Outing of the Heart (110 page)
Read Outing of the Heart Online
Authors: Lisa Ann Harper
âJoin us for the next bracket? Now you've seen how it's done.' They were smiling at her. Yes she would. It was just the distraction she needed. Brett announced the next dance to be at a slightly more advanced level. Ten hesitated.
âCome on, you'll just gobble it up; no problem,' Moira assured her and this turned out to be true. In fact it was easy and lots of fun. She stood next to Rani who helped her through at times and on her other side were the women she'd watched arrive. When she turned around, they gave her guidance too. What a great way to meet people. The dance was âLinda Lu'. Ricky Van Shelton sang the song. She wasn't a fan of country music, could take it or leave it really, but now she was dancing she was beginning to enjoy it. For the space of the twenty minutes she was learning the dances and performing them, her worries fled from her mind and when she left the floor she felt elated and refreshed, if a little weary in her body. She had not danced since July, but her ankle had not let her down. Moira returned to their table with another round of drinks.
âThere now,' she said as she put Ten's beer in front of her: âDidn't I tell you, you'd be fine? How did you find it?'
âYes, Moira,' she laughed. âI really got off on it. People around me were helpful too. People I've never spoken to before.'
âThat's it,' Moira enthused excitedly. âLine dancers are always ready to help out a newcomer. Dancing is what they love doing and to share their enjoyment with others, well ⦠that's a bonus.'
This eulogy, in praise of line dancing came to an abrupt end with the arrival of Fabrice and Serge, with their friends and the introductions. Serge was older than Fabrice. More like father and son, except Fabrice was far too good looking to have had anything to do with Serge's genes, Ten thought. Don and Steve, on the other hand were two âlook-alikes'. She reckoned they must both work out at the same gym and go to the same barber. These two were the dedicated line dancers. Fabrice would have liked to do more, but it seemed Serge's interest was basically watching. He described it as âscouting for talent'.
As the evening wore on, more and more bodies crowded in. The guys loved it, but Ten began to find it too claustrophobic.
âRani, would it be okay with you if I just stepped outside for a few minutes? I feel in need of a breath of air.'
âMe too. Let's go check out downstairs.' She stood up. âListen guys, Tenille and I are going to fill our lungs with something pure instead of all this second-hand smoke. See you shortly.'
âI'll join you.' Don was more of a health fanatic than Steve and always regretted that smoke and bars had to go together. He liked being active on the scene, but hated what it did to his lungs and his clothes. On the way outside, they stopped to check the downstairs venue. In its own way this bar, too, had a lively atmosphere, if somewhat more laid back. People, and they were mostly men here, whereas upstairs had pretty well evened itself out between the genders, were sitting at dining tables and watching entertainers. Comedians with a risque line in gay patter and people who actually sang in their own voice.
They moved outside to Isabella. It was surprising to see how many people were still about, but that's Toronto. A far more lively city than the Nation's capital. Vancouver was fast catching up.
Don turned to Ten. âYou're picking up the dances real fast. Sure you've not tried it before?' he teased.
âShe's a natural dancer. Brains in her feet,' Rani volunteered. Ten returned his interested stare. âI've not line danced before, but I used to dance.' She didn't like the glint in his eye. She had thought women were safe with gay guys. Perhaps not all of them. She felt she would have to be wary of this one. She had caught him appraising her a few times. Funny. Perhaps some men just couldn't help themselves. They went back upstairs in time to see a partner dance in progress.
âThis is different,' she observed to Rani. Partners were arranged in a circle round the floor, following line dance moves, but holding hands, side by side, while they did them in what is called âcarriage' or âsweetheart' position.
âLater,' Rani explained âthe floor will be taken over by couples doing the âTexas Two Step'. That's couple dancing to country music. It's great to see the guys and gals dancing with their partners, or somebody new. Sometimes, depending on the music, it can get quite raunchy. Especially the guys. They sleaze up a two-step rock and really get down and dirty.'
