Our Time (28 page)

"I left with him that same
day. He was still pretty young, but I couldn't let him go. He was there for me
to talk to, to cuddle with and he never left my side and somehow always knew
what to do to make me feel better."

Andrew chuckled, "Really?
Like what?"

I thought about all the times I
laid in bed depressed and ready to end everything. All the nights that I was
too sick to leave the bathroom after chemo. Monty would hop up on the bed and
lay on my chest until I stopped crying or lay next to me on the bathroom floor.

"He was just… there. He
would do something silly or comfort me in some way. David hated him."

Monty grumbled and perked his
ears up.

"Yeah, and you hated him,
too, huh?"

It almost sounded like he laughed
and then he laid his head on my lap as Andrew scratched his head.

"How could anyone hate this
boy?" Andrew asked quietly.

Monty huffed again and closed his
eyes, enjoying the love and attention he was getting, and making it clear he
agreed with Andrew.

"When I found out I was
pregnant a while later, he was the first one I told. I know it sounds silly,
but after I finished my happy tears festival, I called for him and he came
right away and sat in front of me, waiting for the news. Almost like he already
knew and was just waiting for it to be confirmed." I smiled because he had
been so nervous when he saw me crying. His ears were pinned down and he had
shook every few seconds until I hugged him.

"I said, 'Monty, I'm going
to have a little baby' and he looked at me with his head tilted all cute and
innocent, then he howled and laid down on my lap. He was with me during every
milestone. The first kick I felt, his head was on my tummy and you should have
seen the look on his face. He jumped about three feet when she kicked
him."

Andrew laughed and wrapped his
arms around me a little tighter. "I wish I would have been there... to
take care of you when you needed someone."

I turned in his arms and ran my
fingers across the stubble on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my
hand.

"In a way, I'm glad you
weren't. I was miserable. I wouldn't have wanted you to see me that way."

He shook his head and kissed the
tip of my nose, "I would have tried to make it easier for you. I would
have tried to make you smile and take care of you instead of leaving you to
fend for yourself all the time. I wouldn't have left your side." He
frowned and turned away, shaking his head. "Not like I did yesterday. I'm
so sorry."

"Don't. You have nothing to
be sorry about." I made him look me in the eyes and kissed his soft lips.
"You had every right to want some space."

"It wasn't space that I
wanted. I was just trying to be strong for you, but every second that passed
brought me closer to completely falling apart. I didn't want to make things
harder for you. This isn't about me," he said softly and moved his hands
up and down my back, massaging me and pulling me closer. "It won't happen
again."

I opened my mouth to tell him not
to worry about it anymore, but the look in his eyes was so sincere. He wasn't
going anywhere, and I finally believed him. There was nothing more to say. I
was going to marry this incredible man and he wanted to marry
me,
knowing that time held no guarantee. I felt peace flow through me. Olivia was
going to have a good life and that's all that mattered.

Without warning, he lifted me off
his lap and set me on my feet.

"I'll be right back,"
he said and winked before pecking me on the lips.

He darted out the door, leaving
Monty and me standing in the kitchen curiously. I looked down at him and said,
"What do you think, bud?"

He licked his chops and turned
his eyes to meet mine,
"I trust him."

"Yeah… me too."

We both walked out to the living
room and waited for Andrew to come back. When he hadn't returned after a few
minutes, I made my way up to my room and laid down. The pounding had started
again and I didn't want to end up in the hospital again because I didn't take
it easy. Monty stayed downstairs, waiting. 

When I heard the front door open,
the flutters in my stomach went wild. I had already missed him and he was gone
no more than 5 minutes.
Wow, Joss. You've got it bad.

I smiled at myself,
Yeah, and
it feels wonderful.

Andrew appeared in the doorway
looking anxious. When he saw me laying down, he smiled and leaned against the
door frame with his hands in his pockets. We just gazed at each other for
several long moments, soaking the other in. He filled the doorway, almost
intimidating at first glance, but it didn't make me feel uncomfortable or
insignificant. It made me feel strong to have this man by my side. I felt safe
when he was around.

I felt healthy.

But I wasn't.

He finally stepped forward and
meandered his way to the side of the bed and pulled me up to sit in front of
him. He held my hand tightly and his chest moved up and down quickly, like he
was trying to catch his breath.

I was about to ask him what was
wrong when he dropped to one knee and kissed my hand. My heart hammered against
my ribs. That was the last thing I was expecting.

He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a small, black velvet box and held it between his thumb and
forefinger with a big smile on his face, teasing me with what was inside.

I smiled back as tears filled my
eyes. "When did you…"

"Saturday."

For some reason, relief swept
through me. He had been ready to ask me to marry him before he knew about my
condition and my smile widened.

He still hadn't opened the box
and I had still made no move to grab it. He was smiling, but looked so nervous,
I couldn't help but giggle.

"I really wish you would
open it! I'm dying to know if I did a good job," he said breathlessly.

I grabbed his face between my
hands and kissed him hard. "You could have a bread tie in there and I
would love every bit of it."

"Really?" He quirked an
eyebrow and then shrugged. "Okay, then I guess you don't really need
it." He pulled the box away and went to put it in his pocket while he
smirked at me.

I snatched it out of his hands
before he could and smacked his shoulder. "You tease!"

He laughed and wrapped his arms
around my calves, resting his chin on my knee and looking up at me, waiting for
my reaction.

