One Song Away (18 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I’m holding my guitar like it’s a lifeline. I can hear the crowd cheering and Adam playing fiddle. I’m not sure if it surprised me more that others volunteered for this showcase, or that Adam plays the fiddle. And I mean he
plays
. We jammed together yesterday, and I’m fairly sure he’s better than I am. I have to wonder if he’s as nervous as I am, or if he’s calm.

I force myself to stop pacing.

Freshly Ground is packed to the brim. The one and only time I peeked into the main area, every table was full, and there were folks standing everywhere. I caught sight of my family at a table near the makeshift stage Jake put together. I didn’t see Gideon, but he sent me a text letting me know that he’s here. I’ve been trying not to think of the importance of this night, but his text drives home the fact that I’ve made a decision—and very soon, the world will know what I decided.

Was it just a few days ago when Gideon showed up in my life again? Just a few days ago that he gave me this wonderful opportunity? He hasn’t pressed me once, not even when we talked yesterday. The old Gideon never would have waited patiently for me to give him an answer, so I think maybe he really
is
changing.

“Knock knock,” someone sings. I recognize my best friend’s voice immediately, so I swing the breakroom door open. Sloane steps into my refuge, smiling as soon as she sees me. “Hey superstar!”

“Don’t call me that.” I poke her shoulder. “I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“What? Don’t even start with that ‘I’m nervous’ bullshit.” She winks at me, her gaze mischievous. “You’re going to take them all by storm, Soph. I know it.”

I adjust my guitar strap to give myself something to do with my hands. I’ll be strumming and singing very soon, but right now, my heart feels like it’s slowly edging up my throat, so I need to stay busy. Even knowing that I have so many supporters here hasn’t even taken the edge off of my fear. The truth of it is, I’m not
just
nervous. I’m afraid. Even though I’ve made my choice and feel certain of it, there’s a small part of me that’s afraid because no one gets everything they want.

“Seriously,” Sloane says. “You’re going to be a star. I know it, and everyone out there is about to know, too.” She plants a kiss on my cheek. “Adam is about done, so I’m going to do your intro.”

“My
intro
?” I groan. “What is this, American Idol?”

“Even better.” She grins at me, sauntering toward the door. “It’s
your
night.”

“Whatever, Seacrest.”

“Bitch.” She waves at me before exiting the room.

“Jerk.” I say it after she’s gone, but we’ve done it so many times that she doesn’t have to be here to hear me. Besides, Sloane is eating this night up. She got to get all dolled up, there’s bound to be at least one girl here for her to flirt with,
and
she gets to brag about me to everyone we know. She loves all of those things, so Sloane’s world is just about perfect—like I hope mine is by the end of the night.

Running through my set list again in my head, I reach for the bottle of water I brought with me. I take a small sip, mentally shifting around two songs in the order. I’m playing six, since I’m the “star” (even thinking it, I feel sarcastic) of the showcase. Adam did a few instrumentals on his fiddle, and another girl from town who I don’t know well did a few banjo songs. They’re both done, so it’s my turn. My moment.

Sloane sounds like a circus barker peddling the main act as I practically tiptoe down the hallway. I haven’t been on a stage or really in the spotlight since I came home. I’d managed to forget the euphoria that comes from knowing people are about to see and hear me perform, and the fear of doing something stupid, like falling on my face. I did that once at The Buckle. I was tipsy then. Tonight? I’m sober, so I have no excuse.

“Here she is, y’all—our very own rebel belle—Sophie-Claire Wright!”

With a deep breath, I round the corner and step onto the stage. Sloane hands me the microphone and hops down before she takes her seat with my family. It’s such a familiar scene, from talent shows and the like over the years. A wave of déjà vu washes over me, but I shrug, smile, and scan the crowd. Mama told all her friends at church and her coworkers about it. I see a ton of teens here, thanks to Cassidy. There are a lot of Freshly Ground regulars and various townspeople I know, plus some strangers.

Gideon is leaning against the wall in one corner, Jake in the other. I nod to Gideon and wave to Jake. My heart does a funny tripping thing when I see him. He’s dressed up for tonight in nice slacks, a button-down dress shirt, and his hair fixed. His eyes never leave mine, and I can’t help but think about how amazing he’s been these last few days. He knows I had a huge choice to make, and he respected that completely.

