Our Heart (52 page)

Chapter 32

The rest of the funeral passed and people went through the motions. The song and service had left everyone emotionally fatigued. After the graveside burial, the mood began to become less somber as friends and family shared lunch in the church’s basement. Hugs abounded as people excused themselves and left to head home. Some mentioned the song, but most just hugged me as they said their goodbyes. It had been one of those moments when something really significant had transpired, and to comment about it felt like it was taking away from it. By one o’clock, the last of the friends had left, and only the immediate family remained. The church ladies were busy cleaning up, and we decided it was time to head home to my grandparents’ house.

Allison had left with Zach after the burial service, and only the Dittmers came to the luncheon. They were cordial to me, and Mrs. Dittmer even hugged me. It was hard for me to tell if Allison had said anything to them or not. It would have been hard for her to face me after hearing the song and the verses I had sung. In the words was our story, along with
that of my parents’
and grandparents’. It had been a testament of love and triumph, adversity and compassion. I didn’t intend to place her on the spot, but I had no doubt that most people would know it was her I sang about. Great Aunt Vicky grabbed me by the arm and told me it was time to go.

The five of us piled into her old blue Chevy sedan and made the short trip back home. We had decided against having a wake at the house, opting for the church instead. It would be inevitable that some would still find reason to stop by in the days and weeks ahead. Great Aunt Vicky, along with Justin and Aunt Marcie, would leave sometime on Sunday. I had no idea what lay in store for my dad and me. I felt it was time to let the past rest and try to build a present and future, which included him in my life. I was tired of fighting the demons of the past.

I hoped I would be able to make Cedar Junction my home once more, but after the encounter with Allison, it was possible she would still prefer me to leave. The car made the final turn and, as it pulled into the driveway of my grandparents’ house we all gazed out at Allison, who was sitting in the porch swing. My Dad was sitting up front with Aunt Vicky. He turned around and smiled at me and, in his face, I saw his hope and desire for salvation there for the both of us.

Allison stayed seated in the swing as we made our way up the porch steps. Everyone said hi and then went in to the house, so Allison and I could be alone. I wasn’t sure what I should do, sit with her, stand, or pull over the rocker and have it face her. Thankfully, she made the decision for me by sliding over to one side of the swing and making room for me to sit down. She had changed out of her dress and now had on a pair of blue jeans and a light green sweater. Her hair was still pulled back in a braid and I could tell she had tried to put herself back together. She still wore the same perfume that had always enticed me. It surrounded me as I sat down next to her.

This was her time to engage me. I both dreaded and waited with anticipation for what she would say. Her words never came; they didn’t have to. As we sat there on the swing, she reached over and took my hand in hers, holding on to it like she would never let it go. We sat on the swing, breathing in the existence of each other and allowing our
spirits, which
had touched so long ago
,
to rekindle the bond of new beginnings. As the swing gently rocked back and forth, she rested her head on my shoulder. The last brick in the wall of the past fell away, and I closed my eyes. I had come home.

Chapter 33

The summer after Grandpa’s passing was one of remembrance, forgiveness, and rejuvenation. I made a trip back to San Diego to collect all of my possessions and part ways with my band. Allison went with me and we discussed plans for the future. She had not told Zach I was his father, and I was doing my best not to rush her. It would happen when it was right, and when it did, it would be a day for all to cherish. We took time with our romance as well, but while we stayed in San Diego, the passion between us couldn’t be denied, and I had never been so happy. Together, we loaded the rented U-Haul and drove it home to Iowa.

My father had decided to remain in Minnesota, but we spoke often on the phone and made plans to spend more time together. He even came down for the fourth of July. We never spoke about the pages in Grandpa’s journal; instead, we talked about Mom and what the future might have in store for us. He looked years younger and even hinted he might have to test the dating pool again someday. I hoped he would, but I knew Mom would always be his one true love. We agreed I would live in the house, for now, and he took a lot of the furniture from downstairs back with him. What he didn’t take and I didn’t want we hauled to the local second-hand store. We met several more times with Grandpa’s attorney and settled on all the terms of his will.

Zach and I grew closer every day. It was hard not to call him son and even Allison and her parents could see the bond developing between us. In August, the three of us sat down, and Allison told Zach I was his biological father. His answer was very succinct for a five and a half year old: “Cool.” After that, life was easy. Allison and I worked on getting the new store finished. I hoped to have it ready to open after Labor Day. There was already a long list of people interested in musical lessons, both guitar and singing. It didn’t hurt when I had sold the rights to mine and Grandpa’s song to the record company I had dealt with in San Diego. A long-time popular country artist had recorded the song. He’d even managed to sing its way into the current top twenty. Allison always wrinkled her nose when she heard it on the radio, commenting on how I should have been the one to sing it. I really didn’t mind; the royalties were going to be nothing to sneeze at, either, especially if it became a number one hit. I felt in my heart I was destined to be more of a spot performer, just like my mom and Aunt Marcie.

The week of September thirteenth my song, “The Heart is Key,” climbed to the number one spot on the charts, and I celebrated the night by proposing to Allison. I wasn’t prepared for her response.

She smiled and then let me have it with, “I guess you’ll have to do until a better offer comes along.”

After I chased her around the house, we fell into each other’s arms, and I understood just how important she was to me and I held on to her tight. We shared the news with all of our friends and family. Everyone was truly excited for us and wished us well. We planned the wedding for Valentine’s Day in February but had to settle for the following week, since every church was already booked for Valentine’s
Day
.

The store opened on time and business grew exponentially. I’d like to say it was because of the quality of my merchandise and expertise, but it had everything to do with my notoriety. “The Heart is Key,” stayed at number one for seven weeks and word began to move throughout the area that I was the writer and lived in Cedar Junction, where I ran a recording studio and music store. What Allison didn’t know was the song had been nominated for song of the year, and we would be attending the award show. I also signed a contract to give all future songs I might write a first option with Drew Pearson, the agent representing me.

