Owning Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC Series Book 4) (8 page)

I smile even though Jax can’t see me. It’s not for him, anyway. The fact that Mack not only tasked this man with my safety, but to also take me anywhere I wanted to go and buy anything I needed is sweet. I’ve never had anyone care about my safety or if I had even the bare essentials before, so this is a nice change.

Getting in my car, I wait until I see Jax ready on his bike before I start my car. Pulling out of the parking lot, I don’t even bother to look around the lot trying to spot ghosts from my past. For better or worse, things are about to change. I can feel it in the air, in my blood, down in my soul. I just hope that it doesn’t end up killing me.

***

It took us a little under an hour before we pass the sign that said
‘Welcome to Dixon—Home of the Few.’
I have no idea what the saying on the sign means, but I’m making a note to ask Mack or someone else about it later.

Jax gives me some hand signal just past the city limits. I wish I knew biker hand signs, but since I don’t, I’ll just have to suffice with following him. Hopefully that’s what his little hand motion was.

We start to slow down and I think we are getting close to the clubhouse, but we continue to drive for what feels like hours. Or maybe it’s just me and my over-tired brain.

Finally, I spot a huge building that looks like it could be Fort Knox’s twin. The lot in front of it is filled with bikes and a few cars, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is the clubhouse. Jax doesn’t disappoint as he pulls into said parking lot and stops right in front of the doors.

I’m not sure if I should follow him or choose one of the few parking spots left, but I go with the former. Someone else can move my car if it’s in the way. I’m too fucking tired to care right now.

Jax unmounts from his bike, then walks the few feet over to my car. “Home sweet home,” he says as he opens my door.

“Yeah, thanks,” I say, not really sure what else to say. Yes, this will be the place I lay my head down for the next few weeks or so, but home? I don’t think I’ve ever really had a place I’d consider home. Definitely not the place I was raised. That was more of a purgatory than home. And my dorm during college was just a place I rested my head between classes and clinicals. And my apartment after that? That was—
is
—my place, but I don’t think I’ve ever referred to it as a home.

I follow Jax toward the front door and notice he still has my bag. It’s slung over his shoulder like it’s his. I should take it back or at least thank him for carrying it for me even though it probably would have been easier for me to just put in my backseat, but I let him carry it. I’m not even sure my tired body could carry the damn thing.

Right before we make it to the door, it opens and out walks one of the women I’ve seen at the hospital visiting Mack. It’s Dani—Mack’s daughter.

“Hey Jax, how was the ride here?” she asks my escort, before looking past him and right at me. I see a look of surprise cross her face before she covers it up with a smile. “Nurse Rose. I didn’t know you were the one Mack hired to oversee the rest of his care.” There’s no malice in her voice. She’s truly surprised I’m here. Does she not think I’m capable of taking care of her father? Or did she just not think I’d agree?

“Yeah, well, your father drives a hard bargain.” No sense in asking what she meant. I highly doubt she’d tell me even if I did ask, and frankly, I don’t really care about her answer. All she needs to know is that Mack needed an in-home nurse and here I am. Simple as that.

Dani laughs, then links her arm through mine, leading me into the building. “That he does, girl. That he does,” she says.

We clear the door and walk into a big common room that looks like a full-on bar. There are tables and chairs scattered all over, and there are a few booths around the edges of the room. I can see at least two pool tables, a few couches, and even a stage on one end equipped with a stripper pool. Holy shit! What the hell am I walking into?

The bar is long and tall. I think it’s made from mahogany, or something similar. It’s very nice. Just looking at the bar, you’d think you were in some fancy restaurant, not inside an outlaw MC’s clubhouse.

Looking around the bar, I see a lot of people. Some are drinking beer, some have something stronger, and some are walking around with soda cans. But the one thing that is the same; they all have smiles on their faces. They all look happy, like they’ve each won the lottery or something. It’s so strange, but it’s also amazing.

I’ve seen people who are happy before. Maybe about getting a promotion or they were proposed to by their boyfriend. But it doesn’t last and in a way, it always seems fake. This right here? This isn’t fake. I don’t know if this is the way they all are all the time, or if this is because Mack is home, but it’s nice to see. It makes me feel happy just witnessing it.

