Once a Soldier (Rogues Redeemed) (10 page)

She slipped her free arm around his waist. “It must have been a long night.”

“It was. We shared what alcohol was in the cellar and talked fancifully about how we would redeem past sins if we survived, which none of us expected to do.”

“Are your sins that great?” she asked, surprised.

“Not compared to some, I suppose,” he said slowly. “But there were enough failures of duty, things I should have done, people I should have treated better, to weigh on my soul.”

She understood such small but never forgotten past sins. “A strange night indeed. How did you escape the firing squad? Did the French colonel change his mind?”

“I noticed a Masonic symbol carved into a stone behind a set of shelves. It’s not unknown for Masons to build escape tunnels from their homes, so we investigated and found that behind the stone was a shaft angling up and out. It was a tight fit, but we all managed to get out before dawn.”

“And went your separate ways after sharing a shattering experience. Were you glad to see each other’s backs?”

“Oddly enough, no,” Will replied. “The wicked little secret of soldiering is that it creates intense bonds among those who share the experiences. Facing danger together, us against the enemy, brings a powerful closeness. We stole horses and rode east away from Porto and Gaia, but when the time came to split up, we found ourselves reluctant to say good-bye.” He shook his head. “It was one of the stranger episodes in my life, but not one I want to forget. The others felt the same.”

“At least you met Duval, even if you never see any of the others again.”

“Perhaps now that the war is over, we’ll have a Rogues Reunion and see if we’ve been living up to our vows to redeem ourselves,” Will said with a laugh. “We agreed to use Hatchard’s bookstore in London as a postbox. The manager keeps letters for us. When I was in London because of my brother’s alleged death, I stopped by and found letters from two of the other men. They were rather cagey about what they’re doing now, but at least they were still alive in the not-too-distant past.”

“Did you add a letter?”

“I did. I suspect I was the least devious of the group, so there was no reason not to mention that I was an officer in the Fifty-second. Perhaps that’s how Duval found me.”

“Returning to normal life after sharing such danger and closeness will be difficult,” Athena observed. “Is that why you want to develop greater closeness with me, a chance-met female whose principal recommendation is to be tall enough for you?”

“You may very well be right about the closeness,” he said thoughtfully. “But your height is far from your only appealing quality.” He brushed a kiss on her temple and murmured mischievously, “It’s more in the nature of a delightful bonus.”

Chapter 13

I
n keeping with his resolve to move slowly, Will made sure that his kiss was light and undemanding. He wasn’t prepared for Athena to turn her face up so that their lips met. The kiss began as friendly recognition of all they had shared that night, but the sweet intimacy of her soft mouth jolted fire through his veins.

The possessive male part of him wanted to claim her as his mate, for surely they were meant to be together. They had first met under savage circumstances, a bond that had gone unrecognized till tonight, but which could not now be ignored.

The saner part of him realized that a strong, independent woman needed to be wooed and won, not claimed like a conquered city. Yet it was impossible to be sane when she slid her arms around him and responded with the buried passion he’d sensed was a vital part of her.

He loved the way she filled his embrace, woman-soft, woman-strong, and woman-scented. When she opened her lips, their tongues touched, a feather-light caress that turned mind-meltingly erotic. Illicit fire in a cool, sweet night. She tasted like fine wine and brandy and tantalizing sensuality.

A joyous madness bubbled through his veins and his breath quickened as he whispered, “Athena, goddess. . .” Unable to resist the rose petal softness of her fair skin, his lips moved hungrily across her cheek to the delicious whorls of her ear.

She gasped, her fingertips digging into his back before she reclaimed his mouth with feverish urgency. He wasn’t sure she even realized when she swung a leg over his legs and slid onto his lap, her legs bracketing his.

Dizzily he rocked against her as their lips and loins pressed together, heat to heat. His hands under the shawl roamed over the supple curves of her back and hips. In a remote corner of his mind, he realized that he should stop this
now,
but his better judgment had fled, leaving only hot, mad craving.

His right hand slid down the back of her thigh into the skirts tangled around her knee. When he pushed the folds of fabric away, his palm found the smooth flesh on the back of her knee. His hand began caressing higher....

No!
He froze, realizing how close he was to losing control entirely. “This is
not
a good idea,” he said in a choked voice.

Needing to get away from her intoxicating self, he caught Athena’s waist with both hands and swung her onto the bench. Then he lurched to his feet and escaped from the gazebo. A breeze in his face cleared his wits as he stalked across the flat roof of the tower. He was here to help San Gabriel and that meant working with Athena. But how the devil would they face each other in the morning after such reckless intimacy?

