Pain Lived, Love Found 2 (17 page)

“Don’t be. I will keep you safe.” I wish there was a way I could make her believe me, but Sarah gave me a disbelieving look and said, “You keep saying that like it’s going to solve everything.”

“Because it will. I told you, I have my men all around, providing round the clock protection to you and your family. I’m going to handle Carter once and for all so we can all move on with our lives.”

“So you’re going to kill him.”

“If I have to, yes.”

The way she looked at me tore me up on the inside. It was a mixture of fear, disappointment, and disbelief.

“I know that’s not what you wanted to hear, but I will be nothing but honest with you, Sarah, and I hope you will be the same with me. I’ve done some bad things in my past, I’ve told you that already. Carter is not the type of man that will just go away and stay away, and you know this. I will do whatever needs to be done to make sure he can never threaten you, me, or anyone else again. I hope you understand that I have no other choice.”

We held each other’s gaze for a moment before Sarah spoke. “I do understand. Your hands are tied, and Carter isn’t going to go away unless something drastic is done. But why does it have to be you, why can’t it be someone else, Roman? You’re not that man anymore. I can see it in your eyes that you don’t want to do this,” Sarah stressed.

“You’re right, I don’t want to do this, but he crossed the line coming after you, Sarah. He knows I care about you and he was watching us at the art museum long before we even noticed he was there.”

“You care about me? You have a shitty way of showing it.” She’s cynical and pissed, and that nasty eye roll she just gave me confirmed it. Sarah returned her attention to the window, watching the waves slowly roll up to the shoreline.

I rubbed the back of my neck as I prepared myself for a huge fight. “I’ve asked you this before, Sarah, and I’ll ask it again. What do you want?”

“What do I want? What do you want? You can’t keep kissing me and getting me all hot and bothered and then push me away like I’m some disease! I have feelings, Roman. When I told you I missed you, I meant that. You can’t keep yanking me around and think I’m going to be ok with it because I’m not.”

I saw the anger and hurt in her eyes, but I was angry too. “You’re the one who told me that you weren’t ready for anything, but yet you called me and agreed to be my date for the charity event!” I yelled back.

“Yes, I did because I had a change of heart, and had our evening not been interrupted by Carter I would have shared that information with you! Everything went to hell that night because of Carter. What I want...I want to give us a try, Roman. That’s what I want.” Her voice had softened as did her eyes and I knew she meant what she said.

I leaned across the table and looked into Sarah’s beautiful eyes and said, “Are you sure? This isn’t a game to me.”

“I’m sure,” she said, smiling at my warning.

I reached across the table and caressed her soft face before I picked up her hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it, our eyes never leaving each other.

Roman and I ordered our lunch and had a wonderful time talking about everything from our childhoods: where we went to school, our favorite cereals, sports, music - everything. I learned that he hates Brussels sprouts and bananas, but loves asparagus and red meat in all forms. He’s a true meat-and-potatoes man. I also learned that Roman likes old comedies like The Carol Burnett Show, Sanford and Son, SNL in the ‘80s, and a few modern comedies from today. We discovered that we have similar tastes in many things, the main one being our mutual love of sweets. What surprised me the most is I found out that Roman Mancini is a closet nerd. He loves gadgets and modern technology, and he likes sci-fi TV shows and movies. I couldn’t stop smiling when he confessed this to me when we were done eating our lunch.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Roman had a sheepish grin on his face.

“I just think it’s cute that you, this big manly man, are a secret nerd.”

“A secret nerd?” he laughed.

“How many other people know this about you?” I asked.

“My brothers and Ace,” he admitted.

“Then you’re a secret nerd.” I couldn’t stop the giggle that followed.

Roman laughed, and it was music to my ears. The tips of his ears had turned red from him blushing, and I thought it was so adorable. I don’t think we have ever been this relaxed with one another, and it felt good.

“So Leo gave you some time off. I think now would be a good time for you to take a trip, Sarah, maybe even get out of the country,” Roman said in a serious tone.

How did we go from laughing and having a great time getting to know one another, to me taking a vacation out of the country? “Excuse me?” I replied in return.

