Outing of the Heart (68 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
âI have a lot to learn,' Tenille reflected. âBut that's all right, I'll have you to guide me and I'll enjoy the experience.' After thanks for her gift, she admired the effect on her wrist. âYou know you don't have to keep turning up with something. Just being here is special for me.' She smiled into her face and Sidonie felt herself glow from within.
“What a woman.”
she thought. âI know Babe, but I want you to have this. And if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy too. Now tell me,' she said, leaning forward intently: âIs everything on the mend, today? Any news of when you can go home?'
âWait, wait,' Tenille held up her hand, stemming the flow. âNot so fast,' she laughed. âYes to both of those. Doctor Suli was in to see me this morning. She says all the test results are looking good. She checked my toes and was pleased with them so the cast is right now.' She gave her toes a wiggle and Sidonie noticed the puffiness was down; the color more normal.
âI felt it in my bones that today would see you on the mend,' she said candidly.
âAlso â¦' continued Tenille, her eyes sparkling with the excitement of the news she was about to break, â â¦also, if everything looks this good tomorrow, she'll let me go home Thursday.' Her expression added to her words:
“How do you like that?”
âOh Sweetheart, that's wonderful. You've really made my day.' She was overjoyed; already could picture them together in Tenille's little pad. She'd have such a good time looking after her. She couldn't wait.
âTomorrow I'll tell my boss that I need Friday, plus the weekend. Just think, Ten, almost four whole days together.' Her eyes flashed brilliantly, their blue changing to that electric azure in her excitement. âI'm going to take such good care of you.' She couldn't sit still. She jumped up, collected a glass from the ensuite and Tenille's water jug, to pour them iced water. Sitting down again she raised her glass in the form of a toast.
âTo Tenille's homecoming,' she said sententiously and clinked their glasses. Tenille's laughter bubbled out of her. How she loved this girl.
A solemn guardian one moment, a jubilant teenager the next. A girl of so many contrasts, yet each one in its own right, a wonderful person to be with and with whom to share experiences. She had seen many of her moods now and never had she been put off. She watched the play of light across Sidonie's face as the clouds in the summer sky briefly darkened the room then as quickly, the sun returned. Her face had such character. True, one couldn't say she was a beauty, not in the accepted âall American girl' sense. She had more than a âpretty doll' look. Her high cheekbones gave her face a distinctive and mature form. Her eyebrows, arching delicately over her intense eyes, accentuated the lines of the face and drew one's gaze to the startling, almost midnight blue of her eyes when she was lost in thought. Set in such a fair complexion, one felt penetrated by those eyes, when she turned to look. No, not a beautiful face, but one totally arresting. Tenille knew she had been drawn to this face, the first time they had met. The face had impelled her to take just one more look and then, irresistibly, to look again. It had been as though she couldn't get enough to satisfy her eyes. Now she could drink her fill of these familiar features and know that when the eyes gazed back at her, they were the eyes of a lover.
She set her glass down saying: âThat was the best champagne I've ever drunk. I've never had a glass of it that made me so happy.' She tilted her head to one side and scrutinized her.
âSo you think you could stand three unbroken days of my company, do you?' she quizzed. âHow do you know I don't have a real mean temper and demanding nature, ordering you to fetch and carry all the time?' she teased.
âOh pooh. I won't mind that,' Sidonie responded airily. She leaned back and continued: âI shall be indefatigable in my dedication to your service.' Then she jumped up and stood by her chair, looking solemn, but with a mischievous twinkle in her baby blues. âNo task shall be too large or too small for your humble servant,' and with those words she swept her right hand across her chest in a theatrical parody of a Cavalier, then plonked herself once more into her seat.
Tenille clapped her hands in delight and, entering into the spirit of the moment declared: âI shall hold you to those words, my not so humble servant and we shall see what we shall see,' she ended archly. By now they were both collapsed in a heap of laughter when Nurse Arnott came in with the medications trolley. She raised her eyebrows, but otherwise made no comment until she had delivered the antibiotics, then said, rather repressively: âI hope you're not over exciting yourself, Tenille. It's still early days and you mustn't get too tired.'
