On the Plus Side (13 page)

I had no idea what the hell I was doing, I just knew I wanted to touch him everywhere. I started to move my hand up and down and I felt his body go tense as he let out a little growl. I moved closer to him and continued to kiss him like the deprived woman that I was.

I moved away from his lips and nibbled at his ear before I moved to his neck. More little noises were pulled from him. His breathing got hard and fast as I continued to run my hand over the front of his pants over and over again. He whispered my name and it drove me harder.

“Lilly, stop,” he rasped against my mouth.

I continued touching him and kissing him.

“Please, Lilly, this is wrong. You have to stop.”

His voice was soft and inviting. He didn’t sound like a man that wanted me to stop. He sounded like he was begging me to keep going. The whining sound in his voice let me know that he definitely did not want to stop.

I didn’t. Instead, I reached down inside his jeans and grabbed him.

“Yes,” he whispered into my mouth. “Fuck yes, touch me, baby.”

I moved my hand up and down the best I could since his belt was cutting into my arm. He was so hot to the touch and while he was hard as a rock, he still managed to feel soft to the touch.

Before I realized what was happening he pushed me up against the opposite wall of the hallway. I felt his hot hands against my outer thighs as he roughly pushed my skirt up. I heard the jingling of his belt and the sound of his zipper. He lifted my leg up and around his hip and tugged my panties to the side. He looked back up at me and the look in his eyes was raw… dangerous with need.

I gripped at his shoulders and prepared myself for the shot of pain that was supposed to come with your first time.

I felt hot hardness against my inner thigh and his breath against my ear when he leaned forward. He gripped my ass with one hand and lifted my leg more with the other as he pressed against me. Then as quickly as it started, everything stopped.

He let go of my leg and he moved away from me. I let it slowly dropped to the ground while he reached down and pulled my skirt to cover me back up. Finally, he looked me in the face and the wild passion was gone. Instead of the feral man he was just seconds before, he looked like a scared, unadulterated little boy that had just woken up from a horrible nightmare.

“I’m so sorry, Lilly. I don’t know what came over me,” he shook his head.

“It’s OK. I don’t want you to stop,” I breathed.

“No,” he snapped. “This can’t happen.”

He looked away from me and put his clothes back together. The jingle of his belt and his zipper sounded again, reminding me of what almost just happened.

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked.

I still felt like my knees were going to give out on me.

“I can’t let that happen. We can’t have sex.”

It took a minute for his words to register. This continues to happen—me throwing myself at him and him wanting me, and then suddenly pushing me away. I was getting blue balls and I didn’t even have balls! I felt like every girl part I owned was about to pop if something, anything, didn’t get released soon.

What man in his right mind turns down a ready and willing woman? I mean seriously!

Then a thought crossed my mind.

“Oh God, Devin.
Do you have something? Like an STD or something?”

“What? No! Why the hell would you even ask me that?”

“I just assumed since you keep saying we
can’t
have sex that there must be a really important reason.”

“No, that’s not it.
I
can have sex, “he jabbed himself in the chest. “Just not with
you
.”

The way he said it made me think of all the high school boys who used to talk about me. He sounded like he was completely disgusted by me. I felt like I’d been punched in the face. All this time I was throwing myself at him and he was disgusted by me. That should’ve been my first thought. Duh, Lilly! Men want beach bodies, not beached whales!

Oh he was a sexual creature who wanted sex alright—just not from
me
. Me. The fat girl. Me. Lilly. He didn’t want me.

I pushed him away and started down the hallway. I felt tears sting my eyes, but there was no way in Hell I was going to cry. I hadn’t cried in years, there was no way I would let him make me cry. I cursed myself for even allowing my eyes to water that little bit.

I heard him call out my name, but I kept walking. I passed through the crowd of party-goers in the living room and I heard his friend, Matt, call out my name as I went out the front door. The cool air rushed over me and cooled my hot, embarrassed skin.

“Hey, sexy girl,” Matt said with a slur. “Did ass-face leave you stranded?
Wanna ride me? I mean…do you want me to give you a ride?” He said on purpose with a smirk.

“Yes, please take me home.”

I didn’t care that he was being a big drunk pervert. I didn’t care that he was drunk at all. It was stupid on my part, but I needed to get the hell away from the party and Devin as fast as possible.

I don’t really remember the drive home. I was completely heartbroken and drunk. When I got home Shannon was on the couch with Erin and Gabby.

“Are you drunk?” Shannon shot off of the couch and followed me to my room. “Lil, what’s wrong? Did that bastard do something to hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine!” I called out before slamming the door in her face.

I wasn’t trying to be mean and I know she’d forgive me tomorrow, but I just wanted to go in my room, wash my face, and go to sleep. I never, ever, wanted to see Devin again!

Thirty minutes later, after I was settled in bed with night clothes on, I heard a tap on my door. I knew it was Shannon and the girls trying to be nosey.

“Not now, y’all!” I called back. “I just wanna go to sleep. We can talk about what’s bothering me tomorrow. Goodnight!”

I turned my back to the door and was in the process of getting comfortable when I heard my bedroom door open.

“Shannon, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t need a power to the fatties pep talk. I just want to be miserable. Please, just let me dwell in my unhappy fatness tonight, OK? Please.” I turned my head into the pillow.

“Don’t say things like that about
yourself,” Devin said in a sharp tone.

I sat up like lightning to see him standing beside my bed.

“Get out,” I hissed before turning my back to him.

“I’m so sorry.” I heard him take a deep breath.

