Paradisal Tragedy (6 page)

“I’ll make you a deal, you come with me, and we’ll check it out, if you don’t want to then you don’t have to. I just want to spend time with you,” Travis told her, not caring at all about how it sounded.

Annabella thought about the offer for a while. She was terrified of heights. But the thought of cliff jumping with Travis excited her. She doubted that she’d jump, but what’s from stopping from going to have fun? It was something she hadn’t had in such a long time. “Okay, I’ll go.”

“Good to hear,” Travis said just as a black SUV pulled into the garage. As the car shut off, his mother stepped out.

“Hey, Mom,” Travis said as she walked over to them.

“Hey, who’s this?” She asked nodding towards Annabella.

“This is Annabella, she’s a friend,” Travis told her, knowing that she was probably thinking she was just another girl he planned on sleeping with.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Lawrence,” Annabella greeted her, thankful that Travis had told her that his parents were divorced and that she went back to her maiden name.

“Travis, I think I like her, so far she’s nothing like those other girls you bring home,” Casey said as she smiled at Annabella after shaking her hand. Butterflies rose in Annabella’s stomach when she came to terms with the happiness she was beginning to feel in this moment. It was like all the pain and suffering seemed to lessen around him, and all the good things she’d been pushing aside for so long began to surface.

“I can honestly say that she’s nothing like that Mom, you’ll love Bella,” Travis promised, giving Annabella a smile.

“Would you like to stay for dinner, Bella? I’m ordering Chinese,” Casey offered to Travis’s surprise. His mom never invited his friends to stay. In fact she was always trying to find way to get them out. 

“I’d love to, I love Chinese,” Annabella replied, knowing that she was nowhere ready to go home.

Travis smiled, he was glad she accepted, because the more time he spent with her the more he felt for her. He knew this was going to be the start of something wonderful.

Seven

Annabella stood at the front door of her house after her night with Travis. It was amazing how much he made her feel. When she was with Travis, she felt like good things were possible, but the feeling never lasted when they were apart.

Standing at the door, she knew on the other side she was going to be faced with a mob of anti-Annabella. When she opened the door, she found an empty room. It was eleven at night, and she was just now getting home. She had a good evening with Travis and his mom. She took an instant liking to Casey, and for the first time she felt envious of him.

Sure, she loved her parents, but in some ways they could be smothering. The truth was she was happy to be around two people who weren’t telling her what she needed to be doing, how much she’d changed, or how much they missed who she used to be. With them she could just pretend that everything in the world was right, even though it was the furthest thing from the truth.

As she stepped into the kitchen, her phone vibrated in her pocket. Pulling it out, she saw a text from Travis.

[Travis:] Just checking to make sure you got home okay.

[Annabella:] I’m home. Thanks for tonight.

[Travis:] You got it. Don’t forget tomorrow. This time, I’ll be picking you up. Be there at around noon.

[Annabella:] I can drive myself. It’s really not a big deal.

[Travis:] I won’t take no for an answer.

[Annabella:] Oh, fine Mr. Hotshot.

She put her phone away when she noticed she was being watched by Matt. He was staring at her, standing there in his pajama pants and a white T-shirt.

“You scared me, Matt. What are you doing?” Annabella asked, her smile fading.

“Have you been with Travis all this time?” Matt asked in a disapproving tone.

“Yes,” she said with a hint of a smile.

“Do you have feelings for him?” Matt asked, sitting next to her at the counter.

“Travis is just a friend, Matt, I barely know him. He is a good guy, but he’s only a friend,” Annabella assured him, not wanting to hurt him any more than she already had.

“Why won’t you give us another chance?” Matt wondered as he scooted closer to her. Her heart began to race in panic, she didn’t want to be this close to anyone.

“I just can’t, Matt. What we had was nice while it lasted, but I don’t love you. I can’t love you, or anyone else,” Annabella told him sadly. The last thing she ever wanted was to hurt him.

“Why? Why are you so distant now? It’s like you’ve become someone else, and I’m not going to be like Aubrey and tell you I don’t like the person you are, because I’ll love you no matter who you are, but the person you’re becoming scares the hell out of me,” Matt admitted to the girl he loved.

“I’m sorry Matt. You can’t choose who you become. Things happen, and people change and the thing is, you can’t control it. I’m not the girl I was those months ago, and I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear, but she’s gone,” Annabella told him confidently. She wished for the other girl to come back, but the reality was, she was gone.