Doing another glance around, I don’t see Mack among the dozens of faces. If this is a party for him, which I would assume it is because there’s a small banner hung haphazardly above the bar, he should be here. But he’s not. Maybe he’s going to the bathroom or trying to change? I wonder if he’s okay or if he needs help. Or maybe he’s in pain and needs some meds. Shit, I should go find him to make sure everything is all right.

Leaning in toward Dani, I ask, “Where’s Mack?” I’m not sure if she can hear the concern in my voice, but I’m too worried to try to hide it.

“Oh, he’s in the back. Let me show you back there and to your room,” Dani says. She leads me away from the party and down a quiet hallway.

There are more doors down here than I thought possible. From seeing the place outside and even looking through the bar, you wouldn’t think it was this big, but this place is huge…although I don’t know what the rooms are for or how big they are. For all I know they could be small closets, but that seems unlikely. They have to either be bedrooms or offices or
something
more than just a closet. Maybe one leads to a bathroom or the kitchen? But still, that would mean this place is big. I could even get lost in here if I’m not careful.

We seem to walk on forever, but we finally stop at the second to last door at the end of the long hallway. These are the only doors this far down, like they were meant to be separated from the others.

Looking over my shoulder, I see no one else has followed us. I’m starting to get a little nervous. Being back here by myself—even with Dani by my side—it’s kind of scary. I’m so used to being scared all the time and always looking over my shoulder, waiting for the monsters of my past to jump out and try to grab me. But here, I’m surrounded by people I barely know. Who’s to say they aren’t the same as my brother? Or worse.

“This is your room. Mack had me get some things for you, but if you think of anything else you may want or need, just let me know. Maybe you’ll let me take you shopping. I’m sure Harlow and Sara would even like that. We’re due for a good ol’ shopping trip where we spend the guys’ money anyway.” She laughs and winks at me, which has me smiling back at her. It’s so easy to be happy around Dani. It’s weird, but welcome. I could see us becoming good friends, and staying friends even after all of this is said and done. If I stick around, that is.

“Anyway, I’ll let you get situated. I’ll have Jax bring your bag by soon. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

Turning so I’m facing her fully, I say, “Thank you, Dani. I really appreciate it. And I may take you up on that shopping trip.”

Dani pulls me in for a hug and whispers, “You’re welcome, babe. Just be careful with him. He’s a good man and hasn’t had things easy. He deserves something good in his life and I know he’s taken a liking to you.” Pulling back, she casts a serious, almost angry look toward me. “But if you hurt him, we’ll have problems.” Then, as if she didn’t just threaten me, she smiles. “And I’m always game for a shopping trip, now more than ever.” Then she’s turning on her heel, heading back to the bar area.

Well, that was weird, but I get what she’s saying. Mack is an amazing man as far as I can tell, and he’s her father. She’s just looking out for him the only way she knows how.

I wait until she’s out of sight, then take a deep breath. I have no idea what I’m about to walk into and I’m nervous. I almost want to wait until I see Mack before I step inside these walls, but Dani is already gone and I’m not about to go wander around by myself, opening random doors, looking for him. When Jax comes by with my bag, I’ll just have to ask him where Mack is.

Blowing out a long breath, I harden my resolve and open the door.
It’s now or never.

Turning the knob, I slowly open the door, and what I see on the other side blows my mind.

The first thing I notice is Mack inside, sitting in his wheelchair beside a huge bed. It looks like he was setting something down, but I can’t pay attention to that. Mack is taking up all my attention. He may be in a wheelchair, but he’s the sexiest person I have ever seen. Wearing faded jeans, a black shirt, and his Forsaken Sinners MC cut, he is the definition of rough. And gorgeous. And orgasmic. Just looking at him now I feel like my panties are going to combust.

Needing to look away before I either say or do something that wouldn’t be good for either of us, I glance around the room and notice for the first time that this room is amazing. Better than the one inside my apartment. The bed is huge with a comforter set that looks expensive. And comfy.

