Once Kissed: An O'Brien Family Novel (The O'Brien Family) (21 page)

Curran’s muscles tense beneath my hold. He doesn’t move or speak, not for a long time. But when he does, his words crush me more than an avalanche of falling stones. “If that’s the case, you’re more broken than I thought, and I can’t fix you.”

He wrenches himself away from me and grabs his jacket, then marches toward the hall. Without another glance back, he throws the door open.

I call to him, but he leaves anyway, slamming the door behind him.

I drive around for two hours. The cop in me is gone. The Philly boy raring for a fight? He’s front and center, looking for a way to find fucking Newart.
Bastard piece of shit.
I swear I could choke him with my bare hands.

He damaged my girl, spent years reducing her to nothing, and I’m not sure there’s a way to get all of her back.

What pisses me off, though, is that Tess is right. Me storming in there, pretending to save the day, won’t save her in the end.
She
needs to walk away from him. I can’t make her do it. No. I owe her more than that.

I make it back to my apartment after hours of senseless driving, but can’t even put the key in the lock. She’s a mess, and I left her like that. I glare at my door for about ten seconds before I hotfoot down the back stairs and head back to her place.

It’s almost one in the morning when I reach her building. I rush out of my car, pausing only to nod toward her guard sitting in his vehicle. I knock on her door moments later. She opens it slowly, her eyes red and swollen.

Shit. I was hoping I’d wake her. It would mean she’d slept, and not stayed awake crying like she obviously had.

“Hi,” I say like a dumbass.

Tears leak from her eyes. Damn. For as much as I think her father is a supreme dick, being the one to cause those tears, I’m no better. “I’m sorry I left.” She doesn’t answer, choosing instead to wipe her cheeks. “And I’m sorry for what I said. It won’t happen again.”

Her voice shakes. “What won’t?”

“Huh?”

She struggles to speak. “What won’t happen again? What you said?”

I shake my head. “I’m not going to keep quiet about what I think of your father. It’s wrong what he’s doing, and barely on the side of the law. But I was wrong, too. I shouldn’t have left you. Not like you were.”

She presses her lips and backs away into the apartment. “Do you want to come in?”

“I really do,” I answer, meaning it down to my gut.

Aw, hell. That only makes her cry harder.

I shut the door behind me, flipping the deadbolt and pulling her against me. “Baby,” I say, when she falls into my arms. “Don’t cry.” She cries harder. “Okay…I guess you can if you want.”

Her shoulders shake. It takes me a sec to realize she’s laughing even through her misery. “Thank you,” she mumbles.

I lead her to the bedroom and strip down to my shorts. She removes her glasses and slips into bed, cuddling close when I gather her to me. “What do you want to do?” I ask.

“About my father?”

“Yeah.”

“Part of me wants to run out of here with you, but then I worry that it may be for the wrong reasons.” She lifts her head. “I want us to be together because of us. Not because my father drove me into your arms, or because you feel this need to save me.”

“What if I want you with me? Even if this shit had never gone down with your father?”

“But it did. I think you would have asked me to move in with you before tonight if you really wanted me to.”

Maybe. Maybe not. In all honesty, I’ve thought a lot about us, and about being together for the long haul.

When it comes down to it, we haven’t known each other long, not really. The last thing I want is to rush things and screw them up. What I have with Tess is special. I’ve never felt this way about any girl. Not even close. But despite our time together, there’s a lot she’s kept from me. And I don’t like it.

“Did you tell me everything? Or is there stuff you left out?” I groan when she doesn’t answer. “Just tell me.”

“I don’t want you to get angry again.”

“I’m already pissed. But I hate these damn secrets. You’ve been quiet this whole time about shit you should have told me about. Now that I know some of what’s going on, don’t you think you owe me the rest?”

“I never meant to lie to you. But this part of my life is humiliating, and not something I ever meant to share.”

“But you have.”

“Yes. I have.” I give her a moment, and then one after that before she finally speaks. “I didn’t study abroad my senior year of college.”

I frown. “Then where the hell did you go?”

