Off Limits (18 page)

“I don't ever want to wake up.”

She didn't either. The darkness beneath his eyes had increased. “You need to sleep.”

“Yeah...” Jim frowned. “Look, I don't want to impose on you, Alex—”

“The couch turns into a bed. You could stay here,” Alex offered quickly.

Relief flowed through him. “I'll take you up on your kindness. To tell you the truth, I'm short on money. I've got to get to a Western Union station tomorrow, wire my folks for some money and let them know I arrived safely Stateside.”

“Of course.” Alex stood. “Let me make your bed up. Could you use a hot shower?”

“How about a hot bath? I haven't had one since...well, a long time ago. I'd give almost anything to just sit and soak in some hot water.”

She smiled gently. “Come on, I'll show you where the bathroom's located and get you a towel and washcloth.”

Jim got up and followed her. His throat constricted with emotions that were in utter chaos. To come out of the damp, smelly cell where he'd been under the brutal attention of the brig guards for four months into this clean, lovely home was too much to comprehend. Jim was sure he was experiencing some kind of culture shock. Everything about Alex's home was clean, the odors tantalizing, and the colors soft, like her.

By the time Alex had made the couch into a bed, Jim appeared in the living-room doorway. Alex had loaned him her huge, oversize blue terry-cloth bathrobe, and although it barely fit, he didn't mind. He sure didn't want to put his damp clothes back on. Alex put an extra blanket at the bottom of the bed, in case he got cold.

“Come on, you look like you're going to keel over, Jim.”

“The bed does look good,” he agreed. Exhaustion was lapping at all his senses, and he heard himself slurring his words. Dropping his shoes and socks nearby, he sat down on the edge of the bed. He patted the mattress. “Feels good, too.”

Alex moved to the doorway. “Sleep as long as you want. I'll probably be up around eight, and I've got the afternoon shift at the hospital.”

“What time do you get off?”

“Nine p.m.”

Jim nodded. “Good.”

“Why?”

“No reason. The way I'm feeling, I'll probably sleep all night and most of tomorrow.”

Alex wanted to kiss him, but she fought herself. Although he had held her tightly in his arms, he hadn't kissed her, hadn't said he loved her. Filled with uncertainty, Alex whispered, “Good night, Jim.”

“Good night, gal.”

The room grew quiet after Alex left. Soon, the kitchen light switched off and Jim shrugged out of the robe. What little money he'd had was already spent. The clothes on his back had been purchased in Saigon before he'd boarded the freedom bird for home—and for a new life.

Just the act of lying on a soft mattress, with clean white sheets, was amazing. His brain was fogged with weariness as he shaped the pillow with his long, spare fingers and closed his eyes.
Alex.
He was here, with her. At her home. He'd found her, and she'd welcomed him. Did she love him? Was there something left of their long-ago experience on which to build? Everything was so uncertain. Jim sighed raggedly, spiraling into a dark, dreamless sleep—his first in four months.

* * *

Alex awoke at eight in a euphoria of happiness. As she lay in her room, the morning sun peeking in through the white curtains at the window, she suddenly remembered that Jim was here. Sitting up, her flannel granny gown rumpled, Alex pushed her hair out of her eyes.
Jim was here.

Some of her happiness ebbed as she continued waking up. What she wanted was Jim in her bed—with her. The need to love him, to physically bond with him, was eating away at Alex. As she got up, took a hot shower and changed into dark green slacks and an ivory sweater, she felt giddy and nervous. Was he awake yet? She wondered how he'd slept last night—if he'd had any nightmares.

Tiptoeing to the living room, Alex felt her nervousness recede. Jim lay on his left side, sleeping deeply, the blankets pooled around his waist. Thomasina lay in his arms, and a smile tugged at Alex's mouth as the cat blinked awake and stared across the room toward her.

Alex absorbed Jim's sleeping features. His hair was cut very short, and even in the gloom of the living room, Alex could still see the welt of that evil scar. What had happened? She tucked her lower lip between her teeth, feeling pain. His pain. Jim's mouth was slightly parted, the tension he'd carried the night before gone. Even the darkness beneath his long, spiky lashes had nearly disappeared. He was sleeping well, his darkly haired chest rising and falling slowly.

