Paradise Valley (30 page)

“Does the anger drive you or do you drive the anger?” Jerry repeated. “Are you mad at yourself because you got hurt?”

“That’s just stupid,” Rick said, but he said it more softly. Then he put his face in his hands and his shoulders shook a little. It was a full minute before he lifted his head and turned glassy eyes at Jerry. “Face it. If it hadn’t happened, things would be all different. It was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I might have never seen that it’s all on me, that I’m the one—” And then he put his face in his hands again.

Jerry let him simmer for a while, pretending not to cry when he was actually coming apart. He knew Rick wouldn’t reach for a tissue, that would be too telling. His shoulders trembled, but Jerry could hear the desperate mewling sounds of a man trying not to give in. When things calmed down just a little, he spoke. “Rick, there are some facts that have nothing to do with you that eventually you have to accept. One—a drunk driver caused your parents’ deaths. One hot little sperm and one determined little egg made your baby on the first strike. Most of the stillbirths recorded have no known cause—a very tragic statistic. And—someone threw the grenade that took you out. Everything could have been different, but there was nothing you could have done to make it so.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, lifting his head.

“You’re not going to get much satisfaction from blaming yourself. You’ll keep going in circles because you’re faultless. You’ve had some rough deals, but you’ve also had some extremely lucky events.”

“Yeah? Like?”

Jerry kept his gaze level. “Oh, let’s see. A grandmother, by your account a very good woman, who devoted her life to you. A couple of outstanding mentors who stepped in to father you, support you, teach you. A girlfriend…Not many men find a girl, at such an early age, with the kind of commitment you described to me. And then a few traumatic things happened that—”

“I didn’t think I’d let them down like this….”

“Say what, Rick?”

“I thought the Marines would work for me….”

“Maybe they don’t feel let down. Maybe you got things from the Marines that are valuable, just muddy right now because of the trauma.”

“You don’t get it,” Rick said, sounding weaker. “That stuff can’t happen. We’re trained, alert. It’s not just one pair of eyes, it’s a unit. That’s how we got to be the strongest force in the free world.”

“Unexpected things happen…”

“It wasn’t an accident,” Rick said. “It was hostile, and our job is to evade hostile attack. I finished every training gig first in my group. First…”

Jerry paused. “The stuff that happened wasn’t your fault. Some bad, unfortunate things do happen to people without their participation. Like a wheel falling off a car, even though all the lugs were tight. Like—”

“Jerry,” Rick said, glassy-eyed, stopping him. “
All
the wheels fell off this car.”

Jerry leaned forward. “Rick, focus for just a second. Listen to me. I’m a crisis counselor—do you know what that means?” Rick stared blankly at him, but he went on anyway, knowing he might have to repeat this more than once. “It means that when a crisis occurs in the life of a perfectly normal person, I have the training to take that person by the hand and lead them through the fire and out the other side, where once again they’ll feel like a perfectly normal person who has dealt with trauma. That’s what we’re doing here, Rick. You and me. We’re going to get through this.”

Rick was quiet for a long time. Then he said, “I don’t buy it.”

Jerry sat back, relaxed. “You will.”

She moved Ness, swing and all, through the door that led from her office into the kitchen, without waking her. Then she closed the door adjoining her office to the house. Having been both a criminal prosecutor and the victim of a violent crime, Brie never relaxed her standards, not even in Virgin River. She tucked her Glock into the rear waistband of her jeans and opened the door. “Yes?”

“Are you Brie Valenzuela?”

“I am,” she said.

He put out his hand. “Ross Crawford. How do you do?”

“Well, this is unexpected,” she said, accepting the hand. “How can I help you?” she asked without inviting him farther into her office.

“I’m trying to find Abby,” he said. “She sold her town house, and her parents refuse to tell me where she is or deliver a message to her. The airline would only tell me she took an extended leave.”

“I’d be happy to forward a message. Would that help?” Brie asked.

“Yes, absolutely,” he said. “I really need to talk to her.”

