Past Heaven (36 page)

None of it was enough.

“Of course. Liz is the one who picked you for this role.”

Liz and the boys would be joining me on set this weekend so they could get a taste of movie production. Usually the writers of the screenplay would have a representative on set to ensure the continuity of their writing remained in the movie. Since I was already on set to act, Liz and I decided I would also handle script changes. I would have loved for Liz to have that role and be with me during filming, but she couldn’t leave the boys, and we both accepted our reality.

“You’re up, Mr. Doogan.” An assistant escorted Michael to his scene, and I stood back to watch. The boys were going to flip out here. The atmosphere was filled with energy as directors, camera crew, and grips rushed about.

“Mr. Carter, you’re needed in hair and makeup.” I nodded and walked to the trailer. Seeing Liz in a few hours might kill me. To be right with her and not touch her, kiss her, or hold her was the ultimate torture. I glanced at my watch and pressed my lips together to hold back my smile.

“Jack, you’re working too hard,” said Madeline Montgomery in the role of Liz. The kitchen set was so close to the real one that I had a bit of déjà vu.

“We’re all sacrificing here. I need you to remember what we’re fighting for.” I spoke Jack’s words and heard light laughter from across the room. My heart raced. For a moment, I thought I was back in Baltimore. We caught each other’s eyes and smiled.

“That’s a wrap. Take fifteen everyone.” The director’s assistant announced, and I ran to Liz and the boys. I hugged them all and pressed Liz against me with as much force as I thought was safe.

“I love you so much.” She shivered against me, my words whispered into her ear. “God, I’ve missed you.”

She pulled back, looking around to see if we had spectators. “Me too,” she mouthed.

I turned around as I was tapped on my shoulder. “Liz, this is Matthew Kyle. He’s playing the role of your brother, David.”

“Nice to meet you, Liz.” Matt spoke slowly but very clearly. Liz and I sure as hell were right about actors with disabilities being hired. We were lucky to be working with an actor with the patience and drive that Matt possessed.

“It’s so nice to meet you, too, Matt. Reynolds tells me you’re playing my brother’s part extremely well. Thank you for that.” Liz and Matt shook hands while Matt blushed. I wasn’t sure of the exact nature of Matt’s disabilities, but he worked extremely hard to succeed in his role. I was sure Jack would be proud of all of us at that moment.

“Reynolds, please introduce me to your friend.” Madeline spoke smoothly. She was Hollywood’s version of Liz. Tall, blonde, extremely thin, and with sharp features. She was considered a timeless beauty, but she had none of the addicting curves and passionate zeal that was the real Liz. My Liz.

I hesitated for a minute, clearing my throat. “Liz Atwater, meet Madeline Montgomery.” I hadn’t mentioned anything to Liz because I had hoped it wouldn’t matter, but Kylie and Madeline were close. Best friend close. Kylie had shown up on set twice, to “visit” her BFF. Both times, I had avoided Kylie at all costs and asked Madeline not to bring her back on set again. The last time, I was kind of a prick about it. Here’s to hoping she got my not so subtle message.

“It’s such a pleasure to meet you.” Madeline shook hands with Liz and offered her a warm smile. I relaxed a little.

“The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Montgomery.” Liz was a big fan of Madeline’s and was thrilled when she accepted the part.

“Can I get your opinion on my tone and demeanor in a few upcoming scenes?” Madeline asked Liz. Liz looked between me and Madeline, nodding with a surprised grin.

I ruffled up Hayden’s hair. “I’ll take the boys to craft services. They can get some snacks, and we’ll catch up.” The boys beamed with excitement. “I’m finished shooting for the day, so I was hoping to take them horseback riding later this afternoon.”

Liz gave an approving nod and glanced over at the boys who were smiling from ear to ear. “Of course. They’d be thrilled to ride with you. Tim will help me find you when we’re finished.” She headed off with Madeline.

The boys and I headed to the well-stocked craft services area where they loaded up with every sugary snack and drink they could. We sat at a table, talking about school and spring sports—lacrosse for this crew.

Grayson and Hayden left the area with a cameraman to check out the editing trailer. Carl, their security guard, was with them, so I allowed them to go. Carl and Tim were retired Army Rangers. Each stood more than six feet tall and over two hundred and fifty pounds. They had told me on numerous occasions that they would do whatever it took to protect the Atwater family.

“So starting a new school in the fall, right?” I leaned back in my chair, relaxed and glad to have some time alone with Griffin.

Griffin smiled at me with excitement. “Yeah, I graduate from fifth grade in June. Mom is sending me to a private school now in the fall. Loyola Blakefield.” His smile fell. “It’s an all-boys school, and I have to wear a uniform.”

I laughed and bumped his elbow with mine. “The school is fantastic, Griff. I checked it out. Plus, they have tight security, so you won’t need Carl following you around.”

“Yeah, that part’s good I guess, even though I do like Mr. Carl. They have a top-notch soccer and lacrosse team, too. There’s a bunch of smart guys who went there, so I guess that’s decent.” Griffin drank his soda and looked around the tent for more celebrities.

