Of Sea and Cloud (29 page)

• • •

Later that night in the hotel they sat in two armchairs facing the window with the city lights glittering beyond and Gwen said, Jason told me that you found a body in your lobster pound. Your grandfather's partner?

Julius ran a finger over the arrowhead of hair. He took a few seconds to respond. We found his skull. Just bones was all there was left of him.

How'd he get in there?

Julius squinted. No one knows.

Why would someone kill him?

Julius grinned. He was a asshole.

Gwen yawned and pulled two glasses and a bottle of wine and a corkscrew from her handbag. She opened the bottle. The glasses were wrapped in cloth and she unwrapped them and wiped them down. Is it true that the mafia is involved in the lobster industry up there?

Yeah, that's true. One of the pounds near us owed them mafia guys money for some bait or feed or something and he didn't pay on time. They went and watched him load a truck with a hundred crates to sell and then they just backed their truck up to it and loaded the crates onto their truck. Ten thousand pounds of lobsters all crated up and they just drove off and the guy never said a single word. Just went into his kitchen and shot himself in the chin. Now one of them Italian seafood companies owns that pound and five or six other pounds too. These big operations want the pounds so they can control the price through the winter. In the summer the lobsters come from boat landings but in winter most of them up our way are pounded.

Gwen poured the wine and handed a glass to Julius. He put the glass on the table beside him. But the mafia didn't do anything to your grandfather's partner, though?

No.

Jason said that your father is in prison.

Julius darted a glance at her and without meaning to she looked away. She sipped her wine. He took a hard candy from his pocket and unwrapped it and held the candy in his fingers. Sounds like Jason said a lot of things.

We eat dinner together a lot. I'm his de facto private chef, and he's like my de facto uncle or something.

Well it's none of Jason's goddamned business where my father is, Julius said. He put the candy in his mouth and crunched it once with his molars before sucking the shards.

Tell that to Jason.

I will, Julius said.

She reached over and squeezed his thigh and smiled softly then took her hand back and wrapped it together with her other hand around the wineglass. Do you ever see him? Your father?

No.

Do you hear from him? Like in the movies when you see them lined up to make phone calls?

Again Julius spun his head toward her but this time the move was measured and a blackness sparked in his eye like the flashing of a crow wing.

She bit the inside of her cheek. She looked out the window for a full minute then said, So what do you dream?

He didn't answer. She leaned close to him and whispered into his ear and he felt the heat of her breath.

What do you dream about, Julius?

He pursed his lips as if chewing. What do you dream about? he asked her.

Me? I dream about all sorts of things. I dream about when I was a little girl and my mother would take me apple picking up north and then we'd make cider in the barn at the orchard. I dream that a lot. The cider streams down my chin and all over me and I drink gallons of it. And I dream about the two autumns I spent working in the vineyards in California. Maybe I dream about fruit. I never thought of that before. Fruit. But sometimes I dream about other things, mostly food though. Isn't that strange? I love food but maybe I was starved when I was little.

I dream about water, said Julius.

Saltwater?

That's what water is. Saltwater.

What's the water doing? You dream about working on a lobster boat?

No. Never. Just water.

Are you in it?

No.

I don't understand, she said.

Just fucking water.

Are you seeing it from above?

Oh, he said as if he hadn't understood the question. He slouched in the chair so that the back of his head rested on the chair back. He thought for a moment and said, I guess it's like I'm in it. It's like when I fall asleep I'm surrounded by water instead of air until I wake up. That's all. No people or boats in it. Just water all around.

Can you hear anything? Like bubbles?

No, he said. His voice was harsh. I don't dream I'm a fucking whale.

She forced a short laugh as if the noise would pry the room open.

Julius turned his head. The back of his skull stayed pressed to the chair. It's not funny, Gwen.

She remembered Turtle calling Julius a
goon
and laughing as if he were a little boy. She tensed the muscles in her back and stomach and sipped her wine. She told herself that Turtle was right but it didn't feel right. She said, I'm sorry. Your dream sounds beautiful. I'd trade you my fruit for your water.

Sure, he said. Whenever.

Maybe you dream you're in the womb again. Maybe you're scared of this world and want to return to that safe place.

I ain't scared of nothing. He paused then said, What the fuck is a womb?

Don't worry about it, she said.

I don't worry about a thing.

She finished her glass of wine and went to the bathroom and faced the mirror. It occurred to her to go out the door and take a cab to her apartment and lock the door. Her heart raced. Behind Julius's eyes she'd seen a light that scared her and part of what scared her was that she simply could not figure him out. He was tough then an instant later fragile and lost but there was something more. Something that frightened her deep down and the fact that she couldn't place it made her distrust her instincts.

She swallowed. She mouthed the words
you can do this
into the mirror. She took three deep breaths. She ran two fingers across her lips. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and she lifted the thin straps of her dress over her shoulders and let the dress slide to the floor. She stepped over the black cloth. She looked again to the mirror. Her heart had slowed and she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra and let it slide. She bent and pulled her underwear over her thighs and knees and ankles and kicked free. She took three more breaths and opened the door.

A blade of city light cut Julius in half. She crossed the carpeted floor. She pulled him to his feet and was relieved to see that his knees shook. She kissed his neck and the skin was hot and dry. She unbuttoned his shirt and spread the silk over his shoulders and ran her fingers over his chest. A tattoo of a black lobster with red eyes covered his breast and she pushed the red eyes like buttons. She kneeled down and held his kneecaps in her palms. She looked up at him and said, Are you nervous?

I got a girlfriend, he said. His voice was a coarse whisper from a sand-filled throat.