“Away where I wouldn’t cause any trouble.” Her voice grows distant, like she’s remembering. “My father was livid over a low grade I received at the end of junior year. But when he found us together, it pushed him to his breaking point. I embarrassed him. So he gave me a choice: finish my senior year at an all-women’s college two thousand miles away, or watch as he expelled you.”

I jerk to a sitting position, taking her with me.
“What?”

She keeps her eyes on me. “Come on, Curran. You were caught in bed with a young woman whose father was the university’s president, in her sorority house, after curfew. Did you ever wonder why nothing happened to you?”

Yeah, about a million times—especially since the skinny bastard threatened to toss me. “You took the fall for me.”

Tears wet her cheeks, but she grins anyway. “I couldn’t let him ruin you, too.”

I think she’s maybe going to say more, but I silence her with a long kiss. Back in college, school, my friends, my frat—they meant everything to me. Good times, plus the opportunity to make something of myself.

“You took the fall for me,” I repeat, realizing everything it must have cost her.

Her soft smile and voice hold me in place. “And I’d do it again.”

Yeah. She would. “So why don’t I return the favor and take care of you now?”

“No.”

“Tess, don’t be so quick to say that. Take your time. Think things through.”

She kisses my chin. “I don’t want to be taken care of, Curran. I’ve had that all my life.”

“You’ve had it in a bad way. You don’t know the good part of it. Will you let me show you and get you outta here?”

She keeps her small smile, but this time, I see all that sadness buried behind it. “I wish I could. But it’s not fair to saddle you with my problems or finances.”

“Shouldn’t it be up to me to decide what’s fair?” I ask, as I pass my hand along her back.

“Not in this case, cop. You have to admit, all these details you’ve learned about me, it changes things, don’t you think?”

“It doesn’t change how I feel, or that I want to be with you. Hell, you know you’re all I ever think about.”

“I didn’t know that…but I’m glad.” Her hand lifts to stroke the stubble along my chin. “No one’s ever kissed me or touched me like you. And no one has ever made me feel this happy. You’re everything to me, Curran. I just don’t want to rush the good things between us because of the bad things in my life.”

“What if I love you?”

She stops moving. “What?”

I take a strand of her hair and tuck it behind her ear. “I said, I love you,” I repeat quietly.

Her face falls against my chest and she starts crying all over again.

“Christ, Killian warned me this would happen.” She cries some more. “Aw, baby, come on. Me lovin’ you should be a good thing.”

“It-it is-is,” she blubbers.

Being the sensitive guy I am, once more, I crack the hell up. She lifts her head and sighs, like she can’t believe I’m the jackass she’s stuck with. Of course, that only makes me laugh harder.

“Come here,” I say, kissing her hard. I haul her on top of me as I fall back in bed, pulling away just enough to grin against her mouth. “Now, tell me you love me, too.” This time, it’s her turn to laugh. “Well, you gonna keep me hanging?”

“I love you,” she says softly.

My grin widens. “Say it again.”

“I love you,” she says, laughing.

My hands slide over her ass. “One more time—this time, with feeling.”

She smiles through freshly falling tears. “I love you, Curran. I love you so much.”

I kiss her again, my arms sweeping up her back and then down again, pressing her tight against me. She dips her chin to kiss my neck and straddles me, grinding against my growing bulge. I peel off her nightgown when she reaches into my shorts to play.

We spend the night fu—wait, what’s the word the chicks like? Oh, yeah, we spend the night making love. If it weren’t for her alarm, I would have slept straight into the weekend. She shoves up on her arms, her messy hair falling all around her face.

Damn, she’s killer sexy.

“Shit,” she says, slapping at her alarm to shut it off. “Damnit.”

“I can see my charm’s rubbing off on you.”

She moans and crawls back on top of me. “I have class in an hour.”

I rub my eyes. Hell, we only slept about two hours. She lies against me for another few minutes before she nips at my chin and tries to climb off me. I snag her wrist before she can go far.

She leans in and nuzzles my neck. “Later, I promise,” she murmurs.

I release her wrist and slide my arm over her waist. “That’s not it, at least not this time.”

