ON AIR (10 page)

I took a deep breath and slowly released it. “You think I had life handed to me on a silver platter?” I lifted my shirt and showed him the scar on my chest. “I almost died when I was your age because someone wanted the ten bucks I had in my wallet. I got shot leaving a
job interview
. I was trying to get a college degree and a part time job to help me through it. What the fuck kind of karma is that? Does it look like I curled up in a pussy ball and gave up?
Fuck. No.
I missed three weeks of school trying to recover from something
I should have died from
. You wanna meet the doctors who saved my life? They will tell you firsthand that I’m a miracle. So yes, David, I do have dreams in my life. I made goals and I’ve reached some of them. I didn’t just bend over and let the world shaft me. You cannot cast blame on every fucking thing. Be a man and face those obstacles with some resolve!”

He’d been staring across the room during my lecture, but when I stopped, he finally looked at me. “You done?”

“No I’m not, you little fucker. You get your ass to my office on Monday morning, you hear me? I’m spoon-feeding you that opportunity you so brazenly told me I’ve been privileged to. If your sister can work her ass off to get herself somewhere, then so can you. No excuses!”

With a glare, he breezed past me and left the bedroom door open. I took that as my cue to leave, especially when he sat down on the couch with his roommate and lit a fucking joint right in front of me as I walked by.

I certainly wasn’t done with Davey, but there was only so much you could do for someone at one time. I figured step one had been implemented as far as it could right now. He hadn’t seen the last of me.

When I got to the truck, I could tell Natalie was on edge and she practically pounced on me when I sat down.

“Everything’ll be okay, stay calm,” I told her.

She blinked her irritation as I turned the ignition and pulled onto the street. “What? Stay calm? Are you kidding?”

“You can’t throw the entire book at him at once, Nat. Just let this sink into him for now. I know you love him and you’re worried, but bit-by-bit right now. Okay? Chill out, scrap.”

She was caught off guard with that, and then cracked up laughing. Yeah, every once in a while I’d toss up a phrase I’d learned from her. She didn’t do it often because she’d been on the west coast for so long now—fifteen years—but every once in a while she’d say one. She still had somewhat of a New York accent if you listened hard enough, but especially when she was mad.

Nat settled back in her seat as I drove. I was worried she was going to argue with me, but after half a minute, she nodded. “I’m good. Okay.” She exhaled a deep breath of air. “We smell like pot, don’t we?”

I chuckled, allowing myself to relax a bit. “Yeah, I think we do. Let’s go for a walk somewhere, okay?”

She agreed, so I surprised her and headed for the Japanese Gardens. I figured it would be a nice break from life, and especially a distraction from the issues with her brother.

12

“
S
o…” Madden entered my office with a stupid grin on his face. “You two finally took the plunge, huh? The big step? The first day to the end of your lives? The dawning of a new empire.”

I knew he was talking about Natalie, and I spun in my chair at my worktable to face him. “If you mean deciding on couplehood, then yes.”

“Ohhh myyyy God,
couplehood
! Oooh me likey. Now am I supposed to, like, throw you a party or something?”

I rolled my eyes and went back to my design. “Quit being dramatic.”

Madden dropped into the chair across from me and eyed the design up on the computer screen as he scratched his beard. “Is that the Culliver’s house?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Cool beans. It looks sweet.”

He grabbed a pencil and began tapping it on the table rhythmically. I would have told him to knock it off, but his short attention span would eventually take care of it. I was correct when he stood and helped himself to a bottle of water from my mini fridge in the corner.

“So what’d she have to do to make you commit? Threaten physical harm on you? Blackmail you with juicy information?” He paused as I looked up at him with just my eyes. “Unspeakable promises in the bedroom?” he hissed.

Sighing, I pushed myself away from the table. I knew I wasn’t going to get any more work done, so it was best to call it quits. Madden was like a toddler sometimes.

“We just had a long talk.”

He raised his eyebrows. “A long talk? You? Ha, about what?”

“About…things.”

He rolled his eyes at me. “Fuck that. Just give me what I want to hear before I go harass
her
about it.”

That wouldn’t have been any better or worse, but I guess I decided to spare Natalie the hassle of warding off a pesky Madden.

“Apparently I’d opened my big fucking mouth in Vegas to her and talked about my parents and all that bullshit.”

His mouth dropped open and he paused for several beats. “No fucking way! Seriously? So she’s known all this time?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

At first he didn’t respond, but that look on his face was giving something away. I just didn’t know what it meant.

“What?” I asked. “What’s the look for?”