The next dance the DJ called was âThe Country Lambada'. The women enjoyed this one. It was fantastic to watch. Instead of side by side, the couples arranged themselves one behind the other, in the âshadow' position, holding left hands, but the leader's right arm around her partner's waist. Ten noticed she held their bodies really close so when they walked forward or back, there wasn't a crack of light between them. In the dance sequence, they had to swing their hips around in a circular motion, then finally the follower would be thrown back over her partner's arm, almost it seemed to break her back, but no, they would be off again from the beginning, doing that funny, crab-like Lambada walk. A round of applause went up when they finished, then it was back to the line dancing.
Don tried to engage Ten in further conversation, but rather than put up with this persistence, she got up for the dances. This forced her to pay attention and get involved. She picked them up, no trouble, after someone helped her out the first time or two. Returning to the table, this dance being too hard and fast, she found her seat taken and a stranger deep in conversation with Serge. Picking up her glass she went to stand on the periphery with the other spectators. Soon a tall, handsome woman addressed her, maybe her age, looking very much the part. Her shirt even had fringing and her boots, silver toe and heel caps. She wore a white, woven linen Stetson.
âHi, my name's Galina.' She changed her drink to the other hand and they shook.
âTenille.'
âI've not seen you here abouts, before. Is this your first time?'
âThat's right. Some friends invited me along to have a look see.'
â â¦And what do you think ⦠Tenille?'
âI like it,' she said simply.
They stood together and watched the dances unfold.
âCan I get you another drink? What'll you have?' The woman was already reaching for the glass.
âNo, thanks. This is fine,' she replied, then she looked down at her glass and saw what the other woman had already noticed. It was empty.
They both laughed. âThank you. A Carlsberg ⦠light.'
âStay at this spot. I'll be right back.' The woman was authoritative. Her return was not prompt, but Ten wasn't going anywhere.
âSorry about the delay. I'd forgotten what the crush could be like this time of night.' She handed over the glass, but drank from the bottle herself. Like Sid, Ten remembered, as if struck by a blow. No, don't go there. It seemed the line-dancing bracket was coming to an end.
âWhen they play a Two-Step, may I have the pleasure of dancing with you?'
Ten was taken aback. âI ⦠I ⦠don't know how,' she stammered.
âI'll pick one that's not too fast and I'll show you. You need only follow my lead.' The expression in her eyes was gentle as she smiled down into the compelling black ones, whose irises sparkled up at her as they caught flashes from the colored lights.
âI must admit, I would like to try it,' she replied.
They continued to stand, side by side, watching the couples whirl around, as many women on the floor now, as men. Suddenly, Galina took Ten's glass, saying: âThis is the right one for us.' Some couples were leaving, others taking their places. She lead her onto the floor, turned her in towards her body, then drew her close.
âJust relax,' the young woman said: âLean your body into mine and move with me.' Ten did as she was told. The room darkened. Only the large, silver faceted ball provided light, as it spun slowly on its axis and they danced close, like the other couples. The music was Patsy Cline's, I FALL TO PIECES.
Ten had a wonderful experience, loving the sensation of moving to the romantic music. She was a sensitive follower and Galina, a superb leader. They moved together as if of long practise. Galina had never had a partner who responded to her so perfectly. This music should never stop. She could dance forever with this woman in her arms; her body so pliant against hers, she had an overwhelmingly strong attraction to this stranger. She had better exercise control.
“
Try not to make a fool of yourself like last time,”
she thought ruefully. They stayed on the floor for the next one too, COME NEXT MONDAY, sung by K. T. Oslin, another slow and sensual number. Ten knew the woman had held her body intimately and she had responded. This, in public view, no matter that she was a stranger; knew nothing about her. It seemed the woman wanted to remain on the floor for another, but she pulled away and looked up without smiling ⦠but something special still hung between them.
âI'd like to sit down.'
âOf course.' Galina escorted her back to the table. âThank you for the dances. I enjoyed them very much.' Again she looked deeply into Ten's eyes. âYou too, I hope.' It was a moment before she let go her hand.
âYes, thank you.'