Knowing there was no other choice, he swung around to face her. She stood in the doorway of the gazebo, her shawl gripped tightly around her and hair tumbling loose over her shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he said raggedly. “I didn’t mean that to happen. We’re still working on friendship, and I know you don’t want to go further.”

Though her tall figure was taut and her eyes were great dark pools of shadow, her voice was wryly amused when she said, “I must admit that for a few minutes there, I did want to go further. You’re rather dangerously attractive, you know.”

He blinked. “That is
not
a comment I’ve ever heard before.”

“Then you’ve spent too many years in the masculine environs of the army. If you moved in more normal society, you would find yourself being hunted.”

“I’m quite sure you’re the only woman in the world who would think that, but I’m flattered.” His smile faded. “Delightful as it is to kiss you, I know that premature passion might lead to disaster. I don’t want to risk driving you away and destroying the friendship we’re developing.”

Arms still crossed under her shawl, she leaned against one of the narrow pillars that framed the entrance to the gazebo and regarded him thoughtfully. “I’ve never met a man who values friendship with women as much as you do.” Her voice turned dry. “Most males seem far more interested in bedding than in being friends.”

Her perception was part of what drew him to her, even when it was uncomfortable. He began pacing across the roof with tight steps as he chose his words. “I do value friendship greatly. I was a very lonely child until my brother, Damian, came to Hayden Hall. My father didn’t understand how much I needed a companion, which was why I would not allow my brother to be sent away.”

“Did your father ever take the time to know your brother?”

Will’s lips tightened. “No. He accepted that he was responsible for Mac and paid school fees and living expenses, and later he bought Mac a commission. But he could barely stand to be in the same room with him. Mac’s existence was a reminder of my father’s less-than-respectable behavior.”

“It sounds as if your father was something of a hypocrite,” she observed.

“He was,” Will agreed. “Apart from Mac, my family wasn’t terribly satisfactory, which is why friendships have been so important to me. The friendships formed at my school have become so deep and lasting because we were all misfits of one sort or another. But we learned we could trust each other. That created lasting bonds.”

“Like your battlefield friendships?”

Will thought of the night Lily had died, when his frantic message had brought one of his oldest school friends, Ashton, to his side through a near-lethal blizzard. If the circumstances had been reversed, Will would have done the same for Ashton. The mutual loyalty and trust were beyond question. “Very like.”

“You said Justin Ballard was a school friend, so I assume he’s one of that school brotherhood?”

“Yes, which is why I know he’ll send the aid I requested. I would do no less for him. Friendships make life worth living.” He hesitated, then continued. “Honesty compels me to admit that friendships between men and women can be difficult because there is always that underlying awareness of difference.”

“ ‘Vive la différence,’”
Athena murmured in French. In her normal voice, she asked, “Do you have many female friends?”

“Not as many as I would like. As you point out, I’ve been living mostly among men for years. But Lady Agnes Westerfield, founder of the school where Mac and I were sent, is an extraordinary woman. She has a gift for educating boys and I treasure her friendship. Several of my school friends are married, and the wives I’ve met are remarkable women. We’re friendly now, and I hope that when I’m back in England, we’ll develop deeper friendships. My brother’s wife, Kiri, is amazing. You’d like her, I think. You have much in common.”

“That could mean instant antagonism instead!” Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Your proposal that we ask each other personal questions leads into interesting and impertinent subjects. Is there one of your friends’ wives whom you wish were yours?”

Will shook his head decisively. “They’re all intelligent, attractive women, but I’ve never once thought of any of them like that. Wives of friends are untouchable.”

“An admirable sentiment,” she said with approval.

He studied the subtle play of starlight that defined Athena’s tall, graceful figure, and thought of how they’d met thrashing in the crowded waters of the Douro. She’d been on the verge of drowning from the weight of her saturated nun’s robes, but she’d struggled on to save herself and the child locked under her arm. “Even if the ladies my friends married were free, none would be quite right for me. Or me for one of them.”

“That will make it possible to develop deeper friendships with them.” Athena straightened and stepped down to the level roof, her lips curving in a slight smile. “Very well, we shall continue to develop our friendship. But perhaps it’s better if we stay out of touching distance.”

There was nothing he would like better than to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around her again, but only a fool would ignore what she was saying. Glad she wasn’t ending their tentative relationship, he said, “Luckily, there is so much to be done in San Gabriel that we should be able to behave with decorum.”

For now, at least . . .