“We can’t be over though, not after everything I did to finally get you to give me a chance. Don’t you think you owe that to me?”

“I owe you a lot, Matt, but you can’t put that on me. I refuse to lead you on. I’m being honest here,” she explained, letting out a big sigh. “Matt, I’m not worth this, you don’t know me anymore, and you don’t love me. You think you do, but I’m not worthy of your love. And you deserve someone who will treat you as well as you deserve.” And it was true. All the time that he was wasting on her was more time spent where he needed to move on.

“Bella, I can’t move on from you. God knows I’ve tried. I love you and I think you owe me another shot at what we have. You left without so much as a goodbye. We can be something truly amazing, if you’d just try,” Matt scolded her, pleading with his green eyes.

“I can’t Matt, what we had was a long time ago, and it’s time that you moved on.”

“I don’t care how long it takes; I’ll never give up on us. You and I will find our way back to each other. Maybe not today, and maybe not even tomorrow, but I have hope for someday.”

“Matt, no. Don’t wait for me. I’m not going to change my mind, and I can’t take it if I hurt you any more than I already have,” Annabella told him truthfully. It was sad, but she couldn’t lie to him about it.

“I don’t care, I know the girl I fell in love with is somewhere deep inside of there, and I’m going to find her.” Matt spoke with a confident that gave Annabella chills.

She didn’t want that. She didn’t want him to try to save her. The fact was that she couldn’t be saved. Not anymore, everything was already done and there was no point in trying.

Yet here Matt was vowing to never give up on her. There was no hope for her and Matt, no hope at all, but he wouldn’t let go. Why wouldn’t he just let her go? Why couldn’t he just forget about her and find someone else who would treat him the way he deserved?

“You have to let me go, maybe in another life the two of us could have something great, but not this life. Matt, I’m not good for you.”

“Annabella, why are you trying so hard to push me out of your life?” Matt asked, his tone hurt but curious.

“Because it’s the way it has to be. We can be friends, but that’s all we can ever be,” Annabella told him, and before he could say more she was climbing the stairs to her room.

***

Dear Diary,

Matt won’t let me go, and I don’t know how to convince him that it’s over. He keeps telling me that he’s going to fight for me; why won’t he let me go? I can’t be the girl I used to be, I won’t ever be her again. Why can’t they all just let me go? I hate who I’ve become. I hate her so much, but I hate
him
more, for making me this monster I’ve become. I don’t deserve Matt. I let all of this happen, everything. The reason that incident in the locker room even happened was because of me, so I got what I deserved. I don’t deserve any bit of happiness anymore.

But Travis…

He makes me feel happy. Not completely. Just flashes. He doesn’t tell me that I need to be someone, or that he wants to save me, he just says he wants to know me and that scares the hell out of me. What if he turns out to be just like
him
? Or what if he finds out about my past? I’ve tried so hard to keep it hidden and buried, but secrets have a way of coming out, and what if this is one of those secrets? I haven’t known him for long, but I like my friendship with Travis. For months I’ve felt so alone, and he makes me feel like I’m not. I don’t want to lose him. It sounds strange, but I become someone else when I’m with him.

Aubrey and the girls make me feel so small. They look at me with their judgmental eyes and their fake smiles, and I know it will never be the same. They’ve been here for two days and I just can’t seem to be around them. It just reminds me of what happened. They remind me of
him
. I can’t be in the same room with them and I can’t contain the emotions that run through me when I am.

Aubrey and I are supposed to be best friends, but she won’t accept the fact that who I was before, well
,
she’s gone. I will never be that girl. I would give anything to be the girl I was before
.
I’d give anything to be happy again, but I need to face the reality of everything. And the reality is I’m stuck in this hell forever.

***

That night was a sleepless one for Annabella. She wished her parents never left. She wasn’t happy before her friends got here, but she was dealing. Not well, but in her own way

Now everything was spinning in slow motion out of control. She wanted nothing more than for everything to be the way it once was. She would love nothing more than to be able to be the way around her friends that she used to be, but she couldn’t go back. She couldn’t erase the past, the filth and disgust that she felt every time she saw her reflection in the mirror. She was a completely different person. That sweet, innocent girl, whose only goal in life was to make a difference and to help people, was gone. Her goals were done and dead.

Giving in, Annabella got out of bed, knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She went to her desk, and began to write. Moments passed by before hearing a knock on her door. It was three thirty in the morning, who could possibly be awake at this hour?

“Come in,” she called in a whisper loud enough for the person behind the door to hear.

