Of Being Yours[another way 2] (6 page)

The problem with taking big strides forward in all areas of my life was that I inevitably left people behind. We’d lost contact with friends and old colleagues over the past few years. One of Will’s friends, Chris, had moved to Boston with a job, and Brandon and his wife were expecting their second child. Laura, despite her two daughters keeping her busy, remained close to us both. We needed her as much as ever.

I took long strides through the museum lobby toward the elevators that would take me up to my office. I had plenty to be doing, as always, and there was the inevitable demand for my time on a Monday morning.

As I sat down at my desk and powered up my computer, I winced, then rolled from one ass cheek to the other to try to ease the sting. We usually didn’t play on a Sunday night for this very reason. I had to unload the contents of my bag anyway, and I sent a quick text off to Will telling him I wanted to discuss our session over dinner that evening.

My phone buzzed with his reply—“everything ok?”—as I was on the phone to one of my colleagues, and I sent him another message to reassure him before getting lost in my work for the rest of the morning.

I should have anticipated that he’d worked himself up into a real panic by the time I got home at around six that evening. I still kicked off my shoes at the door (some rules never changed) and hummed to myself as I wandered through the house and found the last can of Coke in the fridge. He’d forgive me for it.

“Jesse?” he called as I started for the stairs to get changed.

I hopped down the stairs again and followed the sound of his voice through to the family room. He’d already changed from his day at work and was sitting with a mug of tea on his lap, a news channel on the TV with the volume turned down low.

“Hey,” I said in greeting, leaning over the back of the couch to give him a quick kiss. “Good day?”

“Yeah,” he said and grabbed my wrist. “Listen, Jesse, are you okay?”

“Hmm? Yeah, of course.”

“Then what was that text about this morning? I was worried about you.”

“Oh.” I walked around the couch and sat down next to him.

“Is that the last Coke?”

“Yeah,” I said, then sipped it. Smirked at him. “Sorry. I have a sore ass. And thighs.”

“Right. Is that all?”

I leaned over and kissed him again. “Did I worry you?”

He frowned and looked away from me. “No.”

“All right.” I didn’t believe him. “Could I ask something of you, though?”

He nodded for me to continue.

“Can we please not have sessions on a school night? I don’t really like walking through the lobby bowlegged on a Monday morning. It kind of gives the wrong impression.”

“Or the right one,” he said, the familiar twinkle of mischief now coloring his tone.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Whatever. If you can fuck me senseless on a Friday night, though, that would work much better for me.”

“We rarely have sessions on a Sunday night anyway.”

“I know,” I said, a little exasperated now. “So it’s not a big deal. I promise.”

He nodded and sipped at his tea, slurping it. I winced but didn’t comment. It was part of my “no nagging” New Year’s resolution.

“Okay, so, while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about the session.”

I nodded and settled back into the corner of the sofa. A few years back, I had issues about opening up after a session and being able to verbalize what I had liked and disliked. Unfortunately for me, discussing sex was right up there on Will’s list of favorite things to do, right after actually having sex. I’d been forced to learn quickly to overcome my embarrassment and be honest with both myself and him.

“It came out of the drag queen night, didn’t it?”

Will smirked and his brown eyes narrowed with mischief. “Maybe.”

I threw my hands up in the air and laughed. “So much for honesty!”

“Yes,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer. “I’ve always liked to challenge your boundaries, you know that. And seeing how uncomfortable it made you, dressing up in drag, just gave me the idea to force you into that kind of role. How much did you hate it?”

“A lot,” I said, wincing.

“Did it mess with your headspace or help you get into a submissive frame of mind?”

I knew that talking through all of this was important to our relationship, so I was as honest with him as I possibly could be. No, I didn’t have any interest in exploring that kind of play again, although I wouldn’t put it as a hard limit. In the back of my mind, I knew that meant he could possibly bring it out again at a later date as punishment, and in the grand scheme of things, I was okay with that.

“Let’s order in for dinner,” I said as we finished our conversation.

Will rolled his eyes and gestured to his state of relaxed undress.

“Fine. Pizza?”

He pressed his lips together as if in thought, then shook his head.

“Chinese?”

Cocking his head to one side, he made another face. This one said “almost.”

“Aah. Japanese. I’ll get the menu.”

Will held up his hands, his thumbs and forefingers making a heart shape for me. I placed the order, our usual plus some extras, then took a shower while we waited for it to turn up.

There was a time, not so long ago really, that this easy domesticity with another man would have freaked me out just as much as submitting to one would have. After all, I’d never really considered myself attracted to men until Will had come along.

We ate sitting on the floor with the food spread out over the coffee table in front of us. Occasionally Will would hold out something to me on his chopsticks and I’d smile as I took it from him, making sure he saw my tongue wrapping around the food before I pulled it into my mouth.

Being sexually suggestive around him was second nature.

There was routine, too, in how we locked up the house; I’d take the front door and he’d check the back and turn on the dishwasher before we headed upstairs. We brushed our teeth next to each other at the sink, and once in bed, he usually wrapped his body around mine, his arm over my waist to tuck his thumb under the braided thread that served as my collar.

That way I could fall into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter 4

L
IVING
with and serving one man as both his partner and his submissive had proved to be a challenge when our relationship first developed, and we’d run into plenty of snags over the years. Will was, without a doubt, my closest friend… but sometimes it helped to have an impartial outside opinion.

Laura McAlder was that impartial outside opinion.

As Laura was both my former Domme and Will’s mentor in the BDSM community, I think she felt some kind of responsibility not only for each of us individually but also for our success as a couple as well. It was a lot for one person to shoulder, but Laura was not a normal person.

