Paint It Black (12 page)

The walls of my own conference room seemed to swell and pulse while I watched Grady yank the coat from her shoulders.

She wore nothing beneath.

He backed her to the table and lifted her up on it, kissing her with a fervor he hadn’t shown me in years. He fumbled with his belt and dropped his pants. Her long legs locked around his waist.

Sweat beaded my forehead though my body had
turned to ice. I couldn’t breathe.

The room started to sparkle, little flashes of color like the glitter from Abby’s dance shoes.

The next thing I knew, I was hanging halfway out the eighth-story window.

“Breathe, honey,” Tucker was saying. “Breathe.”

A gust of cold air slapped me in the face, and the bands around my chest loosened a bit. I took a hard gulp that burned my lungs, then another. I don’t know how long we stood there like that before I told him I was okay.

Tucker hauled me back inside. Moans and shrieks echoed from the TV, but I couldn’t look at them anymore. This time I didn’t try to stop Tucker when he jabbed the power button.

He let loose a stream of obscenities that would’ve been funny under other circumstances. Mild-mannered Tucker swearing like Cougar. He pushed me into a chair and wiped a hand down his flushed face.

“Okay,” he said, like he was trying to devise a plan. “Okay … so what are you going to do?”

I cracked my knuckles. “I’m going to throw his ass out.”

“Fine. I’ll help. So will Cougar and Ubi. We’ll make sure he doesn’t give you any trouble.”

“No, Tuck …” I stood, and he did, too. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“But—”

“Please.”

Tucker stared at the darkened television. “What if the tape’s a fake? Just something to rattle your cage? I can get Eric in the lab to look it over. He won’t say anything.”

“I don’t need the lab to look at it,” I said, and moved to extract the tape from the player.

All I needed to see was my husband’s face.

“Necie …” Tucker grimaced, then folded me into his arms. I hugged him back.

Someone coughed behind us. Cougar frowned from the doorway. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked, his blue eyes flashing.

I pulled away from Tucker. “Uh, no. You’re not interrupting.” Unable to think of an explanation, I grabbed my purse, shoved the videotape inside, and headed toward the door. “See you guys later. I need to run home.”

Cougar wordlessly stepped aside.

“Necie, wait!” Tucker said, but I pretended like I didn’t hear. I needed to talk to Grady alone.

Bill was in the elevator. He smiled and glanced at his watch. “Lunchtime already?”

“No, I … something came up. I have to run home.”

He squinted at me. “Everything okay?”

I took a deep breath. “No. And I need to talk to you about my leave.”

“I put it on Sandra’s desk. It should go through sometime this week.”

“Can you tear it up?”

Bill lifted his eyebrows, then he grinned. “You bet I can. But what changed your mind?”

“Most single moms can’t afford to take a leave like that, especially working for the DEA.”

His smile faded. “Oh, honey … I’m sorry.”

“Me, too. Sorry for myself… mostly, sorry for Abby.”

The elevator stopped, and Bill glanced at the light. “My floor. Listen, is there anything I can do?”

“Just tear up that request.” I waved before the door slid shut.

In the parking lot, I was fumbling for my keys when someone grabbed my shoulder. I turned, half-expecting to see Cougar, but it was a panting Tucker.

“Necie … I was afraid … I wouldn’t catch you.”

I gaped at his red face. “Did you just run eight flights of stairs?”

Tucker leaned against my car. “Yeah. I don’t want you to go alone. Damn, when did I get this old?”

I punched his arm. “I’ll be okay. I’m armed and dangerous, remember?

Tucker studied me with grave eyes. “Anne Marie told me what Grady did at the hospital.”

“How did she—never mind. I bet we were the talk of the hospital.”

Tucker grinned. “I think maybe Anne Marie and I are, but you were second.” He sobered. “She only told me because she was worried about you.”

“He won’t hurt me. I won’t let him.”

Tucker held up his palms. “At least let me take you home. I’ll get Anne Marie to come get me. You can call the school and give us permission to pick up Abby. We’ll take her to a movie or something so you can do what you need to do.”

I sighed. That
would
make things easier. I handed him my keys. “Okay. Thanks.”

We didn’t talk much on the way home. I kept replaying the image of Grady and Maria in my mind. In my heart, I knew the tape was real, but I wanted him to have to look me in the eye and tell me himself.

