On to Richmond (30 page)

             
Carrie rode out into the fields every morning to check on the growth of her plants.  She knew it was silly.  It was too soon to expect anything more than barren dirt.  Still, this had become her new passion, and she was pouring her heart into it.  And she loved being out in the fields on Granite.  The early morning rides rejuvenated her and gave her time to think.  Every other minute of the day was filled with work. 

             
This morning, however, she didn’t even want to think.  A cool wind had blown in the night before.  She simply wanted to enjoy the soft breeze on her body and take deep breaths of the recently turned earth.  She couldn’t really explain her feeling of peace right now.  She had been so torn about leaving Richmond.  So much of her had felt she should stay there - that she was needed in the city.  All it had taken was having the carriage wheels roll onto Cromwell Plantation.  Once more she had been at peace - confident she was where she was supposed to be for now.  There was something more, though.  Something she didn’t quite know how to express.  A feeling that she should make all she could of this time.  At first she tried to analyze it, but had given up after a few days. 

             
“Carrie!”

             
Carrie looked up, startled, and saw Rose riding toward her.   She urged Granite into a canter and rushed to meet her.  “Rose!  Is something wrong?”

             
“No,” Rose said smiling.  “I’m just coming out to deliver a message from my mama.  She wants you to come for lunch.”

             
“She sent you all the way out here to invite me for lunch?”

             
Rose shrugged.  “Yes.  She insisted I come so that you wouldn’t make other plans.  I didn’t mind.”

             
Carrie thought it odd that Sarah had sent Rose all the way out to the fields, but she didn’t say anything else.  It was just good to have Rose with her.  “Ride with me for a while,” she said suddenly.  She knew there was work to be done, but suddenly it was important to just be with Rose.  It was another of those feelings she was learning not to analyze.  She interpreted the hesitant look on Rose’s face.  “We won’t be out that much longer.  The work isn’t going anywhere, and we’ve had hardly any time together since I got back.”

             
“Where to?”  Rose asked, smiling. 

             
Carrie surprised even herself with what she did next.  “Follow me,” she called, swinging Granite around and breaking into a gentle canter.  They weren’t that far away. 

             
Carrie pulled Granite to a stop on the bank of the river and turned to Rose, who had a strange look on her face. 

“This is your special place, isn’t it?” she asked softly.

              Carrie nodded.  A long, comfortable silence stretched between them as they gazed out over the water.  The breeze rustled the leaves overhead, creating its own background music.  “Do you like it?” she asked suddenly. 

             
Rose nodded silently.

             
Carrie looked at her more closely.  She was startled to see tears shimmering in Rose’s eyes.  “Why are you crying?”

             
Rose smiled through her tears and answered the question with one of her own. “Why have you brought me here?”

             
Carrie thought before she spoke.  At first she thought it had been pure impulse.  Now she knew it wasn’t.  “When I was younger, it was important to me to have my secret special place.  I didn’t want to share it with anyone.  It was my place to come and be whoever I wanted to be.  I felt safe here.  Now I don’t need a secret place to be whoever I want to be.   I’m strong enough to be me wherever I am.  My secret place has now become just my special place.”  She paused, picking her words carefully as the thoughts formed in her mind.  “I think when you get older that special places become more special when you can share them with the most special people in your life.  It adds to the memories.”  She reached out and touched Rose’s arm.  “You are one of the most special people in my life.  You are my best friend.  You are like a sister to me.”  Suddenly tears sprang to Carrie’s own eyes.  “I don’t know how much longer we will be together.  We both have dreams.  Our dreams are going to take us in different directions.  I don’t really know,” she said a little helplessly.  “I just knew I wanted to bring you here.” 

             
Rose gazed at her for a long moment.  “Thank you,” she said in a trembling voice.  She paused, as if struggling for words, and then continued, “You’ve told me before that I’m your best friend.  It’s been hard for me to believe that sometimes.  I mean... I think of you as
my
best friend, but it’s hard to get over the slave - owner thing sometimes.”  Rose put up her hand when Carrie opened her mouth to protest and then continued.  “It’s impossible for you to understand how I feel.  You’ve never been a slave.”

             
Carrie closed her mouth.  She couldn’t argue with that.  She could try to understand, but she knew she would never fully comprehend what Rose had felt over the years. 

             
Rose looked her squarely in the eyes.  “I love you, Carrie Cromwell.”

             
Carrie wasn’t embarrassed by the tears pouring down her cheeks.  “I love you, too, Rose.”  A long moment passed, and then she asked, “Do you mind not having your own last name?”

             
“What?” Rose asked blankly.

             
Carrie laughed.  “I’m sorry.  I guess I spoiled the moment.  I just thought of it all of a sudden.  I mean, my name is Carrie Elizabeth Cromwell.  Your name is Rose.  I know you are supposed to take on the name of Cromwell since my father owns you, but doesn’t that seem strange to you?  Wouldn’t you like to have your own last name?”

             
Rose laughed and then nodded.  “You can change subjects and moods faster than anyone I know,” she declared.  “But yes,” Rose said thoughtfully, “I’d like to have my own last name someday.  Moses and I talk about it sometimes.  What we will call ourselves when we are free - what name we will give our children.”  Her eyes shone as she talked.  “We haven’t decided yet.”

