when he saw them coming. Many women would clutch onto him and wouldn’t let go. He said that was why he always had a bodyguard. “Others would not even touch me if it meant my life was at risk,” he said. He was on the game show,
You Don’t Say,
hosted by Tom Kennedy, taping in a studio in Burbank, California, when the building began to sway. Burbank was experiencing an earthquake, and there was an announcement for everyone to evacuate. Paul said the studio floor was actually rolling, but he remained in his seat. He wanted to run for it, but he couldn’t get the wires from his mike that was around his neck to come off. There was a female contestant beside him who saw him trying to unravel the wires, but she ran out of the studio. Paul finally untangled himself and ran outside. He went over to the contestant that had been seated next to him and asked her why she didn’t help him. She told him she was instructed not to touch the stars. He just looked at her and said, “But that doesn’t include an earthquake!”

The celebrity did his best to accommodate any fan when they stopped him in the street for an autograph or picture. One day a man spotted him in a restaurant and asked him if he was Paul Lynde.

Paul said, “Yes I am.”

The man said, “Oh please wait here, don’t move. I have to get my wife.”

Paul said he would wait.

The man said, “Please don’t go anywhere.”

Paul assured him he was not going to move.

The man begged again, “Please, I have to get my wife and bring her over here…she just hates you.”

Paul’s packed schedule, besides
Squares,
included appearances on shows such as
The Jonathan Winters Show, Mac Davis Show, I Dream of Jeannie,
and
The Andy Williams Show.
When he could get some time off, Paul headed off to Key West, Florida, for his two favorite things: sun and fun. One year, he vacationed there with two good friends, John Young and Richard Perkins. Richard, who was called Dickie by his friends and Sickie by Paul, had originally met at a party in Key West in 1969. It was thrown in Paul’s honor by Jimmy Russell and his business partner Peter Pell. Jimmy, who Paul had a relationship with during
New Faces 1952,
had remained good friends with Paul. Jimmy and Peter had recently moved to the Keys and had opened Key West Hand Prints. It became quite successful, and one of their products was the caftan, and they gave one to the guest of honor. Everyone in Key West was wearing them at the time, and Paul loved the ankle length tunic so much, he had them make him several more. He continued to wear them at home, after his show on tours, and right up until the 1980s.

According to Richard, one evening after a day at the beach, Paul suggested the three of them go into town to a notorious biker bar for drinks. Richard and John looked at each other nervously and with much hesitation, but they agreed to accommodate their friend. They drove into town and pulled into the parking lot lined with motorcycles and trucks. As they got out of the car, both Paul’s friends quickly took off all their jewelry and put them deep in their pockets. The three well-dressed men walked into the noisy smoke-filled room. It was packed with some burly men in leather jackets and beards. Others wore blue jeans and many had tattoos that lined their beefy arms. They were all drinking and/or shooting pool. Richard and John looked at the crowd, they were both petrified. As they followed Paul deeper into the bar, an eerie quiet filled the room. The games came to a halt, the chatter stopped, the bartender froze, and the men who were sitting on the bar stools stood up. Perkins thought they would surely be killed. All eyes were on the three well-dressed strangers who had just invaded their turf.

Paul looked around the room at all the bikers, and with his piano key teeth, grinned and announced, “You’re my kind of people.” The crowd instantly recognized that voice and cheered. They welcomed the star and his two buddies. Paul even shot some pool with those guys. Richard and John felt relieved and put their jewelry back on. The patrons were great fun and they loved Paul.

After his vacation, Paul returned to his box back home where America loved him best. He had given up on having his own show after two failed attempts, and he stuck with making guest appearances on television shows including
The Sandy Duncan Special.
Gene Kelly was one of her guests and the two did a couple of dance numbers. Paul sang Jim Croce’s hit song, done Paul Lynde style, “I’m b-a-a-a-ad, b-a-a-a-ad Leroy Brown.” He later played a visiting bachelor friend on
Love American Style,
where he overstays his welcome at the newly married couple’s home. When he can’t find the soap, he helps himself to his friend’s wife’s pink fluffy bathrobe to wear when he comes out of the shower. “There’s a terrific draft,” Paul says, “I should never wear chiffon.” He was also cast as the voice of Aban-Khan in the animated movie
Hugo the Hippo.
Though it was unsuccessful at the box office, it did not affect his high-in-demand status. He told a reporter he was now making over a million dollars a year.

