One Degree of Separation (24 page)

Marian felt a small shiver run through Liddy’s body. “And you were able to finish?”

“I did, and graduated. I took this job to get out of Berkeley for a while, plus it’s a great job.”

“Do you know I have not the least idea what you’re researching?”

“Oh.” Liddy raised up on one elbow. “You weren’t there, that’s right. You are in bed with the woman doing research for Dana Moon’s next book.”

Marian blinked. “Wow. Is that great or what?”

“Great.” Liddy grinned. “It’s like a dream come true. Getting paid to learn stuff and write it down. And then I met this incredibly hot librarian who has been very helpful to me. Very ... very ... good to me.”

Liddy’s hand cupped Marian’s breast and it felt so good Marian blushed. She tried to divert the conversation while she regained her composure. “What did you want to be when you were in college?”

“A student. I could have stayed a student all my life.” Marian chuckled. “The great Zen masters insist that we are students forever. The day you die is the day you stop learning.” Liddy turned her face to Marian’s throat to whisper, “I learned a lot about myself last night.”

“So did I.” Liddy’s fingertips were making her nipple hard.

Marian didn’t mind that her arousal showed. She could make love to Liddy again, this very moment.

Liddy’s fingers continued to tease, but her voice took on a far-away edge. “I never lost the idea that everyone was talking about me.

About the student who had an affair with a teacher and ended up driving the teacher over the edge. I got two grades much lower than I expected and I had no way of proving it wasn’t deserved. I’ll never know if it was her or me.” Liddy nestled her head against Marian’s shoulder. “I was frantically trying to recreate work on my thesis. I had to buy a new computer and replace library books that she’d taken. Mom and Dad helped, but it was humiliating to have to ask them.”

“Yes, I can see how that must have been hard.”

“It happened so fast. We met on April Fool’s Day—prophetic, huh? I was practically living with her by the end of the month. And the first of May I went to her place and the key didn’t work. She was gone.”

“And nothing triggered it? She just took off?” Liddy shrugged. “We’d had a fight about sex the night before. I was always not adventurous enough. I didn’t want it enough. At least, I didn’t want it the way she wanted me to have it.” Marian smiled gently and kissed Liddy on the forehead. “There is nothing wrong with you in bed.”

Liddy blushed. “Well, nothing wrong with you either. She was good at that, though. Making me feel like I didn’t know shit about shit. Whenever we went anywhere, she made sure to introduce me as a student, even though I was weeks from my master’s degree.”

“It’s insidious, all that belittling.”

“So my key doesn’t work and no one will talk to me and my thesis is gone. And some professors I thought respected me wouldn’t look me in the eye anymore. And I was so angry. Angry at myself for falling into bed with her on the first date. Angry because even when I knew she was putting me down I stayed, because she was like some addictive drug. Mostly I was pissed as shit at Robyn, though. She stole something from me I can’t ever get back. I thought getting out of town for the summer would help me get over it. And it has.” She smiled down at Marian.

“I’m glad.” Marian stroked the side of Liddy’s face, then gently pulled her down. Liddy’s lips were nearly on hers when Marian froze. “Wait.”

“Mmm?” Liddy closed the distance and her lips softly met Marian’s. “What?”

“Robyn?”

“Yeah, the lying manipulative bitch’s name was Robyn.” Marian flushed with cold. It can’t be, she thought. The world is not that small. There had to be lots of college professors out there named Robyn. “Robyn—Vaughn?”

Liddy sat bolt upright. “Yes. Do you know her? I’m sorry if you do—she was a bitch to me. It cost me a couple thousand dollars to replace my shit and I won’t say I’m sorry!” Liddy had been with Robyn. The thought was deeply unsettling.

Marian had felt defiled after Robyn left her, and everything Robyn had touched she poisoned. And she’d touched Liddy.

“I won’t listen to her being defended. It was inexcusable, what she did—”

“She’s the one. Who killed my books.” Breakfast threatened to turn over in her stomach.

Liddy clapped her hand to her mouth and just stared.

“Robyn Vaughn. Visiting Professor of Women’s Studies.

Everybody seemed to know of her or about her, but believe me, I was the only person here who
knew
her. Took me three months to figure out she was destroying me. You’re smarter than I am, obviously.” Liddy shook her head as the color drained out of her face.

Marian started to laugh and once begun found she couldn’t stop.

