Only One (24 page)

I slept peacefully the nights he lay down beside me and held me in his arms, whispering words of love and comfort. It took so much out of me to do it, but I did. I let him go because, as always, Cole was a man of his word and he was ready to leave everything behind for me. I couldn’t have that, so I did what I needed to do for him.

I’d never forget his face as I told him I couldn’t love him anymore. He’d stared into my eyes, his body pressed up against mine that morning. He was telling me how strong I was and how much faith he had in me to pull though, only his words pushed me to do the one thing he didn’t want. He didn’t want to leave. He was giving up on school and football for me. So I found the strength he professed that I had, and without crying I managed to look into his sad eyes and break his heart even more.

“Cole, I want to be left alone. I want you to go back to school.”

“No, Belly. I’m staying right here until you’re safe.”

“I can’t love you anymore, Cole. It’s like he took that away from me.”

He stroked my hair, trying to quiet me, softly kissing my lips. “I can love enough for both of us. If you can just try to get better it’ll work out, Belly. Just try,” he pleaded.

I pulled from his grip. “I don’t think you’re listening to me, Cole. I don’t want to try. I want you to leave and I want you to leave now,” I shouted enough that my daddy came in and gathered him. Before the door closed, Cole pleaded, but to drive it in further, I yelled, “And don’t come back.”

When he left a piece of me shattered, but I knew it was the right thing, so I let him go without anything but mean words and the memory of that one last kiss goodbye. Only when he’d kissed me he hadn’t a clue that’s what it was.

Mama had forced me to see a doctor two times a week for the last month. I was lying on yet another doctor’s table, only this time instead of pouring out my heart about the incident, as my mama called it, I was actually giving it away this time—quite possibly never getting it back. Cole hadn’t tried to contact me since I kicked him out, and as much as I missed him, I didn’t go after him. It had been four weeks since the “incident” and seven since Cole and I shared our last intimate moment.

They say when it rains it pours. Well, Mother Nature decided to give me the whole shebang. I was getting the full-on hurricane and I had no fucking umbrella to keep me dry.

The coolness of the stirrups on my heels was the only thing I could feel. Occasionally I heard the crinkle of paper underneath my body as I squirmed nervously, waiting for the doctor to come in. Even though it was only minutes, it felt like forever until I heard the soft tap at the door.

In walked a middle-aged woman who instantly reminded me of my grandmother. “Hi there, Annabelle. I’m Doctor LeClaire,” she said, stretching her hand out for me to take.

“Hi,” I mumbled back to her, still numb.

“Annabelle, it says here that your around seven-eight weeks along. I need to make sure you’ve been made aware of all your options before I continue.”

“Yes, I have.” The tears dripped down my face. It was the first time I’d felt any kind of emotion in weeks. And it felt good.

“Honey, are you sure this is what you want? It’s a very big decision.”

I wiped the tears away hastily. “Can I please have a minute?”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you five. Think real hard about this, Annabelle. Once it’s done there’s no turning back.” She flashed me a quick but genuine smile before leaving me to think.

Tears sprang from my eyes, and for the first time since Cole left, I welcomed them. I let them all fall as I rubbed my belly, finally acknowledging the baby growing inside was actually a human being rather than a curse. I couldn’t do it.

I got dressed and walked out without a word. Tears were still slipping out as I made my way to my truck. I took a step back when I saw Mama standing in front of the door, with concern written all over her face.

“Hey there, baby girl.”

“Mama,” I swiped the remaining tear away. “What are you doing here? How did you know where I was?”

She tried to smile, but I could see the sadness when she approached me and pushed my hair over my shoulders. “Your daddy called and told me he was getting worried about where your truck was parked.”

I should have known. With everything that had been going on, I had forgotten that he tracked my every move nowadays.

“He’s just being cautious.”

When I didn’t respond, she gripped my shoulders. “Honey, please tell me why you’re here.”

Unable to look up at first, I bit down on my lip. “I missed my period. I don’t know what happened. I was taking the pill.” I exhaled a deep breath. “I’m pregnant, Mama.”