There’s a huge TV on the wall, a big enough dresser that could hold my whole wardrobe at my apartment, a bedside table, and I can now make out what Mack was placing on top of it. A computer. A brand new computer. I don’t know if it’s his and he was just researching something and didn’t want to take it back to his room, but knowing what I know of Mack and seeing what he’s done for me with this room, I’m going to go with the answer that it’s now my laptop.

“Wow,” I whisper, continuing my visual around the room. They must have done a lot of work to make this into what it is now. This must have taken forever and a lot of money. I’m just taking a guess here, but I don’t think this room was like this before they knew I was coming. It irritates me that they went out of the way for me, but also it warms my heart that they wanted me to be comfortable here. Inside this room I can almost pretend I’m not in the clubhouse of a one percenter biker club. That my brother isn’t out there looking for me for some unknown reason.

“What do you think?” Mack asks, with nervousness and hope in his voice.

Looking back at him, I can do nothing but smile at this man. He really is a good guy. “It’s amazing.”

Chapter Seven

Mack

I’ve been home for a little over two weeks and things are going great. I’m getting stronger and almost have full control of my movements in my legs. Rose and I spend the better part of the day doing the treatments and physical therapy. Plus, when she’s not around, I work my ass off—probably more than I should—doing everything I can to make sure the progress continues. And so far, the outcome is more than I thought possible. Now, we just need to work on learning to walk all over again and getting my legs strong enough to hold my weight.

We’re still doing the massage therapy, but instead of just focusing on my back, now we’ve moved to almost full body massages. And let me tell you—it takes all of my self-control and then some to not just grab Rose and pull her down on top of me before claiming her sinful lips. But that’s a whole other battle.

Our routine has been perfected and I think she’s even starting to like being here. Sure, it’s still new for her and she’s unsure about some of the guys—and some of the club whores—but she’s smiling a lot more and talking more freely. It’s a beautiful sight to behold.

Even though I’m getting stronger, I still haven’t taken back my full title from Blaze. He’s doing a fantastic job filling in for me…I almost don’t want to take it away from him. I love my club and I love being their leader, but at some point in time, it’s going to be time for me to step down. I don’t want to be old and crippled when that time comes. But that’s something we’ll worry about after all the shit has settled with me and our rival club problem.

Hearing a knock on my door, I look at the clock to see it’s too early for Rose. We’ve talked a lot more and things seem easier between us—minus the enormous sexual tension, that is—but she really only comes into my room for my treatments. Otherwise we meet out in the bar or we pass each other in the hallway.

“Yo, Prez. You got a minute?” Skinner says through the door, almost out of breath.

Sitting up more in my bed, I call him in. I never had the chance to pull him aside to talk to him after I first got back because I was too focused on getting better, but now that he’s here, I’m going to see what’s been going on with him.

He walks in and shuts the door before taking a seat on the small couch I have against the wall. “What’s up, brother?” I ask, wondering what he’s here about. We have church in twenty minutes, but that’s basically just to go over anything new we’ve found out about the Street Kings and figuring out what we’re going to do about them.

Skinner looks down at his feet and he looks completely lost. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this and it has me really worried. I should have fuckin’ pulled him aside as soon as I noticed something was off with him.

“I want you to put a call in to Elmo,” is all he says, and now I’m even more concerned. Why the fuck does he want me to do that?

Elmo is our MC’s national president. Even though we’re one of the two founding chapters, Elmo was the best option for the job. He grew up in the life, and to be completely honest, I didn’t
want
the title. Too much responsibility and a massive headache, if you ask me. My boys keep me busy and my mind going crazy enough. I don’t need to add in
every
Forsaken Sinner chapter to that.

“And why is it I need to call our national Prez?” I ask, my voice hard. I’m not angry with Skinner, but the unknown is making me agitated. I’m more pissed at myself that I haven’t tried harder to know more about what’s been going on. He’s my fuckin’ VP, for fuck’s sake! If something is going on with him, I should know about it―injured or not.