“This woman has everything to make my bubble shine.”
Ten conjectured. She began to blush. Galina was getting to her.
âAh, there you are,' Moira said, relieved. âWe wondered where you'd gotten to.'
âMoira, Rani, this is Galina.' Ten made the introductions.
âGalina. That's a Ukrainian name, isn't it?' Moira asked.
âThat's right. I'm second generation, but I have to admit, I don't even speak the language.' The men had moved away so the women took over the seats.
âHave you been dancing long?' This was Rani.
âQuite a while, but I'm not as regular now as I used to be so I've slipped back a bit on the latest dances.'
âSame here,' Moira concurred, âbut Rani keeps it up. You can see the size of her waist compared with mine,' she joked.
Galina turned to Ten. âDo you think you're interested?'
She hesitated. âI don't know. How do you get started?'
âThat's an easy one,' Rani chipped in. âThey have beginners' sessions Tuesday and Wednesday, the first part of the evening, then level one follows. Thursday is partner dance and two stepping night, followed by level two.'
âGoodness.' She was amazed at how specific it all was.
âYes. It really is quite easy once you're shown,' Rani explained, âbut it's very hard to pick up just by watching or joining in. Consequently, they don't move you on to the next level until you're considered ready.' She paused. âThen if you really show promise, they invite you on to their âdemo' team. It seems to me it stops being fun then and becomes hard work.'
The women chatted comfortably for a while longer, but Ten was beginning to fade. Moira suggested they call it a night and make their farewells to the others. This was easier said than done since the men had become scattered throughout the crowd. In the end, Rani found Serge talking to the stranger. She excused her interruption.
âWe're off. Please say goodbye to the others for us, will you?'
âSure thing, Rani.' They kissed. âCall you in the week.'
Galina told Ten what a pleasure it had been meeting her. âAny chance I'll see you here again?' she asked pointedly.
âI don't know. I'll have to think about it,' she replied, frowning and Galina noticed how her eyes darkened, introspectively.
“Outstanding.”
she thought. She hoped this woman would like line dancing well enough to take it up. She'd start back at the beginners' night herself, if it would bring her closer to Tenille.
âListen, here's my card.'
She glanced at the business information. Galina Dudikoff, Senior Corporate Services Officer. Treasury Foreign-exchange Department. Toronto Dominion Bank. Heavens-to-Betsy, you never knew who you would meet in this gay world.
âCall me if you want to get involved and I'll introduce you around.' Ten nodded and putting the card in her purse, went to join her friends, waiting at the bottom of the stairs. As the three of them made their way to the car, Rani suggested they round the evening off with a nightcap at âReflections', on Church.
âI'm sorry to bring the evening to an earlier close than you would have wished, Rani, but I've not danced in quite a long time and feel totally zipped,' Ten apologized. âBut you have been so kind. I do appreciate all your efforts.'
âThat's okay, Tenille. We understand,' Moira commiserated with her. âRani here never knows when to quit. I'm with you, girl.'
They arrived home safely, pleasantly fatigued and well satisfied with the evening. Ten had been rather quiet in the car. She knew that soon she would be alone with her thoughts and she didn't relish the prospect. Moira dropped her off at her door, then drove around to park the car at the back.
As Ten let herself inside she heard the phone and dashed upstairs as fast as possible. By the time she reached the kitchen, it stopped. Close to midnight, surely that could only have been Sid âphoning this late. Her heart gave another lurch at the prospect of Sid wanting to be in touch with her. Perhaps all was not lost? Her mind had been so wrenched about by misgivings and doubts, she couldn't trust herself to believe anything. A new wariness had developed in her. Things could seem so perfect and then turn out to be horribly wrong. She got ready for bed, prepared to wait and see. She didn't want to raise her hopes only to have them cruelly dashed.
After cleaning her teeth, she studied her face in the mirror. She noticed fine lines had formed round her eyes. From her nose to the corner of her mouth, a line was visible on each side. She sighed. Not wrinkles exactly, but she was obviously no longer young. That gnawing fear returned. Perhaps the difference in their ages was too significant. Sid was so emotional. Her mood swings were hard to keep track of and she could shoot off at a tangent in the blink of an eye.
