On Becoming His

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One Woman’s Journey Into Becoming a Submissive

Does the term
frighten you? It shouldn’t. I’
ve been writing about the BDSM lifestyle
,
including aspects of Domestic Discipline and Head of Household
,
for over a year now
. W
hile I will never consider myself an expert by any means, what I have learned from searching the Internet and talking to real life Dom’s and subs is that there are certainly many variations in the lifestyle
,
from simply enjoying more sexual aspects to couples who live the lifestyle twenty-four hours a day. There are always
differences with every
relationship but there is one aspect that remains very clear
in D/s
– the word trust.

Trust is
by far the most important element
and this is for so many reasons. You are
not only
trusting a person you care about to tell him or her you not only crave being either a Dom or a sub
,
but that you also want to consider exploring the options. H
opefully
you
won’t have the
love of your life
admonish, chastise or make fun of you for the thought.
Imagine how terrifying the concept is.
Fear of the unknown and anticipation of what will be said
to you either in love or condemnation is
the first aspect. The second is you’re putting certain portions of your life into the other’s hands and the concept of pain and pleasure is a heady one indeed.
The concept is
more about control, at least with regard to this piece. Again, there are other and darker aspects including the
sado
/masochist side of a D/s situation
,
but neither is this somethi
ng I’m interested in nor is delving into the darker sides
a part of this piece.
I’m
also
not trying to educate you on every aspect of the lifestyle
. If you want to know more, t
here are books
written by
people who truly understand and live this
every day
and know
what they’re talking about, that will allow you to
learn
more about the different aspects
.

Again, I am no expert. What I can tell you after having written several BDSM pieces is that in talking with many of my readers
,
they honestly have asked me,
why. Why would in my case as with
several of my heroines, want someth
ing like altering my
lifestyle to have a man be
come
my
Dom
, taking control of my
life
?
Why would I possibly submit to this
person
at all? Why would I give up my perceived
independence? In truth
,
the concept is very empowering to both parties
– freeing if you will
.
Please keep in mind there are many scenarios to this
alternative form of lifestyle
from a woman being
in charge to a man, same sex and
heterosexual
. I’
m pennin
g these pieces as a woman who’
s been searching
her entire life for the single man who might be abl
e to draw out what she craves every night and simply has no
idea how to find him. I
n the end
,
she not only meets and learns to trust him
,
but
also
decides s
he will become his submissive. In other words, h
e will own her.

Before you scoff and turn away, keep in mind there are many kinds of relationships out there
coursing through multiple
cultures across the continents
.
Let’s take a look at one aspect.
Domestic discipline
/Head of Household
isn’t new and in truth has been around since the beginning of time.
I was talking with a dear friend of mine
,
who is considering the lifestyle and being the D in the situation
,
and he is still trying to wrap his head around the fact the lifestyle is so very different than what he’s been involved in and what society sees as the norm. Well, that may be true for the society of modern America
,
but a man being in charge of the household dates back to biblical times. Let’s look at a more recent past
,
however.
Do you remember when the man truly was the head of house
hold and made the decisions? Have
you ever read stories in which the wife was disciplined for her indiscretions?
For our parents, my guess is more went on behind the closed doors of their bedrooms than we realize.

Domestic Discipline
is a practice based in Christianity and is growing again in popularity. Why? Perhaps because man and woman continue to be at odds in a relationship as to who is in charge
and the divorce rate is skyrocketing
. Women’s rights may or may not play a part in this and I’m certainly not going to argue the pros and cons of the concept.
What my friend finally realized is how empowering the feeling is for him and how very m
uch he wants to learn more. In
reading blogs and testaments from couples deciding to enter into the lifestyle even after years of marriage, this is VERY empowering for both parties.

What is Head of Household or Domestic Discipline and how does it differ from BDSM? Without getting into too much detail, the head of the household takes control of generally everything from deciding on the larger financial issues such as the house, the car etc. and in the case of my stories, the head is a male. The woman or wife has her own set of responsibilities including
taking care of
the children, her work and selected other duties and they co-exist
,
having created a set of rules they both agree on. When rules are broken discipline
is doled out in
a manner both anticipate
. While
I’m not talking having the man beat his wife
, corporate punishment is
indeed
involved. What does this
mean? Discipline can range from removal of privileges to spanking
– and this isn’t about playtime
. Some couples also practice maintenance spanking
s,
which includes having a somewhat regular time for the woman to receive a spanking as a reminder
of her needed and expected behavior
.
For most this practice maintains an even balance in the house.

From what I understand
,
and
I have heard through
reading different testimonials from
hundreds of couples
,
this practice brings the man and woman
closer together. From the quie
t calm in the house to the improvement
in their sex
lives
, they are
generally
happier
. Keep in mind entering into this lifestyle doesn’t happen overnight and certainly has to be discussed, learned about, discussed again and then decided on by both the man and woman and shouldn’t be decided on a whim.
Neither will be happy in the end if you don’t know what you’re getting into.

BDSM is something else and sometimes the two lifestyles intermix and sometimes they don’t. While most people who don’t know the lifestyle think of BDSM as whips and chains - that is not at all what we’re talking about. Yes, there are playrooms sometimes and spanking benches
of what’s known as the “X” cross
(these are apparatuses noted in many erotic books)
,
but what the lifestyle is and very similar to the HOH is
about is
control. Whether a man or woman is in charge, the head or Dom controls completely and the sub is willing to do what the Dom asks without hesitation and without question. Period. From pleasing him or her sexually to cleaning the house, the rules are designed and followed. Sometimes in BDSM
there is a kinkier
nature regarding
sex
,
but
then again sometimes
the lifestyle has nothing to do with sex.

In penning
On Becoming His
,
I wanted to bring you the understanding that ANYONE considering entering into this lifestyle – whichever one we’
re talking about – really
needs to
spend
a lot
of time thinking about every aspect
.
This is a highly emotional time for both people
thinking about, worrying about and
wondering about entering into something so very different for them
. They worry and shed
tear
s
,
fear
the unknown
and ask themselves why
they want or need
over and over again.
T
hey have to or the concept isn’
t really something they want. This means such a tremendous change for both parties and going through the multi-layers of the change is something few people can understand. In having people ask me about my writing – why did the sub want this
total shift in the way they having been living
– I had to pause. Most BDSM writers talk about the act, the playtime
, the pain
and not the emotional aspect of the whys and the countless hours spent thinking and worrying and frustrating. Trust. You have to trust you and your beliefs and trust the person absolutely one hundred percent.