During the summer break from
Squares,
the popular Kenley player set out on tour again and starred in
Stop Thief Stop.
Alice Ghostly played his ex-wife — their unique, yet similar voices were like stereo together. They had met back in
New Faces 1952.
“People say we sound alike, but Alice is from Oklahoma and I am from Ohio,” Paul pointed out. Many thought they were related.

Paul’s over-the-top zingers, like, “Is using an electric vibrating machine a good way to lose weight?” Paul’s answer: “That’s what I told the saleslady, but she just winked.” Letters piled in from significant admirers for the belly laughs he produced on
Squares.
Katherine Hepburn wrote to him and so did Greta Garbo. Even former president Harry Truman, who liked to take walks each day, made sure he was back in time for the show, so he wouldn’t miss the next outrageous thing Paul would say.

In 1976
, The Donny and Marie Osmond Show
aired on television. The brother and sister act was an hour show filled with singing, dancing, and skits that included famous guests. Paul was a semi-regular, making over thirty guest appearances during the three years the show aired. He performed with Andy Gibb as a scout master; he was a part of a spoof on
Star Wars
where he played an Imperial Officer trying to seize Luke Skywalker, played by Donny; Paul was also a wicked witch called Esther, in a parody of the
Wizard of Oz
where Lucille Ball played the Tin Man, Ray Bolger was the Scarecrow, Paul Williams was the cowardly lion and Marie played Dorothy. He helped keep the ratings up for that show. Donny said the best person to learn timing from was Paul.

In the spring of 1977, Paul hosted another one-hour ABC special. His guests included two former attendees from Northwestern: his friend Cloris Leachman, who had been starring in her show at the time,
Phyllis;
and Tony Randall, who was known on his television show as the neat one on,
The Odd Couple.
Paul was the only one of the three to graduate from the school, and told the audience, “As a result, they both have their own series while I stand around and watch Donny break balloons.” In one of the skits, titled, “Bride and Gloom,” Paul played the organist for a wedding. The bride, played by Cloris, is his former sweetheart who dumped him for the groom. Paul begins playing, “The Wedding March,” as the bride begins to walk down the aisle. Suddenly his fingers violently switch to playing “Tramp, Tramp, Tramp.” One of the stars from the hit mini-series
Roots,
Levar Burton, joined the cast. KC and the Sunshine band performed some of their hit songs, “That’s The Way I Like It” and “Shake Your Booty.”

KC, whose real name is Harry Wayne Casey, had met Paul when they were both at the same management company, and Paul loved his music. KC had also been a panelist on
The Hollywood Squares
a few times. According to KC, he had filled in the middle square one time when Paul became a little too tipsy. He found Paul to be a very kind and generous person who seemed to make time for everyone — he was a big star. KC had done a lot of TV shows back then, and some of the hosts were not so nice, but Paul was one of the rare ones that seemed to have time for him, and KC appreciated that. KC never felt like he fit in the L.A. scene and Paul made him feel like he didn’t have to be a part of it just to be his friend. “I just remember him as a lot of fun and being the person America fell in love with.”
Variety
gave Paul and that show a good review.

In his next one-hour special, Paul played a tycoon in one of the skits. “J. Paul Gotrocks here, the richest man in the world,” he said, “Get me Bulgaria. No I don’t want to call Bulgaria, I want to buy it.” Paul helped write some of the sketches for that show, and his guests included Brenda Vaccara, Harry Morgon, and Juliet Prowse.

About this time, Paul began looking for a smaller one-level home, and he found one in Beverly Hills, but he wanted to have a lot of work done on it. He was at a party at Rock Hudson’s house and loved how Rock’s home was designed. He asked the host for a recommendation. Rock introduced him to his designer, Reginald Adams, who was also a guest at the party and had just finished working on Jim Nabors’s home. Paul and Reginald hit it off. The next week, the interior designer arrived at Paul’s new home on North Palm Drive and listened to his client. According to Reginald, he initially thought Paul would be difficult to work with, but he was easy. He just had one request, “I want my home, when people see it, to say this is the home of a star!”‘

Reginald accomplished that task. The original sliding glass doors were taken out and replaced with arched French ones. Paul had purchased a Chinese screen years ago, and the interior decorator hung it over Paul’s white sofa, which he lined with white and blue pillows. Draperies were hung floor to ceiling along with brush steel paneling. Paul loved the red color he had in his former dining room so much that he had it duplicated in his new place. He searched and found a Venetian mirrored octagon table, which fit perfectly there. He surrounded the mirrored table with eight gold upholstered chairs.