Tucker hugged me before he left, and Anne Marie did, too, though we barely knew one another. Tucker told me he’d call before they headed back with Abby, but looking into his worried face, I figured he’d call before that. I waved good-bye to them and sat on the couch to wait on Grady. He walked in at half past twelve, carrying a sack of burgers. The smell of grease and onions made me queasy. I turned on the TV.

“I was hoping I’d beat you here,” he said. “Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“C’mon.” He waved the bag in front of me. “Let’s eat, then we’ll talk.”

“I’d rather watch a movie.” My eyes never left Grady’s face while I pressed the play button. I hadn’t
rewound it. The room filled with the sound of Maria’s shrieks and Grady’s grunts. The color drained from his face. His eyes darted from the screen to me, and his Adam’s apple bobbed while he swallowed.

“You bastard,” I said, and pitched the remote as hard as I could at his head. He threw up his arms to protect his face, and I heard a loud crack when the remote struck his watch.

All the things I’d wanted to say to him flew from my mind. I couldn’t even stand to look at him. My sneakers thudded against the steps as I raced upstairs.

I yanked a suitcase from beneath the bed and unlatched it with a shaking hand. Grady filled the doorway while I moved toward the closet.

“Necie, you can’t leave.”

“I’m not leaving, you are.” I jerked an armful of his suits from the closet and threw them at the suitcase. Some of them fell to the floor, but I didn’t slow.

“Necie …”

“What?” I turned on him. “It’s not what I think? Come on, Grady. Surely you can do better than that.”

“It was only sex,” he said softly. He walked inside the room, and I shot him a warning glance. “I’ve regretted it since the day it happened.”

I swiped my nose with the back of my hand. “Somehow I missed that part on the tape.” I strode toward his sock drawer.

“Necie, just…” Before I realized what he was doing, Grady was beside me. He seized my wrists. “Stop and listen to me!”

I yanked free of him. “Listen to what? There is
nothing
you can say to make this okay.” The tears I’d sworn I wouldn’t cry stung my eyes. “She’s my half sister, Grady. You knew who she was.”

“She came to me, wanting to talk about you … It wasn’t something I planned, Necie.”

I sneered and shoved him out of my way.

His eyes narrowed. “How did you get that tape anyway? Were you having me followed?”

“Oh, please. How do you think I got that tape? She set you up, Grady. I found it at work. I’m just glad I found it before the whole place saw it.” He rubbed his hands over his face, and I resumed packing. “You’ve suspected me of sleeping with Angel and Cougar and God knows who else, but all this time it’s been you. How did you get the gall to do that?”

“Necie, I’m sorry. Sorry for everything.”

I stiffened my spine and stared him down. “There’s nothing you can say.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and covered his face with his hands. When I saw his shoulders shake, I felt nothing except contempt.

I shoved everything I could into the suitcase and the rest into a duffel bag.

Finally he lifted his head. “What about the AA meeting tomorrow night? I can’t do this without you.”

I was through letting him guilt-trip me. “You can if you love your daughter.”

“What about Abby?” he said.

“You can see her all you like as long as you stay sober.”

“What do you think this will do to her?”

I gritted my teeth. “Don’t try to use her against me, not with this. She’s the only reason I’ve stayed this long.”

Anger flashed in Grady’s eyes. “I get it. You don’t give a damn about me.” He shook his head. “And you wonder why I looked somewhere else … You don’t care about me, and I love you so much it hurts.”

I laughed. “Huh, that’s another thing I missed on that tape. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention.” I picked up the duffel bag and threw it in his lap. “Get the hell out of my house.”

He gave me another long, sad look, then he did.

I locked the door behind him and called Tucker to check on Abby. I realized I mostly felt relieved that Grady was gone, then felt guilty for that.

Explaining to Abby that her daddy wouldn’t be living with us anymore was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. I tried to explain that he would always love her and would always be part of her life, but I saw the fear in her eyes. I let her sleep in my bed that night, and tried to reassure her that everything would be all right. As I
stared at the ceiling, I wondered if that were true.

I awoke the next morning to a pounding head and a stiff shoulder from sleeping on my side all night. Abby barely spoke on the way to school. Her little face looked strained and grim, and all I could think of were the words I’d said to Grady.

There is nothing you can say to make this okay
.

