Of Beast and Beauty (11 page)

But there
is
the risk of attack. Gem’s tribe is only one of many. The other tribes—those farther to the east and the south—have left our city in peace until now, but they wouldn’t hesitate to kill a Smooth Skin found wandering their lands. I can’t ask the soldiers to put their lives in danger, and Junjie will never allow Gem through the gate alone. His people have withdrawn deep into the wilds. They’ve left our city alone, as they promised, and Gem is the reason. Junjie won’t risk having our good-luck charm running off into the desert, never to return.

I would agree with him, but I know Gem’s legs aren’t healing as well as we’d hoped. He can’t stand for more than a few hours at a time—hence the slow pace of our ground breaking. He would never make it to his people’s winter camp on foot, but he
could
make it to the mountains where the bulbs we need grow, and back to the Hill Gate. And he
would
come back. He doesn’t want to die of starvation in the desert. He’s as committed to living as the people of Yuan.

So committed, he nearly has me convinced that he doesn’t hate me anymore.

Nearly.

I haven’t hated
him
for a long time. I like how steady he is with his work, how he hums beneath his breath when he hoes, the stories he tells, the jokes he makes about Yuan and our abundance of cabbage, even the way he teases me about my big hands and clumsy feet. I like
him
. Sadly, aside from Needle, my monster prisoner is the best friend I’ve ever had.

“Isra? The bulbs?”

“Tell me a story,” I say. “Something scary where terrible things happen to bad creatures.”

“If I can’t leave the city, I can’t get the bulbs or seeds we’ll need,”

Gem says, refusing to play along the way he usually does.

“I know. I’ve known that since we started.” I scratch at my wrist, wincing as paper-thin pieces of myself fall away. My skin is worse than ever.

The winter never agrees with it, but this winter has been especially brutal.

Needle washes the skin everywhere but my face and neck twice a day in milk and honey, but still, I’m falling to pieces. “Well …” I force myself to stop scratching with a sigh. “You’ll just have to leave the city, I suppose.”

“When?” There’s hunger in his voice. Is it hunger for escape or simply for a few hours of freedom? I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. In the past two months, my time with Gem has become the bright spot in my day.

If he were to leave …

“Remember your promise,” I say softly. “You’re to stay here.

Forever.”

“There’s no such thing as forever,” he says. “And I promised nothing.

No one speaks for me. Not even my father.”

“Psh.”
I pick the rocks from my pocket, chucking them out into the grass at the edge of the field one by one. I’ll have to pick them up again later, but I don’t care. It will give me more time to figure out what to do about the seeds. “Parents make promises for their children all the time. I was promised to this city before I was even conceived.”

“And it’s clear how pleased you are by it,” he says.

“Don’t let Junjie hear you say that.”

“Why not? Why not tell him yourself, and let them find another queen?”

My arm falters, and the rock in my hand falls. “That’s not the way it

works,” I say, running my fingers along the ground until I find the stone again. “You know that by now.”

He grunts. “Well, then … why not leave? The desert wind isn’t something any living thing should do without,” he says, dangling the words like bait on the end of a line.

“A blind girl. In the desert. Alone. That sounds like a wonderful plan, Gem, but I have responsibilities here,” I say, wishing I’d never let him know how much I crave the feel of the wind on my face. I throw my rock. Hard, using the full strength in my long arm. “Besides, I need this garden. A mutant queen isn’t good for the city.”

He’s quiet for a long, strained moment that makes my skin start to itch all over again.

“Yes?” I ask, recognizing his “about to say something Isra won’t like”

silence. “What is it?”

“It’s … I’m not sure the garden will give you what you’re looking for.”

I cross my legs, letting my heavy pockets flop at my sides as I tilt my chin up, fixing him with my full attention. “But the herbs and bulbs we’ll plant will reverse or inhibit mutation,” I remind him. “You’ve said so yourself. What about the Monstrous babies born with scales covering their eyes? And the boys whose teeth would grow too large to fit their mouths without the herbs your healers administer when they’re children?”

“The healing pouches have helped my people,” he says, groaning as he settles on the ground across from me. His legs seem to hurt the most when he’s standing up or sitting down. “But you are what you are. There’s no changing that.”

“Maybe not, but there’s a chance to stop it before it gets any worse.”

I drop my voice to a whisper, suddenly very conscious of the soldiers across the field. “I’m … growing.”

“And?” Gem asks in a way that makes it clear he thinks I’m being ridiculous.

“I’m already the tallest person in the city, and I’m still growing,” I say, wishing I had a rock left to chuck at him. “My new mourning dresses are bursting at the seams. I thought Needle had made a mistake in her sewing, but her measurements were correct when she took them four months ago.

She didn’t think to re-measure. I’m sure she assumed it was impossible for me to get any bigger.”

“My people grow until eighteen or older. Isn’t it the same for Smooth

Skins?”

“No, it’s not,” I say, though I’m not completely sure, not having been around any growing girls besides Needle and not remembering when my maid stopped stretching. “At least not the way I am. But it’s not only me I’m worried about. It’s come to my attention that there are others who need this garden even more than I do.”

Others who will be grateful for the work I’m doing here, and who will help me prove that I am a true queen, more than a sacrifice or an entertaining source of gossip.

“What others?”

“The other tainted, the ones with more severe mutations. The rest of the city won’t tolerate them,” I say, anxiety rising in my chest. “Bo says their situation is worse than I knew.”