A newfound yearning cascaded through Alex. She carefully made her way out to the kitchen. The pies for her patients would have to be packed and the corn bread, baked last week, taken from the freezer. She needed to be at the hospital by eleven so she'd have time to make sure the preparations for Thanksgiving dinner went just right. Making a pot of coffee as quietly as she could, Alex penned Jim a note and laid it nearby.

After feeding Thomasina, Alex puttered quietly around the house and did a load of laundry. Eleven o'clock approached and Alex didn't want to go. She wanted to stay and watch Jim awaken, to talk to him and spend hours catching up on his life. She had so many questions, so many blank spots that needed to be filled in. As she placed the pies in the car, Alex knew that they'd have that time. Still, this was one day—even though it was special to her patients—that she wanted to pass quickly. By nine-thirty tonight she'd be home.
Home.
And Jim would be waiting for her. As Alex backed the car out of the driveway, she felt as if her life was beginning all over again, excitement and fear vying for attention within her.

* * *

Alex was about to open her front door when Jim opened it for her. She smiled up at him. He was clean shaven, wearing the clothes she'd washed for him that morning. Shadows no longer lurked beneath his eyes, and there was a ruddiness to his complexion and a twinkle in his cobalt eyes.

“Hi!”

Jim smiled. “Hi yourself, gal.”

Alex walked into the foyer and shed her coat. Jim took it and hung it up in the hall closet.

“This is the first time I've seen you in a nurse's uniform,” he teased. Catching her hand, he pulled her to a stop. “Hold on, let me take a good look at you. Last night, I wasn't all here.”

Blushing furiously, Alex stood still beneath his intense inspection. Touching her hair nervously, she muttered, “I look a mess right now—”

“No,” Jim said, “you look purty as ever. You always will to me, Alex.” His fingers tightened around hers as he looked deeply into her lovely gray eyes. There was such beauty to her red lips and the way they parted beneath his hungry inspection. Jim hotly recalled his kissing Alex so long ago. That one exquisite moment they'd shared had never left him, no matter how bad things had gotten.

Alex stood very still, her senses spinning. The look in Jim's eyes was making her shaky inside. “I—I'm scared,” she whispered.

He managed a one-cornered smile. “So am I, gal. I'm scared of myself, of the feelings I have for you. It's been so long, Alex, so long without you....”

She swallowed hard and nodded. Jim was so close. Just two steps and she would be in his arms. But did he love her? What was left between them? “I'm afraid of myself, of my feelings, too, if it makes you feel any better.” She laughed nervously.

Jim released her hand, although he didn't want to. “I have a proposal for you, Alex. It's something...well, something I dreamed about while I was in Long Binh. Maybe it's a crazy dream, an impossible one....”

“What is it?” She held her breath.

Jim shrugged. “I thought...well...that is, I'd like you to take some time off to be with me. I know this is sudden and unexpected. When I didn't receive any more mail from you, I was afraid to propose the idea in a letter to you.” He held her lustrous gaze. “We need time for ourselves, Alex. I guess that's what I'm saying. I wired my folks this afternoon, and they sent me the money.”

She looked down at the carpet. “My supervisor knew you were coming home.” Alex took in a ragged breath. “I was hoping you'd ask. I took the week off, Jim, just in case you showed up here.”

“I'm glad you did, gal,” he whispered huskily. Reaching out, he caressed Alex's cheek, her skin velvety beneath his touch.

Braving her fear, Alex looked up as he cupped her cheek with his long, scarred fingers. “Jim, I never stopped loving you. Not ever. You weren't some passing fancy to me. And it wasn't because of what happened in Vietnam, either.”

Aching to take her, to love her, Jim nodded, the words stuck in his throat in a big lump. Taking a step closer, he allowed his hand to fall on her small shoulder. “You're so brave,” he told her unsteadily, “so brave. I hope, Alex, I can match your courage. Maybe this next week will tell us what we both need to know.”

Alex shut her eyes. She loved him so fiercely, unequivocally, that there was only one thing that she wanted from him: his love in return. “I'll take the time off, Jim,” she heard herself say, her voice sounding hollow with fear.