Brie took a breath. “Mr. Crawford,” she said patiently, not at all oblivious to the fact that he didn’t look like a rock star. “I’m sure you realize that from this point on, your attorneys should do the talking. Your divorce has been final for some time and the settlement is satisfied.”

“Oh, it’s not about that exactly,” he said. He wore expensive jeans, no rips or tears or chains, a flawless white button-down rolled up at the sleeves, Italian boots. His hair was a bit on the shaggy side, attractively so and curling at his collar, and he was clean shaven. “It’s personal stuff.”

“All the same, Mr. Crawford.”

“Just call me Ross. Listen, I understand if you don’t want to tell me where she is—she wouldn’t want anything to do with me now. But if you could please contact her and tell her I’d like just a few minutes of her time—”

“Of course,” Brie said. “And where should I deliver her answer? That business manager’s address in Los Angeles?”

“No, no,” he said, shaking his head. “Could you call her now, please? I’m sure you have the phone number. I’ll wait.”

“Mr…. Ross, I don’t think you should be too optimistic. Honestly, my advice to her will be that she decline. As I said, the conversation should be between—”

“Attorneys, I know. What do you think got us into this mess? This doesn’t have to do with divorce or settlements or—Well, it has a little to do with it. It’s my amends, Ms. Valenzuela. I have to make amends. It’s one of my steps. I’m trying to graduate from a treatment program.”

Brie folded her arms over her chest. She wasn’t about to be reeled in by a smooth-talking addict. “Another one?” she asked.

“Third time,” he said, lifting his chin and straightening. “I’m a real hard sell. If you’ll please call her and ask her if she’ll give me fifteen minutes of her time, I’ll never bother her again. Believe me, I know I’m asking a lot. The rule is, make amends where it won’t make the life of the person you’re apologizing to more difficult. And the list is long. So long. I’ll meet her somewhere neutral if she’d like. You can be there—it wouldn’t change what I have to say. Please?”

Brie took a breath. “Do you mind waiting in your car? I should have some privacy for the call.”

“Sure. Listen, please tell her I don’t want to upset her life in any way. I swear I’ll leave her alone after this. And really, tell her, I’m an idiot, a fool, an addict and imbecile, but I’ve always been nice when I’m clean. I’m fair. She’ll remember that. Hand to God.”

“Mr. Crawford,” Brie said sternly. “Be prepared. The answer could be no. In which case you’ll have to complete your steps without her assistance.”

“Well,” he said, hanging his head, “I hope she’ll see me. If only for a few minutes. I’d like both of us to be able to get this behind us so we can move on.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her you said that,” Brie promised. “Excuse me now.”

Brie sent him back down the walk to his car. She took a deep breath, checked on the baby first and when Ness was found sleeping contentedly, she called Abby at the cabin. She explained everything Ross had said. “I don’t know what’s included in his amends, Abby, and I don’t want you unnecessarily upset. I’m not sure I recommend this, even though I’m all for working through domestic disputes and laying them to rest, if there’s a mediator present. I can serve in that capacity, unofficially. Or, it’s perfectly all right to decline this request. In fact, I could tell him that you’ll reconsider in a few months—that right now is not a good time.”

“Do you know he never once took my calls when I wanted to know what was going on with him? When I wanted to discuss the terms his lawyers set forth? I wish I wasn’t curious. The fact is, I’d like to know what he has to say about it now.”

“You’re very pregnant. I don’t want you back in court because of some egregious prenup.”

“We have this letter saying it’s over. Right? I’ll see him,” she said. “But only if you’ll be present.”

“It’s just me and the baby here,” Brie said. “I can’t reach Mike. Would you be comfortable bringing Cam? If not, I’ll call Jack. He’d come out. Just to hedge against any kind of reaction that you and I and little Ness can’t handle.”

“Oh, I don’t think Cameron would miss this for anything,” Abby said. “But if he’s tied up with patients, I’ll stop by the bar and grab either Jack or Preacher.”