Worry etches along her tired eyes. I think she knows what I’m going to say, but I say it anyway. “You told me things would change between us now that I know about your dad.” I wait for her nod. “Well, you’re right. I don’t want you here. And I’m not going to pretend like everything’s fine, or turn a blind eye if he starts shit.”

“I just need to get through the next few months,” she reiterates.

“No, you don’t. You’re choosing to, and you think you need to, but I’m here to tell you it’s not something you have to do.”

“Curran…”

“Hear me out. I don’t throw the word ‘love’ around. The last woman I said it to was my ma, at my cheating dad’s funeral when I was trying to tell her everything would be all right. But I said it to you, so that says something, you feel me?”

“I mean it, too,” she says, quietly.

I watch her for a beat. “So do I. And because I said it, it comes with something—a promise. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, physically or otherwise. Don’t care who he is, even if he’s your blood. So if you want to stay, then stay. I’m not going to strong-arm you because then you’re only subbing one asshole for another.” I sit us up then. “The minute you want out, you’re out. No questions asked. But I won’t hide in a closet if he shows up, or pretend like we’re not together. I owe you the right to choose to be here, but you owe me the same respect back as your man.”

“I know,” she says, letting her hands slide along my shoulders. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you’re less to me than who you are. It wasn’t my intention. It was just survival.”

“I get it,” I tell her, and I do. That doesn’t mean it didn’t piss me off.

After a long while, Tess’s eyes travel to the alarm clock, only to widen. “Oh, shit,” she says again. She slips out of bed, nabbing my wrist in the process. “I need to get going. Will you help me get a shower?”

My lazy grin is answer enough. Oh, yeah, I’m definitely rubbing off on her in all the right ways.

For all she says she’s not ready to move in with me, there’s not a night that goes by in the weeks that follow that Tess and I don’t spend together. That doesn’t mean I haven’t missed her lately. Both of us have been ready for her to finish law school, but I had no clue what it would take for her to graduate. Last week, I gave her space to study for her finals. This week, she finally took them. But between her exam schedule and all the shit she’s had to do on the Montenegro case, I’ve barely seen her.

“You know what I think?” I ask Declan. I pull Tess onto my lap, fast enough to make her squeak and drop the law journal she’s holding on the floor.

Declan raises his chin, taking us in. “That you should behave professionally and not fondle my intern during business hours?”

Tess buries her face in her hands. “Nah. That’s not it. Besides, it’s well after six.” My hand cups her knee. Man, she’s smokin’ in that pencil skirt and silk shirt. And don’t get me started on her legs in those high heels. I gave her a shopping spree for her birthday a few weeks back, but I didn’t know it would benefit us both. My fingers skim her hip as I wonder if she has another one of those lacy thongs on. “I’m thinking you should give her the rest of the night off,” I say to Declan, so I can take her home and maybe find out what’s beneath her skirt.

Declan returns to scribbling on his pad. “That sounds like a great idea. In fact, take her on a getaway—make a long weekend out of it. My big case—you know the one I’ve been working on for months—it doesn’t start on Monday or anything.”

“Declan, come on. You’re ready—I know you are.”

“That’s not the point, Curran.” He tosses his pen aside. “Montenegro and his team are ready, too. If something comes up, I may need her help.”

“Then call her at my place. We’ll both head back here, to your apartment, or wherever you want us.” I mean to sound relaxed, but in truth, I’m worried about my girl. Her finals wore her out, and she’s still waiting on grades for three classes. Yet despite her stress and the demands of finishing law school, she’s helped Declan with all the last-minute legal shit he’s needed.

What bugs me, too, is how quiet she’s been since I arrived. I can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong. At first I thought maybe her chicken-neck father was causing trouble. She denied it in the few seconds I managed to get her alone, but she can’t seem to meet me square in the eye.

“What’s up?” I whisper in her ear.

She shifts uncomfortably in my lap, and keeps her arms crossed in front of her. “Later, okay?” she says quietly, her attention trailing in the direction from which Declan’s eyeing us.