She was surprised to see Aubrey. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she wore a tank top and purple pajama shorts.

“Hey,” she whispered. She sounded sad. Annabella felt bad. She imagined it couldn’t be easy on her. All of the sudden, her best friend had a complete change of personality. If the roles had been reversed, Annabella assumed she’d act the same way that Aubrey did. Not that she would ever wish what happened to her on anyone, especially not her best friend. 

“What are you doing up?” Annabella asked, offering her best friend the seat on the futon that was in her room against the wall.

“I couldn’t sleep. Then I went to the bathroom and saw your light on. Bella I’m so sorry,” she said, surprising Annabella

“Why are you apologizing?” she asked, confused. If anyone should be apologizing, it was her. Annabella was the one who’d changed. She’s the one that was letting their friendship drift apart.

“I’ve acted like such a bitch. I know that you never intended to hurt me, or any of us. And I knew that, but that didn’t stop me from treating you so horribly. I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t like how much you’ve changed, and it scares me. You’re not the happy go to girl that you used to be, but I can accept you for who you are. I promise. I just need time to adjust. I don’t want to lose you forever,” Aubrey cried, staring down at her fingers.

It was shocking for Annabella to see Aubrey in the state she was in. She was usually so put together. She was never afraid to tell you what she was thinking, yet here she was pouring her heart out to Annabella and she seemed to be a tad nervous.

“Aubrey, I’m not mad, or even upset. I’m mostly just confused. I thought out of everyone that
you’d
be there for me in my time of need, but you made me feel like such an outsider. You made me feel like everything I was doing was wrong, and you accused me of blowing you off for Travis. I wouldn’t do that. I could
never
do that. I’ve known Travis for all of five minutes. I’ve known you my whole life. Do you have any idea how much it hurt for all of you to disapprove of the person I’ve become?” Annabella asked, pouring her emotions into each and every word.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you, I really am.” Aubrey told her, feeling the guilt and shame that came from her hurting the best friend she ever had.

“Let’s just leave it in the past. We don’t have to spend the next week like this. I mean we might as well spend as much time together as possible, right? You’re leaving in a week’s time,” Annabella said. As hard as seeing her friends was, she loved them deeply and didn’t want to say goodbye yet.

“Actually we’re not.”

“What do you mean?” Annabella asked, shocked.

“Well, it’s summer. Maybe not for you, since you moved and start 3 weeks earlier than us now, but we’re on vacation and we wanted to spend more time with you, your parents even said it was okay. Chelsea, Maxie, Matt and I are all going to stay for a few weeks. Well, that is if it’s okay with you,” Aubrey said cheerfully. It made Annabella smile that she was getting back to her usual self.

“How could I say no when you put it like that? You seem happy,” Annabella told her. Sure, it was difficult for her to be around her friends right now, but at the same time it was difficult for her to be away from them. She was torn. She wasn’t happy in life, but maybe her friends being close would at least get her to a bearable point, and she wasn’t about to make the rest of their lives miserable, just because hers was.

“So, now that we’re back to loving each other and not hating each other, what is up with Travis?”

Annabella smiled at the sound of his name, and she didn’t even know why. “We’re just friends.”

“You’re totally not just friends. Did you see the way he looked at you when you came downstairs after crying? It was like he could behead someone for upsetting you,” Aubrey sang.

“Not true. Anyway I can’t be with anyone right now, and more than that, Matt kissed me,” Annabella confessed to her best friend, relieved that she could finally talk to someone about the awkward moment.

Aubrey’s eyes began to widen, a grin growing on her face. She was always Matt’s number one supporter, and to this day she still believed they belonged together.

“You’re with Matt?” Aubrey asked hopefully.

“Not at all, I told him it was useless to fight for me because in all honesty, I don’t think we’d ever work. Not this time.” Annabella knew her friend was going to have something to say about that statement.

“Travis seems like a cool dude and all, but you and Matt, you belong together. Don’t let that go.”

Annabella felt like screaming. The truth was Travis had nothing to do with it, she didn’t even feel for Travis in that way, at least she didn’t think she did. The fact was that she wasn’t ever going to be able to feel for a guy what a seventeen year old should be able to feel. All she’d see was
him.
She couldn’t bear the touch of any guy on her body. It disgusted her. It was just better if Matt cut all his ties and moved on. Despite everything, Travis or no Travis, she and Matt wouldn’t ever be together again.

She couldn’t bear it.