“Ah. She
is
here, then.”

Brie tilted her head. “With all your resources, you probably could have learned that on your own, without coming to me.”

“There’s been too much of that sort of thing,” he said. “Can I just sit over there and wait?” he asked, indicating the sofa and chair in the corner of the room.

“Sure. What do you mean, there’s been too much of that?”

“Aw, my manager hired people to keep my back. It was supposed to be for the crazies, you know? I get ’em sometimes. Abby’s not crazy. She’s just a nice girl who got hooked up with a wrong guy.”

Brie shook her head sadly. “Turns out we agree on some things,” she said, going back to her desk. She sat in her chair and gave the baby a bottle while Ross opened a thick spiral notebook, pulled out a pen, flipped it open and began writing. After a few minutes he looked toward Brie and Ness and said, “How old is she?”

“Six months.”

“And you manage a baby and lawyering?” he asked.

“It’s a small town,” she said. “I’m seldom overworked. Which is how I like it.”

“How’d you meet Abby?” he asked.

“She was referred.”

“I thought she had a lawyer.”

“Did she?” Brie asked, although she knew. Brie was of the opinion her former attorney hadn’t helped her much. Or maybe he was just up against too much of Ross’s money. “Are you documenting this meeting?” Brie asked him.

“This?” he asked, tapping the notebook. “Oh,” he laughed. “No. This is my compilation of sins and crimes. It’s not easy to remember every one of them, since I was high and plastered most of the time.” He went back to writing.

Brie heard the car door outside and lifted Ness into her swing, getting it started. She went to the door before they could enter and opened it for Abby and Cameron. Ross put down his notebook and stood expectantly. “Hi, folks,” Brie said, holding open the door.

And then she came inside, Cameron close on her heels.

“Whoa!
Abby!
” Ross nearly shouted. He hit himself in the chest and wobbled a little on his feet, his eyes wide and shocked. “God!” Then he shot a look at Brie. “Why didn’t you tell me she was pregnant? I mean,
pregnant!
”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you. It’s certainly not pertinent to your business.”

He walked toward her and reached for her. “Good God, come over and sit down.”

She pulled away from him. Cameron was at her back, his hands on her upper arms. “You’d better leave Abby to me,” Cameron said calmly, firmly.

“Oh man,” Ross said, running a nervous hand over the top of his head. “Sorry, man.” Then he stuck out a hand, careful not to get too close. “Ross Crawford,” he said.

Cameron gave a curt nod over Abby’s shoulder rather than shaking hands. “Dr. Michaels,” he said.

“You’re her doctor?” Ross asked.

“My fiancé,” Abby said.

“Whoa,” Ross laughed. “Okay, this is just a surprise, that’s all. If you don’t mind me saying so, you could use a little more than a fiancé there, Abby.”

“I mind,” she said. “Now, what’s so important, Ross?”

“Gimme a second,” he said, looking at her. “I’m sorry, but you’re awful pregnant, Abby. Kind of distracted me.”

“Well get a hold of yourself and get down to business. This is pretty inconvenient.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. Sorry. Um, can we sit?” he asked, swinging a hand toward the sofa and chair. He stepped out of the way. “Go ahead, you two. Gee.”

Once they were all seated, Ross just stared at Abby. Cameron put an arm around her shoulders and said, “Can we please move along? I might have patients waiting back at the clinic.”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, Doc. Abby, I didn’t know what was happening to you with that whole divorce thing. I was high.”

“Weren’t they your lawyers, Mr. Crawford?” Cameron asked tensely.