* * *

Athena was grateful for the shadows as she led the way down the stairwell, because the erratic light concealed her trembling. She’d found Will Masterson attractive from the beginning, but she hadn’t expected that serious kissing would swiftly dissolve all her good sense. She’d been close to tumbling into category four, an affair, without any conscious thought. Thank God that Will had more self-control than she did!

As she reached the family floor and stepped into the corridor, then turned back so the light of her candlestick illuminated the last steps for her companion, she thought about what a truly decent man Will Masterson was. Kind, considerate, and honorable to a fault, not to mention powerfully attractive. If she wanted to have an affair, she could hardly choose better for a lover.

But the fiercely independent part of her nature that had enabled her to survive and build an unconventional but satisfying life drew back from the thought. Passion was a kind of madness that destroyed good judgment, as this evening had demonstrated. She would be no man’s mistress because no matter how careful lovers might be, there was always the risk of pregnancy. As a bastard herself, she’d sworn never to inflict the state on a child of her own.

And category five was impossible. Now that the long wars were over and Will was returning home, it was natural for him to want to find a wife and settle down. But he should wait until he was in England, where there would be many choices of a bride.

She and he did like each other and there was some attraction—actually, quite a lot of attraction—but she was just a chance-met female who happened to be a fellow Briton in an unexpected location. That wasn’t enough to build a marriage.

No matter how hard she tried, she could not imagine fitting into the comfortable life of a country gentleman, even with a man as lovely as Will. Growing up, she’d had enough of cuts direct and whispers behind her back. Being the honorable sort, he would feel that he must defend his wife, but that would put him at odds with some of his friends, which wasn’t fair to him.

If she was going to be an outsider, she would be one on her own terms.

* * *

Will was glad he’d had the discipline to escort Athena to her rooms, bow politely, and head off to his own bed without touching her. But he paid for his restraint by sleeping badly. Romance and passion had had little place in his life for years. Now that he’d met Athena Markham, they’d come roaring back with a vengeance.

He was painfully aware that she was perhaps a hundred paces away at the opposite end of this long corridor. If he broke down and went to her door, would she open it? Probably not. But if she did, what then? They might share a night of glorious fulfillment—and in the morning she’d never want to see him again.

Patience, William. Patience.
More and more, he believed he wanted her for category five, marriage. But that wouldn’t come without a great deal more wooing and winning. And if he was to keep from destroying all chance of success, he’d damned well better get out of touching distance for a while.

He could do that. With a plan in mind, he finally drifted into sleep.

* * *

Athena slept badly as the merits of an affair were debated between her sensible, rational mind, which had always served her well, and her blazing physical desire, which had
never
served her well.

Perhaps she should have included a sixth category on her list? Flirtation, in which two people enjoyed one another’s company in a romantic way, but without the intention of going further. She’d tell Will about it in the morning....

She awoke with reason firmly in charge. That lasted until she went downstairs to breakfast with the Olivieras, who were their usual cheerful selves. She was halfway through eggs scrambled with onions and peppers when Will entered the dining room, and her reason collapsed. Why did that scarlet uniform have to be so damnably attractive?

His smile briefly touched her, but it was for everyone in the room. He looked as if he’d slept better than she had.

Señor Oliviera said, “Major Masterson, we worked well last night. Our plans are good.”

“Yes, and today we start to put them into effect.” He pulled up an empty chair at the far end of the table from Athena and seated himself. “After breakfast, I thought you and Sergeant Oliviera and I could sit down with a map of San Gabriel and tentatively lay out the defense districts.”

Señor Oliviera blinked. “You move quickly.”

“It’s a British trait,” his son Gilberto explained. “Very exhausting for those of us accustomed to savoring life at a slower pace, but sometimes useful. Once we have an idea of the districts, we can ride through the valley to discuss and organize.”

Will nodded as a well-piled plate was set in front of him by a young Oliviera daughter. He thanked her, then said, “By this afternoon, we should be ready to ride out. I thought you, Señor, and the sergeant? You for persuasion, Gilberto to speak to his fellow soldiers and to start to organize the defense units.”

Athena couldn’t resist asking, “And you to lend the power and majesty of Britain to the quest?”

Will grinned at her. “Me to take notes about food and water supplies and available weapons and defensible position. The boring but necessary details.”

“It will take a week or so of travel over the whole country,” Señor Oliviera said. “Perhaps we should do several short trips instead.”

“I think this work should be done as soon as possible.” Will’s gaze met Gilberto’s for a moment of silent communication before the younger man nodded. Athena guessed they shared the soldier’s sixth sense of impending danger.

The oldest Oliviera daughter, Beatrix, said teasingly, “My brother wants to go to Santo Espirito to see if a certain young lady has been waiting for him.”