             
Carrie smiled.  “Just make sure I know what it is so that I can find you if I ever need to.” 

             
Rose nodded.  “I wonder what Miles calls himself now.”

             
“Or Sadie,” Carrie added.  She smiled as she thought of the wild jubilation that had erupted in Sarah’s cabin when she had read them the part of Aunt Abby’s letter that had spoken of Miles and the rest reaching freedom in Canada. 

             
“Do you like growing up?” Rose asked suddenly.

             
“Talk about changing moods and subjects,” Carrie teased.  Then she sobered as she thought about the question.  “I don’t know.  Sometimes I think I still want to be a little girl, with all of my problems being taken care of for me.  Then I think I wouldn’t give up my new freedom to make my own decisions for anything.  I like making my own decisions,” she said thoughtfully.  “I guess I don’t always like living with the consequences, though.”  She thought again before she spoke.   “I’m not sure I like growing up right now.  The whole country seems to have gone crazy.  Your mama told me something the last time I talked to her, though.”

             
“What’s that?”

             
“She told me every generation of people growing up thinks they are growing up into a harder time.  She thinks maybe it makes them feel better about the struggle they have leaving their childhood behind.  I’ve thought about it.  I think she’s right.  Right now we have this war going on.  Not so many years ago, we were fighting the
War of 1812.  Before that was the fight for independence.  The generation before that was trying to carve a life out of a wilderness.  The one before that was fighting oppression in England.   I guess there’s always something hard going on.”

             
Rose nodded thoughtfully.  “That makes sense.”

             
“Your mama told me something else.  She said folks can blame bad decisions on the times being hard, or they can just admit they made a stupid mistake and fix it.  She said that’s the real sign of growing up - when you don’t blame your mistakes on other people or circumstances.”

             
“That sounds like my mama,” Rose said with a laugh.

             
Long moments passed while they stared out over the river, both lost in their own private thoughts.  Finally Carrie roused herself.  “We’d better get back, or they’re going to send out a search party.”   She reached over to squeeze Rose’s hand, but she spoke no more words.  She had said everything there was to say.

             
Carrie was whistling as she strode down the path to Sarah’s cabin.   It had been a good morning.  When she had returned from her ride, she had headed straight into the office.  It had taken her the last two weeks to get the books caught up, snatching little morsels of time when she could find them.  When she had snapped them shut just minutes ago, everything was up to date. 

             
Sarah was watching for her when she rounded the curve that led to the quarters.  Carrie smiled at the sight of the tiny woman standing on her cabin step.  As usual, she was dressed in white and her face was wreathed in smiles.

             
“Howdy, Miss Carrie.  I’m real proud you could join me for somethin’ to eat.”

             
Carrie reached her and leaned down to give her a hug.  “Hello, Sarah.  Thank you so much for inviting me.”  She looked around the cabin and was surprised to find it empty.  “I thought Moses and Rose were joining us.”

             
“No,” Sarah said shortly.  “I just invited you.  I got some thin’s I be wantin’ to say to you.”

             
Carrie gazed at her and tried to discern the look in her eyes.  It was a look she had never seen before and could not interpret now.  She knew better than to ask questions, though.  Sarah would tell her what she wanted to tell her when she was good and ready.  “What are we having for lunch?” she asked instead. 

             
Sarah nodded her head approvingly.  “Just got done bakin’ some sweet taters.  I reckon you’d get mighty tired of dem things after a while, but I’s learned a long while back that you wouldn’t be happy without some o’ my ‘taters.”

             
“Nobody cooks them like you, Sarah.”

             
“Nonsense!  ‘Taters be ‘taters.  But you can believe whatever you want to believe.  Always did anyway!”

             
Carrie laughed and moved to sit down at the tiny table.  She lifted the edge of a rough napkin and sniffed appreciatively at the biscuits staying warm underneath.  Then she looked in surprise at the fire.  Sarah was the only one in the quarters that didn’t cook over the community fire in the heat of summer.   “Is that a chicken you’re cooking, Sarah?”

             
“Looks like a chicken to me.”

             
Carrie couldn’t hide her surprise.  “A chicken in the middle of the day?  Is there some special occasion I’m not aware of.”

             
“I’d say you’re pretty special, Miss Carrie.”

             
Carrie looked at Sarah sharply.  Her voice had grown softer when she made the last comment.  What was going on?  A feeling of uneasiness crept into her, though for the life of her she couldn’t identify why.

             
Sarah laughed warmly then.  “You gots too many questions, Miss Carrie.  Can’t a old woman do somethin’ nice for somebody she cares about widout havin’ to be pestered with so many questions?”  The teasing was back in her voice. 

             
Carrie sighed with relief.  “Sure you can, Sarah.”  Then she patted her stomach.  “I’m starving!” 

             
“Dat’s more like it,” Sarah said with satisfaction. 

             
Within moments they were seated in front of a feast.  Carrie moaned in delight as she took a bite of her tender, piping hot sweet potato and savored the taste as it melted in her mouth.  Her long ride had indeed made her hungry.  She didn’t care about talking any more until her stomach was full.