Authors: Lauren Oliver
Panic (6 page)
After that, Heather went to work. She fed the chickens while Anne instructed her how to scatter the feed, and laughed out loud when the birds piled together, pecking frantically, like one enormous, feathered, many-headed creature.
Anne showed her how to chase the roosters back in the pen before letting out the dogs to run around, and Heather was surprised that Muppet seemed to remember her, and immediately ran several times around her ankles, as though in greeting.
Then there was mucking the stables (as Heather had suspected, this involved horse poop, but it actually wasn’t as bad as she’d thought), and brushing the horses’ coats with special, stiff-bristled brushes. Then helping Anne prune the wisteria, which had begun to colonize the north side of the house. By this time, Heather was sweating freely, even with her sleeves rolled up. The sun was high and hot, and her back ached from bending over and straightening up again.
But she was happy, too—happier than she’d been in forever. She could almost forget that the rest of the world existed, that she’d ever been dumped by Matt Hepley or made the Jump in the first place. Panic. She could forget Panic.
She was surprised when Anne called an end to the day, saying it was almost one o’clock. While Heather waited for Bishop to return for her, Anne fixed her a tuna sandwich with mayonnaise she’d made herself and tomatoes she’d grown in her garden. Heather was afraid to sit down at the table, since she was so dirty, but Anne set a place for her, so she did. She thought it was the best thing she’d ever eaten.
“Hey there, cowgirl,” Bishop said when Heather slid into the car. He still hadn’t changed out of his pajama pants. He made a big show of sniffing. “What’s that smell?”
“Shut up,” she said, and punched him in the arm. He pretended to wince. As Heather rolled down her window, she caught a glimpse of herself in the side mirror. Her face was red and her hair was a mess and her chest was still wet with sweat, but she was surprised to find that she looked kind of . . . pretty.
“How was it?” Bishop asked as they began thumping down the drive again. He’d gotten her an iced coffee from 7-Eleven: lots of sugar, lots of cream, just how she liked it.
She told him—about the runt pig that had ballooned to a huge size, the horses, the chickens and roosters. She saved the tigers for last. Bishop was taking a sip of her coffee and nearly choked.
“You know that’s totally illegal, right?” he said.
She rolled her eyes. “So are the pants you’re wearing. If you don’t tell, I won’t.”
“
These
pants?” Bishop pretended to be offended. “I wore these just for you.”
“You can take them off just for me,” Heather said, and then blushed, realizing how it sounded.
“Anytime,” Bishop said, and grinned at her. She punched him again. She was still fizzy with happiness.
It was a twenty-minute ride back to downtown Carp, if the Motel 6, the post office, and the short string of greasy shops and bars could be counted as a downtown, but Bishop claimed to have figured out a shortcut. Heather went quiet when they turned onto Coral Lake, which couldn’t have been more inaccurately named: there was no water in sight, nothing but fallen logs and patchy, burnt-bare stubs of trees, because of a fire that had raged there several years ago. The road ran parallel to Jack Donahue’s property, and it was bad luck.
Heather had been on Coral Lake only a few times. Trigger-Happy Jack was known for being consistently drunk, and half-insane, and for owning an arsenal of weapons. His property was fenced in and guarded by dogs and who knew what else. When his fence came into view, pushing right up to the road, she half expected him to come banging out of his house and start taking potshots at the car. But he didn’t. Several dogs came running across the yard, though, barking madly. These dogs were nothing like Anne’s. They were skinny, snarling, and mean-looking.
They had almost passed the limits of Trigger-Happy Jack’s property when something caught Heather’s eye.
“Stop!” she nearly screamed. “Stop.”
Bishop slammed on the brakes. “What? Jesus Christ, Heather. What the hell?”
But she was already out of the car, jogging back toward a sagging scarecrow—at least, it
looked
like a scarecrow—dumped on the ground, leaning back against Donahue’s fence. Her stomach was tight with fear, and she had the weirdest sense of being watched. There was something wrong with the dummy. It was too crudely made, too
useless
. There were no farms this side of Coral Lake, no reason for a scarecrow, especially one that looked like it had been dumped from the trunk of a car.
When she reached the scarecrow, she hesitated for a second, like it might suddenly come to life and bite her.
Then she lifted its head, which was slumped forward on a spindly stuffed neck.
In place of features, the scarecrow had words written neatly, in marker, on its blank canvas face.
FRIDAY, MIDNIGHT
.
THE GAME MUST GO ON
.
THE CROWD WAS SMALLER ON FRIDAY NIGHT; THE atmosphere tense, unhappy. Nervous.