Blowing out a long breath, he finally looks at me and I see more than I care to see in his eyes―pain, anger, and detachment. “I want to retire my patch, Prez.”

I’m completely blown the fuck away. Retirement? Why the hell would he want to do that? Skinner has been by my side since the very beginning. Decades worth of fighting beside each other, building this chapter up to where it is right now, and always having my back. He’s been my level head and reason all these years. And he wants to retire?

Out of everything I could have guessed was going on, this was not one of them. Not many men retire their patch. It’s almost unheard of.

Skinner sees the turmoil in my eyes, but before I can question him or make any sort of comment, he continues, “I’ve got stage four lung cancer, Mack. I’ve done all I can to keep it at bay, but it’s starting to take a toll on me. So before it becomes a problem and I put one of my brothers in jeopardy, I’ve decided it’s time. I know this isn’t what you want to hear and I know this couldn’t have come on at a worse time, but it can’t wait. I’m a liability, brother.”

I’m not only flabbergasted that he wants to retire, but now to add insult to injury, he’s got cancer and I never knew. I’m not sure how long he’s known, but for him to keep that from me? I don’t understand it and I don’t fucking accept it.

“How long?” I say through gritted teeth, trying like hell to not lose my shit right now. This has to be hard on him, but shit! He should have fucking told me.

“Eight months.”

My eyes shoot fire toward him. “Eight fucking months! When the hell were you going to tell me, huh? When you dropped dead on a run?” I yell, throwing my arm out, needing to demolish something.

My arm makes contact with the first thing it comes up against and it just so happens to be my lamp. It comes crashing down, but it’s not enough. Spotting my computer sitting on top of the table, I grab that and hurl it across the room, needing to destroy it, but I still don’t feel better. Spotting my burner phone next, I hurl that too and watch it break into a hundred little pieces.

I thought destroying something, making it look like what I feel inside would make me feel better, but it doesn’t. I still feel anger―at my friend, my
brother
―but mostly at the cancer that is taking him away from me. I feel pain and shame at my behavior, but not enough to apologize. I know he must be going through hell, and I’m not making matters better, but God-fucking-dammit! I’m barely getting back on my feet and almost ready to take back control of my club, and he goes and lays this bombshell on me.
Fuck
!

Skinner lets me throw my tantrum—Rose’s words, not mine—and doesn’t say anything. He knows I get like this when I get so angry I can’t see straight. I have to exert the energy somehow before it swallows me whole.

I’m still breathing heavy and unable to look at him when he finally speaks again. “I know you’re pissed off at me and won’t believe me when I say this, but I
am
sorry, Prez. I just didn’t know how to tell you—anyone for that matter. And then shit went south and it just wasn’t the best time.” He pauses for a minute, waiting until I can finally look at him.

“But I went to the doctor yesterday and they said it’s time that I start putting all my ducks in a row and start preparing for the end. I can barely take a full breath and I’m hurting, Mack.
Fuck
am I hurtin’.” Again, he pauses, but this time, it’s for him to gather himself before continuing.

“I’m not sure if anyone has noticed or made a mention to you, but I’m not able to do my job anymore. I can barely keep up on rides and when we’re not on our bikes. It’s almost impossible. I hate to do this to you—now of all times—but it has to be done. The sooner, the better.”

I have no more words for him, and honestly, he doesn’t need them. So instead, I just nod and watch him walk toward the door. “I’ll see you at church,” he says quietly before slowly making his way out of my room and closing the door behind him.

Still needing an outlet for everything I’m feeling inside, I grab everything from my nightstand and throw it across the room. Then I throw the blankets off my bed before swinging my slightly limp legs over the side of the bed with angry movements.

Maneuvering myself into my wheelchair, I wheel myself into the bathroom and proceed to break everything in my reach.

By the time my anger is replaced with a numbing sadness, I’m breathing heavy, I have cuts on my hands and arms from flying shards of glass, and there’s destruction and mayhem everywhere I look. I don’t think I left anything untouched—it’s either broken, overturned, or out of its place. But I do feel a little better. Well, not better as in I’m okay with what Skinner told me, but I’m not angry anymore. Just numb.