“I think now is a good time for you to go away while I handle Carter. I don’t want you near any of this, Sarah.”

“So you think sending me far away to worry sick about you will make things better? I’m not going anywhere, Roman, especially without you.” I wasn’t budging on this. Not by a longshot.

“Sarah…” Roman began; but I cut him off.

“I’m not that chick, Roman. I don’t run and I don’t hide. We’re in this together.”

Roman looked at me for a moment before he gave me a sexy grin. “I know you’re tough and you’re not some damsel in distress, but this is my way of keeping you safe, that’s all,” Roman said.

I softened my voice and said, “I’m safe when I’m with you.” I reached out and laced our fingers together and caressed the top of his hand with my thumb in slow circles. I watched as Roman’s eyes darkened at my simple caress.

“We’ll talk more about this later,” he said, clearing his throat. “I should get you home.”

“I think we should stay.”

I didn’t hide the meaning behind my words as I looked him directly in his eyes. We’re at a bed and breakfast. They have rooms, and I wanted this man more than my next breath. I could see it in his eyes that he felt the same way. He reminded me of a caged animal itching to be let loose, and I would love nothing more than to be ravished by Roman Mancini.

“You don’t know what you’re asking for,” Roman warned.

“Yes, I do,” I replied, firmly.

“No, you don’t. Listen to me - I want you, all of you, but I don’t want to rush anything between us either. You’re more than just a roll in the hay to me, Sarah. Whenever we take that next step, I want it to mean something to the both of us. I want it to happen because what we feel for each other is real and deep, not because we’re horny.  Do you understand what I’m saying?” His eyes were gentle and pleading, and his words made me fall for him even more. That was the sweetest rejection I’ve ever heard. Granted I was very disappointed and quite horny, I appreciated him wanting our first time together to be special.

“I do get what you’re saying, and I think it’s very sweet and chivalrous of you,” I responded, as I smiled shyly.

“Trust me; this isn’t easy for me, Sarah. Turning you down is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life,” Roman said as he stood up and walked over to me to help me up as well. He took my hand and laced our fingers. He paid for our food and we began to slowly walk down the winding path to his car. As we walked, I noticed another path that led to a beach area. I stopped walking and looked up at Roman.

“Let’s go down there, just for a little bit.”

Smiling down at me he replied, “Okay.”

Once we were at the beach I took my shoes off and dug my toes into the warm sand.

Roman stopped and took off his expensive dress shoes and socks and rolled up his pants. Hand-in-hand, we walked the beach, talking about our lives, sharing our hopes and dreams with one another.

“I never wanted kids because I thought I’d be a terrible mother. My mother took care of us physically, but emotionally it was like she was cut off. All of her emotions and love went to our no- good father. I also know that I’m a selfish person, so I was scared that I wouldn’t give a child the love and attention they would need. So I never had kids, even though I love them,” I shared.

“What about now? Would you want to have any now?” Roman asked.

“I’m too old to have kids, Roman. They consider getting pregnant at the age of thirty as being high risk, and I’m forty-three. There’s the risk of birth defects, miscarriage, infertility…”

Roman had stopped walking and faced me with a shocked look on his face. “Wait. You’re how old?” he asked.

“I’m forty-three. Is that a problem?” I asked, with a defensive hand on my hip.

“No, not at all. I just thought you were younger...much younger! You look like you’re thirty, if not younger!” Roman replied in disbelief.

“You sure know how to make an old lady blush! Thank you, Mr. Mancini, you just scored one thousand brownie points with me,” I laughed.

“Seriously, Sarah, you look amazing, and you’re not old. Women in their forties have children all the time,” Roman reassured as he caressed my cheek with his warm hand.

“Thank you and I know they do, but there are so many risks involved now. And who knows what my drug and alcohol abuse has done to my body on the inside. You can’t forget about that. I’d be open to adoption. There are so many kids in foster care, kids who come from abusive homes that need a loving home, and I’d be willing to provide that one day.”

A curious look came over Roman’s face at my words and his face became serious. “Really? You mean that?” he asked.

“I do.”