There was no beer, no music, no bursts of laughter. Just a few dozen people huddled silently fifty feet down the road from Trigger-Happy Jack’s fence, massed together, lit up white-faced in the glare of the bouncing headlights.
When Bishop cut the engine, Dodge could hear the sound of Nat’s ragged breathing. Dodge had spent the ride over trying to distract her by doing easy magic tricks, like making a joker appear in her jacket pocket and a penny vanish from her palm. Now he said, “Just follow the plan, okay? Follow the plan and everything will be okay.”
Nat nodded, but she looked sick—like she might puke. She was deathly afraid of dogs, she had told him. Also: ladders, heights, darkness, and the feeling you get in the middle of the night when you check your phone and see no one has texted. As far as he could tell, she was pretty much afraid of everything. And yet, she had decided to play. This made him like her even more.
And she had chosen him, Dodge, as her ally.
Bishop said nothing. Dodge wondered what he was thinking. He’d always thought Bishop was nice enough, and book smart for sure, but just like a big dumb guy who followed Heather everywhere. But Dodge was starting to change his mind. During the drive, Bishop’s eyes had clicked to his for a second in the rearview, and Dodge had detected some kind of warning there.
The night was clear and still. The moon was high and halfway to full, and turning everything to silhouette, drawing angles around the fence. Still, it was dark. A flashlight went on and off several times, a silent signal. Heather, Bishop, Nat, and Dodge walked toward it. Dodge had the urge to take Nat’s hand, but Nat was hugging herself tightly.
At least Dodge had had time to plan, to prepare. If Nat hadn’t told him about the dummy Heather had spotted on Tuesday, he might not have known about the newest challenge until this morning.
The email had come to all the players simultaneously from [email protected].
Location: Coral Lake Road
Time: Midnight
Goal: Take a prize from the house.
Bonus: Find the desk in the gun room and take what’s hidden there.
“All right.” Diggin was speaking quietly as they drew up close to the group. They were late. “Players, step forward.”
They did, detaching themselves from the people who had come to watch. Fewer players, fewer spectators. After the bust, everyone was jumpy. And Coral Lake Road was bad luck. Trigger-Happy Jack was bad—all bad. A psycho and a drunk and worse.
Dodge knew he wouldn’t think twice about shooting them.
The beam of a flashlight swept over each of the players in turn. It felt like the minutes were swelling into hours. The counting took forever. Dodge could see Ray Hanrahan, chewing gum loudly, standing on the outer edge of the circle of players. His face was concealed in shadow. Dodge felt a familiar clutch of anger. Strange how it didn’t go away; over the past two years, it just seemed to be growing, like a cancer in his stomach.
“Walsh is missing,” Diggin said finally. “So is Merl.”
“They’re out, then,” someone said.
“It’s midnight.” Diggin was still practically whispering. The wind lifted the trees, hissed at them, as though it knew they were trespassing. The dogs were still quiet, though. Sleeping, or waiting. “The second challenge—”
“Second challenge?” Zev broke in. “What about the water towers?”
“Invalidated,” Diggin said. “Not everyone got to go.”
Zev spat on the ground, and Heather made a noise of protest. Diggin ignored them.
“When I say
go
,” he said.
He paused. For a moment, it seemed that everything went still. Dodge could feel the slow drum of his heart, beating in the hollow of his chest. And as they stood there in the dark, waiting, it occurred to him that here, somewhere in this crowd, were the judges—hiding behind familiar faces, maybe enjoying it.
“Go,”
Diggin said.
“Go!” Dodge said to Heather and Nat, at the same time. Heather nodded and took Nat’s hand; they vanished together into the dark, Nat moving stiff-legged, still limping slightly, like a broken doll.
Dodge made straight for the fence, like they’d agreed, like he’d scoped the place out and knew what he was doing. And as he predicted, a half-dozen people ran after him in silence, doubled over as though, even now, they were being watched.
But much of the group didn’t move right away. They floated aimlessly to the fence, pacing it, watching, too scared to try to climb. They’d all be disqualified for doing nothing. Still, they stood there, watching the dark house, watching the shadow-people climb the fence, everything silent except for the occasional creak of metal, a muttered curse, and the wind.
Dodge was one of the first up the fence. There were other players around him—people grunting and breathing hard, bodies knocking into his—but he ignored them, focused on the bite of chain link on his palms and his breathing and the seconds running forward like water.
It was all about timing. Just like magic tricks: planning, mastery, staying calm under pressure. You could anticipate another person’s response; you could know what people would do, or say, or how they would react, even before they did.
Dodge knew it wouldn’t be long until Donahue came out with a rifle.