The alcohol was slowly leaving my body and the little bit of numbness I felt earlier was beginning to melt away. I was starting to feel the pain of tonight—and my past was slamming into me. Not to mention, my damn leg was starting to hurt again.

I couldn’t take another apology. Not tonight. Not ever. As far as I was concerned, he could take that apology and shove it right up his sexy ass. I grabbed my pillow and hurled it at him.

“Get out! Just leave me alone. You don’t want me that way, then fine! I get it, OK? So quit torturing me. I’ve never done anything to you. Why do you insist on driving me nuts? I’m done with this crap, so leave me the fuck alone!”

I never dropped the F-bomb unless I was really emotional. I’m pretty sure this qualified as an overly dramatic emotional moment.

He didn’t say anything else.

I turned away from him again and soon I heard the soft click of my bedroom door when he left. I fell into a deep, drunken sleep.

Twelve

A Hardened Heart

It’s been three days since I’ve heard from or seen Lilly. She isn’t answering any of my phone calls and the one time that I stopped by her apartment Shannon said she wasn’t there, yet her car was. I’m pretty much being ignored. I know this game well since I’ve played it many times in my life, except this time I’m on the receiving end and it sucks monkey balls in hell.

I’ve never had a female ignore me before, and it’s driving me bat-shit crazy. I know it’s nothing less than what I deserve and in a strange way it’s kind of setting me straight. It’s a taste of my own medicine and it’s coming from the most unbelievable source. If I had told any one of my friends that an overweight chick was ignoring my phone calls they’d shit.

It’s an awful place to be…the receiving end. I can’t even say it’s because of the money. I’d be lying if I said I even thought about the money even once since the night of the party. I know we still need it and everything, but I spend my days thinking about her and my nights waiting with my cell phone close by just in case she misses talking to me as much as I miss talking to her. I even started doing something that I’ve never done before, which is worry about another guy.

All I can think about is the fact that my man-whore of a friend, Matt, had taken her home and had at least twenty minutes alone with her. Matt would have no problem what-so-ever with throwing her up against a wall and fucking her senseless. Me on the other hand, I had to suddenly grow a conscious.

I’d kill him if I find out he even laid a finger on her.

What the hell is happening to me?

Later that day, Jenny and I did some grocery shopping.  Well, Jenny grocery shopped and I pushed the grocery cart around.

“What’s going on with you, Devin? You’ve been in la la land for the last couple of days. You’re not on drugs are you? I’ll kick your ass if that’s the case,” Jenny blurted out.

“Would you watch your mouth? You’re too damn young to be running around cussing like a sailor, and no I’m not on drugs. Just got a lot on my mind is all.” I bumped into a small display table almost knocking everything over.

“Dad says you act heartbroken. Are you?” she said with a huge grin. “You know I think I might like this new girl you’re talking to.”

“I’m not heartbroken,” I said, and then quickly tried to change the subject. “You want spaghetti on Wednesday night?”

I started to pick through the different kinds of spaghetti sauces like it was my one true calling when I heard Jenny once again curse.

“Oh shit,” she whispered.

“Jenny, I said enough already with the cursing!” I stopped when I stood face to face with Renee. “Oh shit.”

“Hi, Devin.”
She smiled at me smugly as she crossed her arms and worked her neck. “What do you know? I guess you
are
back in town? Funny thing is—I found out that you never left! What the hell, Devin? I got people calling me all day telling me that you were at a party last night with some fat girl and now you got the nerve to stare back at me like you don’t know who the hell I am! Why haven’t you called me or answered any of my calls? I can’t believe you! I have half a mind to break up with you.”

Great…it was exactly what I needed. Now she wanted to go all psycho
girlfriend on me. What is it with women and marking their territory? Renee was perfectly fine being a fuck buddy until she thought that someone else was moving in. She was acting exactly like I thought she would and I was about three seconds from telling her to go straight to Hell, but Jenny spoke before I could.

I saw that angry spark hit Jenny’s eyes and I knew it was going to be bad the minute I saw her hand come up and the outraged look on her face.

“OK, first of all, don’t you ever yell at my brother like that because I will climb your tall lanky ass like a tree! Second of all, nobody even likes you, so the best thing that could…”

I cut her off by grabbing her arm.

“Jenny, let me deal with this,” I said as I turned back to Renee. I almost laughed at the shocked look on her face.

“Are you
gonna let her talk to me like that?” Renee asked in anger.

“Renee, whatever we had going on is over. The only reason I let it go on as long as I did was because you were a quick and easy lay,” I said calmly. I turned toward Jenny. “Come on, let’s go pay for this and get out of here.”

“Wait a minute! You’re not serious!” Renee called out. “
You
are breaking it off with
me
?” She stabbed herself in the chest with her too long fingernail. “Oh. My. God. This is epic!
You,
a dirty old garage boy and
me
, the hottie with a body! This is so funny I can’t even…”

Her next words never made it out of her mouth and for once I didn’t punish Jenny for acting like a boy. Renee never knew what hit her. I taught Jenny how to throw a punch and I’ll be damned if she didn’t throw one that landed right in the center of Renee’s face.

She covered her bloody nose with freshly manicured fingers. Bright red blood covered the white tips of her long nails.

“You broke my nose you little dike!” Her cries were muffled.

I had to pull Jenny back as she went in for another hit. She wasn’t having it, so I lifted her and carried her out. She fought and cursed the entire time.

We slipped out as store employees came to help Renee. After an hour of shopping, we left our buggy full of groceries in the aisle.