âI'm all right, Nurse Arnott. In fact,' she added, a secret smile lifting the corners of her mouth: âI never felt better.' With that they burst out laughing again, their high spirits irrepressible.
âDo you need anything for pain,' the nurse was obliged to ask, looking almost as if she hoped Tenille would say yes, but in the circumstances â¦
Once she'd gone, they broke out uncontrollably again. They were a couple intoxicated by their own quiddity. Happy and in love. In a while their composure was regained, although both pairs of eyes sparkled and glistened with the jubilance of being together.
âTen, tomorrow being Wednesday, as you know it's my Softball night, so will it be OK with you if I come in the early evening, before practise?' she queried. âThen I can go straight to Riverdale from here.'
âOf course. Plan it however you want. You know I'm happy to see you whenever you can make it,' she assured her.
âHopefully you'll have a discharge time by then and I can come and collect you after work. I'll be finished by noon, or thereabouts. Then I can just pack the things I'll need and hightail it down here. I can always shower at your place when we get there.' She worked it all out in detail, rattling on at a great rate so it was only when she finally ran out of steam, she noticed Tenille's eyelids were beginning to droop.
âIsn't it time you got back into bed? You're looking tired.'
âYes. I think I'd like to stretch out,' she agreed. âI've been sitting in this position for quite some time.' Sidonie brought the crutches and hovered over her, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. âIt's okay, I can manage these quite well,' she clarified, observing the futile gestures Sidonie was making. She sat on the side of the bed and to let her feel useful, asked if she'd lift her leg up for her. She jumped at the chance to be of assistance. With great care she held the leg between two hands and placed it gently on the bed. Tenille had gone round to the left side of the bed, so she already had her right leg up, making the process a smoothly efficient one. Sidonie began to pull up the covers, but Tenille stopped her, requesting only the sheet. There was warmth from the sun coming through the window, despite the air conditioning. She held Sidonie's hand as she asked her what time she could make it tomorrow.
âHow does five o'clock sound? Will it interfere with supper?'
âThat doesn't matter, Sid. You can watch me eat.'
Sidonie noticed the dark circles were still under Tenille's eyes, but the pallor was gone. âReine and Thea always ask after you. They'd hoped to drop by before you went home, but perhaps now it would be better if they visited you at #226. Would that be acceptable?'
âOf course. In fact I would prefer that. I'm aware now of how hospitals can put people off. At the apartment they can relax and be themselves. I'd love it for them to come to us.' She smiled her special smile as she used the collective pronoun, feeling how good it was to be a couple. So many people took âwe did this' and âwe did that' for granted, but she didn't. These words were music to her ears.
Sidonie bent down and kissed her goodbye. She was able to make it a lingering kiss, full of promise. Tenille felt it. Just one more day and they'd be together. They were both aware of the significance of these four days coming up, but neither mentioned the night times. However, they could feel it through their bodies; knew the reality would not be long now. Together, all night long. MRS. SANDRELLI. Tenille's eyelids flew open as her body stiffened.
âWhat's the matter' Sidonie's voice held unconcealed concern. âWhat's wrong?'
âNo, it's okay, Sid.'
âDon't treat me like a child.' she responded bluntly, sure that Tenille was covering something up. âI hate it when you try to hide something from me; save my feelings.' She stood up, her mood so abruptly altered, Tenille was disconcerted. One moment there was love, then this. I'm too tired for hassles, she thought. She looked wearily at Sidonie through her exhaustion, summoning all her will to be conciliatory.
âTruly, it's nothing Sid. Something flashed through my mind that's all.' Her temper was short. âI don't have to tell you every single thought I have, do I?' Her voice, for all her weariness had taken on a sharper note. âIt's not worth verbalizing, really.' She was sure she could square things with Mrs. S. âDon't go away mad. Not after such a lovely visit,' she pleaded, her voice returning to normal again.