âCome on, you'll just gobble it up; no problem,' Moira assured her and this turned out to be true. In fact it was easy and lots of fun. She stood next to Rani who helped her through at times and on her other side were the women she'd watched arrive. When she turned around, they gave her guidance too. What a great way to meet people. The dance was âLinda Lu'. Ricky Van Shelton sang the song. She wasn't a fan of country music, could take it or leave it really, but now she was dancing she was beginning to enjoy it. For the space of the twenty minutes she was learning the dances and performing them, her worries fled from her mind and when she left the floor she felt elated and refreshed, if a little weary in her body. She had not danced since July, but her ankle had not let her down. Moira returned to their table with another round of drinks.
âThere now,' she said as she put Ten's beer in front of her: âDidn't I tell you, you'd be fine? How did you find it?'
âYes, Moira,' she laughed. âI really got off on it. People around me were helpful too. People I've never spoken to before.'
âThat's it,' Moira enthused excitedly. âLine dancers are always ready to help out a newcomer. Dancing is what they love doing and to share their enjoyment with others, well ⦠that's a bonus.'
This eulogy, in praise of line dancing came to an abrupt end with the arrival of Fabrice and Serge, with their friends and the introductions. Serge was older than Fabrice. More like father and son, except Fabrice was far too good looking to have had anything to do with Serge's genes, Ten thought. Don and Steve, on the other hand were two âlook-alikes'. She reckoned they must both work out at the same gym and go to the same barber. These two were the dedicated line dancers. Fabrice would have liked to do more, but it seemed Serge's interest was basically watching. He described it as âscouting for talent'.
As the evening wore on, more and more bodies crowded in. The guys loved it, but Ten began to find it too claustrophobic.
âRani, would it be okay with you if I just stepped outside for a few minutes? I feel in need of a breath of air.'
âMe too. Let's go check out downstairs.' She stood up. âListen guys, Tenille and I are going to fill our lungs with something pure instead of all this second-hand smoke. See you shortly.'
âI'll join you.' Don was more of a health fanatic than Steve and always regretted that smoke and bars had to go together. He liked being active on the scene, but hated what it did to his lungs and his clothes. On the way outside, they stopped to check the downstairs venue. In its own way this bar, too, had a lively atmosphere, if somewhat more laid back. People, and they were mostly men here, whereas upstairs had pretty well evened itself out between the genders, were sitting at dining tables and watching entertainers. Comedians with a risque line in gay patter and people who actually sang in their own voice.
They moved outside to Isabella. It was surprising to see how many people were still about, but that's Toronto. A far more lively city than the Nation's capital. Vancouver was fast catching up.
Don turned to Ten. âYou're picking up the dances real fast. Sure you've not tried it before?' he teased.
âShe's a natural dancer. Brains in her feet,' Rani volunteered. Ten returned his interested stare. âI've not line danced before, but I used to dance.' She didn't like the glint in his eye. She had thought women were safe with gay guys. Perhaps not all of them. She felt she would have to be wary of this one. She had caught him appraising her a few times. Funny. Perhaps some men just couldn't help themselves. They went back upstairs in time to see a partner dance in progress.
âThis is different,' she observed to Rani. Partners were arranged in a circle round the floor, following line dance moves, but holding hands, side by side, while they did them in what is called âcarriage' or âsweetheart' position.
âLater,' Rani explained âthe floor will be taken over by couples doing the âTexas Two Step'. That's couple dancing to country music. It's great to see the guys and gals dancing with their partners, or somebody new. Sometimes, depending on the music, it can get quite raunchy. Especially the guys. They sleaze up a two-step rock and really get down and dirty.'
