One Foot in the Grave: An Almost Zombie Tale (8 page)

Actually…that never even occurred to me; that ghosts would do anything besides wave chains around and scare people. I’m distracted from that thought by another one. “You said there are vampires?”

“They’re undead, so yeah.”

I point out the not so obvious. “Daniel, Andrew tried to turn me…what if the vamps down there decide to make me into a happy meal?”

“They won’t.” He sounds awfully sure of himself.

My eyes narrow. “How do you know that?”

Daniel’s nostrils flare. I take a few steps down and away from him.

“What’re you doing?” My free hand clutches at the iron railing. If he lunges at me, I’m a goner. I just know it. This stupid dress wasn’t made for running.

“Relax,” Daniel’s voice is soft. As a matter of fact, it sounds a lot like Andrew’s did right before he tried to eat me. I swallow hard.

“Daniel, what’re you
doing
?”

The half-vampire shakes his head. “Sorry, I…nothing. It happens sometimes.” His voice sounds normal again and I try to relax.

“Well…stop,” I instruct him.

He shrugs. “It just…”

“Happens,” I finish. “I know, I know.”

“The point,” Daniel says, “is that you don’t smell normal, so you’ll be safe downstairs.”

I’m skeptical, but what choice do I have? I’ve trusted him this far. I nod and continue down the stairs. The door that greets me at the bottom is huge. I mean it’s castle massive with two metal beams on either side that I’m sure sit across the door when it’s not in use.

My eyes widen and I turn back to Daniel, who’s on the step above me. “Are you sure it’s open?” I whisper, not because anyone can hear me, but because it feels like I should.

“Of course.” He pushes past me and knocks three times.

I can’t help myself. I giggle. Daniel throws me a glare. “What’s so funny?”

I gesture. “This is. I mean, there’s the staircase, you knocking three times. The whole thing is hilarious.”

It’s obvious he doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about, so I elaborate. “Don’t you ever read? Good grief, this place is like every cliché in a horror novel, Daniel!”

“It’s stairs and a door, Isis. What’s your problem?”

I start to answer, but my attention is caught by the creaking door. I turn away from Daniel and my jaw drops. Not onto the floor, thank goodness, but actually open.

The…I’m not sure what to call it…creature…standing in the open door looks at us and takes a deep breath in. I watch its chest rise and fall, because that’s easier than looking at its face.

“Hey, Tucker. How’s tricks?” Daniel addresses the thing and, much to my shock, it replies. Its voice is the chill of the grave. I shiver.

“Daniel,” my date’s name hisses out from between molding lips. “Did you bring me a bite?” It grins and I see an up-close mouth full of broken and stained teeth.

“Ummm…not this time,” Daniel flicks a quick glance at me. “This is my…uhhh…she’s not food,” he finishes.

The thing extends its hand, expecting me to shake it, I guess. Its skin is as pasty white and gross as mine. As usual, my mouth runs away with my common sense.

“Are you a zombie?” I extend my hand in response, but forget about the small piece of flesh. It falls to the floor.

It doesn’t answer my question, just stares at the tiny chunk, its mouth drooping open. “You going to eat that?” It finally asks.

I bend over and pick it up. “It’s part of my ear,” I blurt out.

“Oh, well then…can I have it?” A line of drool snakes its way down its chin.

“Tucker, she’s not alive,” Daniel steps into the conversation.

The corpse tilts its head to one side as it observes me. “There’s blood,” it states after a brief silence.

This is getting creepier by the minute. Luckily, Daniel rescues me.

“Tucker, trust me, she’s a guest, not dinner. No eating.” He takes me by the hand and leads me past the creature. I can feel it watching me as I walk away.

“What the heck
is
that thing?”

“That’s Tucker. He’s pretty cool for a revenant.”

I stare at him. I have no idea what that is.

“He’s a reanimated corpse.”

Oh. Ewww, that’s kind of revolting.

Now that I’m past the…Tucker, I glance around the huge rectangular room. It’s pretty dimly lit and I can’t see much past the small circle of luminance Daniel and I are currently standing in. Leather couches take form as my eyes adjust. I can see shapes moving around the place, but they’re not walking in the traditional sense. They almost glide across the floor, flickering in and out of existence, depending on the half- light to keep them solid.

Daniel pushes at my shoulder. “Go on. Mingle.”

