One Time All I Wanted (3 page)

one time you called while i was flipping through the television channels and there was this scene of indigenous people fighting with each other. sticks, spears, sweat. figured i’d leave it on in the background on mute while listening to what you had to say.

one time i really liked this guy as a friend but then i saw him read his poetry and thought, “that’s it? that is what the big deal is about?” then i tried to be friends with him anyway but just couldn t.

one time i had an entire year of choking at my own readings. i believe it earned me the term “charming,” it was so bad. “
oh yeah, she s charming
.” (makes farting noise with her mouth.)

one time this super nice girl who is super nice to everybody else was really mean to me.

i once thought that introducing two of the biggest dipshits i ever met would be such a hilarious thing to observe from a distance. then they plotted against me.

i once showed up to a scrimmage game drunk and scored a goal for the other team.

i once met a famous writer for dinner. i was so nervous and excited we were going to talk about literature. he ogled me the entire night and i felt like a piece of garbage the whole walk home.

one time i wondered why it s taboo to speak up.

one time a friend had to drive a band van named the Pequod (which was the name of the ship in
Moby Dick
, you ll remember) halfway across the country to rescue me.

once, a friend and i were walking on Union and i was saying that i wanted to write MIA s song lyrics and a dude stuck his head out his apartment window and shouted down at me and i quote directly here, “you should probably kill yourself.”

i once tried to be a florist. i brought my resume to all the flower shops in town. i said to the managers i really wanted to spend my days working in a flower shop and spend my nights writing. the response i got was, “miss thinks her shit smells like roses.”

one time i was standing in line at the overpriced Sunac grocery store in Brooklyn and miserable i was paying so much for bread, and then a great song came on the radio and everyone in the line started dancing together, and i remembered why i was there.

one time i was miserable in a subway station and some dude s cellphone started ringing and the song was “Juicy” by Notorious BIG and i wasn’t as miserable anymore.

one time i said i can t and you said i can. one time i started to make it right.

i once rode my bike through a snowstorm because you were cheating on me. i said “fuck him. I am never talking to him again.” in the morning, you showed up and i let you in.

i once let a guy misspell my name into his cellphone library, and would regret it for the rest of the days i knew him.

one time i saw your name on a bookshelf, and i smiled. i smiled.

i once spent a winter working in the only female-owned hardware store in Baltimore. a man came in to ask about 90 degree copper plumbing pipes, and even though i had the answer he still chuckled and said, “what’s a woman know about hardware?”

i once walked across two bridges to tell you to leave me alone.

one time we were standing on Charles Street in Boston and a fruit delivery truck drove past us and you said, “i’ve dreamt this,” and now every time i see that logo it s all i can remember.

one time i was walking in a bad neighborhood and a man asked me what the blue ink on one of my tattoos meant. i said, “oh, my boyfriend picked it out,” and then he left me alone.

one time i woke up in the middle of the night and turned on the light because there was a spider six feet above me on the wall. i d known it was there, that was why i had woken up. i could sense it. i m certain of this.

one time i danced with you at a punk show in an un-permitted warehouse. i once did one hundred sit-ups but nothing changed.

one time i really asked what have i done. i once knew we were supposed to meet.

Nicolle Elizabeth has been writing fiction her entire existence and writing for the web since 2003 when she interviewed a non-profit collective of graffiti artists for karmaloop.com.

Since then, she has written extensively on translated literature for
Words Without Borders
, become one of the younger female members of the National Book Critics Circle, and had over 200 interviews, reviews, essays, and short stories published in journals and magazines both online and in print.

She is the current poetry editor of
Word Riot
. She three-way tied Ethel Rohan and Matthew Salesses as
PANKs
2010 chapbook flash fiction contest winner and is at work on a novel. She is also a bike mechanic, vegan baker, 2012 Pushcart Prize nominee, and has an MFA from a prestigious university in Writing she achieved while working three jobs, one of which was in a hardware store.

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