Offside (28 page)

Her throat ached and she closed her
eyes at the squeezing she felt in her chest.

She hadn’t wanted to go to the club
and this was why.

One thing she did know now, she never
wanted to go back to that life. She felt a tug of sympathy for
Cressa and Jenni, and some of the others. They didn’t want
sympathy, and she supposed she didn’t have to feel sorry for them.
They were ultimately in control of their lives. It was certainly
their choice if that was the life they wanted to live.

Of
course
that was the life
they wanted to live. From the outside, lots of people would want
that life—money, privilege, luxury. No worries about being able to
afford a cell phone so their latch-key kid would be safer. No
worries about having enough money for gas to get to work, or enough
left after paying the bills to pay the babysitter. She kept
thinking about Farrah and comparing her life to Cressa’s. Farrah
was strong and smart and loving, and trying to do her best at the
most important job in the world—raising a child. Cressa’s life
revolved around useless bullshit that didn’t matter. Just like
Honey’s used to.

The driver pulled up next to her
building and jumped out to get her door. She had to sit up straight
to avoid falling onto the sidewalk. She gave the guy a smile as he
helped her out, and when she opened her purse for a tip, he held up
a hand. “Mr. Heller tipped me already,” he said. “No
need.”

“Take it anyway,” she said, slipping
the bills into his hand. She certainly didn’t have money to burn
like Cressa and her friends, or like Matt and his friends, for that
matter, but she’d had a couple of pay checks now and she was doing
okay. She appreciated that he watched as she unlocked the front
door of the building and entered before getting back into the car
and leaving.

In her apartment, she kicked off her
shoes and padded barefoot into her dark bedroom. She stripped off
her dress and headed to the bathroom, flicking on a light. She
looked at herself in the mirror.

Tears slipped from the corners of her
eyes. A fist squeezed her throat, and a sob escaped her. She’d
known all along that when her past came back to smack them in the
face like that, it wasn’t going to be fun. Matt kept saying that he
didn’t care about that. But clearly he did.

Well, screw him. She couldn’t change
her past. It was always going to be there.

She washed the makeup off her face,
brushed her teeth with weary strokes then returned to her bedroom
in strapless bra and panties. She tossed them onto the chair along
with the lace dress, and pulled on her big T-shirt nightie before
slipping into her bed.

She and Matt had been spending most
nights together, other than when he was on the road. Not enough for
her to get used to sharing a bed with him. Not enough for her bed
to feel empty. Not enough for her to miss him.

But she did.

*****

She managed to avoid Matt on Saturday
by heading to the beach with Farrah and Mia. They had lunch and
spent the afternoon on the pier. Farrah asked her a couple of times
if everything was okay, which meant she wasn’t putting on a good
enough act, but she denied anything was wrong.

Matt called but she didn’t answer, and
when he texted “
Where R U? Am at UR place
” she’d ignored
that too. That resulted in several more increasingly angry texts
until finally, “
Leaving for San Jose now, answer UR goddamn
phone when I call pls
”.

She didn’t.

She knew the schedule, knew he had
games Monday and Wednesday, and would be home very late that night,
as in early Thursday morning. She wasn’t going to be able to avoid
him forever. So Sunday evening she sat down with her computer on
her lap to send him an email.

When she opened her browser, the first
thing she saw was a picture of her.

Crapping crap.

It was a photo of her kissing Matt
inside the club. There was another photo of her dancing with Cressa
and Jenni, three of them laughing. She looked like she was having a
great time. She couldn’t stop herself from reading the story that
accompanied the pictures, although there wasn’t much, just a lot of
innuendoes about her and Matt dating, and how after being gone for
a few years, she was now back on the party scene. Then there was a
whole lot of crap about her past escapades, including, dammit, that
infamous skinny dipping picture of her and the two guys she’d been
in the pool with.

She dropped her head back and stared
at her ceiling. Well. This wasn’t a surprise. She’d known people
were taking pictures.

Matt did not deserve that. He was just
trying to come back from his injury and prove himself, not get his
reputation all trashed by being associated with her. No wonder he’d
been angry that night. He had a right to be angry about
it.

She pressed her lips together and went
to her email site.

“Matt—I’m sorry about what happened
Saturday night. I’m sorry about the pictures and the gossip that’s
out there now. That’s why I didn’t want to go out and that’s why we
can’t be together. You don’t need crap like that in your life. It’s
going to follow me around forever, I guess. But that’s my issue to
deal with, not yours. Play hard, stay safe. Love,
Honey.
”

She looked at her closing. She should
probably delete that. But it was true. She loved him.

Her nose started to sting and her
throat ached again, but she wasn’t going to let herself cry. She
was going to be strong and do the right thing. She clicked “send”
and then closed down her computer and went to bed.

*****

Monday afternoon, Dulcie arrived at
the office with her new baby. Everyone crowded around, and Dulcie
handed the sleeping baby over to Celine. Honey approached with a
reserved smile. She’d felt like crap all day, but she definitely
wanted to see the baby. “Hi, Dulcie.”

“Hi, Honey. How are things
going?”

“Pretty good.” As long as she meant
work, that was. Her personal life was a whole different
story.

Honey peeked at the bundle in Celine’s
arms and her mouth fell open when she saw that little Taylor was
wearing the hat and sweater she’d made for her. The blanket was
currently draped over the stroller. “Oh she’s wearing her sweater,”
she breathed. She looked up at Dulcie.

Dulcie’s smile was surprisingly warm.
“Yeah. It’s so beautiful. I can’t believe you made
that.”

“You made this?” Celine asked.
“Wow.”

Honey shrugged. “Yeah. It’s just a
hobby of mine.”

