Off Limits (11 page)

She sniffed. “I
really hope so. I’ll ring him and ask if he wants to come home, tomorrow. I
can’t stomach the thought of him staying somewhere like that. I don’t even know
how he still knows that kind of person.”

That was still my
question, too. What exactly didn’t I know about my dad that he’d been able to
ring someone like that up and ask if he could stay with them? I’d hoped it was
an old school friend who’d chosen a bad path, or something, but my mum’s
statement suggested otherwise.

I didn’t move and
I didn’t ask. Now wasn’t the time. “It’ll all work out okay.”

“I hope so,” she
repeated the sentiment, too, taking a shuddering breath. “How are you enjoying
working, anyway? It’s a bit of a chore, huh?”

It had actually
been relatively fun up until the point where mine and Luke’s relationship was
ruined. We’d chatted, practised German, and always had fun on the ride home.
Any smile on my face faded. I’d stop feeling miserable about Luke soon, surely.
I’d spoken to him for such a little amount of time before we kissed that it
felt like I was completely overreacting, but I’d crushed on him for so long
before, that I was just in way too deep.

“It’s okay,” I
settled on, letting out the smallest of sighs. “Could be better, I suppose. Luke
and I never really made up.”

My mum frowned;
this time it was her turn to wrap an arm around my shoulder. “That’s
unfortunate. I’m sure you can work it out eventually. Was it really something
that big? You became friends quite quickly, anyway. You’ve spent about fifteen
years hating each other.”

I chuckled. Luke
and I had so many memories. “Yeah, it kind of was a big deal. Oh, I’d rather
you didn’t mention any of this to Phoebe. Luke has this weird thing going on
where he lies to her about his financial situation and won’t let her go to his
house, so it’d be better if you just didn’t say anything at all to her about me
and Luke and our job and stuff.”

“That’s pretty
weird. You’ve been to his house and you know everything, though? Shouldn’t you
really tell her?” There was the smallest amount of judgement in her voice and I
flinched away from it. She was right, of course.

“I just don’t
think it’s my place. It’s their relationship, not mine.”

“You’re lying to
her, though.”

True, again. I was
actively keeping her in the dark about something, working with Luke and not
telling her wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t what a best friend would do. It wasn’t
what a good person would do. “I guess.”

“Honey…” she
trailed off and ran fingers through my hair. “He’s just a boy. Phoebe’s been
your best friend for so many years. Don’t throw that away.”

My stomach
clenched. She had no idea how much I’d fucked everything up. “I know. Luke said
he’s going to break up with her,” I didn’t know what persuaded me to tell her
this. I’d been so sure I’d be taking all these secrets to the grave. “And then
I’ll tell her things, as though they’ve happened afterwards. If I tell her now,
she’ll hate me. If I tell her just after they’ve broken up she’ll hate me, too.
I’ve already ruined everything.”

“You can’t just
keep lying to her forever,” my mum plaited the ends of my hair with messy braids.
“If they’re going to break up, then cut your losses and explain that you’re
working with Luke and that it’s not been going on for very long, or something.”

I thought about
going upstairs and explaining everything, minus the kiss, of course. Maybe she
would hate me. Maybe it would make her even more insecure than she already was.
Maybe it would all be all right. “Maybe,” I settled on.

I should talk to Luke,
make sure he wouldn’t hate me if I did that.

I should wait until
after her birthday, too.

“Oh, honey, what a
mess. I’m sure it’ll work itself out.”

I wasn’t so sure,
because my feelings for Luke weren’t just going away. I wanted him and thought
about him all the time; I cared more about him than my guilt over betraying my
best friend and that was a problem.

Part of me wanted
to just tell Phoebe and face the consequences. It was what I deserved. If
Phoebe did something like that to me, I’d never forgive her.

If I stayed her
best friend then I was a horrible person. If I told her everything, it would be
in the hope that Luke and I could try and make things work and that made me a
horrible person.

Maybe there was
something I just needed to accept about myself.

Chapter Ten

I smoothed down
the blouse and toyed with my ringlets. I wasn’t excited and I wasn’t nervous. I
was just, feeling weird about the entire thing.

Luke had spoken
less than a dozen words to me since Phoebe had stayed at my house and he’d
obviously spoken to Jamie. I’d expected his reaction to finding out about mine
and Jamie’s date to make me feel good, but instead I just felt like a jerk.

I really shouldn’t
be doing this.

Jamie opened the
door to the restaurant and I walked ahead, really having to force my smile.
This had been a stupid idea and I was an idiot. I should have just let him down
like I’d wanted; this wasn’t going to help me get over Luke, it had just sent
him the message that I didn’t care about him that much.

