On Dublin Street (49 page)

“Sounds like someone I know,” Braden murmured, amusement in his voice.

I grinned at the thought that I might be a little like my mom. “Yeah? Well, she was awesome. And my dad was just as great. He was the dad who checked in with you every day to see what was up. Even as I got older and became this entirely new creature called a teenage girl, he was still always there.” I felt a tear fall now. “We were happy,” I whispered, just managing to get the words out.

I felt Braden kiss my hair, his grip on my arm so tight it almost hurt. “Babe, I
’
m so sorry.”

“Shit happens right?” I swiped quickly at the tears. “One day I was sitting in class and the police came to tell me that my dad had swerved into a truck to avoid a motorcyclist who
’
d come off his bike. Gone. Mom. Dad. Beth. I lost my parents and I lost a little girl I hadn
’
t really had a chance to get to know. Though I knew enough to know that I adored her. I knew she would cry if she couldn
’
t see her favorite teddy bear
—
this ratty old brown bear with a blue ribbon around his neck that used to mine and still smelled like me. His name was Ted. Original, I know. I knew that she had a sophisticated taste in music because all you had to do to stop her from crying was play
Mmmbop
by Hanson.” I laughed sadly at the memory. “I knew that when I was having a bad day, all I had to do was pick her up, hold her close, smell her skin, feeling her tiny warmth against me and know that everything was okay…

I went off the rails when I lost them. My first foster home was full of other kids, so my foster parents barely even noticed I was alive, which was fine by me since it meant I could do whatever I wanted. The only thing that numbed everything was doing stupid shit that made me feel like crap about myself. Lost my virginity too young, drank way too much. Then after Dru died, I just stopped.  I was moved to another foster home on the other side of town. They didn
’
t have much, but there was less kids there and one kid in particular who was pretty cool. She wanted a big sister though…” I sucked in breath, feeling the guilt wash over me all over again. “I didn
’
t want to be anything to anybody. She needed someone, and I didn
’
t give it to her. I don
’
t even know what happened to her after I left.” I shook my head regretfully and sighed. “When I was there, I went to a couple of parties over the years, not a lot. Always ended up with some guy I didn
’
t know or care to know.” I heaved a sick sigh. “Truth is, I went out on the same night every year. To a party, to a bar. It didn
’
t matter as long as it helped me forget. I
’
ve spent eight years burying my family, pretending they never existed, because yeah
–
like you said
–
it was easier to pretend I
’
d never had them, than to deal with how much it hurt to lose them. I realize now how unfair that was to them. To the memory of them.” I clenched my jaw to stem the tears, but they spilled over anyway, dripping onto Braden
’
s chest. “The one night I went out was the anniversary of their death. But I stopped doing that when I was eighteen. I went out that night and I went to a party and I can
’
t remember anything that happened after I arrived. I woke up the next day and I was naked in bed with
two
guys I didn
’
t know.”

Braden cursed low under his breath. “Jocelyn.”

He was belatedly angry I know. “Believe me, I
’
ve been there. I was furious at myself, violated, scared. Anything could have happened to me. And sexually…”

“Don
’
t.”

I stopped at his scary tone. “I got checked out and those guys hadn
’
t given me anything, thank God. But I never slept with anyone again. Until you.”

Another tight squeeze for that one.

“I might never stop fearing tomorrow, Braden,” I admitted calmly. “The future and what it can take from me, scares me. And sometimes I freak out, and sometimes my freak-outs hurt the people closest to me.”

“I understand that. I can deal with it. You have to trust me.”

“I thought you were the one with the trust issues,” I grumbled.

“I trust
you
, babe. You don
’
t see yourself the way I see you.”

I traced a little
‘
J
’
on his chest. “I do trust you. I just didn
’
t expect Ellie to lie to me, so I took her word as gold. I
’
m sorry.”

Braden let go of his breath. “I love you, Jocelyn. These last few weeks have been a nightmare for more reasons than one.”

I thought of the long-legged blonde that had put me through hell. “And Isla?”

“I swear I never slept with her.”

“Did anything happen?”

His chest froze beneath me.

“Braden?”

He sighed heavily. “Yesterday she kissed me. I didn
’
t kiss her back. I pushed her off and told her about you.”

I was silent a moment and then I replied decisively, “You have to fire her.”

Braden snorted. “Are you finally admitting you love me?”

“I can
’
t promise it
’
ll be easy, Braden. I
’
ll probably always be a little irrational about the future. I
’
ll worry a lot.”

“I told you I can handle it, babe.”

“Why?”

“Because…” he sighed, “You make me laugh, you challenge me, you turn me on like no else can. I feel like I
’
m missing something really important when you
’
re gone. So important I don
’
t feel like myself. I
’
ve never felt like someone was mine before. But you
’
re mine, Jocelyn. I
’
ve known that from the moment we met. And I
’
m yours. I don
’
t want to be anybody else
’
s, babe.”