“I think that’s great. I’d be willing to adopt too.” We stood there and smiled at one another for a moment before we continued our walk. On our way back to the car Roman stopped and took me into his arms and kissed me. It was sweet, potent, and full of promise. Once again he got me hot and bothered and ready to jump his bones. I let out a frustrated moan when the kiss deepened, and I pulled away.

“You can’t keep kissing me that way and expect me to not want you. That’s not fair,” I panted.

Roman rested his forehead against mine, breathing equally hard. “I know, and you’re right. I’m sorry. Damn your soft, sweet lips,” he moaned, as he rubbed my ass.

“And you need to stop doing that too, Roman. You can’t touch me period. It’s too much.” I watched him frown as I backed away from him.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not. I’m a woman with needs, needs I haven’t had fulfilled in a very long time. I’ve never felt this strongly about a man the way I feel about you, so if we’re going to wait then I’m going to need you to keep your hands to yourself. You drive me crazy.”

I swear I could see Roman’s ego ballooning before my very eyes as he looked at me. His eyes were twinkling with pride and his smile was devilish. “I will try. That’s all I can give you,” he finally responded.

“Just remember that you set these rules, not me.” I took his hand and we began to walk again.

“Leo has a crush on you, you know.”

“We’re not having this discussion.” I replied as I watched the seagulls fly over the lake.

“You know it too, don’t you?”

Roman suddenly stopped walking and forced me to face him.

I looked him in the eyes with a frown of my own and said, “That’s not even the point. Your jealousy isn’t appreciated.” I felt the beginnings of another argument between us and I’m too emotionally drained to go through another round with Roman.

His eyes squinted and his nostrils flared. “So you like him too? Is that it? You looked awfully comfortable in his arms when I walked in on your intimate moment.”

“Got damn you Roman! Why are you doing this? I thought we were past all of this!” I was beyond exasperated with this man.

“Because you’re mine Sarah and I don’t share! I will never share you, do you understand me? Seeing another man’s hands on you drove me crazy! I wanted to kill Leo for touching you. I’m not a jealous man, but that…that did something to me. I tied to leave it alone and ignore it, but I couldn’t. Then the way he spoke of you in our meeting – that’s when I knew for a fact he has feelings for you.”

I looked up into Roman’s face in total disbelief. I knew he wasn’t happy when he walked in on Leo and me, but I thought he dismissed it. Clearly I was wrong. At the same time I couldn’t help being turned on by his jealousy and declaration that I belonged to him.

“I don’t know what to tell you Roman. I don’t want Leo, and however he may feel towards me is his problem, not mine. He’s a great guy, and he’s family but that’s it. As far as your caveman declaration of me belonging to you, that may have worked when I was in my twenties, but I’m too old for that shit now.”

I began to walk away from him with a smirk on my lips. I was so proud of myself for managing to utter that lie with a straight face.

Roman caught up to me and pulled me back to him. “I’ll give you an “A” for effort, but I know when you’re lying to me Sarah. You and I both know that if I reached under your skirt right now and ran my fingers over your pussy I would feel nothing but your sweet nectar soaking through your panties. Should I check now?” He asked in a low, seductive voice. His hand was on a slow journey down my thigh and now raising the hem of my skirt up. My breath hitched in my throat at the truth of his words, and the way he was backing up his words. We both knew he was right, it was just a matter of if and when I was going to put an end to the charade before things went too far. His fingers were now caressing the silky skin of my thighs; his eyes dark with passion as he studied me.

My breathing became uneven as my pulse raced frantically. I wanted this man so bad I could taste it, and having his hand on me in such an intimate manner drove me crazy. I knew I needed to stop him, but Lord help me I wanted him to touch me there. Finally I threw in the towel. I closed my eyes and said, “I hate you.”

I heard Roman’s sexy chuckle before he reluctantly removed his hand. I suppressed my moan of protest and opened my eyes to look at him. He pulled my body flush to his. “Tell me you’re mine, Sarah.” His voice was raspy, but his demand was serious.

He brought his lips within inches to mine, his warm breath wafting on my face. I was dizzy with desire for this man and could no longer think straight.

In a soft voice I answered him, “I’m yours, Roman.”

No sooner than the last word escaped my lips, Roman had claimed my mouth in a passionate, possessive kiss.