âI won't. I'm sorry. Sometimes I don't know what gets into me.' She leaned down again. âBye, dearest. You rest.' This time the kiss was a gentle farewell.
As Sidonie walked away down the corridor she reflected on what had just happened. Tenille was right. She shouldn't have to explain every passing thought to her. It must be something in her own make up, being sensitive to any hint of rejection. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she wished she'd get over it. One day Tenille could lose patience and that day she'd know she'd gone too far. She pushed the button for the elevator and waited. “
Lets hope it won't result in a point of no return,”
she mused. Hell, she was some kind of worrywart, wasn't she? One little incident and she had to make it into a big deal. For the umpteenth time she told herself to grow up. One day.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sidonie had had a good morning at work. She had enjoyed being with the horses, her other favorite mare being especially pleased to see her when she opened up at six o'clock. The soft whickering which greeted her appearance had drawn special attention, leading her to step into the stall and deliver a little TLC. She had whispered her secrets into her flicking ear as she snuggled up against the soft, velvety neck.
âI'll be with my darling as of tomorrow, for three whole days. Think of that, Polly. Her racing name was Lady Bella. She didn't know where Polly had come from, but she always pricked up her ears.
The velour feel of Polly's muzzle was so appealing. She felt her love for animals very strongly at that moment, glad she could devote her professional life to their well being and welfare. Hating cruelty to all helpless creatures, she had vowed that once she was done with her studies; when she had structure in her life, she would become an animal rights activist. She wanted to do something worthwhile with her time on this earth. Still under the influence of the idealism of youth, she guessed, but hoped she would never lose it. If getting older and the âgaining of wisdom' meant giving up ideals, then she would never get old. This deliberation had made her smile. She was being so unrealistic.
“Easy for you to say,”
she had thought. Was it an impossibility to keep goals brightly shining forever?
âThey don't have to tarnish along the way, do they, Polly?' she had asked, beseechingly, giving the horse a final pat before leaving.
As she had worked her way along the row she remembered that even as a little girl, she had shown a keen interest in, and sympathy for animals. There had been one time, it was when her dad was still with them and Chelsey must have been a babe in arms. He had driven up north for a weekend to stay at someone's cottage on a lake, somewhere outside Sudbury she thought. Probably a buddy of his owned it, but she was hazy from this distance. The drive had taken hours, she and Billy too excited at the prospect of this great adventure. Shortly after their arrival, before dusk, she observed a Blue Jay, fluttering amongst the bushes, alongside the landing dock, with a broken wing. She had been paddling by the water's edge with a little butterfly net, trying to catch tiddlers and generally having a good time in the mud. Realizing the bird's distress, she had had to do something to help.
She remembered her heart pounding as she had gone over to try to catch it; the fragile feel of its hot body in her hands as she carried it up to the cottage. Carefully, she laid it on the grass at her mother's feet where she was nursing Chelsey; expressing her concern for the injured bird, while Ma looked on. She realized now her mother had been very good with her that day. She had helped her find some dry crusts and a water bowl. Recalling her pleasure at feeding the little bird, she remembered how her heart had gone out to the helpless creature.
Today the farrier was due and she would be required to hold the horses during the reshoeing process. While thus engaged, she had recalled another incident when she improvised a splint from two sticks for a very young goat's leg. About fourteen at the time, she was spending a day in the country with a girl friend. The kid had been running along the top of a split rail fence and had slipped, catching its hoof in the angle between two rails and proceeded to let out an almighty howl. She had rushed up to extract the contorted body, cradling it gently in her arms. She remembered the little heart beating furiously against her and her need to help had been intense. The splint worked well, but after a while she found the kid lying quietly, very subdued compared with its former scampering self. Looking more closely she saw a swollen hoof, the binding too tight. Immediately she cut the tape and re-applied it. The second time it was just right and she'd been gratified to see the kid bounding about, albeit on three legs, but able to join the others.