“F
irst things first,” Jim told Alex as he walked to the kitchen with her. When he saw the delight in her eyes, he smiled down at her. “A gentleman always courts a lady proper. Just because we got off on the wrong foot doesn't mean we can't right things now. I'd like to take you out to dinner.”

Heat raced up Alex's cheeks, and she felt shaky inside once again. The words “court you proper” hung gently before her, and she couldn't overcome her own fear to ask him what he meant. So often, she'd found out in the past, Missouri hill slang meant something entirely different from what she thought.

“Dessert?”

His smile deepened. “It's Thanksgiving. I know you've already eaten, but I haven't. And no one should be alone on a holiday like this.” He grazed her flaming cheek with his fingers. “Besides, I'm thankful for so many things. For you, for your loyalty... You never gave up on me, Alex. I owe you more than I can ever repay.”

She swallowed, hurt jagging through her. Alex didn't want to be paid back. Was this what the dinner proposal was about? Repayment for her support during some of the darkest hours of his life? “You don't have any obligations to me,” she managed in a hoarse tone. “None. I did what I did because of how I feel about you, Jim.”

“I'm not asking you on this date out of obligation. It's important that we do things right,” Jim said calmly, although every bit of his being was aching to lean down and kiss her ripe, red lips. “Will you humor this guy from Missouri and go out with him? Our first official date?”

“I'd love nothing better than to be with you.”

Jim stood and forced himself to place his hands in the pockets of his brown slacks. Alex wore an uncertain expression on her face, and Jim didn't know how to interpret it. Perhaps she was ashamed to be seen in public with him—because of his past, a past that would live with him forever.

“Sure?”

“Positive. Do you have a place picked out?”

“No. I figured you knew Portland well enough to suggest a nice restaurant.” He glanced down at his large feet encased in brown leather loafers. “I'm afraid I can't dance worth nothing, gal.”

“I'm not much on dancing, either, if the truth be known. It's a holiday and late, but I think The Top Shelf is open. It's not too far from here. They even serve steaks.”

“I'd give my right arm for a good steak,” Jim said fervently. He couldn't recall when he'd had a decent meal except for last night. The food at Long Binh had been minimal and poorly prepared.

With a laugh, Alex nodded. “Let me take a quick shower and change into something more appropriate than this uniform.”

* * *

Jim couldn't take his eyes off Alex as they sat in a secluded black-leather booth at the elegant restaurant. The interior of The Top Shelf was dimly lit and very private, the music soft and unobtrusive. It matched Jim's feelings: he needed privacy, to be alone to speak at length with Alex about so many things of importance.

Everything paled in comparison to Alex. She wore a lavender dress with a square neck and an Empire waistline. The light wool gown was long-sleeved, with seven tiny pearl buttons running up each sleeve. Jim thought she looked like a fairy-tale princess come to life. Her hair, shining with highlights beneath the lamps, was tucked tastefully into a French twist, the feathery bangs across her brow only making her more exquisitely feminine. The pearl necklace and pearl earrings emphasized her flushed features.

“I feel like a hog in a pigsty compared to how purty you look, Alex.” Jim had gone out that afternoon to a shopping center and bought a pair of navy slacks and a tan corduroy sports coat. The white cotton dress shirt fit him poorly, because of his weight loss. He'd had to buy the right size for his long arms, so the fabric was wrinkled, particularly across his chest. The tie, a brown-and-blue paisley, matched his outfit, he supposed. He'd never been good at dressing up. Suits and ties hadn't been part of his life in Missouri. The Marine Corps had taught him how to properly knot a tie, and he'd gotten his too tight tonight because of his nervousness about his date with Alex. Jim dug a finger into the collar around his throat and tugged at it, trying to loosen the strangling tie.

“You don't look like a pig in a sty,” Alex said and slid her hand into his. Jim's fingers were long and firm around her own. “To me, you look like a handsome prince come to take me to dinner.”

Pleasantly surprised, Jim smiled. “I'm afraid Ma didn't know a lot about table manners and all. She did the best she could with the likes of me.” Jim had been aghast at first, worried by the array of silverware when they were ushered to their table. “One thing I remember. Ma always said to start from the outside and work in.”