“Oh,” she said, but her face didn’t give anything else away. I had no idea what she thought of me right now.

“Can I ask why you’re here, specifically?”

“I didn’t think I wanted it.” I glanced down to my still flat belly. “I haven’t seen Cole for a while now, but I know how he feels. He doesn’t want one either.”

She pulled me to a bench in the small lot and sat me down. “Did he tell you that, honey?”

“No, I mean yes, sometime ago he did.”

“Then how do you know how he feels now? Annabelle, he calls me every day to check on you. He loves you so much, sweetheart.”

I knew he had called. I’d heard her on the phone telling him the same thing each time. Every night he called at nine and she told him that I was recovering and was on the mend, to give me some more time.

“I just do, Mama.” I paused to look at her. “How come you didn’t come in to stop me?”

Her hand flew to her mouth in shock at my question. “No, Annabelle, please tell me you didn’t.”

I waited a beat. “No, I didn’t. I couldn’t go through with it.”

“Oh, thank god,” she cried out, pulling me to her. “I knew you’d make the right choice, that’s why I didn’t come in, but baby, either way it was your choice to make, and you know Daddy and I will be there for you.”

“I know. We’ll be all right.”

Mama started fumbling with my hair, trying to braid it like she did when I was little. “You have to tell Cole. He deserves to know, honey.”

“No,” I shouted, shoving her hand away. “Mama this isn’t one of your games where you play match maker. Do not tell Aunt Lu or anyone. Cole is fine down there and needs to finish school. Please promise me right now. They’re only two more months of games left and he has to play in them.”

She studied me for a moment and sighed deeply. “Sure, Annabelle.”