“What a woman.”
she thought. âI know Babe, but I want you to have this. And if it makes you happy, then it makes me happy too. Now tell me,' she said, leaning forward intently: âIs everything on the mend, today? Any news of when you can go home?'
âWait, wait,' Tenille held up her hand, stemming the flow. âNot so fast,' she laughed. âYes to both of those. Doctor Suli was in to see me this morning. She says all the test results are looking good. She checked my toes and was pleased with them so the cast is right now.' She gave her toes a wiggle and Sidonie noticed the puffiness was down; the color more normal.
âI felt it in my bones that today would see you on the mend,' she said candidly.
âAlso â¦' continued Tenille, her eyes sparkling with the excitement of the news she was about to break, â â¦also, if everything looks this good tomorrow, she'll let me go home Thursday.' Her expression added to her words:
“How do you like that?”
âOh Sweetheart, that's wonderful. You've really made my day.' She was overjoyed; already could picture them together in Tenille's little pad. She'd have such a good time looking after her. She couldn't wait.
âTomorrow I'll tell my boss that I need Friday, plus the weekend. Just think, Ten, almost four whole days together.' Her eyes flashed brilliantly, their blue changing to that electric azure in her excitement. âI'm going to take such good care of you.' She couldn't sit still. She jumped up, collected a glass from the ensuite and Tenille's water jug, to pour them iced water. Sitting down again she raised her glass in the form of a toast.
âTo Tenille's homecoming,' she said sententiously and clinked their glasses. Tenille's laughter bubbled out of her. How she loved this girl.
A solemn guardian one moment, a jubilant teenager the next. A girl of so many contrasts, yet each one in its own right, a wonderful person to be with and with whom to share experiences. She had seen many of her moods now and never had she been put off. She watched the play of light across Sidonie's face as the clouds in the summer sky briefly darkened the room then as quickly, the sun returned. Her face had such character. True, one couldn't say she was a beauty, not in the accepted âall American girl' sense. She had more than a âpretty doll' look. Her high cheekbones gave her face a distinctive and mature form. Her eyebrows, arching delicately over her intense eyes, accentuated the lines of the face and drew one's gaze to the startling, almost midnight blue of her eyes when she was lost in thought. Set in such a fair complexion, one felt penetrated by those eyes, when she turned to look. No, not a beautiful face, but one totally arresting. Tenille knew she had been drawn to this face, the first time they had met. The face had impelled her to take just one more look and then, irresistibly, to look again. It had been as though she couldn't get enough to satisfy her eyes. Now she could drink her fill of these familiar features and know that when the eyes gazed back at her, they were the eyes of a lover.
She set her glass down saying: âThat was the best champagne I've ever drunk. I've never had a glass of it that made me so happy.' She tilted her head to one side and scrutinized her.
âSo you think you could stand three unbroken days of my company, do you?' she quizzed. âHow do you know I don't have a real mean temper and demanding nature, ordering you to fetch and carry all the time?' she teased.
âOh pooh. I won't mind that,' Sidonie responded airily. She leaned back and continued: âI shall be indefatigable in my dedication to your service.' Then she jumped up and stood by her chair, looking solemn, but with a mischievous twinkle in her baby blues. âNo task shall be too large or too small for your humble servant,' and with those words she swept her right hand across her chest in a theatrical parody of a Cavalier, then plonked herself once more into her seat.
Tenille clapped her hands in delight and, entering into the spirit of the moment declared: âI shall hold you to those words, my not so humble servant and we shall see what we shall see,' she ended archly. By now they were both collapsed in a heap of laughter when Nurse Arnott came in with the medications trolley. She raised her eyebrows, but otherwise made no comment until she had delivered the antibiotics, then said, rather repressively: âI hope you're not over exciting yourself, Tenille. It's still early days and you mustn't get too tired.'