I worked and practiced for tonight and took lots of walks and drives around town. Jake and I talked on the phone every night, but we haven’t made us official yet. I want to, but I felt like I needed some objectivity to make my choice. Ultimately, I quickly realized that I was wrong. There was no way I could choose with my head. I had to choose with my heart.

Closing my eyes for a few seconds, I try to steady myself. Then I open my eyes and face the cheering crowd.

“Hey everyone!” I wave, trying to get comfortable. “Did you guys enjoy Adam and Christine?” I hear lots of applause, and I nod. “They were fabulous.” I adjust my guitar so I’m ready. “I’m going to play a few songs that I hope y’all like.” The applause continues for a few seconds, and then slowly fades.

I open with an up-tempo song. I wrote it after a night out with Brenna, Sloane, and Mina, and I tried to recapture the energy I always feel when we party together. The lyrics are all about living life to the fullest, and the chorus is catchy. I paired it with a melody that complements the feel of the song. As I head into the first chorus, it happens like always: the music takes over. I’m not on a stage in Martinville. I’m in Time Out with my girls, or I’m in a Nashville bar or club. I’m dancing as if no one’s watching, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

The stage is mine. The room is mine. People are clapping along by the last chorus. I dance around the stage for a few seconds during a little guitar solo I crafted, and I feel powerful. I feel happy. I feel
alive
. How did I ever forget what this is like?

How did I
ever
doubt that this is where I belong?

My next few songs are a mix. I play a mid-tempo one, then two more pop-country ones. There’s emotion in every one of them. I spent these last few days storing it all up—happiness, nervousness, apprehension, wonder. All the things I feel when I think about the choices I have to make, and the opportunities before me. Everything I feel when I close my eyes and really let myself think about the fact I’m doing what I always knew I wanted to do: I’m making my own path in life. It might not be easy, and things might not always go my way. It’ll be a wild ride, but it’ll be worth it. It’ll be
my
song.

I meet people’s eyes as I sing. Mama is beaming, and Cassidy looks like she’s laughing and crying at the same time. I think Daddy might burst from pride, and Gideon has his arms folded across his chest, grinning like a fool. I see cell phones in the air during the slow song I play, and two couples even get up and dance. I feel stretched to the max, full of love for everyone in the room—and I still have one song left.

“This last song is special to me,” I say before taking a few drinks of my water. “I started it awhile back, but I only finished it recently.” The crowd is quiet, so my voice sounds loud to me. “It was a good song, but it was missing something. It was missing heart.” I get choked up, and have to pause for a few seconds. “I went out for a walk a few days ago, and I found the heart for my song, right here in Martinville.”

Everyone starts cheering, and I let them go on for a few seconds. Then I hold up my hand, they go silent, and it’s magic.

“I saw heart in the people offering their home-grown goods at the farmer’s market. In the kids playing in the same playground I played at when I was young. In the pickup softball game out at the fairgrounds. I saw it everywhere. So I put it and one more thing into this song.”

I meet Jake’s eyes as I speak again. “Love. I always thought the love I wanted, the dreams I was chasing, and the best life I could find were one song away,” I say, holding Jake’s gaze. “Moving home has shown me that was only partially true, because I had it in me all along to write that song, once I was in the right place.”

As I strum the opening notes, I feel like I’m floating. What I said is true: this song is a love song for my town. It’s about knowing where you belong. It’s about knowing you’re home and about knowing
who
your home is. It’s about knowing who you are so you can make that home with someone. It’s about realizing that home isn’t just a place. It’s something you
make
so when you’re away, you’ll miss it and want to come back. It’s a beacon, a lighthouse, and a path to guide you back.

I’ve made mine.

I keep my eyes on him as I sing. His face brightens as my song reaches him. I’ve taken everything I’ve learned about myself this fall and woven it into the lyrics, but I know his friendship and love played a part, too. I came back to myself. I rediscovered myself, and my determination to follow my dreams. And I found a love I never expected.

If I’d never left, Jake would have been right. I’d have settled here, just like dust does when it’s undisturbed. I wouldn’t have had adventures and made mistakes. I wouldn’t have lived in an awake, alive city. I wouldn’t have found my voice. I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate the amazing life I have. And I wouldn’t have been able to love Jake maturely, instead of loving an ideal.