At the top of the fence, he hung back, even though his adrenaline was pumping, telling him to go. Several other people—it was too dark to make out faces—dropped and hit the ground first, and even though they barely made a sound, the explosion of barking came right away. Four dogs—no, five—tore out from the back of the house, barking like mad. Dodge felt every second like it had a different taste, a different texture from the second before it, like individual moments were ticking off in his head. Tick. Someone was screaming. There’d be points taken off for that. Tick. Only a few more seconds until the shooting would begin. Tick. Heather and Nat should have reached the hole in the fence by now.
Tick.
He was airborne, and then he felt the impact of the ground and he was up and fumbling for the Mace in his pocket. He didn’t head for the front of the house directly but instead made a loop, circumnavigating the small crowd of players, the dogs going crazy, snarling and snapping. Some of the players were already climbing the fence again, trying to reach the safety of the other side. But Dodge kept going.
Tick.
A dog came at him. He almost didn’t see it; it had its jaws practically around his arm before he pivoted and sprayed it, full-on, in the face. The dog dropped back, whimpering. Dodge kept going.
Tick.
Right on time, a light in the house clicked on. There was a roar—a sound that echoed out even over the chaos and the frantic sounds of barking—and something crashed to the ground. A black shape rocketed out the front door, into the night. Even from a distance of one hundred yards, Dodge could make out the stream of individual curses.
Goddamnmotherfuckingsonsofbitchesgetthehelloffmyyardyoupiecesofshit . . .
Then Jack Donahue—paunchy, shirtless, wearing only a pair of saggy boxers—lifted his rifle and began to fire.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Shots exploded—louder, sharper than Dodge had expected, the first thing that had truly thrown him off guard. He’d never been so close to gunfire.
In the front yard, Trigger-Happy Jack was still screaming.
YoucocksuckersdeadasadoornailI’llburyyouallyoufuckers . . .
Tick.
It wouldn’t be long now. Donahue would call the cops at some point. He’d have to.
Dodge sprinted around the house. His breath was caught somewhere in his throat, like each time he inhaled he was taking in glass. He didn’t know what had happened to the other players, where Ray was, whether anyone had made it inside yet. He thought he heard a whisper in the dark—he assumed Heather and Nat had taken up their positions, as planned.
At the back of the house was a half-rotten porch, cluttered with dark shapes—Dodge vaguely registered a refrigerator before he saw the distended screen door, barely hanging on its hinges. The shots were still cracking through the air. One two three four.
Tick.
He didn’t stop to think. He flung open the door.
He was in.
HEATHER AND NAT REACHED THE PLACE WHERE THE fence veered north, away from the road, just as the dogs began barking. Their timing was already all wrong. And Dodge was counting on them.
“You gotta move faster,” Heather said.
“I’m trying,” Nat said. Heather could hear the strain in her voice.
There was a volley of shouting from the yard—a cry of pain and the snarling of an enraged animal.
Heather felt her pulse beating frantically in her neck. Focus. Focus. Stay calm.
They had reached the portion of the fence they’d prepped yesterday. And no one had followed them. Good.
Dodge had cut a makeshift door in the fence. Heather gave it a solid push and it groaned open, giving her just enough room to squeeze through. Nat followed.
Suddenly Nat froze, her eyes wide, horrified.
“I’m stuck,” she whispered.
Heather whirled around, impatient. Nat’s left sleeve was snagged on the fence. She reached out and tugged it free.
“You’re unstuck,” she said. “Come on.”
But Nat didn’t move. “I—I can’t.” Her face was drawn, terrified. “I’m not even.”
“You’re not
what
?” Heather was losing it. Dodge would be going in any minute; he expected them to stand guard. They’d made a pact. He was helping them; Heather didn’t know why, but she didn’t care, either.
“I’m not even.” Nat’s voice was high-pitched, hysterical. She was still standing, frozen, as though both legs had been rooted to the ground.
That’s when Jack Donahue came blasting from the front door.
Goddamnmotherfuckingsonsofbitchesgetthehelloffmyyardyoupiecesofshit . . .
“Come
on
.” Heather grabbed Nat’s arm and pulled, hard, dragging her across the lawn toward the house, ignoring the sound of Nat’s whimpering, the words she was muttering under her breath. Counting. She was counting up to ten, then down again. Heather dug her nails harder into Nat’s arm, almost wanting to hurt her. Jesus. They were running out of time, and Nat was losing it. She didn’t care about Nat’s ankle, or that Nat was shaking, choking back sobs.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
Heather jerked Nat down and into the shadows as Donahue thundered off the porch, gun up, firing. The light on the porch was white, half-blinding, and made him look like a character from a movie. Heather’s thighs were shaking. She didn’t see Dodge. She couldn’t see anyone—just shapes, blurring together in the darkness, and the small cone of light illuminating Donahue’s back, the curl of hair on his shoulders, his flab, the awful butt of his rifle.