So? She reached up to his belt and unhooked the harpoon buckle. He put his hands on hers to stop her but his hands had no strength. She popped the button on his pants. She stood and gripped his thin hips and pushed him back until he sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes glazed. She lifted one leg and her legs were long. She set a foot on the bed next to his hip and set her hands on his shoulders. I'll show you some things that will make your girlfriend's eyes roll into the back of her head.

His chest pinched like a claw crushing a piece of bait. He thought of Charlotte.

Are you scared? She dug her fingertips into his shoulders. He felt the nails bite his skin and the biting shot down his spine and up his neck.

I ain't scared of nothing.

What makes you such a good lobsterman, Julius? You are good, aren't you?

I hang down on her is why.

You hang down on her?

Yeah. I hang down and don't ever slow down.

She backed up and bent over so her mouth was very close to his and her spine was a long flat tabletop. She held his eyes. Would your father like me, Julius?

The words were lost somewhere like a buoy in fog.

What would your father do? Right now, if he was you, what would Chimney Wesley do? Chimney, isn't that his name? Chimney Wesley? I'll bet he
hangs down on her
, doesn't he, Julius?

Julius didn't answer her. His father's name filled his head as if she were saying it over and over. She had no right to say his name but she would not stop.

Lines of adrenaline seared in his head. He couldn't tell if he was hearing her voice or some voice inside his own head but either way he needed for the voice to stop.

What would your father do? Wouldn't he hang down?

Julius's muscles latched. He blinked. It was a deliberate blink and when his eyes opened Gwen saw an emptiness that made her shudder. She stepped away from him and studied him to be sure that she hadn't imagined something. She looked for something to cover herself with but found nothing. She told herself to relax. She went to the table and drank hard from the wine bottle and looked out the window at the city lights. She held the bottle like a club at her hip.

Her hands shook. She felt him step behind her. She drank more. His hands slipped around her rib cage and gripped her breasts. She shivered. She pulled one of his hands free and put the wine bottle in it. She heard his swallows close to her ear and glimpsed the roll of his throat like a snake feeding. She looked down at his hand on her breast and the fingers gripped so hard she thought the tissue would tear.

She breathed in short blasts. She turned and faced him. The city lay down behind them. Julius looked as if his body were the only part of him in the room and he pushed in close and grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and shoved her head down to the picture window. She had to brace herself with her hands on the glass and her neck bent so her cheekbone and jaw and ear smeared against the glass. She caught a quick glimpse of Julius's reflection breached amid the city lights. Her hair was still wrapped tight and hard in his fist. He shifted behind her. A squeak piled and clogged in her throat. She closed her eyes and every bit of strength she ever had disappeared. She saw an image of her mother lying in bed white and dying and Gwen was a teenager then but before she untangled the squeak that was about to become a scream she felt first his hand then his body go limp.

Then he released her.

She gathered herself for a quick moment against the window. She didn't want to see him but she forced herself to turn and look. He sat cross-legged on the floor. His back was curved so that his face was buried beside his ankles. She watched and soon he began to pound the sides of his head with the heels of his hands as if trying to free something within.

She dodged around him. She heard him choke. She grabbed her purse from the table then in the bathroom she locked the door and wrapped a robe around herself. She ignored the reflection in the mirror. She splashed her face with cold water. She sat on the tub edge until the shaking stopped.

There was a fresh layer of snow on the ground when Julius stepped out of Osmond's truck. He crossed the driveway and went inside and took a cola from the refrigerator and went back out the door. He drove down to the harbor and parked and looked out over the water and sipped his cola. The wintertime dragger fleet was in the harbor and his own traps were stacked aboard the
Dolly Rhonda
and it took him a moment to realize that he hadn't put them there.

He held the can of cola to his chest and squeezed it with both hands. He thought about Bill and Jonah and Virgil. He stared at the neat pile of traps. Not only had they taken his gear up but they'd stolen his boat. His new boat. He put his truck in gear and slowly backed away as if the sight was more than he could handle.

He drove past his house and into the blueberry barrens until he hit unplowed roads. He turned around. He dropped off the barrens. He didn't know what to do. The image of Virgil or Bill or Jonah on his boat was painful and once again he slapped the side of his head with the heel of his hand as if to beat something away.

Anything but fuck with his new boat. It couldn't have been Virgil alone. He was too old and fat to take up that much gear in a day. He would've had to be offshore to find the gear. Then he'd have to come back in and steal the
Dolly Rhonda
. But they could have loaded their boats and offloaded the traps onto his boat. No. They wouldn't do that. The only question was whether or not Captain Bill had a part in it. He knew damned well Jonah had.

• • •

It was the edge of dark when Julius pulled into Bill's driveway. He waited in his truck until Bill stepped out of the house and crossed the dooryard. Julius rolled his window down.

Julius, said Bill.

You have anything to do with it? Yes or no.

To do with what?

Don't.

I ain't exactly in the mood for your shit, Julius. Bill pushed his glasses up on his nose and lit a cigarette.

Yes or no, Captain. Did you have anything to do with it?

I don't know what you're blathering about and like I said, I ain't in the mood for your shit.

Julius put his truck in gear and backed away. He spun his tires until they smoked and peeled down the road. Bill waited in the dooryard and watched Julius pull into Virgil's driveway and disappear through the birches.

Julius parked his truck next to Virgil's and waited and rubbed his cheeks and honked his horn. Virgil's passenger side window rolled down. Julius saw Virgil sitting in his truck and it startled him.

Julius, Virgil said. What can I do for you?

Julius had a lump in his throat. He felt like he was trying to balance on an edge that some force kept knocking him from.

Nothing, Julius said.

Good. Now get the fuck out of my driveway.

Julius gripped the steering wheel and looked straight ahead. You been messing with my boat?

Messing with your boat? Virgil patted Chowder's head. How do you mean?

Yes or no.

Oui or non?

You been messing with my boat? Yes or no?