Past Heaven (27 page)

She was right, or really Cindy was. I had been marked by my past. Not in any way as tragic as Liz’s pain, but I made my own mistakes in life. Those experiences in my relationships, or lack thereof, branded me, they would always be with me. They made me who I was, and I was stronger for it. Because of those experiences, I also knew now exactly what I wanted.

And I wanted Liz Atwater.

REYNOLDS SETTLED OUR bill, and I looked down to see our server had also slipped a paper to him with her phone number. At first I was pissed, but we weren’t dating. He was known to be single.

He was single.

We
were
just friends.

Absolutely
.

I reminded myself of that on a regular basis.

Reynolds texted our driver to meet us out front, and we attempted to leave the restaurant discreetly.

That was a fail.

The moment we stepped outside the doors of the restaurant, we were swarmed by paparazzi. The lights flashed in my face, blinding me as reporters shouted out questions in rapid-fire succession. Pushing through the crowd, hands grabbed at us, cameras were shoved in my face, and my legs buckled as an uncontrollable shudder raced through my body. Reynolds pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me, shielding me from the lights and on-lookers. The walk from the restaurant to the car was all but ten feet, but it seemed like the distance had stretched for miles. Despite the whirling lights and shouts, I felt safe in his arms.

Reynolds ignored what was being yelled at him:

“Why are you in Baltimore?”

“Is this your new girlfriend?”

“Is she your baby mama?”

“Where’s Kylie?”

“Are you cheating on Kylie?”

“Is this your mother?”

Okay. That last one hurt. Reynolds urged me into the car and shut the door behind him. The driver sped off, and we both gasped for air. Reynolds raised the privacy screen and turned to me, grasping my face in his hands as we exited onto the Jones Falls Expressway.

“Are you okay?” He rested his forehead against mine until my shaking subsided and our breathing slowed. “I should have brought Tim with us. Dammit. He would’ve known what to do. I'm such an idiot. Tim always goes with me in public. Liz, I'm so sorry. I didn't think I needed him here.” Reynolds threw his head back on the seat and covered his face with his hands. “Shit, I'm so sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes as I watched him beat himself up over something that was not his fault.

“You aren’t hurt?” He leaned toward me and moved his large thumbs over my cheeks. As scary as that experience was, my body was over it. His simple strokes had my heart racing, heat coursing through my veins.

“I’m not hurt.” I brought my hands to his cheeks and timidly ran my fingers around his face. “You protected me.” He closed his eyes. The car was filled with our silent intimacy.

“You’re okay. Thank God, you’re okay. I’m so sorry I exposed you to that. Never again. We’ll eat in private rooms, or I’ll hire a chef….Wait, are you crying?” His voice cracked when his thumbs touched the dampness on my cheeks.

I took a labored breath. “They thought I was your mom!” I cried and laughed at the same time, looking down at the floor. I had really tried this time. New clothes, make-up, hair styled.

“Aww,
hell
, Liz. No.” Reynolds scooped me onto his lap and stroked my hair. “No one in that entire restaurant thought for one minute that you were my mom. That’s how paparazzi work. They search for anything they can to make you mad. They yell that out, hoping for a response. They want to say something that will make you look at them so they can take a picture that they can sell to the tabloids. We pissed them off by ignoring them.”

I looked out the window as cars raced by. How did I explain my feelings to him? Embarrassment washed over me at the idea of saying it out loud. For so many years, I’d chosen yoga pants with the forgiving elastic waist over skinny jeans. I was a mom first and a woman second. Now after losing weight and dressing myself to the nines on the outside, I feared I was no different inside. Was I still only the reliable and dependable mom, and not the sensual and desirable woman Reynolds deserved? I didn’t know how to find that piece of me.

“You should be hanging out with someone like Kylie.” My eyes brimmed with hot tears of shame and insecurity. “Someone young, beautiful, and sexy…someone who can keep up with you and isn’t mistaken for your mother.” Reynolds’ body went rigid against mine. His anger from my words enveloped me. He held my face in his hands as his eyes met mine.

“Elizabeth.” His voice was icy, and he gritted his teeth. “I’m here with you because I’m crazy about you. Sometimes I think everyone knows this but you. You’re hung up on the fact that you don't think you look the part?” He closed his eyes and tears slid down my cheeks. He was right. Why was I doing this to myself? To us?

“One day, you’ll be ready for me. When you are, have no doubt I’ll be waiting for you.” He swallowed, trying to calm his exasperation and ran his hands all over my arms and back. I wasn’t sure if he was soothing me or himself, but he was so damn hot when he was angry. “And when that day comes, I’ll show you exactly what you do to me and how much I crave you.”

A shiver ran down my spine. I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he put a finger to my lips, his eyes fierce. “Not a word. Not one more word. I’m going to prove to you once and for all what you do to me. I
so
fucking am.” He pressed me against him, and I bit my bottom lip, suppressing a moan when I felt his impressive erection.

He moved his lips to my ear and growled, “Just tell me when.”