“Mingle with what?” I ask. “I don’t see anything.”

He points to the shapes. “Those. There.” He lowers his voice. “They’re the vampires.”

Oh. My mouth dries. I’m not super eager to approach them and strike up a conversation. The gown I’m wearing feels tighter than it did at Lydia’s house and my heart starts to race.

One of the forms pauses in mid-glide, half in and half out of a circle of light, and turns to face me. I still can’t see what it is beyond a dim shape, but I can sense its interest.

“Uh, Daniel? That doesn’t look friendly.” I inch closer to him. So I’m a zombie chicken. I mean, chicken zombie. Darn it. Either way, I don’t want to talk to the vampire staring at me from across the room.

“No-one’ll hurt you here. I already told you that. I’m going to get a drink.” He grins at me before striding toward a corner of the room I assume has a refreshment table. Or a bar. Or a freezer full of bodies.

The shadow/thing/vampire glides closer.

“Uh, hi,” I say as it draws near to me. I clear my throat and try again. “Can I help you with something?”

The vampire moves into my light circle. It’s a long-legged female dressed in a business suit.

“You smell…intriguing,” she says. “What are you?”

Well, that’s more abrupt and to the point than I expect. I decide to return the favor since it looks like Daniel was right and I’m not on the menu.

“I’m a zombie.”

The woman’s almond shaped eyes narrow. “You don’t smell like a zombie.”

“I’m a half-zombie. Maybe that’s it.”

She shakes her head. “No…you smell of decomposing flesh and blood. A zombie-vampire hybrid, maybe?”

Oh, disgusting. I wonder if they make industrial strength perfume. I just might need a gallon. Or eight. “No, I am…I was…human.”

“But you have been consorting with vampires…I smell it, though it is an old scent and not recent.”

Then it couldn’t be Daniel. Besides, she’d smell human on me if that was the case…wouldn’t she? The answer hits me hard, even though I kind of already knew it. I
have
been consorting with a vampire…and not recently, either.

She smells my ex. There aren’t enough showers in the world…

Thirteen:

Inka, Binka, Bottle of Ink.

“You interest me, zombie.”

“I don’t mean to.” I cross my arms.

“Nevertheless.” The vampire holds out one hand. “I’m Ink.”

“I’m Isis,” I say, taking her hand in mine. It’s cool to the touch.

Her hand closes around mine. Firmly. She clearly has no intention of letting me go. “What brings you here?”

She’s an anonymous vampire; there’s no reason in the world not to tell her all about Andrew and Father Moss’s church. Except for the sheer embarrassment of it. So I tell her about discovering the church, but not about my ex, ending with ‘And so Daniel asked me out.”

“I am familiar with the gargoyle’s church and the reasons behind it.” She tilts her head to one side. “Are you?”

“Not really.” I shrug. “Do I need to be?”

“Have you met the witch and her daughter yet?”

I blink. “I’ve met Lydia, but who’s her daughter?”

Ink shrugs. “It’s not my concern,” she says. “Merely an idle curiosity.”

I file it away for future reference. “Why isn’t there music playing down here? I saw the drum set upstairs.”

She nods toward the center of the room. “We don’t need music to dance.”

I look. My heart clenches. A woman with long red hair and skin whiter than mine is whirling gracefully through the filmy beings littering both the shadows and the circles of light. She is tall and long legged; there’s not an ounce of fat anywhere on her, and when she smiles at me my palms remember how to sweat.

“What’s that?” My voice cracks on the last word. Holy Mother, whatever that thing is, I want no part of it. Ever.

“That’s Lorii Martin, our local banshee.”

“Don’t banshees kill people?”

The banshee stops whirling and walks toward us, hips swaying. When she speaks, her voice is liquid smoke. “I’m not a murderer. I only let people know when their time is over.”

Oh. “How do you do that?” I have to ask. Of course I do.

“My screams are knives from Heaven. I shred souls and give those fortunate enough to hear my true voice time to put their petty human affairs to rest.”

“Lorii!” Ink snaps, and the banshee’s eyes refocus on me.

The woman blinks incredible green eyes and smiles again. “But I’ll never visit you,” she says. “You don’t have enough soul to shred.” She stamps her feet in a one-two pattern, and whirls back to the center of the floor.

I spin to face Ink. “Is she saying I have no soul?”

“Would it make a difference?”

I stare at the vampire. “Of
course
it would! How can I be alive without a soul?”