Where was Dodge?
Heather could hardly breathe. She pressed up against the side of the house, rocking her weight back onto her heels, trying to think. There was too much noise.
And she didn’t know if Dodge had made it into the house already. What if he hadn’t? What if he’d screwed up?
“Stay here,” Heather whispered. “I’m going in.”
“Don’t.” Nat turned to her, eyes wide, frantic. “Don’t leave me here.”
Heather gripped her shoulders. “In exactly one minute, if I’m not out yet, I want you to run back to the car. Okay? In exactly one minute.”
She didn’t even know if Nat heard her—and almost didn’t care, at this point. She straightened up. Her body felt bloated and clumsy. And suddenly she registered several things at once: that the shots had happened, and were no longer happening; that the front door had just opened and closed with a firm
click
. Someone had gone in.
Immediately, her body turned to ice. What if Dodge
was
inside? She, Heather, was supposed to have been watching. She was supposed to have whistled if Donahue approached.
But the front door had opened and closed. And she had not whistled.
She was no longer thinking. Instinctively, she pulled herself onto the porch and opened the front door and slipped inside, into the hall. It stank of BO and old beer, and it was pitch-dark. Donahue had turned on a light earlier—that she had noticed, a bad omen—so why had he turned it off? Her heart surged into her throat and she reached out with her hands, grazed both walls lightly with her fingertips, centering herself in the hallway. She swallowed.
She took several steps forward and heard a rustling, the creak of a footstep. She froze, expecting at any second for the lights to click on, for the barrel of a gun to shine directly at her heart. Nothing happened.
“Dodge?” she risked whispering into the dark.
Footsteps crossed quickly toward her. She fumbled along the wall and hit a doorknob. The door opened easily and she slipped out of the hall, closing the door as quietly as possible, holding her breath. But the footsteps kept going. She heard the front door creak open and close.
Was it Donahue? Dodge? Another player?
Here, moonlight filtered in through a large, curtainless window, and Heather suddenly sucked in a breath. The walls were covered with metal, glinting dully in the milky light. Guns. Guns mounted to the walls, hanging from upended deer hooves, crisscrossing the ceiling. The gun room. She thought it even smelled faintly like gunpowder, but she might have been imagining it.
The room was cluttered with workbenches and overstuffed chairs, bleeding stuffing onto the floor. Underneath the window was a large desk. Heather felt as if the air in the room were suddenly too thin; she felt breathless and dizzy, remembering the email she’d received that morning.
Bonus: Find the desk in the gun room and take what’s hidden there.
Heather moved across the room to the desk, navigating the clutter of objects. She began with the drawers on the sides—right, and then left. Nothing.
The shallow central drawer was loose, as though from frequent use. The gun was curled there, like an enormous black beetle, shiny, hard-backed.
The bonus.
She reached in, hesitated—then seized it quickly, like it might bite her. Heather felt nausea rising in her throat. She hated guns.
“What are you doing?”
Heather spun around. She could just see Dodge silhouetted in the doorway, although it was too dark to make out his face.
“Shhh,” Heather whispered. “Keep your voice down.”
“What the hell are you
doing
?” Dodge took two steps across the room. “You were supposed to keep watch.”
“I was.” Before Heather could explain further, Dodge cut her off.
“Where’s Natalie?”
“Outside,” Heather said. “I thought I heard—”
“Was this some kind of a trick?” Dodge spoke quietly, but Heather could hear the edge in his voice. “You guys get me to do the dirty work, then sneak in and grab the bonus? So you could get ahead?”
Heather stared at him.
“What?”
“Don’t screw with me, Heather.” Two more steps and Dodge was there, directly in front of her. “Don’t lie to me.”
Heather fought for breath. Tears were pushing at the back of her eyes. She knew they were being too loud. Too loud. Everything was all wrong. The gun in her hand felt awful, cold but also alive, like some alien creature that might suddenly roar to life.
“What are
you
doing here?” she finally said. “You were supposed to get proof for us and get out.”
“I
heard
something,” Dodge fired back. “I thought it might be one of the other players—”
The lights came on.
Jack Donahue was standing in the doorway, eyes wild, chest slick with sweat. Then he was shouting and the barrel of the gun was swinging toward them and there was an explosion of glass, and Heather realized Dodge had just hurled a chair straight through the window. Everything was fracture, roar, blur.