Tess wants me to drop things, but the worry shadowing her beautiful face tells me I shouldn’t. “You know, Deck, the reason you’re prepared is because your sexy intern here has worked her ass off—making up for all the help you could’ve gotten if you’d only asked. She’s tired—she’s had a rough week. Just give her the night off. We’ll be back tomorrow—sooner if you really need us.”

“A lot could change,” he mutters.

“Between now and the time it takes to get back to my place? Come on, weren’t you the same guy who told me yesterday that you were ready to make Montenegro and his entire family your bitches?” I frown when he doesn’t answer. “What’s changed? And why the hell are you pissed?”

Declan considers me for a beat, his face tightening. “We’ve heard that Montenegro will put hits on his attorney’s family if he loses this case,” he answers. “His attorney denies it, but if there’s any truth to it, I’m going to have a lot more to deal with than just this case.”

I hear the unease in his voice, and what goes unsaid. My hold on Tess turns protective. “More reason to put this asshole and his cronies away for life.”

“I know. He thinks he’s untouchable.” His voice hardens. “We’ll see how he feels when I send him to prison to rot.”

The silence grows an edge that matches my brother’s tone. If most DAs are pit bulls, Declan is a damn bull. His horns are out, ready to ram anyone in his path and toss their limp bodies aside.

His eyes cut to Tess. She’s quiet, barely moving. Like me, he senses her exhaustion and maybe something more. “Tess, you can have the rest of the night off. I’ll call if I need you.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, straightening.

For her not to argue rubs me and Deck the wrong way. We exchange glances. Yeah, something’s definitely brewing. Declan nods. “I’m sure. Besides, I think I know where I can find you.”

Her face turns that bright shade of pink I can’t get enough of. I laugh and nibble behind her ear.

Declan rolls his eyes. “Jesus, Curran, what are you, twelve? Get a damn room.”

“If I were twelve this shit would be illegal,” I fire back.

“Christ” is his response.

A knock at the door shuts us up and sends Tess scrambling off my lap. She reaches for her discarded law journal and fumbles through the pages while Declan resumes his DA pose. The annoyance eases from his face, replaced by the neutral demeanor of a consummate professional. I chuckle, seeing as I know better.

Miles Fenske’s voice booms from the other side of the door. “Declan? May I come in? There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

Declan sits straighter and clasps his hands in front of him. “Of course, Miles, please enter.”

Miles strolls in first…followed by the hearing-impaired lady from the bistro Declan had crashed and burned with. Both she and Declan go stone still. But where the woman’s skin heats, and her scowl fixes on my brother, Declan’s face turns the color of ash.

Miles’s patient smile fades as his attention drifts between Declan and his companion. “Ah, this is my daughter, Melissa. She’s taking over as director of the Victim Services Unit.”

It’s then I completely crack up, whipping around to face Declan. “Oh,
shit.
This just gets better and better.”

The color in Declan’s face returns with a vengeance, his warning glare to shut the hell up trained my way. Being who I am, I continue to laugh. Tess glances between Melissa and Declan, her obvious confusion matching the puzzled look etched into Miles’s face. “I take it you’ve met?” Miles asks.

Declan, the Wizard of Words, the Count of Couth, doesn’t have shit to say. Melissa? She says a lot, but says it with her hands, signing furiously.
This is the man you wanted me to meet? The one you’re so fond of—the one you want for your replacement?

Miles signs back, attempting to keep the conversation private. But I can understand sign language well enough.
Yes,
Miles says in his motions.
Why are you so angry?

Because he’s an asshole,
she signs back.

My laugh draws their attention, both of them frowning at me. I smirk and sign back,
He’s not so bad. His heart is good, even when his mouth is saying otherwise.

My motions are crude, seeing how I don’t practice the language much, but they seem to understand. Melissa cocks her head. I have her attention now.
You understand American Sign Language?
she asks.

Of course. I’m not just good looks and personality.

The tension lifts at Miles’s smile, and Melissa’s, too. He places his hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to turn so she can read his lips. “This is Declan’s brother, Curran. He’s a police officer like your grandfather.” He looks past her to me. “Melissa damaged her hearing devices and is in need of replacements. Being as busy as she is, she keeps postponing her evaluation with her audiologist.”