“You’re Mary Sue. Mary Sue from Kansas City.” They sat drinking coffee at Marian’s kitchen table. Liddy had finally started to cry, which had helped Marian calm down a little.

“What?”

“She told me all about Mary Sue. But she said it was Kansas City. It has to be you.”

“What did she say?” I shouldn’t care, Marian thought. It would have all been lies.

Liddy’s laugh had no mirth in it. “You were the perfect girlfriend. The perfect lover. You let her ... play. Adventurous in bed.”

“Oh, fuck,” Marian muttered. She wanted to throw the coffee mug against the wall, then she just felt tired. “Look where that got me.”

“Marian, it’s okay.” Liddy touched her hand briefly. “Don’t be ashamed of that. You didn’t know you couldn’t trust her, that’s all. I met her almost two years later and maybe some of her freaked-out shit showed more. I just didn’t trust her enough yet. I thought that someday I would.”

“Can you imagine—” Marian’s voice broke. “Ellie had to cut the damn things off me. She’d never tied them that tight. I got scared and said no.”

“She didn’t go ahead ... after you said no?”

“No,” Marian said quickly. She swallowed to hide a break in her voice. “But I was terrified she would come back to bed. I couldn’t have stopped her.”

“What a psychopath,” Liddy snapped. “I got off lucky.”

“Abuse is abuse. Don’t compare. It all does the same thing.” Marian could tell that Liddy was forcing the smile. “You
have
done time in therapy, haven’t you?”

“Too much. I should have gone back for a booster shot, I think.” She rubbed her eyes. “Will I ever get her out of my life?”

“Yes. I will, too.” Liddy refilled their coffee cups.

“She really said I was perfect? That’s bizarre.”

“I never thought I would ever live up to Mary Sue. Mary Sue was smart, knew what she wanted from life, worked hard, was great in bed. Actually, all of that is true.”

“Hah.”

“It is,” Liddy insisted.

“So what was her reason for leaving Mary Sue the Saint?”

“She fell in love with her next-door neighbor and broke Robyn’s heart.”

Marian felt the color draining out of her face. Had Robyn
known
?

“She used Mary Sue to put me down, and to excuse her own shit. Mary Sue broke her heart so Robyn got to drink a little too much, and take it out on me sometimes.”

Marian remembered to exhale. Had she brought Robyn’s cruelty on herself? Had Robyn really snapped because she’d guessed Marian was in love with someone else?

Liddy was chattering, but Marian couldn’t take any of it in. The phone rang and she went to answer it, glad of the interruption. It was Ellie, who sounded as if she’d been crying.

Marian asked urgently, “Are you okay?”

“No ... no, not okay.”

“Where are you?”

“Um, using the pay phone at Hy-Vee.”

“Do you want me to come get you?”

“No, I can drive. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Dazed, Marian stood with her hand on the phone until Liddy asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Ellie.” She turned to face Liddy and then saw that her answering machine was flashing with messages. She pressed on and listened to request after request from Ellie for her to call. “Oh, hell, she’s been trying to get me all night.”

“Should I go?”

“I don’t want you to,” Marian said. “But I don’t know what to expect and—”

“I’ll go. She’s your best friend, right?” Marian nodded. “And she’s been there for me since we were in high school together.”

“I’ll go. I need to work.” Liddy smiled nervously.

“Can I see you tonight? Call you later?”

The smile turned brilliant. “Yeah. It would probably help if you had my number.”

Marian grinned and felt lightheaded. The inner voices arguing about Robyn were still at it, but she’d ignore them for now. She wrote her own number down for Liddy, and taped Liddy’s to the refrigerator. “I will call.”

“Oh, I just remembered. I have my first official class tonight at the dojo.”

“Then maybe I can see you after.”

Liddy’s voice fell to a whisper. “I’d like that.” Tempted to push Liddy onto the counter and enjoy her body again, Marian made herself instead put her hands in her pockets.

Robyn wasn’t going to ruin more of her life. Robyn wouldn’t prevent her from touching Liddy again. But right now Ellie needed her.

She walked Liddy to her car and risked a kiss good-bye. Time ceased to have all meaning as Liddy’s mouth melted into hers. They were still making out when Ellie pulled up to the curb.

“Time for me to go.” Liddy patted Marian on the chest. “If you don’t call me, I won’t forgive you. And I’ll call you to say so.” Marian was still chuckling as she waved a last good-bye. She drew a long conscious breath after that, then turned to Ellie, who had finally gotten out of her car.