My daughter’s life would be changed forever. When I’d found out I was pregnant with her, I’d vowed that she’d have a better childhood than mine. She’d have the things she needed, including a stable home with both parents. Looking at her slumped shoulders, I felt like a failure.

I was halfway to work when I realized today was Barnes’s preliminary hearing. Dismayed, I glanced down at my jeans and rumpled T-shirt. Not exactly the sort of garb that would impress a judge. Bill might shoot me on the spot. I made an illegal turn in a fire lane and raced back home to change.

Twenty minutes later, I jockeyed for a position in the overcrowded elevator between two smelly vice cops and a cleaning crew. My shoes pinched my toes, and I’d poked a fingernail through my only pair of hose in my haste to get them on. Not wanting to go bare-legged in November, I’d twisted them around so the run was in the back. At least I could pretend I didn’t know if someone pointed it out.

My surly mood didn’t improve when I found the note
on my locker announcing one of Bill’s special meetings, attendance mandatory. I clacked down the hall in my heels toward the conference room. Cougar and Linda were already inside, but at least I’d beat Bill there.

“Hey, guys,” I said breathlessly and plopped down next to Linda.

“Hey,” Linda replied, but Cougar never glanced around. He slouched in his chair and stared straight ahead at the blank dry-erase board.

“What’s this about?” I was looking at Cougar when I said it, but he didn’t answer.

“I don’t know,” Linda said.

Cougar checked his watch and grumbled, “He’d better fuckin’ hurry.”

I elbowed Linda. “Who peed in his Cheerios?”

Cougar twisted to glare at me, and my jaw dropped when I saw the shiner on his left eye. “Whoa! What happened to you?”

He turned back to the board and bounced his pen on the table in a hard rat-a-tat-tat. “None of your business.”

I held up my hands. “Fine, then. Sorry I asked.”

Bill wandered in, scribbling notes on his clipboard as he walked. He bumped into the podium, readjusted it, then smiled at us. He blinked when he looked at Cougar, but all he said was, “Where’s Tucker?”

Cougar leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah, Necie, where’s Tucker?”

I frowned at his tone. “How am I supposed to know?”

“I’m right here.”

I turned to look at Tucker, who sounded as grouchy as Cougar, and got my second surprise of the day. His lip was swollen and an ugly red scrape colored his cheekbone.

“Is something going on here I need to know about?” Bill asked.

“No,” they said in unison.

Tucker took the seat farthest from Cougar, which happened to be the one to my immediate right. Cougar grunted and shifted in the other direction.

“Okay,” Bill said. “Ubi’s at the hospital, so you guys can fill him in. Necie and Tucker, he’ll be with you two backing up John David’s unit at the warehouse next week.”

“Wait.” Linda turned to me. “Thought you were taking a leave?”

“Not anymore.”

“Whoo hooo!” Linda pumped a fist in the air, and both Tucker and Bill smiled. I didn’t look around to see Cougar’s reaction.

“Hey.” Linda leaned forward, her gray eyes animated. “So, do you want to swap assignments? This undercover stuff makes me nervous. I can brief you.”

“When’s it going down?” I asked.

“Tomorrow night.”

I felt trapped. On the one hand, I didn’t want to be away from Abby right now, but on the other, I didn’t
want to give them the impression that I thought I could pick and choose my assignments.

As if reading my mind, Bill said, “It’s just a meet and greet right now. I don’t think it will be a long assignment.”

“Okay,” I said. “Sounds great.”

Bill gave Tucker and Linda their files and a quick summary before dismissing them. “Go on. I’ll catch Necie up.”

After Linda shut the door behind them, Bill said, “I’m glad it worked out like this. Nothing against Linda—she’s a fine agent—but this is more your speed, Necie. If Massey got a nervous read off her, the whole thing would be blown.”

I cracked my knuckles. “So what’s the job? Routine buy?”

Bill took his glasses off and rubbed them on his shirttail. “Not exactly. Aaron Massey is hawking a cure for cocaine addiction. Fast, no withdrawals, no major side effects. The hell of it is, we think it lives up to its promise for about 40 percent of his clientele.”

“And the other 60 percent?”

Bill shook his head. “Dead. We think he’s piled up five bodies from Fort Lauderdale to here, but we don’t have enough to prove it.”