“You know, I went to an all-boys school when I was your age, and we still met lots of girls. There were plenty of dances and mixers. Where do you think the females that go to the all-girls schools are heading on the weekends?”

Griffin laughed at me. “Okay, you got me there.” He paused before adding, “Reynolds, will you come around more after the movie is finished?”

“I hope so Griff. I miss you all a lot. After filming, I have a publicity tour and lots of interviews, but then I should be able to take a break for a while. I would love to come back to Baltimore. I need to redeem myself and beat you in some Xbox games.”

Griffin laughed and shook his head. “Not happening, my man, but, I’m glad you can come back for a while. Mom’s not happy without you. I worry about her. First she loses Dad, and now you’re gone. It stinks. I want her to be happy, ya’ know?”

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and sighed. “I know, buddy. I want nothing more than to see your mom happy. Once all this craziness is over, she’ll be my number one priority. I promise.” I couldn’t say any more to Griff. I couldn’t tell him that his mom had become my world and that I was miserable without her, too.

I couldn’t tell him what I reminded myself each day. That once we finished Jack’s story, ours could begin.

“OH LIZ, HE’S unbelievable. He’s so dedicated to his role.” Madeline brought me back to her private trailer. I sat on her leather sofa as she sat down in front of her dressing table and needlessly reapplied her makeup.

Putting down her mascara, she swiveled around in her chair, facing me. She sat with perfect posture, shoulders back, chin jutted out. “He demands that we practice our scenes together over and over. He wants to get our relationship exactly right.” The conversation with Madeline had started like I thought it would. She had asked me about my personal tone and emotion in a few scenes, but then she had spent the rest of the time talking about Reynolds.

Tossing her hair back, she took a long drink of her sparkling water and set it down before shooting me an all-knowing, but innocent glance. “And it’s paying off. Our chemistry is off the charts.
Everyone’s
talking about it.” Madeline smirked and then turned back around to fix her hair in the mirror. She needn’t bother. She was perfect.

“And I know you don’t know about this, being that you’re a grieving widow and all, but good god, he can kiss.” She bit her lower lip, her eyes full of lust. “My kissing scenes with Reynolds are the hottest things ever. I so hope, if you ever get over Jack, that you find a guy that kisses like that.” She thrust out her chest in the mirror, adjusting her cleavage.

I choked down my mixed cocktail of emotions and attempted a weak smile toward Madeline. My blood was racing through my veins, and my head pounded. I was insulted on so many levels. Her digs over my grieving status and inability to get over Jack were meant to inform me that I was damaged goods. I heard her loud and clear. She was sending me a strong message of her intentions with Reynolds. I understood her completely. What she wasn’t saying directly caused my stomach to harden. I crossed my arms against my chest and clenched my teeth.

She wouldn’t flipping shut up. She prattled on about their dinners together and how close she had become to Reynolds. With each comment or story, the heat crawling up my body intensified. Pain developed in my jaw from my aggressive grinding.

“You spent so much time together writing the screenplay, tell me, woman to woman. What’s your opinion of him?” Madeline pondered, her hand resting on her chin.

Instead of slapping the little hussy, I did what I had to do and kept our secret. I swallowed hard, my hands fidgeting in front of me. “Reynolds has become a dear friend to me. Any girl would be lucky to be with a man of his caliber.” I turned to leave, shaking from the aftermath of our conversation, which was more like her ambush.

Then she dropped the bomb. “Oh Liz, one more question for you before you scoot.” Madeline didn’t even have the good graces to face me while she spoke. “During your writing time, did Kylie Ford ever come around?”

I turned back to face her, unsure of how to answer. How was this any of her business? I figured she was scoping out her competition to see where she stood. I decided to answer with honesty. “She came to Baltimore once. Why do you ask?”

Madeline pressed her lips together, making a popping sound for a few seconds before responding. “She’s getting on my nerves.” She sighed loudly. “Kylie keeps visiting Reynolds here and spends lots of alone time with him in his trailer. I heard they broke up, so that’s why I feel comfortable with our developing relationship, but…” she let out a very dramatic sigh. “I’m concerned that he still has feelings for her. She’s been here a lot, and he seems to be so open with her. What do you think?”

I rubbed my neck, about to cry. My voice came out whisper soft, but at least I was able to speak at all. “I wouldn’t know about that. It’s really none of my business. Good luck to you if I don’t see you again. I need to go find my boys.” I heard her happily call out goodbye as I ran from the trailer, keeping my head down to avoid any attention, and praying I could leave before anyone watched me break down.

“Momma!” Hayden called, and I pasted a smile on my face, waving. Hayden sat in front of Reynolds as they rode horses with his brothers. Reynolds saw me leaning against the fence and dismounted from his horse. The farm hands helped Grayson and Griff down, and all three boys led the horses back to the stables to untack, groom, and feed them.

“Hello, love.” Reynolds leaned on the opposite side of the fence, facing me.