My song is winding down, but I put my all into the final chorus. I’m prouder of this one than of any I’ve ever written. Tears sting my eyes as I finish, and when I go silent and finally smile, the upturning of my cheeks sends the tears spilling over. I set my guitar on the stage. The applause is a roar, so I close my eyes for a few seconds because it’s almost overwhelming. When I open my eyes, I give a small bow, feeling like a huge dork. The crowd loves it. I hear Sloane whistling and cheering, and I really can’t believe I’m here. In this moment.

I catch Jake’s gaze and mouth one word:
swings
. He nods, so I know he got my message, but I have one more to deliver first. Gideon is waiting for me in the back of the room. I make my way through the crowd, accepting hugs and well wishes. It takes me several minutes to get to my ex, but he doesn’t leave. He watches as I shake hands with people, until I finally reach him.

“You’re amazing,” he says. He doesn’t take his eyes off me, but I’m relieved to see that there’s nothing but warmth and friendship there. He hasn’t said or done anything inappropriate, but there was a part of me that thought, at first, he would try to win me back.

“Thanks. That felt…great. Wonderful.” He nods. I see his gaze slide to Jake, who’s just slipping out the front door, no doubt having left Mina in charge. “Gideon, I…”

“You’re staying.” He smiles at me. “Don’t worry. I’m not mad.” He shrugs. “A little envious, maybe, but not mad.”

“But you offered me this chance and…” Stepping closer to me, Gideon leans in and kisses my cheek. His lips linger on my skin for a few seconds. And I
know
. I know I’m doing the best thing for me. It would be so
easy
to fall into the life he’s offering. To take the easy route and see what it brings me, but any success I find won’t really be mine. It’ll be blind luck, and I’ll never know if I earned it. Nashville is a beautiful place to live, but it isn’t where I belong anymore.

“You’ll get another chance.” He puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I know it. It’ll be the right time, the right opportunity, and you’ll crush it.”

Exhaling, I move toward him. When I wrap my arms around him, I have to wonder if this is another of my moments of temporary insanity, because there’s no way in hell I’d have thought I’d ever hug my ex-boyfriend again, but I am. He embraces me tightly, but he’s the first to pull back.

“Thank you,” I whisper. “For caring enough to make things right. Some people wouldn’t have done that. You really have changed. And thank you for the opportunity. I want to take it, but…”

“But this is your home.” Hearing Gideon voice what I’ve been thinking feels odd, but also right. “You’ve found what some people never do.” He grins. “Now get out of here and go after that dude before I decide to stop being so nice.”

I blow Gideon a kiss. He waves, and I head back through the crowd to find Sloane. I’m grateful for everyone’s support, but all I want is to go to Jake. I answer a few questions, accept and give hugs, and finally spot Sloane. She shoos me away, and then Mina shepherds me to the door. They tell me they have  the clean up and for me to go get my guy.

So I do.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Jake is already sitting on one of the wooden swings when I get there. I all but ran from Freshly Ground, but when I catch sight of him, I slow. I can picture him there at fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen. Seventeen, eighteen. I can remember when I was heavier and he was gangly—the year Sloane and I, and Coop and I, became best friends. That year I learned to hold my head high, to jump off the high dive at the pool, and to fall in love.

I don’t know what I would have done differently if I’d never left. I’ll never know—and right now, in this moment? It’s okay. There’s no need anymore to dwell in the past. We’ve both loved versions of each other that weren’t ready, and it got us here. And
here
is this moment where we both
are
ready.
Here
is a door opening to our future.
Here
was worth it all.

“So are you gonna stand there all night or come over here with me?” His voice carries to me. My mouth tips into a smile he can’t see, but one I’m sure he knows very well. “This other swing has your name on it.”

“Shut up,” I murmur softly, without any heat.

“No, really.” Jake laughs. “You don’t remember us carving our names here?”

I join him to investigate. He flips the empty seat over, and I squint at where he’s pointing. I can just barely make out my initials and his: SCW and JCC. My hand flies to my mouth. “When did we…?”