“Yeah, sort of. Listen, I’m here to make amends, but it’s dicey. I have to do this without making excuses, so I’ll try. I went back on the road after we got married and after only about a week I started using. I met a woman at a party of some kind and gave her a job as an assistant band manager. The other guys said she was trouble and wouldn’t have anything to do with her, but I had started sleeping with her, so I ignored them and let her take care of some of my stuff. She got herself some credit cards. I didn’t even remember about them until your lawyer told me. They were supposed to be for business expenses, but I didn’t pay any attention. She played go-between with my lawyer and I signed anything she put in front of me. Hell, I think she was the one who contacted the lawyer, I was too toasted to do that. I’ve been either high or in treatment for the last year and a half. My last incarceration was for six months in Mexico. It wasn’t until I talked to your lawyer here that I found out you got soaked for all her charges. I never saw those cards either.”

“Weren’t you sober long enough to look at the paperwork you signed?” Abby asked.

He shook his head. “Nah, I was messed up. Sometimes I was in worse shape in treatment than when I was using and playing guitar. But—I’d been out of the last treatment center a couple of months when the letter came from Ms. Valenzuela saying you’d paid off the credit-card debt and didn’t want any more alimony. My brain was working pretty well by then, so I called your lawyer here. I was finally cleaned up enough to look into it. Abby, I’m sorry—I would never have asked you to pay any of my bills. I wouldn’t have stuck you with
her
bills, for sure. Your lawyer shouldn’t have allowed it.”

She scooted forward as much as she could. “Ross, I had one lawyer, the best one I could afford after I took all the equity money out of my town house and cashed in my 401k, but you had
four
lawyers. Four, Ross. By the end of it, I felt lucky to get out of the whole mess as cheaply as I did.”

“Aw, Abby, those were just back-up thugs from his office—I didn’t hire ’em. Man, you must hate me so much.”

“Yeah, that’s the bottom line,” she said, folding her hands over her belly.

He grinned at her. “I’m sorry—this is not funny. But you look so cute. Really big. You ready to give birth or something?”

“You have no idea,” she said. “Are we done here?”

“Almost. Okay, so the woman, the assistant manager, her name was Autumn, she got fired a long time ago. The boys picked out a new treatment center and said that was it—if I committed for six months of treatment and stayed clean for a year, they’d
consider
giving me another chance in the band. Otherwise, that was it for me. They told Autumn to hit the road, and I went into treatment for the third time.” He shook his head. “I wish I could find someone to blame for the drugs, but the truth is, it was all me. I thought I was such hot shit when the band picked me up and the first time I saw that white powder, I plowed into it so fast…. And man, I loved the stuff. I’ve been mostly high for over ten years. I hate what it did to my life, but I did love the stuff. Made me feel invincible…. Until it didn’t anymore…. I’m learning to like being level and not so destructive. But sometimes it’s powerful hard.”

Abby struggled a little bit to get to a standing position, Cam at her side giving assist. “Well, I hope you make it this time, Ross. When you’re straight, you’re not a bad guy. Too bad it’s so scary to count on you staying straight.”

Ross stood. “Abby, you never asked for anything in the settlement, you should have gotten out of the whole thing without a problem, without it costing you a cent. You shouldn’t have needed a lawyer at all. And, you were supposed to be getting some support while we were separated. Close as we can figure, that went in Autumn’s purse, too. Staying crocked all the time is real expensive all around.”

“Can we just close the door on it now?” Abby asked. “I really need to get on with my life.”

“You sure do,” he said with a smile.

She winced and leaned over her stomach slightly.

“You all right, babe?” Cameron asked softly, bracing her from behind.

“Oh, you know,” she said. “I just can’t grow anymore.”

“We have to be going, Mr. Crawford,” Cameron said. “Abby needs her rest. She’s uncomfortable.”

“Sure, I’ll hurry this up,” he said. “I fired the lawyer. I’m using Greg’s firm now. The lead singer—remember him? He’s straight as an arrow and has some good people on retainer. I gave them the job of figuring out what my shyster set you back and I want to make restitution….”

“Forget it,” Abby said. “The credit-card bills were paid off with your alimony and I don’t want your money. I want it over, once and for all.”

“Oh, you’ll get that. I promise, I’ll never bother you again after—”

“Haven’t you spent enough money on drugs, treatment, lawyers and bad managers who robbed you blind?”