âI'm all right, Nurse Arnott. In fact,' she added, a secret smile lifting the corners of her mouth: âI never felt better.' With that they burst out laughing again, their high spirits irrepressible.
âDo you need anything for pain,' the nurse was obliged to ask, looking almost as if she hoped Tenille would say yes, but in the circumstances â¦
Once she'd gone, they broke out uncontrollably again. They were a couple intoxicated by their own quiddity. Happy and in love. In a while their composure was regained, although both pairs of eyes sparkled and glistened with the jubilance of being together.
âTen, tomorrow being Wednesday, as you know it's my Softball night, so will it be OK with you if I come in the early evening, before practise?' she queried. âThen I can go straight to Riverdale from here.'
âOf course. Plan it however you want. You know I'm happy to see you whenever you can make it,' she assured her.
âHopefully you'll have a discharge time by then and I can come and collect you after work. I'll be finished by noon, or thereabouts. Then I can just pack the things I'll need and hightail it down here. I can always shower at your place when we get there.' She worked it all out in detail, rattling on at a great rate so it was only when she finally ran out of steam, she noticed Tenille's eyelids were beginning to droop.
âIsn't it time you got back into bed? You're looking tired.'
âYes. I think I'd like to stretch out,' she agreed. âI've been sitting in this position for quite some time.' Sidonie brought the crutches and hovered over her, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. âIt's okay, I can manage these quite well,' she clarified, observing the futile gestures Sidonie was making. She sat on the side of the bed and to let her feel useful, asked if she'd lift her leg up for her. She jumped at the chance to be of assistance. With great care she held the leg between two hands and placed it gently on the bed. Tenille had gone round to the left side of the bed, so she already had her right leg up, making the process a smoothly efficient one. Sidonie began to pull up the covers, but Tenille stopped her, requesting only the sheet. There was warmth from the sun coming through the window, despite the air conditioning. She held Sidonie's hand as she asked her what time she could make it tomorrow.
âHow does five o'clock sound? Will it interfere with supper?'
âThat doesn't matter, Sid. You can watch me eat.'
Sidonie noticed the dark circles were still under Tenille's eyes, but the pallor was gone. âReine and Thea always ask after you. They'd hoped to drop by before you went home, but perhaps now it would be better if they visited you at #226. Would that be acceptable?'
âOf course. In fact I would prefer that. I'm aware now of how hospitals can put people off. At the apartment they can relax and be themselves. I'd love it for them to come to us.' She smiled her special smile as she used the collective pronoun, feeling how good it was to be a couple. So many people took âwe did this' and âwe did that' for granted, but she didn't. These words were music to her ears.
Sidonie bent down and kissed her goodbye. She was able to make it a lingering kiss, full of promise. Tenille felt it. Just one more day and they'd be together. They were both aware of the significance of these four days coming up, but neither mentioned the night times. However, they could feel it through their bodies; knew the reality would not be long now. Together, all night long. MRS. SANDRELLI. Tenille's eyelids flew open as her body stiffened.
âWhat's the matter' Sidonie's voice held unconcealed concern. âWhat's wrong?'
âNo, it's okay, Sid.'
âDon't treat me like a child.' she responded bluntly, sure that Tenille was covering something up. âI hate it when you try to hide something from me; save my feelings.' She stood up, her mood so abruptly altered, Tenille was disconcerted. One moment there was love, then this. I'm too tired for hassles, she thought. She looked wearily at Sidonie through her exhaustion, summoning all her will to be conciliatory.
âTruly, it's nothing Sid. Something flashed through my mind that's all.' Her temper was short. âI don't have to tell you every single thought I have, do I?' Her voice, for all her weariness had taken on a sharper note. âIt's not worth verbalizing, really.' She was sure she could square things with Mrs. S. âDon't go away mad. Not after such a lovely visit,' she pleaded, her voice returning to normal again.