She did a double-take. Ellie’s face was streaked with tears and she was wearing the clothes she’d had on yesterday morning. “Oh, honey, what is it?” She hurried down the driveway to pull Ellie into her arms.

“I slept in the car. I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t home. You were with her, weren’t you?”

“Yes—is that what this is about?” She drew Ellie toward the house.

“No, no. Not that. Sandy—Sandy’s left me. For good.” Confused, Marian said, “But ... you’d already broken up.”

“She’s moving out. I didn’t realize what was happening. I’m such a fool!”

They stood in the foyer while Ellie cried into Marian’s shoulder.

She smoothed Ellie’s back and murmured comfort.

“You know what makes it worse?” Ellie pushed Marian away and stormed into the living room. “She’s moving in with someone else!”

“Who?”

“You’ll never guess! Someone I thought was my friend!”

“Oh, no—who?”

“Terry.”

Marian had to process this new information for a minute. “But what about Jersey?”

“Even as we speak I think Jersey is probably asking herself the same fucking question. Apparently, Terry saw Sandy and me yesterday and thought we were getting back together. Sandy and Terry—they slept together a month ago. Terry cheated on Jersey.”

“Terry was always clear about being nonmonogamous—”

“I know that, but I don’t think for a minute Jersey really believed Terry would step out on her. Until Terry went and fucked
my
girlfriend behind my back.”

“Your
ex
-girlfriend, you mean.”

“I don’t care! They had some fantastic weekend and Terry got all hot for change and last night she takes Sandy out. Sandy gets back and they’re moving in together. They’re thinking about buying Amy and Hemma’s house!”

“Oh, that is twisted.” Marian sat down suddenly. “The dance card will never keep up with this kind of thing.”

“Now what do I do? I really loved Sandy—”

“You did not and you know it. You’re scared because she’s leaving your life more visibly, that’s all.”

Ellie blinked with hurt. “Thanks. That’s so supportive.”

“Life is too short, Ellie. Too short to walk around thinking you’ll never get what you want because somebody else has it or took it.” Ellie snapped, “Like you mooning over Hemma all these years?” There was only the sound of Hill’s claws on the kitchen floor to break the silence. Finally, feeling so heavy she could hardly make her mouth work, Marian asked, “Does everybody know?” Ellie started to cry again. “I don’t think so. Just me. You let it show sometimes, that’s all.”

This morning’s tears welled up again, but Marian shoved them back down viciously. Enough, she thought. Enough. “I’m so sorry, El. About Sandy.”

“I’m sorry about Hemma. I’m sorry I didn’t say something. I was waiting for you to tell me. I know sometimes you felt so bad. But mostly you seemed happy.”

“I was, mostly. But in a holding pattern.” Ellie nodded soberly. “True. But the pattern has been broken.” Marian could only agree. “I didn’t want anything to change.”

“I’ll bet Jersey feels the same way right now.”

“Jersey is going to be a mess.” Marian pictured the confusion and hurt Jersey had to be feeling. She might be dense at times, but Jersey wouldn’t hurt the proverbial fly. Poor thing.

Ellie blew her nose. “Hell, at least she’s single. I’ve always been curious.”

Laughter bubbled through Marian’s self-pitying urge to cry. “You are incorrigible.”

“I’m single and pushing forty.”

“In six years.”

“I should have just taken that threeway with Patty and Wen.” Marian gaped. “The
what
?”

“Oh, fuck, I never told you about that, but what the hell does it matter. You won’t tell anybody.”

“No, I won’t.” Inner Historian was dancing with glee to have yet more items for the dance card. “It sounds juicy.” Ellie shrugged and collapsed onto the sofa. She wiped her nose with her crumpled tissue. “After Wen started feeling the arthritis she got really worried she was going to lose her ability to enjoy sex.”

“I wondered—she sometimes sounds wistful about it and Patty is always reassuring.”

“Yeah, so, Wen did some experimenting without Patty.”

“Oh. With you?”

“Yeah. We had a couple of good nights. That’s when she was with Carrie, too.”

“Oh. I knew they’d been together, but I didn’t know when.” Inner Historian made a note.

“Anyway, it really does seem foolish now that it mattered to me that Wen wanted just me. But she’s in love with Patty, and didn’t want to give up Patty for me. That hurt.”