“Yeah, I lost a ton of money on stupidity. There’s a little left. It feels kind of good to spend some responsibly for a change. Let’s see, there was forty-seven thousand in Autumn’s credit-card bills, your 401k wasn’t that big—just twenty-two. Six years in that town house only earned you about thirty in equity—should’ve been more, but—”

“Ross! Forget it! I defied your prenup!” Her hand covered her mouth suddenly and her eyes darted between Brie to her left and Cameron behind to her right. “Shit,” she said.

But Ross grinned. “Really? You mean while I was sleeping with Autumn—as she robbed me blind—you were having a relationship with this doctor dude?”

“Not until the weekend before I signed the papers. So keep your money and just let me go.”

Ross shook his head almost sadly. “You were alone for nine months? Aw, Abby, I agreed to that prenup safeguard when it was suggested, but I never would’ve held you to it when I was stepping out on you at the same time. I mean, I’m a lot of things, but I’m not pure evil.” He shrugged. “I guess it could happen that a woman you’ve been married to a few months takes you for millions,” he said. “I thought I should guard against that, but hey, I’ve made more than one mistake, obviously. I’m just happy that you found a good person and you’re having a family, like you always wanted. And I’m jealous—I wish I could have that life. It’s going to be a long time before I’m sane enough for a relationship with anyone besides a sponsor.” He pulled an envelope from his back pocket. It was folded in half.

“Ross, I mean it—your money is just going to mess me up. Cameron and I, together, we’ve cleared all this up so we have a fresh start, and—”

“It’s not really for you,” he said, handing her the envelope. “It’s for me. It’s very important to me that at the end of the day I made it right with one of the nicest people I know. After about ten years of screwing up people’s lives, you gave me a chance, Abby. You believed in me when you shouldn’t have, and all the thanks you got was getting screwed because I cared more about drugs than I did about you, or me, for that matter. If you don’t want it, donate it to charity. Start a college fund for the kid there. Do whatever you want. It’s real important to me—it’s helping me get well.”

She took the envelope gingerly. She peeked inside and screamed. “Eyyyyyyeeee!” She scrunched the envelope in her fist.

“Don’t hurt it, Abby,” Ross said, taking a nervous step toward her.

“Ross, you’ve lost your mind! It’s for a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars!”

“I know. It’s a little short. It should be bigger, figuring for nine months of support you never got before the divorce was final. I swear I told her to send you money. I’m sorry I didn’t know about all this sooner. Right about the time our divorce was final, I entered treatment for six months. I was out of pocket, just got out a couple of months ago.”

“Ross, I can’t. I can’t.”

“Like I said, do something good with it. Feed the hungry. Educate poor children. But, Abby, it’s a cashier’s check and it’s money you were swindled out of. If you burn it, it’s like burning cash, so don’t go nuts. Doc? Maybe you could talk some sense into her. I mean, I appreciate how honorable she is, but it’s her money. It’s not a donation—it’s just what it cost her to get screwed around by my business manager and lawyer. And me. I guess first off it was me. Abby was robbed.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Cameron said, taking the squashed envelope out of her hands. “It won’t be burned.”

“Works for me, but hell—try to use it on yourselves. It was her retirement and condo, for God’s sake. She worked hard for that. Abby, I’m glad you’re happy. I really am.” Then he smiled sadly.

Abby turned around to face Cameron. She had tears in her eyes. “Are we done now?” she asked Cam.

“I think so, honey. You okay?”

“No. I’m in labor.”

“Aw, Jesus, why didn’t you say so?”

“I wasn’t sure. Now? I’m sure.”

“Okay, sit back down here,” he said, tossing the envelope on the side table and easing her down onto the couch. “Let’s take a minute to see what we’ve got before we activate Mel and John.”

“We’ve got one right after another,” she said. “Hard. Long. Getting stronger. Pretty soon I’m going to have to start deep breathing.”