On His Turf (19 page)
“And who’s this now?” she says to me before taking a deep drag of her cigarette.
“He’s my friend, Shane Mitchell,” I don’t look at her as I unload the microwave dinners into the freezer. The sink is piled high with dishes and empty bottles and glasses litter the counter.
“Her
boyfriend
,” Shane adds sticking out his hand. My mother studies it skeptically before taking it.
“Boyfriend, huh? I should warn you that this one seems to have trouble holding down a man,” she says snidely and I have to force myself to blink back the tears. I don’t know why I let her get to me but it happens every time I come here.
“I doubt that will be a problem, Ms. Dahl,” Shane says and my mother rolls her eyes.
“Confident one aren’t ya? Well Mr. Confident you can call me Amanda,” she says, shaking his hand slowly as her eyes peruse him from top to bottom. I think the only thing worse than her being rude to him would be her trying to hit on him.
“Can I make you something to eat?” I ask as she shoulders passed me to pour another tumbler of vodka.
“You can’t cook worth shit,” she answers and I bite down on my bottom lip to keep from screaming.
“Actually, Carmelina is an amazing cook,” Shane interrupts and she snorts.
“You have to say that because you’re trying to get into her pants. But I’ll bet from the looks of ya that yer already in there,” she adds.
“Mom!” I shout and she shrugs and stumbles her way out of the kitchen. Shane goes after her and I reluctantly follow. When I reach the living room she’s already spread out on the sofa with the TV blaring.
“There’s a stack of bills by the door,” she yawns out, not looking at me as I go over to retrieve them. When I pick the pile up Shane snatches it out of my hands.
“You pay her bills?” he says incredulously.
“She can’t work,” I answer as I try to shrug off his question. I lean forward to grab the stack of paper back but he lifts it above my head.
“She looks fine to me,” he mumbles. He walks over and perches himself on the edge of the sofa by her feet. “So what is it that you do Amanda?” he asks with forced politeness.
“Whadda ya mean?” she says, cutting her eyes to him.
“What do you do what your day?” he repeats. “Besides drink and insult your daughter.”
That gets her attention and she lifts herself up on one elbow to glare at him. “My daughter is the reason I’m like this. She’s the reason her father left and she’s the reason I’ve been alone most of my life.” Her voice goes up an octave and I cover my face with my hands because I know from experience that when she gets on one of these rants it takes a good hour before she’ll come back down.
“No, Ms. Dahl, you are the reason you are like this and it only makes me love Carmelina more knowing what she’s had to overcome,” he says through clenched teeth and I gasp.
Wait - what? He loves me? My heart starts beating a little faster at his profession even though I’m horrified that he’s here in this house having this conversation with her.
“Manipulating and cutting down your own child? You are a disgusting excuse for a mother.” He stands and shoves a hand into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. He pulls out a wad of bills and tosses them down on the bottle-strewn coffee table. “Here, that should last you twenty four hours. Let’s go, babe,” he growls as he steps over a pile of garbage on the floor and takes me by the upper arm.
“You are an ungrateful little bitch, Carmelina. Ya always have been and ya always will be!” she screams at me while jumping to her feet. She wobbles from side to side a little before hurling her now-empty glass of vodka at me. I instinctively duck and it hits the wall behind me and Shane’s head snaps around as he locks his eyes on her.
“Call her a bitch again,
Ms. Dahl
, and I’ll have this house condemned and make it my life’s mission to see that you never squeeze another undeserved cent out of your daughter.”
He doesn’t wait for her response as he ushers me out on to the porch and slams the door. I can hear her yelling and the muffled TV noise filtering from the open window but I rush down the steps and I don’t look back. At the end of the pathway I halt and turn around to find Shane but my eyes go to the big tree that takes up most of the yard instead. Shane gives me a questioning look but he waits for me to speak.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking on the words and he grabs me by the shoulders.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who should be sorry for losing my shit back there but I’m not. I can’t watch someone treat you like that and not step in - it’s against my nature.”
I don’t know how to respond to him because as much as I should be mad at him for putting himself in the middle I can’t seem to muster up any real anger.