While functioning as one of the most well-respected members of the Seattle BDSM community, Laura worked by day as a counselor in a young persons’ sexual health clinic and was the full-time mother of twin girls. She seemed to balance her chaotic life with an elegance and ease that I certainly wasn’t capable of.

I caught her call late in the afternoon and agreed to meet her back at our house on Capitol Hill when I finished up at the museum. Will was already home when I pulled up to the curb—his car was parked outside—and as I grabbed my bag from the backseat, Laura pulled in too.

“Hi,” I called out as she locked up. I gave her the standard hug and kiss on the cheek combination. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she said distractedly. “No. Not really. I need to talk to someone.”

“Okay,” I said as I ushered her through to our family room. “Will’s just in the garage. I’ll call him and get him to make coffee?”

She nodded. “Yeah. That would be good.”

It was easy to call Will away from his chore of cleaning the garage, and I filled him in on as much as I could before rushing back to Laura.

“Where are the girls? Are they okay?” I asked, referring to her daughters, Carrigan and Sawyer, who had just started school a few weeks before.

“They’re fine,” she said, smiling. “I dropped them off at my mom’s on my way over.”

“Okay, good.”

“You’re so cute,” she said, wrinkling up her nose and leaning over to pat me on the cheek.

“I know,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure you don’t mind me talking about this?” Laura asked, wringing her hands.

I understood her hesitation. Laura didn’t often talk about her personal relationships outside of the people that were in them. Her husband, Steven, wasn’t part of the D/s lifestyle, but she had always been open with him about her own involvement. She also had a sub.

Maddie lived with the family now, and as far as I was aware, their arrangement was almost a 24/7 one—they didn’t just play in the lifestyle, they lived it.

“Things with Maddie have changed…,” she started, nervously picking at her fingernails.

I shot a look at Will as he came through from the kitchen with three mugs—this wasn’t the calm, collected woman I was used to dealing with.

“Go on,” Will prompted gently and sat down next to me.

“She’s completely indispensable to us,” Laura said. “The girls adore her, Steven couldn’t live without her, my mom loves her—”

“Wait,” I interrupted. “Your mother has met your sub?”

“Well, she doesn’t know that Maddie is my sub,” Laura said, rolling her eyes. “She thinks Maddie’s my live-in housekeeper and nanny.”

“Isn’t she?” Will asked, smiling.

“Well, yeah,” Laura said. “When she started with me, she was completely green, barely seen the inside of a playroom before and had just been spanked a couple of times as part of ‘naughty’ sex. It’s taken us a while to figure out exactly what she needs….”

She trailed off again, clearly deep in thought, and Will picked up the conversation for her.

“That makes sense, though,” he said. “Sometimes it can take a while for you to settle down with a sub and find your boundaries.”

Laura nodded. “She’s more into servitude than pain. That’s why she moved in with us—nothing makes her happier than being on her knees. Whether that’s scrubbing the floor or kneeling for me makes no difference. She sleeps, collared, at the end of our bed or cuffed in her own room. I spank her when she’s bad and fist her when she’s good….”

“That’s funny,” Will interrupted. “I do the opposite to mine.”

“Shut up,” I said.

“So what changed?” Will asked.

“Nothing, yet,” Laura said. “I think Steven wants her, though. And I’m pretty sure she wants him.”

“Oh,” Will said, the one word loaded with meaning.

“How?” I asked, sensing this to be my opportunity to find out how dominants always seem to know everything.

“The way she looks at him,” Laura said lightly. “The way he looks at her, especially when the girls are in bed or at their grandparents and I’ve got Maddie naked and collared.”

“That’s understandable, though,” I said. “She’s a beautiful girl. It’s natural for him to want to look at her.”

Laura nodded. “She asks for the strap-on when I offer her a choice of rewards. I think she misses being fucked, and I can’t give her that.”

“Okay, firstly, yes, you can give her everything she needs as a sub because you’re her Mistress, and that’s what you do,” Will said. I had to admire how he stepped right in with both reassurance and direction. “That’s what you’re there for. If you decide to involve Steven, then have you considered how to approach it?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, would he be another Dom, or another sub, or a warm dick conveniently attached to something that moves by itself?”

I snorted with laughter and earned myself a smack on the arm from Will.

“I don’t think I can assign my husband the role of submissive in our household,” Laura said, smiling a bit too. “He already lives with four women. He needs to assert himself as the man around the house enough as it is.”

“I just can’t see him as a Dom, though,” I said, earning myself a glare from both Will and Laura. “Sorry. Thinking aloud.”

“Well, don’t,” Will said, but his words were light and he was smiling.

“He’s okay,” Laura countered. “But I suppose that just leaves the convenient warm dick option.”

“Could you do it?” I asked, genuinely curious. “I mean, Steven is your husband. And Maddie is your sub….”

“I think,” Laura said, playing with her fingernails again, “I could do it if it made them both happy.”

“No,” Will interrupted. “No. You need to be happy too. We’ve been part of a three-way before, and trust me, Laura, it’s no fun unless everyone is into it.”

“Think about it,” I added. “You don’t need to make a decision right away.”

“Yeah,” she said slowly. “Yeah. I just feel like all of this is running away with me, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

“Have you talked to Steven recently?” Will asked.

She shook her head. “No. I didn’t know how to approach it with him.”

“It’s probably a good idea to talk about it with him. If he’s not interested in fucking her, then you don’t have anything to worry about. He’ll be honest with you, right?”