“The night before you left for Nash,” he says. “We got pretty damn tipsy and I had a pocketknife, so we decided to leave this town something to remember us by. Like it needed something else.”

“I can’t believe I committed vandalism with you.” I’m giggling as I trace the letters. “I mean, I can believe
you
did it, but
I
was clearly an innocent.”

“Ummm, I know you better than that, remember?” Jake snorts. “And just whose idea was it to break into the other team’s locked bus and steal their mascot costume at homecoming?” He aims a teasing look at me. “Not mine.”

“You went along with it!”

“Yeah well, I was
trying
to impress you.”

Putting one hand over my heart and one across my forehead, I pretend to swoon. I burst out laughing when I do though, and soon, Jake is chuckling. He gathers me into his arms, and as he pulls me against his chest, I stop laughing.

“It worked, you know.” I lean against him, enjoying how solid he is. How safe I feel with him, yet also not safe at all because he’s constantly challenging me. “You impressed me. You made me fall for you.” I tip my head back and stare up at the sky. “I’m still falling for you, Coop.”

He kisses my temple. “So, you’re staying.” My back is to his chest, so I can’t see him, but I can tell he’s happy from his tone. “And you’re okay with that? I mean that song…”

“You liked it?” I turn my head so my lips press lightly on his neck. He makes one of those indescribable male noises that I’ve come to understand means agreement. “I’m guessing that’s a yes.” I move so I’m facing him.

“Yes, Sophie, I liked your song.” Jake tightens his embrace. “I
loved
your song. I loved seeing you on the stage, the lights making you glow. I loved seeing you in your element. But I don’t want you to ever give anything up for me.”

Before I answer him, I pause. I
know
how I feel, but I want to choose my words right. No awkward stumbling. No doubting myself or doubting I deserve this. No holding back because I’m not sure how he feels. No altering my answer because of how I feel about him. Just the truth. I owe him, and myself, honesty. If I’m going to be here, I’m
here
, in the good moments, the bad, and the scary. When it’s easy
and
when it’s hard.

Staring at Jake, I’m overcome with love, with hope, and with the certainty that I’m making the right decision. I’ve always known I wanted to be in the spotlight, but I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I ran away to Nashville with a six-string I barely knew how to play. I thought I’d find stardom as soon as I got there, that it wouldn’t take anything more than the right person to look my way, and bam, instant success. Over the years as that dream matured, I realized I still wanted it, but I wanted more than just success. I wanted to write and sing songs that made people think and feel. And the version of me that moved to Nashville wasn’t ready yet.

The version I am now is closer but still not totally ready. When I make that climb again, I want it to be for real. I don’t want to do it alone like I did the first time. I’ve learned that I’m stronger with my friends and family around. I’m stronger with Jake. They’ve all shown me who I am. I’ve finally realized there’s nothing wrong with me. I shine all on my own without a spotlight.

When I was miserable before I met Sloane, Mama found me crying one day in my bedroom. I told her that the other girls hated me, and I’ll never forget what she said. She said, “Sophie, they don’t hate you. You’re different from them. You’re brighter, and when they look at you, they see that light, and they’re jealous of it. But never let it go out. Learn to embrace what makes you different.”

It took a lot longer than I ever thought it would, but I tucked her advice away in my heart, and
finally
I’m at peace with who I am, and with where my road has led me.

I trace Jake’s cheek. “If I felt like going was the right choice, I’d go. I’d tell you, and we’d work at this, and I’d see what happens. But I know where I belong. It took leaving and coming back to finally see where my home is. And my home is here.”

“I guess we both took the long way home, huh? We had some false starts, a comedy of errors so to speak.”

“I think we did.” I run my fingers through his hair, loving that I can finally touch him just because. “I’m not sure it would have been worth it any other way, though.” Jake catches my hand and presses a soft kiss into my palm. I shudder at the sensation. All I can think is how I am so beyond happy to be in this moment, with this man.

“I dunno.” He laughs. “It was torture having to pretend to only be fake dating you,” he says, making air quotes. “I wanted to be with you all the time. I wanted to do all these corny, romantic things for you, but I knew if I did, it’d give away how
not
fake my feelings were.”

I lightly smack his arm. “Wait a minute. You could have been doing romantic things for me this whole time and you
didn’t
?”