“I love this tree,” I whisper, glancing over at the familiar tree with its narrow, droopy branches and wiry trunk. The delicate trumpet-shaped flowers are in bloom leaving a dusting of lavender petals on the overgrown lawn beneath it.
“It’s a desert willow,” Shane says adding; “my parents are really into gardening.”
“I never knew what it was called,” I say, tilting my head.
“It’s actually a pretty unique tree because it’s delicate yet extremely adaptable. It doesn’t need a lot of water or attention and it can survive the Texas heat. It’s beautiful and resilient - a lot like you,” he says and I blush and look away.
“It was kind of like my treehouse growing up. It was my escape,” I explain and he waits for me to continue.
“My mother’s strange friends would come over and there would be parties at the house all the time. The parties would last all night and when the cigarette smoke would get too thick and the music would be so loud that it would vibrate through my bedroom walls I’d sneak out my bedroom window and climb it.” My eyes lift and he follows my gaze as I point at one of the sturdier lower branches. “I’d sit up there all night watching the stars thinking about my dad and wondering what I was missing out on by not being with him.”
“Shit, babe.” He pulls me against him as the first of the tears roll down my cheeks.
“This house was never a safe place for me. She had a string of boyfriends who either ignored me completely or tried too hard. They would give me stuffed animals and candy before shutting me in my room so they could get high and drunk,” I say and I notice that his arms tighten around me. “And then when I was older there were the boyfriends who paid too much attention to me. I believe that this tree along with Matty saved me from having a much worse story to tell.”
“When you say things like that I want to burn this place to the ground and track down all the lowlifes that ever crossed your path,” he says fiercely, pulling back so he can wipe away my tears.
“I wish you didn’t have to see all this.” I bury my face into his chest but he tilts my chin up with his thumb.
“This doesn’t define you but it’s a part of you that I needed to see to understand.”
“To understand what?” I say, confused.
“To understand exactly what kind of woman you are having come through this. You are incredible, Carmelina. I’m so proud of you,” he whispers and his words make the tears really start to flow. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever heard anyone outside of Matty say they were proud of me and it means more to me than he can possibly know. That’s when I remember what he said inside and my heart starts thumping in my chest once again.
“You love me?” I say weakly and he smiles.
“I was sure you’d try and pretend you didn’t hear it, but yes, Carmelina Dahl, I love you,” he repeats, giving me an amused smile.
“But how?” I say, pulling back.
“Well I don’t know the exact science of it but I know how I feel,” he teases, taking my hand as he opens the gate. I follow him to the truck, dumbfounded. “You look like you just got run over,” he laughs.
“It’s only been like a month,” I say.
“Yep.”
‘But…” I start and he cuts me off.
“Get in the truck, babe. You’re overthinking this again. I don’t expect you to say it back, I’m happy enough that you acknowledged it so just let it be what it is,” he says and I can’t find my voice so I all I can do is nod.
My hands are shaking as I grab the handle to climb up into the cab and I feel both elated and like I want to run screaming in the opposite direction. Whatever I thought might come out of this visit today I didn’t expect it to be a profession of love but what scares me most is that those three little words are dancing right on the tip of my tongue to say back to him. It terrifies me because in my experience love isn’t what conquers all. In fact more often it ruins things: lives, relationships, even people. And while I understand on some level that it’s mostly my own issues talking there’s that little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole thing between us will only ever be about sex. The more time I spent with Shane the quieter that voice gets but it’s still there, nagging at me, telling me that he’s wrong and the past does define me, so much so that a guy like him will never be able to get passed the secrets I hold.
Sunday arrives and I find myself in my car on my way to the barbecue at Shane’s parents’ house. He had an early morning practice so I agreed to meet him there but secretly I wanted to drive so that I can make a quick exit. His family has been so welcoming but after what happened with my mom I’m still feeling a little raw and so my plan is to slip away as soon as I can.