Blowing out a breath, I take one last look at the mess I’ve made in the bathroom, grab a towel to wrap around my hand, then wheel myself back out into my room, trying my best to ignore the destruction here. Grabbing my cut off the desk chair, which is probably the only thing left untouched, I start to make my way to the door just as there’s another knock.

Whipping the door open, I see a stunned Rose standing in front of me. She looks at me and opens her mouth, probably to ask if everything is all right, but then she sees what’s behind me and her face falls even more.

Looking back to me, I can see a little bit of irritation in her deep blue depths, but there’s also concern. “Everything all right?” she asks.

Completely ignoring her, I start to wheel forward, not even caring if she moves or not. I need to get the fuck out of this room and all the feelings I left there.

Rose moves out of the way, but just barely. “Whoa,” she yells, but again, I choose to ignore her. It’s not because I don’t want to talk to her or because I’m angry with her. It’s just that I can’t talk about it. Not with her. Not yet.

I can hear her anger and agitation as I make my way down the hall toward the chapel, but I’ll deal with her later. Right now, I just need to get inside the four sacred walls where I’ve led church for the past umpteen years. I know I’m early, but that’s exactly what I want. I need the few minutes alone before everyone fills the chairs around the table and I have to tell them what’s going to happen now.

***

Ten minutes later, I’m sitting at the head of the table and just hanging up the phone with Elmo when the doors to the chapel open and all of my brothers come walking in. Taking their assigned seats, I wait for everyone to quiet down before I look at them.

Looking first to my right, I lock eyes with Toby; my Sergeant at Arms. This man is the strength of the club and is always front and center through the craziest of shit.

Next to him is Blaze, my adoptive son-in-law and current stand-in president. I hate to pull that title away from him because he’s done such a good job, but it’s time I get back to business. It’s time to get shit straight and figure out what we’re doing.

After Blaze is Louie, Tom Tom, Slayer, and then there’s Tyke. He’s the Nomad who helped us out a few years ago and just never left. Not like I can complain. I love having his crazy ass around. I should probably talk to him about transferring and taking on our California bottom rocker. Make him our own.

Sitting beside Tyke is the newly voted in member Goose. I was still in the hospital when the vote went down, but from what I saw of him from his prospecting, he’s going to make a great addition. That’s why I gave a yea proxy for my vote.

And beside him is Thor, then finally, Skinner; my VP, who is sitting at my left. And speaking of him…

“Shut the fuck up so we can get on with the meetin’,” I say, even though everyone is mostly quiet, but I don’t care. I’m in a shitty mood, and now everyone will know it. Heck, maybe now their moods will dampen too, and they’ll match mine. Good. I shouldn’t be the only one having a crap-fucking-tastic day.

I look all around the table once more, then I level a look that feels blank of all emotion at Skinner. “First things first. What’s going on with our little friends?” I ask, then look to my other side where Toby is sitting.

Toby leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “Nothing new, Prez. We’ve had our ears on them and have tried to follow them as much as possible, but we don’t want them to catch on that we’re on to them. So far though, they haven’t even so much as mentioned our colors.”

I don’t know why, but I guess I figured with this being the first serious meeting I’ve been to since getting shot that there would be more than that. Shit, we’ve had the bug in their clubhouse for months. Surely they’ve mentioned something about a plan of attack or at the very least what they’re hoping to gain.

We’re both one percenters, but the Sinners have always been legit. Or mostly anyway. We may have dabbled in the occasional job that wasn’t on the right side of the law, but we have our own law anyway, so it doesn’t matter. But as far as businesses go, we’re as legit as they come.

Now the Street Kings though, they’re dirtier than your grandmother’s panties. They’ve got their fingers in everything from drugs, slaves, and guns. Maybe they’re after our territory, but that’s unlikely since we aren’t really a threat. Sure, we pretty much own this state and the states surrounding, but why start a war when it’s not needed? If they wanted to run their dirty business through our towns, we wouldn’t have a problem with it. We’d only demand a percentage, which is par for the course. But I don’t think that’s what they’re doing. It seems off and out of place.