Finally he chuckled. “Damn, I’m just thinking about how in love with you she truly is, man. That’s some serious devotion, brother. Think about it. She’s been gentle with you all this time. And patient. Tough little Nat has that soft side of her and it’s all reserved for you. That’s really special, Dane.”

I thought he was being an asshole, so I said, “Shut up and let me finish this design.”

“I am totally not being a dick, I swear to God,” he laughed, holding up his hands. “I’m being serious. That’s really cool. I mean it. Really think about it, Dane.” He pushed himself away from the table and stood. “Ask her out on a real date, motherfucker. Don’t mess around with this.” As he headed for the door, he added over his shoulder, “Call me if you need any advice.”

Laughing at the irony, I returned to the computer. Madden had a pretty good grasp on people, human nature, and yeah, relationships. But the guy never progressed with any of them using his own advice. I felt he deliberately sabotaged an interaction with someone before it could even go anywhere, but I’d never get him to admit it.

I’m not sure how long I’d been working after that—maybe twenty minutes—but a knock sounded at my open office door and Angie, our receptionist, said, “There’s someone named Holly here to see you.”

Surprised, I quickly ran through a list of excuses for why I wasn’t able to see her. But during my five-second pause, none of them seemed thoroughly thought out enough for me to use.

“Okay, send her back.” Hell, I didn’t know why she dropped by, but maybe curiosity won that round. I slid myself over to my desk just as she came through the door. “Hey, this is a surprise.”

She arched an eyebrow at me. “Is it? You wouldn’t return my texts, so I was worried. I remembered you saying you worked here, so thought I’d give it a shot.”

I stood from the desk and walked around to the front of it, even though I preferred to use it as a buffer between us. She eyed me the entire way, top to bottom, and I guess I wondered what she was thinking. I was wearing my favorite pair of worn jeans and a dark gray t-shirt. I’m not sure what about my appearance had her looking so confused.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, looking down at myself to check for coffee stains or something unzipped. I looked back up and waited for her reply.

“Nothing,” she shook her head with a tiny smile. “It’s just- I just thought maybe you’d changed from work when you were in the bar that night. When you said you were an architect, I was trying to picture you in, um…”

“Nicer clothes? Suit and tie? A polo shirt?”

“Ha, yeah maybe a polo shirt and khakis?” She seemed embarrassed, but I think it helped ease the awkwardness a bit.

“Yeah, we’re pretty casual here unless we’re meeting with clients. I generally spend hours and hours on my own, or work from home, too.”

She nodded and glanced around the room. “You even have your own office. That’s, um, nice.”

I was about to respond but Madden caught my attention in the hallway. He’d just been walking by but put on the brakes to gawk at Holly, whose back was to him. He gave me some goofy “Do you want me to do something?” silent communication but I had to look away before he cracked me the hell up.

“So, eh, what brings you by?” I asked, trying to refocus my attention.

Holly frowned. “I told you. You wouldn’t return my texts.”

Oh yeah. That. I could have given her some lame excuse like how busy I was or forgot or some shit like that, but honestly, I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

“Well, I guess I was a bit put off by your avoidance of me in the first place. And then when I offered to drop by with coffee and see you, I was denied.”

Her brows furrowed. “Denied? What do you mean? I thought that was sweet of you but didn’t want you to go out of your way. I was only being polite.”

I turned away from her to head back to my desk and began shutting down my work. “Well being ‘polite’ was a rejection. You either want to see someone or you don’t.”

“Oh jeez, Dane, I’m so sorry. I, um, I guess I’m not that fantastic at this type of thing…”

I stuck my laptop in my bag and threw a couple of folders in too. It was only five o’clock but I was looking forward to getting home. I really didn’t know what more to say to Holly. It was kind of weird. My interest in her had completely dissolved into no interest at all.

“Look, there’s something you need to know about me,” she said, even glancing behind her like it needed to be in private. I was glad Madden was gone. “Can I shut the door?”

I walked across the room and shut it myself. “What’s going on?”

Holly took a deep breath and smiled nervously. “I just needed to see for myself that you actually work where you said you worked, you know?”

Blinking, I tilted my head for clarification. “I told you I was an architect, not that I was some billionaire with a secret bat cave.”

She chuckled uncomfortably. “I know, but…where I come from, it’s hard to trust anyone. I kind of have to sift through a lot of guises when it comes to personal friendships.”

I shrugged. “Okay. So…here I am. Dane the architect. I have tattoos and wear casual clothes, I drink whatever kind of beer someone hands me, and I’m pretty much your average guy on every account.”

“You have tattoos?”

For some reason, that made me snort internally. I could even see the intrigue in her eyes. For shits and giggles, I lifted the sleeve of my t-shirt to reveal a shoulder. Then I pulled down my collar to show part of my chest ink.