“If you cannot tell, how can it matter?”

My mouth snaps shut. I think this is a conversation better suited to someone with experience in spiritual matters. Someone like Father Moss. Speaking of…this seems as good a time as any to get some fantasy clichés answered, and Ink seems really nice. For a bloodsucker. “Can vampires set foot on holy ground?”

“With special dispensation from the priest, yes. Otherwise we burst into flames. Much like what happens to us in direct sunlight.”

“Why do undead eat humans?”

“That has an easy answer. We need blood to survive, and they have it.”

“Does that mean
I’m
going to eat people eventually?” My hands start to shake at the very idea.

“It has been many years since a half-zombie has existed. I am not sure anyone knows what you will, or won’t, crave over the centuries.”

“
Centuries
? I’m going to live for
centuries
?” My voice rises, attracting the attention of other shadowy figures. They begin to move closer, almost like a pack. I think I might have just gotten myself into trouble. I ease closer to Ink, whose narrowed eyes tell me she’s not thrilled at the extra company.

“Who’s the new toy?” The first creature to reach us grins, showing a mouthful of razor sharp teeth. I have no idea what it is, other than scary. Whatever it is, however, it’s sharply dressed in a gray suit with a red silk tie.

“She is not for you, and she is not a toy.” Ink snarls. “Move along.”

“She has flesh.”

That’s enough. I step forward. “Okay, for one: Yes, I have flesh, but I’m fairly attached to it. For two: I’m not…uhhh…I’m not human, so I’m off the menu.”

A cold, dry sound escapes its lips, like a million dead autumn leaves caught in a dust devil. It takes me a minute to realize it’s laughing. Drool snakes its way down its chin and begins to drip onto the floor. I back up until I’m pressed against Ink’s side.

“I don’t care if you’re human or not. You are not protected
here
. That makes you food.”

“She’s under
my
protection, ghoul.” Ink smiles and, as I watch, her canines elongate to points sharp enough to rival the ghoul’s teeth. “Back off.”

The creature bares its teeth. “You are tolerated,
vampire
, not protected.”

“I can protect myself.” Ink states. ”I have no need for his protections.”

The ghoul backs away, and the shadowy figures that never quite materialized follow it.

I let out the breath I’ve been holding. “What was that about?”

“Not everything here is friendly,” Ink says. “This is not a place to let your guard down. Ever.” She half smiles. “Unless you’re Lorii, of course. No-one in their right mind takes on a banshee.”

I was under the impression banshees did nothing but scream; other than being freaky loud, was that really a big deal? I might have to do some research on the subject so I don’t mistakenly get on her bad side. It’d suck to die now that I might have a cure for my issues.

“Your date has been gone for quite some time. Have you been abandoned?”

“He’s not really my date,” I say. “He’s just a friend.”

“Your friend, then,” she corrects herself.

I shift my stance slightly. “He wanted a drink and told me I should mingle.”

“As you can see, some things here are decidedly
un
friendly, even toward other monsters. Until you are protected, it would be wise if you didn’t mingle.”

I frown. “What kind of protection are you talking about?” I have visions of mobsters and, what are they called? Shakedown men? Wise guys? Something like that.

“The ghouls belong to the owner of this club,” Ink says. “They aren’t terribly happy at the idea, so they tend to flex their muscles whenever someone interesting shows up unexpectedly.”

“Does that mean I need to meet the owner?”

The vampire shrugs. “That’s up to you. Do you plan on coming back?”

I look around. As strange as it sounds, I feel comfortable here. I mean, barring the incident with the ghoul. No-one is looking at me weirdly. Heck, no-one’s paying any attention to me at all. It’s more than I can say for anywhere else I go. Not that I’ve gone a lot of places in the last week. I finally nod. “Yeah, I’ll be coming back.”

“Then you really do need to meet the owner. We can go now, if you like.”

“I need to let Daniel know where I am first.” Why I feel loyalty to the half-vampire, I’m not sure, but it’d be mean to leave.

Ink raises her face to the ceiling and closes her eyes. She speaks without opening them. “He’s at the bar, drinking.” Opening her eyes, she stares at me. “I’ll wait here for you.”

The idea of watching Daniel drinking blood, even if it’s from a glass, quite frankly turns my stomach. I change my mind about finding him. “No, that’s okay. I’ll talk to him later.”