Patient Privilege (20 page)

If he acted upon on any of it, all of that want would be his undoing.

So he wouldn't. At least not right now, anyway. Not while he still had Angel in his care at the clinic. That was final. He would forget about being anything more than a counselor to Angel until the clinic doors finally closed for good. Then he could consider something more. He would ignore his feelings for the kid and when Marshall came back in town, he would deal with that bump in the road as best he could. The decision didn't buy him any reassurance, but maybe it would give him a night's worth of peace.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Afternoon sun spilled in from the large glass windows that opened up to the courtyard. It made the decayed, amber-stained surfaces of nearly every piece of furniture in the room look a little sicklier, and cast a blinding sheen over the linoleum floor. But for some reason, most of the patients preferred it to the comfort of their rooms. Maybe it gave them the illusion of freedom. Maybe it gave them hope.

The tip of Angel's pencil scraped across the rough surface of the sketch paper. He had one leg pulled under his body, while the other hung off the edge of the sofa. His tennis shoe tapped a steady beat against the worn, cream-colored flooring that lined almost every square foot of the clinic. He kept his focus on every single line, curve, and shadow.

"Angel," a soft voice whispered from behind him. He raised his head only slightly, mumbled a noise that meant whoever had called his name now had his attention, though divided as it was.

"Dr Daniels won't be in today. He's sick. I'm supposed to offer you a consult with one of the other doctors, if you would like to take it."

Angel shook his head. "No. I can wait," he said flatly.

"Okay. I'll make a note in your chart and maybe when he gets back, he can see you immediately."

"Yeah. Sure thing," he said as he continued to scribble on the page, though the etched lines seemed more erratic, more passionate than they had before. Missing his session bothered the shit out of him, which was weird since he'd always protested them before. Maybe missing a chance to see the doctor again bothered him worse.

Shit, was Dr D avoiding him because of that stupid fucking kiss?

Angel listened to the soft pitter patter of tiny feet walking away when another thought made him raise his head. He looked back over the sofa and saw Nurse Roni scurrying off to do whatever.

"Hey, Roni," he called out to her. She spun back around. "You think maybe I could get a phone call with him?"

Roni chewed the edge of her bottom lip for a moment. "I don't know if—"

"Please."

His dark eyes softened. He gave her a sad puppy dog look that, once upon a time, managed to win him almost everything he wanted. She sighed in defeat and he gave her a winning grin. "I'll tell you what, I'll call him. If he says it's okay, I'll find some place for you to have a private call with him. Does that work for you?"

"Yes, ma'am." He nodded emphatically.

* * * *

Erik had yet to leave the bed. He felt sort of guilty for lying about being sick, but he just couldn't face the clinic today. More specifically, he couldn't face Angel today. Every time he thought about the kid, about his beautiful eyes and enticing smile, something deep inside Erik warmed and certain parts of his body began to stir. He just needed a day or two to recompose himself, to get his head back in the game so he could be the best possible doctor for his patient.

The sound of his cell phone ringing on the nightstand pulled him out of the desperate, sinking feeling gnawing at his gut.

"Hello," Erik said, scrubbing his hand over his face. He hadn't bothered checking the caller ID and as soon as he heard Roni's voice on the other end, he wished he had.

"Doctor, this is Roni. I'm so sorry to bother you, but Angel requested a phone consult with you, if you feel up to it."

That defeated the purpose of calling in. He meant to stay away from the kid for a few days—maybe even a week, if he could manage it. A phone consult wouldn't give him the distance he needed and hoped for.

"Erik?"

"Yeah. Sorry." He paused a moment, then sat up in the bed and sighed. "He refused to see another doctor, didn't he?"

"Yes, I'm afraid he did."

"Of course he did."

"So, um… will you give him the phone consult?"

"I will this time, but please, try to convince him to speak with another doctor," Erik said in a kind and non-confrontational voice, hiding his aggravation as best as he could.

"I'll find a private room with a phone. Call you back in about ten minutes?"

"Sure," Erik said and ended the call.