She cleared her throat and looked away like she was embarrassed. “Yes, you do. Wow. I, um, I like it.”

The blush across her face seemed to agree.

“So yeah, I’m a pretty average guy. No secrets, nothing to hide. I’m an architect.” I really didn’t know what the hell to say.

“I understand that but…what I wanted to tell you, I just had to be sure of who you are. Or…aren’t. Yes, I’ve been somewhat putting off meeting up with you. I just…needed to think it over, I guess.” She retrieved a
Newsweek
magazine from her purse and handed it to me. I looked over the cover, quickly recognizing the former vice-president of the United States, his wife, kids, and grandkids. It was cool but…?

She reached out and tapped one of the younger faces on the cover, and then I saw it. Holly, right there with the family—a few years younger with blonder hair, but still recognizable. A grandkid.

I looked up at her and compared the picture to the real thing. It was seriously her.

“My full name is Jeana Holland Johansen.”

Yep, now I know that.

“I go by ‘Holly Hansen’ for my column, but I’m a
Jo
hansen of
the
Johansens.”

Yep, figured that out now too.

I remained silent for a few more seconds, still in process mode. I could honestly say I’d be less surprised if she’d told me she had a dick.

“Hmm, yeah, I guess you are,” I slowly nodded. Her grandfather had been the fucking
vice-president of the United States
two terms ago!

“My father is Nicolas Johansen. He’s, um…”

“Running for president right now,” I concurred with a mechanical nod, still staring at the magazine cover. “Wow. Okay. So…?”

When I looked up, she shrugged. “So I have to be careful with who I let into my life. There are so many people out there who have manipulated friendships or just flat-out worked their way into any of our lives just for a story, or to twist a story, or to make a mockery of us. I came to Portland to start my own life, and really, it’s been pretty nice. A few years out of the spotlight has afforded me some anonymity. After everything I went through growing up when my grandfather was Vice President, I finally got a break when his term was over. Now that my father has decided to take it one step further… I’ll be back in the same boat but it’ll be rockier.”

I let a few seconds pass so her words could sink in. “And what about your column? Isn’t that putting yourself out there for public scrutiny?”

Her smile slowly appeared. “Yes, it could. But right now, no one knows I write it. I like the secrecy. I don’t have an office or newsroom I work from; I write from my bedroom and send it in via email. My family doesn’t have a clue. I just write what I know and I make it fun. I know any or all of it will be ripped apart in seconds if the media ever got a hold of it, but I’m kind of tired of living under my family’s name. I’ll probably dump the column if my dad does get elected, but for now…it’s about all I have of my own.”

I felt a little bad for her, but what could I say? You’re born into the situation you’re born into. What did I know about politics, political families, or image?

“So, um…there you have it,” she shrugged. I guess she was putting the ball in my court, but really…how was I supposed to respond?

I handed back the magazine and leaned against my desk. “So what do I call you? Jeana? Holly? J.J.?”

She chuckled. “Holly is fine. I’ve sort of dropped the formal first name. It gets used plenty among the press anyway.”

“Hmm. Okay. One more question. Do you do a radio show once a week?”

She stared at me until she replied, “What?”

I shook my head and mumbled, “Nothing, never mind.”

She studied me for a few more seconds before she asked, “So do you think we can go on that date sometime? Now that we’ve cleared all of that up? I really have been putting it off and I’m sorry about that. I needed to be more comfortable with who you were before I let you know who
I
was. I hope you understand that.”

A date. Wow. Shit. That wasn’t even a possibility right now. I was starting things with Natalie. The timing was ridiculous, but then again… Maybe it wasn’t.

“I actually just started seeing someone,” I admitted. “She’s been a friend of mine for a while, and we decided to give it a go at something more.”

Honesty. It was sometimes a relief and sometimes a bitch. I could see the change in Holly’s eyes almost instantly, and she even narrowed them at me like I had deceived her somehow.

“Interesting.” She pursed her lips as she continued to stare at me.

“I don’t know what you think is interesting, but it’s just the way things worked out.”

“Has nothing to do with my family?”

“What?” I had no idea why she’d say that. I was trying to understand from her perspective what she was so pissed about.

“Did you know who I was at the bar? Because I’ve been trying to come to a conclusion about that ever since. I didn’t think you did because I can generally read people pretty well, but maybe I was wrong.”

I raised both eyebrows. “What? No I didn’t know who you were. I didn’t talk to you for any other reason than I thought you were beautiful, and since you were there alone, it seemed like a good opportunity. We kind of wanted to know if you’d bought our round of shot—”