âI won't. I'm sorry. Sometimes I don't know what gets into me.' She leaned down again. âBye, dearest. You rest.' This time the kiss was a gentle farewell.
As Sidonie walked away down the corridor she reflected on what had just happened. Tenille was right. She shouldn't have to explain every passing thought to her. It must be something in her own make up, being sensitive to any hint of rejection. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she wished she'd get over it. One day Tenille could lose patience and that day she'd know she'd gone too far. She pushed the button for the elevator and waited. “
Lets hope it won't result in a point of no return,”
she mused. Hell, she was some kind of worrywart, wasn't she? One little incident and she had to make it into a big deal. For the umpteenth time she told herself to grow up. One day.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
Sidonie had had a good morning at work. She had enjoyed being with the horses, her other favorite mare being especially pleased to see her when she opened up at six o'clock. The soft whickering which greeted her appearance had drawn special attention, leading her to step into the stall and deliver a little TLC. She had whispered her secrets into her flicking ear as she snuggled up against the soft, velvety neck.
âI'll be with my darling as of tomorrow, for three whole days. Think of that, Polly. Her racing name was Lady Bella. She didn't know where Polly had come from, but she always pricked up her ears.
The velour feel of Polly's muzzle was so appealing. She felt her love for animals very strongly at that moment, glad she could devote her professional life to their well being and welfare. Hating cruelty to all helpless creatures, she had vowed that once she was done with her studies; when she had structure in her life, she would become an animal rights activist. She wanted to do something worthwhile with her time on this earth. Still under the influence of the idealism of youth, she guessed, but hoped she would never lose it. If getting older and the âgaining of wisdom' meant giving up ideals, then she would never get old. This deliberation had made her smile. She was being so unrealistic.
“Easy for you to say,”
she had thought. Was it an impossibility to keep goals brightly shining forever?
âThey don't have to tarnish along the way, do they, Polly?' she had asked, beseechingly, giving the horse a final pat before leaving.
As she had worked her way along the row she remembered that even as a little girl, she had shown a keen interest in, and sympathy for animals. There had been one time, it was when her dad was still with them and Chelsey must have been a babe in arms. He had driven up north for a weekend to stay at someone's cottage on a lake, somewhere outside Sudbury she thought. Probably a buddy of his owned it, but she was hazy from this distance. The drive had taken hours, she and Billy too excited at the prospect of this great adventure. Shortly after their arrival, before dusk, she observed a Blue Jay, fluttering amongst the bushes, alongside the landing dock, with a broken wing. She had been paddling by the water's edge with a little butterfly net, trying to catch tiddlers and generally having a good time in the mud. Realizing the bird's distress, she had had to do something to help.
She remembered her heart pounding as she had gone over to try to catch it; the fragile feel of its hot body in her hands as she carried it up to the cottage. Carefully, she laid it on the grass at her mother's feet where she was nursing Chelsey; expressing her concern for the injured bird, while Ma looked on. She realized now her mother had been very good with her that day. She had helped her find some dry crusts and a water bowl. Recalling her pleasure at feeding the little bird, she remembered how her heart had gone out to the helpless creature.
Today the farrier was due and she would be required to hold the horses during the reshoeing process. While thus engaged, she had recalled another incident when she improvised a splint from two sticks for a very young goat's leg. About fourteen at the time, she was spending a day in the country with a girl friend. The kid had been running along the top of a split rail fence and had slipped, catching its hoof in the angle between two rails and proceeded to let out an almighty howl. She had rushed up to extract the contorted body, cradling it gently in her arms. She remembered the little heart beating furiously against her and her need to help had been intense. The splint worked well, but after a while she found the kid lying quietly, very subdued compared with its former scampering self. Looking more closely she saw a swollen hoof, the binding too tight. Immediately she cut the tape and re-applied it. The second time it was just right and she'd been gratified to see the kid bounding about, albeit on three legs, but able to join the others.
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