The next dance the DJ called was âThe Country Lambada'. The women enjoyed this one. It was fantastic to watch. Instead of side by side, the couples arranged themselves one behind the other, in the âshadow' position, holding left hands, but the leader's right arm around her partner's waist. Ten noticed she held their bodies really close so when they walked forward or back, there wasn't a crack of light between them. In the dance sequence, they had to swing their hips around in a circular motion, then finally the follower would be thrown back over her partner's arm, almost it seemed to break her back, but no, they would be off again from the beginning, doing that funny, crab-like Lambada walk. A round of applause went up when they finished, then it was back to the line dancing.
Don tried to engage Ten in further conversation, but rather than put up with this persistence, she got up for the dances. This forced her to pay attention and get involved. She picked them up, no trouble, after someone helped her out the first time or two. Returning to the table, this dance being too hard and fast, she found her seat taken and a stranger deep in conversation with Serge. Picking up her glass she went to stand on the periphery with the other spectators. Soon a tall, handsome woman addressed her, maybe her age, looking very much the part. Her shirt even had fringing and her boots, silver toe and heel caps. She wore a white, woven linen Stetson.
âHi, my name's Galina.' She changed her drink to the other hand and they shook.
âTenille.'
âI've not seen you here abouts, before. Is this your first time?'
âThat's right. Some friends invited me along to have a look see.'
â â¦And what do you think ⦠Tenille?'
âI like it,' she said simply.
They stood together and watched the dances unfold.
âCan I get you another drink? What'll you have?' The woman was already reaching for the glass.
âNo, thanks. This is fine,' she replied, then she looked down at her glass and saw what the other woman had already noticed. It was empty.
They both laughed. âThank you. A Carlsberg ⦠light.'
âStay at this spot. I'll be right back.' The woman was authoritative. Her return was not prompt, but Ten wasn't going anywhere.
âSorry about the delay. I'd forgotten what the crush could be like this time of night.' She handed over the glass, but drank from the bottle herself. Like Sid, Ten remembered, as if struck by a blow. No, don't go there. It seemed the line-dancing bracket was coming to an end.
âWhen they play a Two-Step, may I have the pleasure of dancing with you?'
Ten was taken aback. âI ⦠I ⦠don't know how,' she stammered.
âI'll pick one that's not too fast and I'll show you. You need only follow my lead.' The expression in her eyes was gentle as she smiled down into the compelling black ones, whose irises sparkled up at her as they caught flashes from the colored lights.
âI must admit, I would like to try it,' she replied.
They continued to stand, side by side, watching the couples whirl around, as many women on the floor now, as men. Suddenly, Galina took Ten's glass, saying: âThis is the right one for us.' Some couples were leaving, others taking their places. She lead her onto the floor, turned her in towards her body, then drew her close.
âJust relax,' the young woman said: âLean your body into mine and move with me.' Ten did as she was told. The room darkened. Only the large, silver faceted ball provided light, as it spun slowly on its axis and they danced close, like the other couples. The music was Patsy Cline's, I FALL TO PIECES.
Ten had a wonderful experience, loving the sensation of moving to the romantic music. She was a sensitive follower and Galina, a superb leader. They moved together as if of long practise. Galina had never had a partner who responded to her so perfectly. This music should never stop. She could dance forever with this woman in her arms; her body so pliant against hers, she had an overwhelmingly strong attraction to this stranger. She had better exercise control.
“
Try not to make a fool of yourself like last time,”
she thought ruefully. They stayed on the floor for the next one too, COME NEXT MONDAY, sung by K. T. Oslin, another slow and sensual number. Ten knew the woman had held her body intimately and she had responded. This, in public view, no matter that she was a stranger; knew nothing about her. It seemed the woman wanted to remain on the floor for another, but she pulled away and looked up without smiling ⦠but something special still hung between them.
âI'd like to sit down.'
âOf course.' Galina escorted her back to the table. âThank you for the dances. I enjoyed them very much.' Again she looked deeply into Ten's eyes. âYou too, I hope.' It was a moment before she let go her hand.
âYes, thank you.'
“This woman has everything to make my bubble shine.”
Ten conjectured. She began to blush. Galina was getting to her.
âAh, there you are,' Moira said, relieved. âWe wondered where you'd gotten to.'