“THE ROADS ARE clear enough for me to run, thank you, Jesus.” Liz giggled, and I laughed into the phone. December had ripped through Maryland with a vengeance. Each day had been bitterly cold. The freezing rain and snow had disrupted school openings and worse, Liz’s running. She could be pretty fucking grumpy when she missed a run. Even still, I loved her. She was who she was, no pretenses or apologies. Nothing about Liz was fake. She was as real as it gets.

“Be careful out there. I’ll head over to your place when you come back.” The plan was to meet so we could send the screenplay out together. Then I could start the meetings with producers and casting agents. I was pumped, but I was also apprehensive. I would need to be in L.A. for meetings, and then I would be on set wherever we shot the movie. Liz would join me for some final meetings, and I hoped she would come to the set sometimes, but with the boys’ schedule, it would be tough.

I’d miss her so damn much. She was a huge part of my life now, and I struggled with the thought of not being around her every day. We would stay close through calls, texts, and Skype, but that wasn’t the same. I needed to touch her and smell her. We had never had sex, yet I was addicted. I worried I might go over the edge when—not if, but when—I made love to her.

My cell buzzed with Liz’s name. I looked at my watch, she should be running now. “Liz, what’s up? Are you okay?”

“Reynolds,” she whispered, “I’m hiding behind a hedge on Manor Road, the one by the Kerrigan’s place. Some paparazzi pulled up and chased me. They took pictures and yelled questions. I outran them, but they got back in their cars, and they’re trying to find me.”

I was running out the door as I talked to her. “I’ll be there in two minutes. Hang tight. I’ll kill those fuckers for bothering you,” I barked into the phone.

“I might’ve lost them. I don’t see them, but I can’t be sure.” She sniffled. “Will you keep talking to me while you’re driving? I’m scared.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I’m right here with you.” I wanted to punch something or someone. I was so incensed I wanted to scream, but I didn’t want to scare Liz. When I pulled up, she was crouched behind the hedge. I didn’t see any other cars as I surged out of the Range Rover. She flew into my arms, and I picked her up and sat her in the car. As I climbed into the driver’s side, a black Denali approached.

“This is insane. I don’t understand. I was just going for a run, I didn’t do anything.” Liz whipped her head around, looking for the photographers as she spoke. “
Shit
. That’s them, Reyn.” Liz panicked, and I grabbed her hand.

“We’re fine. Just fine. Let’s drive for a bit.” I fought the longing to get out and attack them because I knew that would only draw more unwanted attention. Besides I had already called Tim and as I put the Range Rover in reverse, his Explorer came barreling down the road and swerved across the double lines, sending the Denali to a screeching halt. Tim blocked the paparazzi, allowing us to escape.

Liz’s phone rang, startling both of us. “Don’t answer it.” I didn’t think the paparazzi could have gotten her cell phone number, but I wasn’t sure.

Liz gasped. “It’s the boys’ school.” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and answered the call. “Hello? Yes, this is she.” She listened. Her face paled, and her mouth formed a stiff line. This was not good. “I’m sorry, what? Is he hurt?” I turned right and headed toward the school. “Oh. Oh no….Okay….I understand…I’m on my way.”

“What’s going on?”

She clenched her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. “Grayson is in the office for fighting with another kid at lunch. The other kid called me a slut for sleeping with a famous guy for money.” She shook her head and looked out the window.

“
Fucking A
!” I yelled and punched the steering wheel. “Is he okay?”

“He punched the kid in the mouth. Grayson is fine. Suspended, but fine.”

Secretly, I was proud of Grayson, but I knew how embarrassed and devastated Liz was.

“Griffin and Hayden are also in the office waiting to be picked up.” She looked out the window again, avoiding my wide-eyed stare.

“What? What the
hell
?” I gripped the wheel until my knuckles were white and accelerated the car.

“Paparazzi snuck onto the playground today and harassed the kids with questions about the boys and us. The boys are upset and shaken, so the principal is sending them home for the day. She’d like our help to get a handle on the situation. They aren’t used to celebrities out here. They aren’t prepared for this. The school feels like they need to protect the other students from my boys.” Liz’s voice was defeated.

“
Shit
. The slimy trash picked up on this faster than I expected. I’ll hire security to go to school with the boys right away. Tim will make sure they’re safe.”

“Security at school with them? I don’t know about that.” Liz’s voice trembled.

“What choice do we have? Do you want to pull them out and have them tutored?”

“No. This is the only school they’ve ever known. They love it there. We can’t do that to them. I can’t take that from them. My God, what have I done?” Liz buried her face in her hands, and I put my hand on her back.

“Listen, this will die down. Paparazzi are at their strongest when the gossip is hot, and it’s hot now. I promise you, this will settle. Until then, the boys will be protected by the best security out there.”

“Are you sure?” Liz’s voice trailed off, weak and uncertain.

“Am I sure about what? Goddammit, I care about you and those boys. I'll protect them like they're mine. I'll destroy any asshole who tries to hurt them again.” A feeling developed in men when their pack was threatened. It was innate. It was primal, and it was all-consuming.