I wasn’t sure what one wears to a fancy barbecue in hill country and so I landed on a buttercup yellow sundress with a halter neck and scalloped hem. I paired it with cork sandals and a little white cardigan for my shoulders that I’ve yet to put on since the sun is out in full force today. The glass thermometer on my kitchen window read eighty five degrees at eleven this morning.
As my old Honda shudders up the driveway I almost die right there of embarrassment when I see a valet in a red coat waving me forward. The Mitchell’s have gone all out for this party and I wish desperately I didn’t have to arrive in a car that looks like it came straight from the scrapyard but the valet doesn’t even blink as he slides past me into the driver’s seat.
“Do you want the club on it ma’am?” he asks, gesturing to the metal bar on the passenger seat and I blush.
“No, I think it will be fine here, thank you.”
He nods and pulls away, leaving me staring at the front doors of the house. I don’t see Shane’s car but then again I don’t see any cars in the circular drive so I figure the valet must be parking them in one of the back fields. I knock lightly and I can hear laughter and noise on the other side but no one comes to open it so I let myself in. The foyer is empty but it gives me a view right through to the back of the house to the patio that is crammed full with bodies. As I approach the open sliding doors Brenda looks over and waves.
“So glad you could make it!” she says as she pulls me into her arms and kisses my cheek. “This is Shane’s girlfriend, Carmelina.” She looks at me proudly as she introduces me to the group of ladies from her book club.
“He’s not here yet, dear, but not to worry he will be soon,” Brenda says warmly as she links her arm through mine and excuses us both. She steers me over to the makeshift bar that’s set atop the outdoor kitchen and I smile when I see who is pouring drinks.
“What can I get you, Carmie?” Caleb asks and I think it’s cute that he’s found a nickname for me even if it is a horrible one.
“A beer would be great.”
“You drink beer?” He gives me a strange look.
“I love beer,” I sigh, patting my butt and adding, “way too much.”
“I think I love you.” He grins at me before passing me a pint of something dark. “If it doesn’t work out with my brother will you let me know?” he says seriously.
“I’m a little too old for you,” I laugh and he shakes his head.
“You are only as old as you feel. Besides I’m nineteen.”
“See? You can’t even drink the beer you’re pouring!” I tease and he winks at me.
“Wanna bet?” He keeps his eyes on me as he takes a sip of his own beer.
“Stop eye-fucking my girlfriend, little brother,” Shane’s voice cuts in as his arms go around my waist. He presses a kiss to my temple and even though I’m sure he’s showered he still smells faintly of sweat and fresh-cut grass.
“Bro, I was just telling her that I’m available if it doesn’t pan out with you two,” Caleb challenges.
“Not funny. Now get me a beer and I swear if your eyes dip below her chin level one more time I’m going to hang you from the diving board by your boxers,” Shane says and he sounds like he’s only half kidding but Caleb just laughs.
I turn in his arms and place a kiss on his lips. He runs his hands through my hair and down my back to rest on my ass before mumbling against my mouth. “Mmm…I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I murmur and he raises an eyebrow.
“Did you just admit in public that you missed me?” he says playfully and I shove him with the hand that’s not holding a beer.
“Quit being an asshole,” I pout.
“I can’t help myself since those are these sweetest words I think I’ve ever heard. You missed me.” He bends his head and grazes my lips with his. “Sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived.”
“It’s okay since your mom grabbed me right away.” I say, looking around. “But I don’t know where she ended up.”
“She’s back inside prepping the salads and dad has turned on the barbecue so we’ll be eating soon. I hope you like steak.” He spins me around so I’m pressed against his front then he slings an arm across my shoulders. “So what do you think so far?” he whispers to me as I survey the backyard.
The crowd is mostly middle-aged and I notice that everyone is dressed nicely in muted shades of beige, white and cream. If my mother were here and sober enough to function she’d say that they all have the look of money to them. I glance down at my own yellow dress and instantly realize how out of place I look.
“Stop it, babe. Get out of your head. You look beautiful,” he speaks into my ear and I can’t help but smile at how well he’s read my mind. “Seriously, you look like sunshine floating among a bunch of dull clouds and I’m the lucky man that gets to put his hands on you.”