âMoira, Rani, this is Galina.' Ten made the introductions.
âGalina. That's a Ukrainian name, isn't it?' Moira asked.
âThat's right. I'm second generation, but I have to admit, I don't even speak the language.' The men had moved away so the women took over the seats.
âHave you been dancing long?' This was Rani.
âQuite a while, but I'm not as regular now as I used to be so I've slipped back a bit on the latest dances.'
âSame here,' Moira concurred, âbut Rani keeps it up. You can see the size of her waist compared with mine,' she joked.
Galina turned to Ten. âDo you think you're interested?'
She hesitated. âI don't know. How do you get started?'
âThat's an easy one,' Rani chipped in. âThey have beginners' sessions Tuesday and Wednesday, the first part of the evening, then level one follows. Thursday is partner dance and two stepping night, followed by level two.'
âGoodness.' She was amazed at how specific it all was.
âYes. It really is quite easy once you're shown,' Rani explained, âbut it's very hard to pick up just by watching or joining in. Consequently, they don't move you on to the next level until you're considered ready.' She paused. âThen if you really show promise, they invite you on to their âdemo' team. It seems to me it stops being fun then and becomes hard work.'
The women chatted comfortably for a while longer, but Ten was beginning to fade. Moira suggested they call it a night and make their farewells to the others. This was easier said than done since the men had become scattered throughout the crowd. In the end, Rani found Serge talking to the stranger. She excused her interruption.
âWe're off. Please say goodbye to the others for us, will you?'
âSure thing, Rani.' They kissed. âCall you in the week.'
Galina told Ten what a pleasure it had been meeting her. âAny chance I'll see you here again?' she asked pointedly.
âI don't know. I'll have to think about it,' she replied, frowning and Galina noticed how her eyes darkened, introspectively.
“Outstanding.”
she thought. She hoped this woman would like line dancing well enough to take it up. She'd start back at the beginners' night herself, if it would bring her closer to Tenille.
âListen, here's my card.'
She glanced at the business information. Galina Dudikoff, Senior Corporate Services Officer. Treasury Foreign-exchange Department. Toronto Dominion Bank. Heavens-to-Betsy, you never knew who you would meet in this gay world.
âCall me if you want to get involved and I'll introduce you around.' Ten nodded and putting the card in her purse, went to join her friends, waiting at the bottom of the stairs. As the three of them made their way to the car, Rani suggested they round the evening off with a nightcap at âReflections', on Church.
âI'm sorry to bring the evening to an earlier close than you would have wished, Rani, but I've not danced in quite a long time and feel totally zipped,' Ten apologized. âBut you have been so kind. I do appreciate all your efforts.'
âThat's okay, Tenille. We understand,' Moira commiserated with her. âRani here never knows when to quit. I'm with you, girl.'
They arrived home safely, pleasantly fatigued and well satisfied with the evening. Ten had been rather quiet in the car. She knew that soon she would be alone with her thoughts and she didn't relish the prospect. Moira dropped her off at her door, then drove around to park the car at the back.
As Ten let herself inside she heard the phone and dashed upstairs as fast as possible. By the time she reached the kitchen, it stopped. Close to midnight, surely that could only have been Sid âphoning this late. Her heart gave another lurch at the prospect of Sid wanting to be in touch with her. Perhaps all was not lost? Her mind had been so wrenched about by misgivings and doubts, she couldn't trust herself to believe anything. A new wariness had developed in her. Things could seem so perfect and then turn out to be horribly wrong. She got ready for bed, prepared to wait and see. She didn't want to raise her hopes only to have them cruelly dashed.
After cleaning her teeth, she studied her face in the mirror. She noticed fine lines had formed round her eyes. From her nose to the corner of her mouth, a line was visible on each side. She sighed. Not wrinkles exactly, but she was obviously no longer young. That gnawing fear returned. Perhaps the difference in their ages was too significant. Sid was so emotional. Her mood swings were hard to keep track of and she could shoot off at a tangent in the blink of an eye.
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