No sense in staying in bed any longer. He'd feigned being sick so he wouldn't have to be face-to-face with Angel, and while being on the phone wasn't much better, at least he wouldn't have to fight off the physical attraction he now felt. Had Angel not kissed him, the thought would've never crossed his mind—at least that's what he kept telling himself. He could've counseled the kid into a happy, drug-free life, but now… now he couldn't even think about Angel without remembering that kiss.

The cell phone in his hand started to vibrate. Erik considered just not answering, letting it go and pretending he'd gotten sick or something, but he couldn't do it. He already felt way too guilty, and avoiding the phone would sure as hell make matters worse.

With a sigh, he sat down on the couch and answered his phone. "Hello?"

"Doc, it's Angel."

"I know," Erik said as he lay back and closed his eyes. "What's going on?"

"You don't sound sick."

"This isn't about me. Roni said you wanted a phone consult. What's so important you couldn't wait for me to come back to work?"

"Is it my fault?"

"Is what your fault?"

"That you're playing hooky from work? Are you avoiding me because I kissed you?"

"No," Erik immediately choked out. It was a lie and somehow, he knew Angel could see right through it. "Look, I… I can't do this with you. You said you're attracted to me. You kissed me. I'm your doctor. What happened can get me in serious trouble. Angel, it could cost me my career."

"But I said I was sorry."

"I know you did."

"So what's the problem?"

Erik didn't say a word. He wouldn't dare confess his feelings to anyone, let alone the object of his affection. Some things were most definitely better left unsaid. Some truths only made the problems worse. But the silence gave him away.

"I'm a problem for you, aren't I, Erik?" Angel said and Erik could almost hear the smile in his voice. "Are you attracted to me?"

"It's 'Dr Daniels' and this topic isn't open for discussion, Angel. If you want to have a serious session, then we can talk. If not, I'm hanging up."

"No! Please don't." Angel paused, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded solemn, not teasing like it did before. "I'm sorry. I swear, I'm sorry. I just…" He swallowed so hard Erik could hear the sound of the gulp through the phone. "I just need to feel wanted. I know it's not appropriate, but could you—if the situation was different—could you want me?"

At first, Erik couldn't say a word. The repercussions were potentially too detrimental for them both. But if he lied, it would probably break Angel's heart. Then what would happen? Would the kid drop the program and go back to the streets?

"Angel, please… don't make me answer that."

"Dr Daniels," Angel whispered. His voice wavered with the sound of stifled tears. "Please. Please be honest with me. I need to know."

Licking his lips, Erik cradled the phone between his ear and shoulder as he pushed himself up from the couch. He started pacing the small space between his living room and kitchen. How dare Angel do this to him? How dare he put him in this situation?

And in that moment, every single feeling Erik had for the kid came to a head. They filled his heart and mind, washing a sense of happiness and peace over him. Maybe he'd come to terms with everything he felt for Angel. The sudden sense of peace made everything okay. Things finally felt right enough to admit.

"If things were different," Erik finally said. "If you weren't my patient, then yes, I could want you. I could be attracted to you, but Angel, you
are
my patient and we have to keep our relationship on a very strict, professional level."

"What if I agreed to see another doctor?"

"You're still a patient of the hospital."

"I'll drop out of the program."

"No! No, don't you dare. You need the program. You're not healed. You still have issues that will drive you right back to the drugs because you don't know how to handle them yet."

"Then you can keep me off the drugs."

"Angel." Erik took a deep breath, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "Don't do this, okay? You have a month left. Things could change in that month. Jon could come back. I know that's the only reason you kissed me. I know that's what drove you to me."

"No, it isn't," Angel insisted. "Okay, yes, it was… at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought about how good you make me feel, the more I knew I wanted you. You get me. Plus, you stand up to me. Jon never stood up to me. I need someone to keep me in my place. Please, promise you won't abandon me."

"I've already made one promise I couldn't keep. Don't make me make another one."

"That hurts, Erik."