It occurred to me as I was driving home that she never promised me anything.

~~~

I knew the whole family, and I did mean the whole family, had been worried about me. If one more, sad, pitiful, poor-baby glance shot my way again, I’d scream. Cole had stayed away. It had blown me away when he did. I’d always thought after everything that we’d been through he would never leave my side. But I’d pushed him enough by forcing him to leave and refusing to take his calls for the last month.

Mama didn’t stay true to her word, and I couldn’t say for sure, but I thought she had to be the person who told Cole about the baby. He came home the day after he found out, pleading with me, but I wouldn’t listen.
I can be stubborn like that
. I told him it was my baby and I wasn’t sure if I was even keeping it and that he had no say. Well, he didn’t agree with my statement, but after several nasty words, he stormed into that faithful Jeep of his and never looked back.

Even just hitting the end of my first trimester I wasn’t sure if I was keeping the baby or placing him or her up for adoption. No one was happy with that idea, but they all agreed on one thing—it was my choice to make. I thought Daddy’s head was going to explode when I told him I didn’t want Cole to know just yet about my decision. By the look on Daddy’s face, I was sure as hell he’d hunt Cole down and bring him home, regardless of my request.

Apparently Cole was done with me, because when he talked to Aunt Lu, he didn’t ask about me anymore. He’d flat out refused, or that’s what she told us all. And Mama hadn’t received a call for over two weeks. I was positive whether he wanted to check on me or not, his mama had told everything.

Cole

I left her there, even though I didn’t want to. Everyone convinced me that it was for the best. I went back to school to finish up and give her the time to recover. Only each day it got harder and harder for me to focus on school, on football, on anything.

Nightmares of finding her in Florida haunted my sleep. Now that I had a face to go with that fucker’s name, he unfortunately played a big role in those dreams. I’d played that day and those three nights lying next to her over and over in my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. And then the news of the baby came. I did everything I could to plead with her, but she was so hell bent on doing her own thing.

Honestly, my whole life I’d never imagined looking into her eyes and disliking her. But her words had cut me right down to the core. And then announcing like it was no big deal at all that my baby was going to be raised by people I didn’t even know. Well, that killed me. Maybe shutting down wasn’t the right thing to do, but that’s what I did.

“Yo, Lucca, coach wants to see you.” Nathan, my roommate and wide receiver, shouted just as I jumped out of the shower after practice. I leaned my head against my locker and punched the metal door, not wanting to deal with this right now.

Slowly, taking my time until the inevitable was in front of me, I rapped my knuckles on his door. “Come on in,” he hollered.

I popped my head inside. “Nathan says you wanted to see me.”

He looked up from his playbook. “Yeah, Cole. I do. Have a seat.”

“Is everything all right, sir?”

“I sure hope so.” He clasped his hands together and placed them on the desk in front of him. “What’s going on with you, Cole?”

“Nothing, sir.”

“Bullshit! I’m going to ask you again.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.” Even I knew that was bullshit.

“Son, you’ve been playing for me for four years now. Every one of those days you played for me, you gave me one hundred and ten percent, but these past few weeks you’ve been given me somewhere around fifty percent.”

“I know. I’ll get my head back into the game where it belongs. It’s just something really big that I’m struggling with.”

“Son, we have a real big game coming up.”

“I’m aware, sir.”

“You got two days to do whatever you need to do. Go get it done and then come back. I don’t want to see you until I see the old Cole that I know. And, Cole, if you don’t listen to me, I’ll be forced to play Baker as the starting quarterback.”

“Yes, sir.”

The last few weeks I’d given up on the idea of being a part of my child’s life since Belly pushed me away—again. But I knew we belonged together, like our story was written in the stars. I just needed to fight a little harder and stomp the stubborn out of my girl.

Annabelle

We’d all come down to the beach for a family vacation. All of my relatives were under one big roof to say sayonara to a long-ass summer and hello to autumn, even though we were well into Autumn. It was only a week until Thanksgiving. We usually made it down here earlier, but since everything had happened we were running a tad late with our yearly trip. It was the middle of November. Even Cole’s family joined us by renting the house two doors down. Normally they stayed with us, but we had a full house and couldn’t spare the room. Everyone was here like old times, except Cole. But that was to be expected.

Three days of being cramped together, sharing every meal together and spending nights on the deck reminiscing together, made me want to run and escape.

I rushed upstairs to grab a light sweater to throw on before heading outside.

“Annabelle,” Lily shouted. “Do you want to play Monopoly or Pictionary?”

“Nothing. I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

She placed the games on the table. “You want some company? We can walk down and get some ice cream.”

I shook my head. “No, I’ll be back soon.”

Everyone else had been outside on the deck, grilling dinner and playing cards.

All heads turned as I opened the patio door. Aunt Lu and Mama were huddled together, whispering, but they stopped when they saw me. The rest were enjoying the gentle breeze, the smell of food cooking and the cold beer in their hands. Uncle Josh came over as I started to head for the stairs. “Hey, darlin’, where you off to?”

“I’m just going to take a walk, sit on the beach and think.”

He draped his arm over my shoulder and tugged me closer. “He’s a fool. But I promise you that he’ll see reason and come back. That boy loves you. He’s just figuring shit out right now. Men work and process things a little differently than you ladies do.”

I smiled and kissed his cheek. “I love you. I don’t think I tell you enough. But I do. And because of you and the rest of that bunch sitting behind us pretending not to listen, I know for a fact that I’ll be all right, either way.”

He didn’t say anything, but he pressed his lips together, and I could tell he was trying to hide his manly emotions. He kissed the top of my head again, turned and headed right for the beer cooler.

I smiled. “I’ll be back soon, y’all.”

Once again I was flashed looks of compassion.

After walking all the way to the hotel at the end of the strip, I turned to head back. Once I saw the mile marker, I slowed down and collected a few scattered shells and placed them in the pockets of my shorts. The light on the deck was on even though the sun was still up. I couldn’t see them all up there having fun, but I could hear them.

The breeze had picked up some, so I sat on the sand with my knees tucked under my sweater. My arms were wrapped around my knees, and I rested my chin on my arms, thinking about my life and how much it was going to change.

Listening to the waves crash onto the beach, the laughter coming from behind me on the deck and watching the occasional Pelican dive for his dinner, I felt it. I knew what I had to do to do right by this little baby growing inside of me. Whether the rest of the family was on board with my plan, who knew?