Baba told me about the Banished, but he never told me how cruelly they were treated. Bo was surprised that I didn’t know the rules for the outcasts. I lied and told him that Baba rarely discussed city matters with me, but I’m sure Bo guessed the real reason the king kept the worst aspects of the Banished camp from his daughter. He didn’t want to frighten me, or make me worry what might have become of me if I weren’t so valuable to the city.

If my father had remarried and given Yuan another queen, and if the court advisors had reviewed my case and found me sufficiently tainted, I might be living in that camp today.

“They live on the outskirts, and are fed and watered like animals.” I swallow hard and continue. “They can’t own shops or work in the orchards or come near our animals or children. They can’t have children of their own or seek help from the healers. Their lives are often … cut short. I would like to help them.”

Gem growls something in his language, really
growls
for the first time since the day he threatened to open my throat. “And you call
my
people monsters.”

I flinch. He’s right. I didn’t realize how right until I met him.

I had always taken for granted that the texts on the Monstrous were correct and that outer mutation was a sign of a corrupt soul, of being not entirely human. But that clearly isn’t always the case. There is nothing hideous about Gem’s soul. The same might not be said for all his people—certainly not for the one who slaughtered my father—but for

Gem, ugliness is superficial. Surely it could be the same with the people forced into the camp at the edge of the city. If a Monstrous can be so human, surely some of those Banished citizens of Yuan are more human still.

“It isn’t fair, I know,” I say. “But—”

“And why are these people cast out?” he asks. “Because they have scaled skin or are bigger than the other children?”

“I don’t know. It was all decided before I was born. But I
do
know this …” I drop my voice again. “Because of me … my … Some of the nobles worry that mutations might be catching, beginning to infect those who have always been immune. But if I can show them there’s a cure … or at least a way to slow the process …” I clear my throat.

It’s difficult to talk about this with Gem. He doesn’t realize how repulsive the Monstrous are to my people. He doesn’t think it odd that the Monstrous grow plants to impede mutation but use them only for babies born with scales covering their eyes, or in other rare cases where health is threatened. He seems to think his people are beautiful.

“That’s why I need this garden,” I say, tugging another chunk of grass from the earth and stuffing it into my pocket. “Why the city needs this garden.”

“They don’t need a garden. They need a queen.”

I blink in the direction of his voice. “What does that mean?”

“You have more power than you think. You could put a stop to this with a word.”

“I couldn’t.” I shiver at the thought. I can’t even convince Junjie to change the seating arrangement in the great hall so that I don’t have to eat on a pedestal at the center of all the gossip.

“Division makes a people weak,” he says. “My chief would never allow this.”

“You don’t understand. I’m queen, but I’m not—”

“Excuses.” He grunts as he struggles to stand.

“It’s
not
an excuse,” I say, not sure whether to be offended or hurt.

“I’m tainted. Not as badly as those who are banished, but the whole people still won’t listen to me. They’ll think—”

“It doesn’t matter what they think.” The sound of his hoe being flung onto the dirt makes me flinch. “It only matters that they do what—”

“Move away from the queen!” The shout comes from the edge of the

field, making me flinch again.
Bo
. I didn’t know he was here. He wasn’t with the other soldiers when they arrived with Gem.

But he’s been doing this lately, materializing wherever I happen to be. He says it’s because his father asked him to keep a “special eye” on me.

A special eye
. I don’t like the sound of it.

“It’s all right!” I call. “We’re only talking.”

“We’re finished talking.” Gem is already shuffling away. The rattle of the chains hobbling his feet makes the skin at the back of my neck bunch. I hate that sound. I hate that I’ve never had the courage to ask for the chains to be removed. “Tell the guards I’m ready to go back to my cell.”

“Are you all right?” Bo squats beside me, his swift breath ruffling the hair above my ear. I want to swat it away like an insect, but I don’t. Bo hasn’t done anything inappropriate. Not really.

“I’m fine,” I say, forcing a smile.

It’s not Bo’s fault that I’m having a difficult time embracing our impending betrothal. Junjie hasn’t said anything outright, but his machinations aren’t as subtle as he believes. Bo is always seated next to me at dinner, always the one chosen to deliver messages to my rooms, and the only guard allowed to be alone with me. As soon as my mourning is over, Junjie will be at the tower door with official betrothal documents in hand, asking me to sign away what little freedom I’ve enjoyed since Baba’s death.

Bo is a good man, a good boy—only nineteen, the same age as Gem—but even good men can make cruel jailors. My father locked my mother in the tower for months before she made her fatal escape, and he held me prisoner for years. What if Bo proves to be a king who prefers his wife kept under lock and key?

I know it’s my duty to marry as soon as custom allows, but I can’t help wishing I had more time to adjust to the idea, to adjust to Bo. He’s attentive and flattering, but aside from his opinions on wine and music, I don’t know much about him. I can’t seem to scratch the surface to find out what—if anything—lies beneath.

Winter, as miserable as it is, can’t pass slowly enough this year.

“Are you sure?” Bo asks.

“I’m sure.” I brush the dirt from my hands, moving a degree away from him in the process. “Gem’s only tired. His legs hurt. He needs an escort back to his rooms.”

“Right away.” Bo calls to the other soldiers, clearly relieved to be rid

of our prisoner. He’s spoken to Gem a few times, but never more than a word or two. Gem obviously makes him uncomfortable. I know Bo would welcome an excuse to tell his father I shouldn’t be allowed to work with the Monstrous anymore.