“Go, go, go!” Dodge was shouting, pushing Heather toward the window.
Heather threw herself shoulder-first into the night. She heard a second explosion and felt a spray of soft wood as she went through the window, felt pain slice through her arm and an immediate dampness pooling in her armpit. Dodge hauled her to her feet and they were running, fleeing into the night, toward the fence, while Jack shouted after them and sent two more shots off into the dark.
Through the fence—gasping, panting—to the road, mostly empty of cars. There was the dazzle, the wide sweep of headlights. Heather recognized Bishop’s car. Nat suddenly materialized in front of her, backlit, like a kind of dark angel.
“Are you okay?” Her voice was wild, urgent. “Are you okay?”
“We’re okay,” Heather answered for both of them. “Let’s go.”
Then they were in the car and moving quickly, bumping over the country roads. For several minutes they were quiet, listening to the distant sound of police sirens. Heather gritted her teeth every time they hit a rut. She was bleeding. A piece of glass had sliced the soft skin of her inner arm.
She still had the gun. Somehow, it had ended up in her lap. She kept staring at it, bewildered, half in shock.
“Jesus Christ,” Bishop finally said when they had put several miles behind them, and the noise of the sirens was lost beneath the quiet shushing of the wind through the trees. “Holy shit. That was crazy.”
All of a sudden, the tension broke. Dodge started whooping and Nat began to cry and Heather rolled the windows down and laughed like a maniac. She was relieved, grateful,
alive
—sitting in the warm backseat of Bishop’s car, which smelled like soda cans and old gum.
Bishop told them about nearly pissing himself when Trigger-Happy Jack came barreling out of the house; he told them that Ray had cracked one of the dogs with a huge rock and sent it whimpering off into the dark. But half the kids never even made it over the fence, and he thought Byron Welcher might have been mauled. It was hard to tell in the dark, with all the chaos.
Dodge told them about getting so close to Donahue; he thought for sure he’d be shot in the skull. But Donahue was enraged, and probably drunk. He wasn’t aiming well. “Thank God,” Dodge said, laughing.
Dodge had stolen three items from the kitchen—a butter knife, a saltshaker, and a shot glass shaped like a cowboy boot—to prove they’d all been in the house. He gave Nat the shot glass and Heather the butter knife, and kept the saltshaker for himself. He made Bishop pull over and placed the saltshaker on the dashboard, so he could get a good picture of it.
“What are you doing?” Heather asked. Her brain still felt like it was wrapped in a wet blanket.
Dodge passed over the phone wordlessly. Heather saw that Dodge had emailed the photo to [email protected], subject line: PROOF. Heather shivered. She didn’t like thinking of the mysterious judges—invisible, watching, judging them.
“What about the gun?” Dodge said.
“The gun?” Nat repeated.
“Heather found it,” Dodge said neutrally.
“Dodge and I found it at the same time,” she said automatically. She didn’t know why. She could feel Dodge staring at her.
“You should both get credit, then,” Nat said.
“
You
take the picture, Heather,” Dodge said. His voice was slightly gentler. “You send it.”
Heather arranged the shot glass and the gun on her lap, clumsily, with one arm. Her stomach tightened. She wondered if the gun was loaded. Probably. So weird to have a weapon so close. So weird to see it
sitting
there. She’d been a year old when her dad shot himself—probably with a gun just like this one. She had a paranoid fear that it might go off on its own, exploding the night into noise and pain.
Once the picture was sent, Bishop asked, “What are you going to do with the gun?”
“Keep it, I guess.” But she didn’t like the idea of having a gun in her house, waiting, smiling its metal smile. And what if Lily found it?
“You can’t
keep
it,” he said. “You
stole
it.”
“Well, what
should
I do with it?” Heather felt panic welling inside her. She had broken into Donahue’s house. She had stolen something that was worth a lot of money. People went to jail for shit like that.
Bishop sighed. “Give it to me, Heather,” he said. “I’ll get rid of it for you.”
She could have hugged him. She could have kissed him. Bishop shut the gun in the glove box.
Now everyone was quiet. The dashboard clock glowed green. 1:42. The roads were all dark except for the sickly cone of the headlights. The land was dark too, on either side of them—houses, trailers, whole streets swallowed up by blackness, like they were traveling through an endless tunnel, a place with no boundaries.
It started to rain. Heather leaned her head against the window. At some point, she must have fallen asleep. She dreamed of falling into the dark, slick throat of an animal, and of trying to cut herself out of its belly with a butter knife, which turned into a gun in her hands, and went off.