Warmth unfurled in her chest at the
thought that Dulcie had made a point of dressing her baby in the
little garments to bring her in there, and at the fact that Dulcie
liked them.

“Is there anything I can help with
while I’m here?” Dulcie asked. “Any questions for me?”

“Um…actually, not at the
moment.”

“Is everything set for the gala
Thursday night?”

“It is.” She hoped.

“Great. Um…do you guys mind keeping
Taylor while I go talk to Trent for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” Celine agree. “Unless she
starts crying.”

Honey grinned. “We’ll deal with it if
she does.”

“You’ll
deal with it,” Celine
corrected as Dulcie moved away with a laugh. “I don’t know shit
about babies.”

Honey touched a fingertip to the
sweet, soft cheek. “I like babies. I have two nephews and a niece,
and another one on the way.”

“Then you can hold her,” Celine said,
handing off the baby.

Honey tucked the small, warm body into
her arms and smiled down at her. “She’s so pretty.” She rocked her
gently, just a bit. Taylor’s mouth moved, but her eyes remained
closed, her skin so thin and translucent tiny veins were visible in
her eyelids.

Dulcie emerged from Trent’s office a
short time later and reclaimed her offspring. “I can’t believe
she’s still sleeping. She should be hungry soon.”

“Is she a good baby?” Honey asked.
“Eating and sleeping okay?”

“She’s pretty good. She wants to nurse
about every three hours, which is good, and she’s sleeping about
five hours at night now.”

“That’s great.”

“Um…” Dulcie hesitated, then said, “I
just asked Trent if I could take a year leave of
absence.”

Both Honey’s and Celine’s eyes
widened. “A year!” Celine said. “Without pay?”

“Yeah.” Dulcie made a face. “We’re
fine for money, and I…can’t bear the thought of leaving
her.”

“She’s only a couple of weeks old,”
Celine said.

“Yeah. But I find I’ve fallen
completely in love with her.”

Honey smiled. “That’s the way it
should be.”

“Yeah. Anyway, Trent said
yes.”

“What are we going to do without you
for a whole year?” Celine demanded.

“Oh. You’ll survive. And I’m around,
if you guys need to call me about stuff, go ahead, I’m fine with
that.”

She’d told Honey that before she’d
left, but Honey hadn’t wanted to call her just when she had a new
baby. She had enough on her plate. She’d been figuring things out
on her own, so Dulcie being gone longer wasn’t going to make much
difference to her. She might not even be there that long
anyway.

Taylor woke up, Dulcie used her old
cubicle to nurse her, then went to the ladies room to change a
diaper. “You like babies?” she said to Honey with a grin. “Maybe
you want practice at diaper changing?”

Honey grinned. “I’ve done it,” she
said. “I’m good. You go ahead.”

Dulcie had just walked away, murmuring
to her daughter, when Trent appeared. “Honey.”

She turned to him, smiling.
“Yes?”

“Can I see you in my
office?”

“Of course.” Honey pushed away from
the desk she’d been leaning on and followed him to his office.
Crapsickle. Was this about all the stuff about her on the internet
and tabloids?

He closed the door and gestured to the
chairs in front of his desk. She sat and crossed her
legs.

“Looks like Dulcie will be gone longer
than expected,” he said as he too took a seat.

“Yes. She mentioned that. I understand
though. I’m sure it’s hard to leave a new baby.”

“My wife ended up taking twenty years
off,” he said with a wry smile. “Anyway.” His gaze sharpened on
her. “I’d like to extend the term for you until Dulcie’s
back.”

She stiffened. “For the
year?”

“Yeah.”

She let that sink in for a minute,
saying nothing.

“Control your excitement,” Trent
said.

“I’m sorry. I’m surprised. I didn’t
think you really wanted me here. If Dulcie’s gone a year, you’d
have time to find someone else.”

He sat back in his chair. “We got off
to a bad start,” he said. “We…okay, I take responsibility…I
underestimated you.”

Honey’s breath hitched. She didn’t
know what to say.

“I’ve noticed the things you’re
doing,” he continued. “You stepped up even when people weren’t all
that supportive. The others have told me some of the things you’ve
done—clearly you’ve won them over. You’ve showed a lot of
initiative and determination. You’ve brought in money, and you’ve
got great ideas. And that’s only in a few weeks. I’d be happy to
have you stay on for the year. And who knows after that.” He
shrugged. “I can only commit to the one-year term right now, but
things can change in a year.”

“Yes.” She swallowed. “I’d planned on
looking for something else when my three months here were
done.”

He met her gaze steadily. “If this
isn’t what you want to do, I understand.”

“It’s not that.” She shook her head.
“I like the work and I like working for the hockey team. To my
surprise.” She smiled then voiced the idea that had come to her in
the middles of her sleepless night. “I’m actually thinking about
moving back to San Francisco, though.”

“Oh.” His chin lifted.
“Really.”

She licked her lips. “I don’t know if
you saw the gossip column stuff about me on the weekend.” If he
hadn’t, that might put an end to that job offer.

“I saw it.” He shook his head.
“Slimeballs. You’d think they’d leave you alone after all this
time.”

She sucked in a shaky breath. He was
blaming the reporters, not her. “Yeah,” she said slowly. “I’m
afraid that might never go away. You need to know that.”

He shrugged. “I don’t see that having
any impact on your work. If we get more press coverage for events
because of you, that’s a good thing. Not that I want you out there
stirring things up.” He held up his hands, but his eyes warmed.
“You’ve used some of your connections to help us. And besides, a
young woman should be able to go out with her boyfriend and have
fun without getting swarmed by the press.”

“He’s…” Well, she would just leave
that “boyfriend” comment for now. Her boss didn’t need to know any
more about her personal life than was already spread out all over
the internet and tabloid papers.