Melissa keeps her focus on me, choosing to sign instead of speak. I have the feeling she’s more comfortable communicating this way, but I also think she’s trying to get a handle on me.
How long have you wanted to be a police officer?

Since forever,
I respond.

She knits her brows, moving her hands fast.
Then why not learn Spanish, since it would be more helpful in your line of work?

I already knew Spanish.
I pause, trying to remember the word for “Cuban,” but end up subbing it with words I do know.
I grew up in a neighborhood mixed with Spanish-speaking families. I learned a lot through them, enough to be fluent, so when I had to pick a language in college, I picked American Sign Language. I liked it enough to keep at it.
I pause again.
Plus, all the hot girls took American Sign Language. It helped me get dates.

Miles and Melissa laugh out loud.
Dates or laid?
Melissa questions.

I chuckle. She’s not shy around her old man, and her question doesn’t seem to surprise him.
Maybe a little of both,
I admit.

They laugh again. They like me. Declan…not so much.

“What did you just say?” he asks through clenched teeth.

I lower my hands and grin. “We’re just talking about what an asshole you are.”

Miles surprises me by laughing. “My apologies, Declan,” he says, trying to placate Declan’s growing resentment. “I assure you, your brother was quick to come to your defense. Melissa and I were simply surprised to find him so fluent in American Sign Language.” He gestures to his daughter. “It seems she’s quite taken by his charm.”

Declan squares his jaw. “I can see that. He’s a real pip, isn’t he?”

He means “prick,” but I’ll take the compliment. Melissa keeps her smile, and her attention, on me. It’s then Tess who steps forward and offers Melissa her hand, luring her attention, and smiling in a way that tells me she’s more than a little pissed at my charm.

“Hi, I’m Tess Newart. The law clerk assigned to help Declan.”

Melissa shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you. Please, call me Melissa.”

Her voice is slightly garbled, which tells me she’s been hearing impaired likely since birth. But she’s clear enough to understand, just like she was when she ripped into Declan at the restaurant.

Something in her genuine smile eases Tess’s annoyance; so does the wink I send Tess’s way. Melissa is one of those classic beauties: thick dark hair, brown eyes, creamy skin, soft pink lips, and one hell of a figure. But Tess is my girl, and she has nothing to worry about.

Melissa doesn’t miss the wink or our obvious connection. She smiles, although I catch a trace of disappointment before she glances away and reaches into her purse. “Here. This is for you.” She hands Tess a new smart phone. “The pass code is 2-2-2-2. Please change it to something you’ll remember. The phone number is listed in the contacts section under ‘My phone.’ You may use the phone as long as you’re part of the office, but I’ll need it returned when your assignment is done.”

“Thank you so much.”

Melissa smiles again. “No problem. Do you have the other phone? I’ll have it recycled along with our old ones.”

“Oh, yes, of course,” Tess answers, reaching for her purse.

Melissa stares past Tess to where Miles and Declan are speaking quietly. “I should head back to my office, Dad. I still have a lot to catch up on.”

Miles turns his focus back on her, disappointed, but also something more. “I was hoping to steal you and Declan away for a quiet dinner.”

Melissa takes the phone Tess offers her, looking directly at Declan. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she answers, her voice firm.

Miles tilts his chin. “Very well. Dinner tomorrow, then? Just you and me?”

She tears her attention away from Declan, her face softening as she takes in her old man. “Depends—are you cooking or buying?”

“Buying,” he tells her.

“In that case, yes.” She’s just slightly taller than Tess, but still has to stand on her toes to kiss his cheek. “Good night, Daddy,” she says.

Daddy?
Oh, yeah, these two are tight. My attention returns to Declan in time to watch him bury his pained expression in his hands. It’s all I can do not to crack up again.

Melissa waves to me and disappears through the door. Miles crosses his arms over his chest, his typical laid-back disposition dissolving in his daughter’s absence. “Contessa, Curran, will you excuse us, please? I’d like to discuss the Montenegro case with Declan.” He pauses, his deep tone turning harsh. “Among other things,” he adds, stiffly.