He raises his hands in defense. “I’m fairly sure we were both trying to pretend.” His eyes are dancing, so I know he knows I’m (slightly) teasing him, but he’s also doing a good job of looking defiant. “Besides, sweetheart, I brought you tulips on our first date.” He quirks an eyebrow. “They mean I love you.”

“Well.” Plunking myself down on one of the swings, I smirk up at him. “Anyway, I was better at it than you were.”

“Nope.”

“Ummm, yes I was.”

Jake steps around behind me and grabs the ropes of my swing. He brushes against me as he does so, and my swing jolts. When it settles, I turn around toward him. His face is very close to mine, and his lips are curved in a smile. I match it with one of my own as he leans in close to me. I half-drown in his eyes as we let the moment twist around us. I can’t look away from him, and he must not want to look away from me. My smile deepens, and my heart beats faster the longer we stare into one another’s eyes.

“You come apart every time I get close to you, Sophie.” His voice is all husky and deep and it sinks into my bones.

“No I don’t,” I say defiantly. The shivers racing through me probably expose his effect on me. He’s still grinning like he just won something, so I hook my legs around him and pull him closer. Jake lets out a grunt of surprise, and almost falls, but recovers. I’m not done with him, though. Not by half.

I grab the belt loops on his pants and hook my thumbs in them. “You weren’t exactly Mr. Calm and Collected that night in your bed.”

Jake snorts. “Well, a half-naked girl
had
just confessed her love for me.” He leans in until our chests touch. “A half-naked girl I’m very much in love with.”

“I meant
before
that, smartass. When you were all ‘Oh yeah, sweetheart’.” I try to make my voice deep like his, but it’s an utter fail. I giggle as his expression changes several times. He doesn’t seem to know which emotion to settle on.

“I’m not sure this relationship is off to a great start. You’re already insulting me.” He puts a hand to his chest in mock-offense. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do.”

“Then say it.” Suddenly, he’s serious, the sparkle gone from his eyes. He kneels in front of me. “I’ve waited so long to hear you tell me you love me, Sophie. I know I reacted badly the first time, but that was the shock of a lifetime for me, honest.” He takes both of my hands in his. “I couldn’t even believe you were really telling me you felt the same as I did. I hate that we lost even an hour because of a misunderstanding like that—”

“Coop.” I put a finger over his lips. “I love you.” His eyes brighten, but I don’t move my finger. “I’ve loved every version of you, but I’m happiest now, here, with
this
version. I love you. I’m
in love
with you.”

As soon as I finish speaking, he leans in and kisses me. I’m sinking into warmth, into his mouth, into our forever. He’s kissing me firmly, without any hesitation at all, but also without any urgency. It’s a kiss that says he wants to take his time with me, and I definitely don’t mind. I could kiss Jake for the rest of the night, so I let myself get lost in the feel of his lips parting mine.

Until my phone buzzes.

I pull back slightly, look down, and smile ruefully. “It’s Sloane. She wants to know if we’re coming to Mama’s. I guess she got me a cake.” I squint as I read the text. “Oh and your brothers are there and, wait, what? Logan is there and he’s flirting with Cassidy? Oh hell no!”

Jake growls. “I’ll kill him.”

“We both will.”

We talk on the drive to my mom’s house, but not about anything important. Mostly, I’m just fixated on the feel of Jake’s free hand in mind. He took it as we walked to the car and he only let go to get in. As soon as we park in Mama’s yard since the driveway is full, Jake turns to me, reaching for my hand again.

“I never officially asked you…” He smiles boyishly. “But everyone else will want to know, and I want you to have an answer to give them. I’m not sure if anyone can
really
have a claim on you, rebel belle, but I want to. Will you be mine?”

As I run through different responses, I realize ultimately there’s only one thing I
can
say, from the bottom of my heart. “I already am.”

He puts a hand on my cheek, his eyes shining. “It may never be easy. We’ll both have to work at it.”

“I know. And we will.
I
will. No more running.” I smirk. “Besides, who says I want easy? I want our crazy, spontaneous, bone-deep kinda love. I want the fights we’ll eventually have so we can make up and get stronger. I want to grow as a person with you. I want you always holding my hand. At the end of the day, Coop, I just want
you
.”