"Dr Daniels!" Erik bit out as he sank back down onto the soft, lumpy surface of his sofa. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear, but this is… this is a bad situation, Angel. You've put me in a very difficult place. I think it's better for us both if we spend some time away from each other, just for a little while, just until we both get our heads on straight, okay?"

"Fine," Angel snapped. "Take all the time you want."

Erik heard the phone slam down, followed by a dial tone. He hung his head as a brutal pain cut his heart in half. He felt like shit for that. He felt like shit because he failed to give Angel everything he needed. He felt like shit because he couldn't be the man he needed to be for himself, for Marshall, for Angel, or for anyone.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Friday. It'd been a full week since Erik had last seen the inside of the clinic. After the revelations and the phone consult with Angel, facing the kid was the last thing Erik wanted or needed to do. So, he'd spent four days lying in his bed, mostly staring up at the ceiling and contemplating how the hell he could undo this mess. How could he backpedal his way out of an extremely sticky situation?

All while looking for a new job.

There really wasn't any good way to handle Angel. He had to face the music, deal with what had happened, and try to approach the situation from a professional, yet caring standpoint. He would have to sit Angel down and confront him, have a quiet one-on-one and let Angel know that he would be there for him, but he couldn't be there in the way Angel wanted him to be—at least not right now.

His red beater clunked and roared into the clinic's parking lot. Just as he pulled into his normal space, the phone started to ring. It was Marshall. Yet another sticky situation that had to be dealt with. "Hello?"

"Hey, gorgeous. Guess who's in town?" Marshall asked with an enthused lilt.

"I thought you wouldn't be in until Monday."

"Don't sound so happy, Erik. Geez," Marshall teased.

Erik turned the key and killed the motor. He sat back with his head against the headrest and closed his eyes, the faint pounding of his pulse invading his temples.

"No. I'm happy," he lied. "I've just been sick. Missed a week of work. Today is my first day back and I think things will be… hectic."

"Well, I'm sad to hear that. I'd hoped to have coffee with you."

"There's always lunch. We could meet at the—"

"Look in your rearview mirror," Marshall interrupted.

Hesitantly, Erik looked up and he saw the image of his devastatingly handsome, infuriatingly distracting ex-partner waving to him through the mirror's reflection. Marshall's kissable mouth curled into a nervous smile as his hand slowly lowered. Erik took a deep breath before climbing out of the car.

The bright white of Marshall's perfect teeth gleamed from between his two plump lips. He looked so damn happy and Erik was… well, anything but. He did
not
need this right now. No way could he deal with both men, one right after the other, and Angel seemed to be the more desperate, more pressing of the two.

"Hey, baby," Marshall said in a soft voice and held his arms out for Erik to walk into a warm embrace.

"Hey," Erik said as he stepped into the hug. His arms wrapped around Marshall's waist. Marshall's lips pressed to his cheek. "I'm sorry I can't break away for coffee." Erik pulled away. "I really need to check on my patients. They haven't seen me in a week."

"I understand," Marshall said. "Maybe I can sit somewhere and wait for you? I have my laptop. I could work."

"Okay." Erik nodded. "You could… wait in the doctors' lounge. It's quiet there. We go there to write notes on patients."

"I'll follow you then, Dr Daniels," Marshall said as he extended his arm for Erik to lead the way.

They entered through the glass double doors at the front of the clinic and walked down the cold, sterile yellow halls, florescent lights buzzing overhead. Erik kept a safe distance from his ex-partner, his mind still whirling. Marshall blissfully followed beside him, clutching his laptop bag in one hand and his cell phone in the other.

Uncertainty tensed Erik's muscles. Marshall showing up seriously complicated the day. Erik had planned on going straight to Angel's room. He'd planned on having a sincere talk with his patient, reminding him of why he was here and what they needed to accomplish before Angel could be released. He planned to move beyond feelings and get back on the right track.

They'd just reached the door to the doctors' lounge when Erik heard frantic footsteps pounding down the hall. Roni's blond curls bounced behind her, her bright blue scrubs swishing as she charged toward him. The look on her face twisted his gut. The red in her eyes made his breath hitch in his throat.