I leaned up on my elbow so I could look him in the eye before I pressed a soft kiss to his lips and fell against him as his arms came around me to hold me close as he deepened the kiss. When I finally came up for air I was panting a little. I touched my finger to his lips, determined that one day I
’
d enjoy this contentment without worrying it would be taken from me. “Do you think you might be able to come to Virginia with me? To go through my parents
’
things?”

His eyes smiled, and I can
’
t tell you what it did to me that I could make him that happy. “Of course. We
’
ll go whenever you want. But we
’
re coming back.”

I nodded. “I was only moving to Virginia because I thought you were moving into Isla.”

Braden grunted. “Nice.”

“You
’
re firing her right?”

He narrowed his eyes. “You just want me to fire her?”

“If I told you that Craig kissed me last night would you make me quit?”

“Point taken. I
’
ll find her a job elsewhere.”

“Elsewhere as in nowhere you work.”

“Christ, your bossy.”

“Uh, do you not remember dry humping me to a desk after Craig kissed me?”

“Again, point taken.”

I buried my head against his chest. “I thought I
’
d really fucked up.”

He squeezed my nape. “We both really did. But that
’
s over now. From now on I
’
m completely in charge. I think we
’
ll have a lot less drama, and definitely no more breakups, if I
’
m in control of this thing.”

I patted his stomach. “Whatever you need to tell yourself to get through the day, baby.”

“You still haven
’
t said it you know.”

I turned my head and smiled up at him. I took a big inner breath. “I love you, Braden Carmichael.”

His grin made my chest swell. “Say it again.”

I giggled. “I love you.”

He sat up quickly and then swung out of the bed, pulling me with him. He pushed me towards the en-suite. “You
’
re going to say it again while I fuck you in the shower.”

“This whole taking control thing is kind of hot.”

“It
’
s about to get hotter, babe.” He smacked me lightly on my ass, and I gave a little squeal, his laughter and mine filling the bathroom as we stumbled together into the shower.

“Now, you
’
re sure you
’
re going to be okay?”

Ellie crossed her arms over her chest and blew air out between her lips. “If you ask me that again, don
’
t bother coming back.”

I shot Braden a look and he shook his head slightly. “Don
’
t look at me. She didn
’
t have attitude until you moved in with her.”

That was fair.

Ellie giggled at my faux wounded look and threw up her hands. “Guys, come on. It
’
s been a month. I
’
m fine. Adam
’
s practically living here and you have a plane to catch.”

Braden kissed his sister
’
s cheek before turning to open the front door with our suitcase in hand. In the end it had been a good thing Braden ripped up my plane ticket, because inviting him to come to Virginia with me meant rearranging his schedule and changing the flight dates. And well to be honest, we wanted to make sure Ellie was back on her feet before we left.

After a month of being mothered by me, Adam, Braden and her actual mother, Ellie was probably glad to be rid of us. She was still trying to get her energy levels back, and was still exhausted, and still very much shaken by the experience. I
’
d suggested she start seeing Dr. Pritchard and Ellie had her first appointment in a few days. Hopefully the good doctor would help her out. I wondered if the good doctor would help me out. I was feeling a little separation anxiety.

“Joss, the taxi is waiting.” Ellie shooed me towards to the door.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “But if you let anything happen to yourself while we
’
re gone, I will kill you.”

“Noted.”

“Tell Adam the same goes for him.”

“I will warn him. Now will you go and do this very important thing.” She hugged me tight. “I wish I could come with you.”

I gave her a squeeze and pulled back. “I
’
ll be fine. I
’
ve got a bossy businessman watching my back.”

“I heard that,” Braden called from the other side of the door. Damn. I thought he was already in the cab.

“I better go before I end up taking this flight alone.”

“Call me when you land.”

“Will do.”

We said goodbye and I let Braden bundle me into the cab. It had been a long month, worrying about Ellie and we were still worrying, but the lots of make-up sex Braden and I were having definitely took a load off.

Pun intended.

We were still finding our way back after the whole break-up mess but this new
‘
us
’
was kind of hot. Oh and this new
‘
us
’
involved no Isla. Braden
‘
fired
’
her and got her a job at a nightclub he did not own. I think she could have gotten another job by herself, she was annoyingly beautiful, but Braden felt guilty. Technically his manager had come onto him so he had nothing to feel guilty about, but Braden wasn
’
t comfortable with the idea that his manager had somehow tried to take advantage of him. That didn
’
t go down well in
‘
caveman world
’
.

I, for one, was still feeling guilty for the emotional mess I had turned into. In an effort to make up for it, I cleared out one of my bedside cabinets and two drawers in my dresser, for Braden
’
s own use. I still couldn
’
t get the image of his stupid grin out of my head when I told him that. He
’
d jumped out of bed
—
mid make-out I might add
—
to unpack his overnight bag into the drawers.