Our reserved table
was a cute little corner booth, where I had a nice view into the car park and
surrounding woody area. Jamie offered me a nervous smile. “This seat okay?”

“Yeah, great.” I
once again loathed my lack of adult-status when I was forced to order a coke
rather than something alcoholic. “This restaurant is cute.”

That obviously put
his mind at ease and I settled into the comfy seat, checking out the menu. It
was Italian, so I’d already decided I was having pizza, but I pretended to take
the entire thing in so we didn’t have to talk. “What are you thinking looks
good?”

“Maybe just a
margarita. Can’t beat something classic. You?”

He continued to
flick. “Seafood risotto, I think.”

We lapsed back
into silence until the waiter came and took our orders. He took our menus and I
was forced to make eye contact. I guess now was when I saw whether we were more
compatible than I thought. “How have the university offers been going? You’ve
applied, right?” He might always be behind on his deadlines, but Jamie seemed
clever enough. And most people went to uni now, really.

“Yeah, teaching,
hopefully. The offers have gone pretty well. Got four out of five. I was
expecting to get the rejection, though, so it’s no big deal. And you?”

“Philosophy.
Probably not the best for getting a job, but I do find it really interesting.
We’ll see how it goes. I got all my offers back.”

“Pretty cool,” he
agreed. “I guess it’s just about the grades for the both us now, then.”

“Definitely.”

I sipped on my
drink and wondered why I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. If it
had been Luke opposite me, one of us would have said something that caused a
fit of giggles by now. “I guess I don’t actually know anything about you,” he
realised. “I mean, I just think you’re funny and cute, that’s why I asked you
out.” His cheeks turned pink. “What kind of hobbies and stuff do you have?”

I shifted in my
seat. “Not much of anything, actually. Teaching Luke German is about the extent
of my spare time activities. Other than binging on TV.”

Jamie laughed,
resting his chin on his hands. “I’m quite similar, other than football, I have
to spend so much time on homework and stuff I don’t really get much spare time
for hobbies.”

We were quite
similar, really. “I used to play netball, but I just kind of stopped this year.
I’m still not entirely sure why. Maybe I’ll pick it back up at uni.”

“You should.
Playing sport is so much fun, I’m really glad I got into something early enough
to keep up with the school teams and stuff.”

I leant backwards
when the waiter brought our food and almost groaned with how good it smelt. I
thanked him with a wide smile. If this food was as good as it looked then it
was going to have been worth Jamie showing me this restaurant.

Our conversation
lulled as we dug into our food. “Good?” I checked with him.

“Really good.
Yours?”

“Great,” it was
probably more than I was going to feel like eating, but I’d be damned if I was
going to leave any of this pizza. It was some of the best I’d ever had.

It was when I was
eating my final mouthful that I noticed the car in the car park. There was no
doubting that it was our stalker, he was parked so that it was impossible to
see his face, but I spied the number plate I had memorised by now.

I swallowed
another mouthful of my drink and tapped my foot. Jamie was finished, too, and
so we’d be leaving soon. “I’m just nipping to the loo. Be right back.”

I walked to the
bathroom with a stiff step, my gaze so trained on the car that I almost tripped
over two chairs on the way there. In the bathroom, I sat on the toilet and
rummaged through my bag.

“Are you okay?”

It wasn’t too
surprising Luke answered his phone with that. There was no other reason I
should be ringing him when I was supposed to be on a date with his best friend.
“He’s outside, the stalker is outside and I’ve got to walk home.”

Luke’s frown was
obvious as he paused. “Won’t Jamie walk you home? I’m sure he can protect you.”

I flinched and
knew that I should just say yes and hang up. I was being mean. I shouldn’t have
rang him in the first place. “O-”

“I’ll come and
pick you up,” Luke interrupted. “Just tell Jamie we’ve got to go and help
Phoebe prep for the party or something. You can’t walk home. He might try
something.”

I was on the verge
of disputing it, but I couldn’t do it. If Luke came to pick me up I’d be safe,
I knew it. “Thank you,” it was barely a whisper and Luke hung up without saying
anything else. I knew he’d have set off straight away, but that would still be
fifteen minutes before he would get here.

Sitting back with
Jamie, I managed a charming smile, despite my nerves and guilt. “Want to get
another drink?”

Jamie beamed.
“Sure, that would be great.”

“Luke is picking
me up after this, by the way. We have to go and help Phoebe set up the house
tonight, she’s all excited for the party and you know how she likes to plan.”
He might not know that at all, but I was flagging for conversation. My mind had
been overridden with thoughts that definitely weren’t related to Jamie.

“Ah,” his face had
dimmed slightly. “No problem. I was heading out to the cinema after this. I was
going to ask if you wanted to come, but it’s no big deal. We’ll just have to do
it some other time, instead.”