The box creaked as I pulled it
open, the sound almost deafening in the silence that surrounded us. My breath
caught in my throat when my eyes caught sight of the ring. A princess cut
diamond was set above a row of tiny diamonds on a white gold band. Simple and
beautiful and completely me. What caught my eye was the row beneath. Small
princess cut diamonds ran along the band, but there was a bright red stone in
the middle of them.

"It's a garnet," Andrew
whispered. "Olivia's birthstone."

I covered my trembling lips with
an even shakier hand, holding back against the burn of more tears.

"I had it designed so we can
add other birthstones in the band, just in case." He smiled sheepishly and
his cheeks turned a light shade of red.

Just in case.
Another baby? The idea made me
nervous. I had no clue if I would be able to have another child, but I wanted
another, with Andrew. I could see Olivia being so proud to be a big sister.

He must have seen the look on my
face because he immediately got up off his knees and sat beside me. He plucked
the ring from the box and held it in his fingers. "It's something we can
discuss later, love. Right now, I just want to hear you say yes again. Yes to
being my wife and letting me love you forever."

I couldn't contain myself
anymore. The need to throw myself at him, give him every piece of me, was
overwhelming.

"Yes. Yes to
everything!" I kissed him hard. "Yes to marrying you." I kissed
him again. "Yes to another child." Again. "Yes!"

He kissed me long and hard before
grabbing my hand and sliding the ring on my finger, he lifted it to his lips
and smiled again. Then he reached back into his pocket and pulled out another
little box.

"I know it's silly, but I
got something for Liv, too."

He opened the box to reveal a small
bracelet with tiny charms already linked in. Her birthstone, a butterfly, a
heart, and a tiny wolf. "We can add onto it as she grows so it will still
fit her. I thought she might think of it as my promise to her, like the ring is
to you."

Only this man would do something
so consequential for my daughter. Only this man who loved her as much as I did.
I instantly missed Liv and wished she was here to see his gift even though she
wouldn't realize the significance of it right now.

I felt another twinge behind  my
eyes, more powerful than it was a few minutes ago. I tried not to wince or shut
my eyes, but I don't know how successful I was. My head was getting foggy.

"She is going to love it.
Almost as much as she loves you," I said hoarsely.

He smiled so big that I thought
his face was going to split in half. "Good." He closed the box and
set it on my nightstand, then pulled me into his arms and kissed my face.

"How are you feeling today,
Joss?"

The question surprised me. It
seemed so random with the special moment we had just shared, but when I looked
into his eyes, I could see the concern there. He must have noticed that I
wasn't feeling normal, or as normal as I could be.

I nodded my head, but then
couldn't remember if he asked a yes or no question. I felt frustration rise
inside of my chest.
Not now, please.

"Do you want to go outside
with me and wait for Liv? Get some fresh air?"

I immediately stood up and pulled
him with me, thankful for the opening he gave me to stop thinking about what
was going to happen, what neither of us were sure of.

I knew in the end, everything
would be alright. I thought about the feeling I had the night before, in his
arms, when he had smiled at me like he knew we had all the time in the world. I
had felt peace. Whole.

Like nothing could take this away
from us.

Andrew

She was having another bad day.

It had been a week since I had
seen the glaze in her eyes after I showed her the bracelet for Liv. She had
been acting so cautious all day and had been moving slowly. I knew she was in
pain and I was furious that she had to endure it.

When Madison showed up with Liv,
her face brightened and her eyes cleared, but the occasional wince when she
stood up too quickly or shifted her eyes was still there. There was a point
when she was talking to Liv that some of her words jumbled and she had to shake
her head like she was trying to clear it.

Monty was nervous, too. He paced
the floor near Jocelyn, wherever she was, and was at her feet the moment she
spoke to him and had been ever since.

When Maddy saw the ring on her
finger, she squealed and pulled Joss into a tight hug with tears in her eyes,
saying how happy she was for us over and over again. When I started toward her
to pull her off, afraid she was causing her more pain, Joss scowled at me.

"Don't you dare, Andrew.
Hugs like this only help."

We had all laughed, but the smile
on her face didn't quite reach her eyes and it took everything I had in me not
to pull her into my arms and comfort her. The urge to protect her and Olivia
was fierce, but the need to make her better was vicious.

After a lot of subtle prodding
from both Maddy and me, she finally went up to her room to lie down, leaving
Liv with me and the promise that I would come get her in a couple hours.
Needless to say, Monty was on her heels as she made her way up the stairs.

After that, the rest of the day
went smoothly and she felt better after she had rested. When Olivia was in bed
and the house was quiet, she let me make love to her slowly. She had given me
plenty of not so subtle hints that it was what she wanted, the last being when
she had walked out of the bathroom completely naked and demanded that I make
love to her. I felt uneasy at the thought of taking advantage of her when she
wasn't feeling well, but she didn't let me dwell on it and I am a weak man when
it comes to her.

Now, after a week of good days,
happy days that she took advantage of, she was feeling sick again.

I woke up with her in my arms and
her head on my chest, feeling her steady breaths on my skin. I had been running
my fingers through her hair when she jerked up and rolled over to the edge of
the bed and threw up.

I shot up and knelt next to her
shaking body, holding her hair back as she moaned. The sound ripped through my
chest and my own stomach twisted.

She had been feeling nauseous the
night before and had brought in the garbage can from the bathroom and put it on
her side of the bed, just in case, so thankfully it was still there.