I hadn’t written anything new, but recently I’d started having that nagging, pulling sensation in the back of my mind, and I knew I’d be needing to deal with it real soon. Christmas came and went. It was magical beyond my wildest imagination. I felt like I was living in a Christmas movie, where love abounded and people were always at their best. I gave Zach a Gibson guitar and Allison a yellow ribbon. She cried when she opened the box. On Christmas afternoon, the three of us made the trek up the old path to the oak tree.

Fresh snow had fallen during the night, and it was just cold enough to make it powdery. The sun glistened off the surface and, many times, I had to look away to not be snow blinded.

When we broke out of the trees into the meadow, I heard Zach exclaim, “Wow.”

The tree was even more majestic as it sat at the top of the hill looking down on the snow-dusted meadow below. All of the leaves were long gone, but it somehow looked regal nonetheless. Zach wanted to know if we could bring his sled up here and go shooting down the hill. I laughed and told him it would be fine by me. Ours were the only tracks and it seemed a shame to disturb the pristine look of the meadow. I shouldn’t have worried. After we’d made it half way to the tree, a doe and her fawn popped up from the grass they were resting in, startling us, as they bounded away into the trees.

Zach walked under the large branch, as Allison and I ducked to get to the other side where the hearts were carved. The three of us stood together as we looked at the hearts. The crack hadn’t gotten any larger in Grandpa’s heart, and I even thought it looked smaller than it had the last time I was here. I supposed it had something to do with the time of year and the coldness. Allison and I had our arms around each other’s back, and Zach stood in front of us. I think we were both waiting to hear what he might say. He took off his right hand glove and walked right up to the tree. He wasn’t tall enough to reach Grandpa’s heart, but he could reach the one I had carved. Just like so many before him, he traced the outline of the heart with his little fingers.

“Mommy and Daddy,” was his only comment, but it was a statement more powerful than he knew. It was not lost on Allison or me. To be standing here today at this very spot, where he had been conceived out of love years before, during a time when Allison and I still lived with all the dreams and hopes that our future held, was miraculous. With all I knew and lived through to get back to this place where I belonged and to be with the girl, who would soon be my wife, and the son who had stolen my heart as well, overwhelmed me. I
shivered, not from the cold but with the knowledge of nearly losing it all. It was
the feeling of spirituality that
came from being found when I was so far lost.

I held on to Allison
. S
he
rose
up and kissed me
tenderly on my cheek
. She pulled out the yellow ribbon I had given her and I took the small pack off of my back where I had put in a hammer, pliers, screwdriver and several nails. We stood together looking at the ribbon that had endured so many seasons and looked like it had seen
much
better days. I used the pliers to loosen the nail enough so I could get the claw portion of the hammer under it. The nail had rusted into the tree and it took some effort to get it loose. Allison tucked the old ribbon in her pocket and folded the new one into the form that she wanted. She pointed where she wanted me to put the nail and I placed the ribbon on the tree in the spot she indicated. She kissed me
again
on the cheek, and I swung the hammer, connecting with the nail and driving it nearly halfway in on the first hit. A couple of more blows and the ribbon took its place on the tree.

Allison and I stood back so we could take in the bright yellow color as it contrasted with the gray and browns of the tree. It looked like a beacon, as it drew attention to the hearts carved there. While Allison and I had been busy with the ribbon, Zach had been examining the tree with his curiosity piqued. He tugged on my coat and pointed at the tree saying, “
Cool, I like the k
ey.
What’s it open?
”

I thought he was talking about the key I had carved in the center of all of the hearts, but that wasn’t where he was pointing. He was pointing to a spot that was near the outside edge of my father’s heart. I walked over and looked closer. He was right. It looked like someone had taken a key and pounded it into the trunk of the tree until it was flush. It had been varnished over. It completely blended in with the overall coloring of the hearts. It was very easy to miss, and I wondered how long it had been there and who might have put it there. It had been placed too carefully to have been done as a prank, and I wondered if this wasn’t something else my grandfather had done. Without removing it, I was fairly well certain it wasn’t a key to anything I was aware of. I’d not come across anything else locked which a missing key was needed to open.

Allison suggested that maybe my father had placed it there after he saw the key I had carved. It could have had a special meaning to him and my mother. It made sense to me, and I decided to leave it there. I’d talk to my dad about it the next time I saw him, which would be at the wedding in February. We headed back down the way we came and, later that night, we went to a Christmas dinner with Allison’s parents.

My relationship with the Dittmers continued to move on cautionary terms. I don’t think they were unhappy I was back, but they would always be protective of Allison. I couldn’t blame them. I hadn’t been here when she needed me the most. Larry was more open to me than Stacy was, but during the dinner prayer, she asked God to bless the coming union of Allison and me. I helped her to clear the dinner dishes, and she took the opportunity to tell me she really was happy I was going to be her son-in-law. She did remind me, though, that if I ever did anything to hurt Allison she had connections in Chicago. After she said it, she smiled and gave me a huge hug. I made her
blush
when I said, “Thanks, Mom.”

The wedding was simple and dramatic. Allison was
so
beautiful! As I stood in front of the church, watching her walk down the aisle, my heart raced with all the nervousness and love it held. Just like in every movie, the music is the key to setting the emotion of the moment, and as the wedding march played, it intensified the love I felt for her. My hands shook as I placed the ring on her finger and Allison gave me a sly look. I managed a grin that indicated I was okay. The wedding kiss was one of the sweetest moments of my life, and I will never forget the way it made me feel, knowing from this day forth Allison and I would be together, with a lifetime to share.