I gave a small,
pathetic laugh and directed my gaze out of the window once more. Luke wasn’t
here, but our stalker still lay outside, waiting for me to leave. “Yeah.”

Our conversation
was boring. We talked about non-things, it was practically small talk, and I
didn’t really feel like I’d learnt anything about Jamie by the time Luke pulled
up outside.

The first time I’d
tutored Luke, he’d confessed something to me even his girlfriend didn’t know.

“Oh, I think
that’s Luke,” I pointed out where he’d just pulled up and down the rest of my
drink. The stalker had pulled out of the car park the second Luke had pulled in
and I winced. Now I looked even more stupid. “I guess I’d better go.”

I put in half for
the bill after much deliberation. If I wasn’t going to be doing this again, it
wasn’t like I could promise to pay next time or something. We really had to go
halves.

We walked out
together, but thankfully we weren’t holding hands. I couldn’t see Luke’s face
well enough to see how angry he was. Angry or hurt. I didn’t really know what
he was feeling anymore. “I had a really great time tonight,” Jamie brought my
attention back to him. “Thank you for agreeing to come out with me.”

I smiled. “I had a
great time, too.” My face turned back towards Luke, but Jamie placed his hand
on my cheek and his pressed his lips to mine before I could dodge. It was only
a peck and it didn’t incite any reaction in me, but Jamie was blushing wildly
when he pulled away.

“I’ll let you go.
I’ll see you at the party tomorrow.”

I nodded dumbly,
wishing Luke hadn’t had to see that. I hadn’t been expecting it at all, even
though it probably should have been obvious.

The thought of
kissing Jamie just really hadn’t been on my mind.

I slipped into Luke’s
car with as neutral an expression as I could manage. I didn’t meet Luke’s gaze
as he assessed my appearance. Luke revved his car and sped off.

“Thank you for
coming to pick me up,” I muttered, making my split ends even worse.

“I didn’t think
he’d kiss me in front of you,” Luke replied, hard gaze still focused on the
road. His fingers were white on the steering wheel.

I didn’t know what
to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. I kept silent and resisted the urge
to shrink away from him. Luke was the last person I wanted to hurt, but our
situation required each of us to hurt every day.

He pulled up
outside my house after less than five minutes. I’d been a complete idiot,
asking him to pick me up. He probably thought I was trying to rub it in or
something. Undoing my seatbelt, I still couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to
see those raging eyes on me – they’d hurt and they’d turn me on. Luke would be
intense and something about his dark, angry eyes were utterly arousing.

“You look really
gorgeous tonight.”

My cheeks burned a
bright red and I finally raised my eyes to judge his expression. The anger was
there, but it was trying desperately to mask the sorrow that swirled in his
eyes. I swallowed. “I only did it to try and get over you, you know. I don’t
like Jamie and I won’t be going out with him again. I’m sorry for asking you to
pick me up.”

Luke’s face didn’t
soften, he just shrugged. “It’s none of my business what you do in your love
life, Carmen.”

I scowled,
stopping all my efforts to get out of the car, and leaning towards him
aggressively instead. He met my stare, only breaking it when I pressed my lips
to his.

The heat was
instant, flooding through me as my eyes slipped shut. It wasn’t very
comfortable, leaning over the gearstick to meet his lips, but it was worth it. I
was on fire, longing to be closer as Luke wrapped a possessive arm around my
waist, dragging me as close as we could get in the vehicle.

I pulled away only
when I could no longer breathe, my nose brushing against Luke’s. “I want it to
be your business what I’m doing.”

There was
indecision shining in his eyes, his fingers still biting into my hips
deliciously. I couldn’t make it for him. “You should go home.”

I nodded. “I
should.”

But he was still
holding onto me, still begging me to come home with him, still longing to have
me properly in his arms, in his bed. “Stay at mine tonight,” he whispered,
barely audible. “We can pretend for a night, can’t we?”

I nodded, latching
my lips to his again for just a moment. “Yes.”

I buckled myself
back in, heart racing as Luke sped down the road at double the speed limit. We
didn’t speak and I sat with my eyes closed, picturing what was going to happen
when we got to his house. My body was warm and the desire was pooled in my
stomach. I needed Luke and I couldn’t have cared less about my safety as he
sped down the roads at top speed.

When we got to his
house, Luke’s cheeks heated a bit. “This is going to be kind of obvious, isn’t
it?”

I shrugged
distractedly. “I don’t really care.”

He smirked,
linking his hand through mine as he opened the door. “She’s not your mum.”

“Hi mum,” he
called through to the living room. “I’m just gonna head straight to bed, I’m
really tired.”