October Joy (Moments In Paradise 1) (30 page)

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Mom.  It’s just the usual gossip-chain.  I think your real friends don’t believe it.”

“I’m not worried,” she said.  “God has helped me to not be concerned with what people think, but I didn’t know if you had heard anything, and I want to let you know there is absolutely no truth to any of it.”

“I know, Mom,” he said.  “And Faye knows that too.  She just doesn’t like it because she had absolutely no hand in any of this.  If you would have given her a couple of years, she would have been the one trying to set you up with every decent eligible bachelor she knows.”

Sarah laughed and knew Chandler was probably right, but she didn’t say so.  She wasn’t trying to set her children against one another, she just wanted to know how Chandler felt, and his support meant the world to her.

The rest of the evening was pleasant.  She offered to watch the baby so Chandler and Heather could go to a movie after dinner, and having Josef all to herself for a couple of hours was good for her heart that missed Andrew already.  She had a lot of details to take care of this week, and she knew unpredictable things were bound to happen.  Once others heard she was back in town, who knew who’d be calling or dropping by unannounced while she was trying to sort through Levi’s things and pack up the house.

At eight-thirty she put the baby down and decided to call Andrew.  She wasn’t at home and didn’t want him to be worried.  He wasn’t yet, but he was glad she called.  She told him about talking with Chandler, how her evening had been, and what she was currently doing.

“You’re going to miss him, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” she said.  “But I got seven months with him.  That’s more than some grandmothers get.”

“Are you sure I’m worth it to you, Sarah?  Some fifty-year-old guy over a beautiful grandson?  Can I really compete with that?”

“I will miss him, but I need you, Andrew.”

When Chandler and Heather returned, Chandler drove her to the house where she and Levi had lived for the last seven years.  They’d never had a home of their own, just those provided by the churches they served in, but she always felt like anyplace was home as long as Levi was there.  He wasn’t anymore, and the house seemed as empty as it had during the three months after he passed away, but it wasn’t empty.  It was full of stuff she was going to have to either get rid of in the next three weeks or pack up to take with her to California.

She went to bed and got a good night’s rest and then went to work in the morning after a walk on the treadmill and spending some time with God.  Andrew called her at ten and caught her in a weepy moment as she had begun to remove Levi’s clothes from the closet.

“I had my girls do that for me,” Andrew said.  “Actually they volunteered about a year after she was gone.  If they hadn’t, it would all still be in there.”

“I still miss him, Andrew.  Is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay.  I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

“What do you think it will be like when we’re all in Heaven together?  You, me, Annika, and Levi?”

“It will be wonderful, Sarah.  We’ll never have to say good-bye to each other again.”

“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of Levi by some of the things I’ve told you the last couple of weeks.  He really was a good man.  A wonderful husband to me.”

“I know he was, Sarah.  That’s why this is so hard for you.  That’s why you need me so much.  You’re not used to taking care of yourself and being alone.  And there’s no shame in needing someone to take his place.”

She wanted to ask him to come and help her with all of this.  She could do it by herself, but she didn’t want to.  She could make it for three weeks without him--maybe--but why should she have to do that?  What was the point of trying to do this all alone?

He responded to her silence and the quiet sniffles she was trying to hide.  “Do you want me to come, Sarah?”

She started crying.   Andrew’s tender care of her was so loving.  So needed.  What was he doing in her life?  Where had he come from?  How did he know what she needed and what she was thinking when she didn’t say a word?

“I can come today--be there by this evening,” he tempted her.

She almost said, ‘Maybe next week,’ or ‘Your church needs you there,’ or ‘No, I’ll be fine.  Don’t be silly.’  But she said what she wanted to say.

“Okay.”

He laughed softly.  “I love you, Sarah.  I’ll call you back and let you know when to meet me.”

“Are you sure, Andrew?  You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I do, Sarah.  And I’ll be there.”

Chapter Twenty-nine

Both Chandler and Faye went with Sarah to meet Andrew at the airport, and it went well.  Andrew was completely himself and made a good impression without even trying.  The four of them went out for dessert, and Andrew won her children over easily within an hour’s time.  From there Chandler took Faye home first, and then took them back to the house.  Andrew was planning to stay in a motel while he was here, but Sarah wanted some time with him before he went there tonight.  They made plans to have dinner together tomorrow, and Chandler was going to be here to help them in the afternoon.

“Good meeting you, Andrew,” Chandler said, shaking his hand warmly.  “It’s good of you to come.”

“Nice meeting you too, Chandler.  I’m anxious to meet your wife and that grandson I’ve heard so much about.”

“They’ll be here tomorrow,” he said.  “Good night.”

“Good night,” she and Andrew said together.

They waited for Chandler to pull away before going inside.  The front room was clean and hadn’t been part of her packing-project yet, so Andrew saw it for the way it had been for the last two years.  She wasn’t much into redecorating, but they had gotten some new furniture since moving here seven years ago.

“Thanks for coming,” she said as Andrew gave her a hug.  He had showed her affection in front of her children, but not as freely as she had become used to.  She knew he had done so for their sakes, not hers, and she appreciated it, but now she wanted to have all she really needed.  He could call her twenty times a day, but it wouldn’t be the same as having him here, holding her in his arms.

He didn’t say anything and kissed her also.  She soaked up his presence like an orphaned child who needed to be loved.  And she felt no shame in that.  She didn’t know how that was possible in this house she had shared with another man, but it was real.  Like a huge dose of grace from heaven that said, ‘This is okay, Sarah.  This is My plan for you.  Embrace it.’

“I need you so much, Andrew.  I felt lost today without you.”

“I felt lost without you,” he said.  “You’re a part of my world now.  You can’t go without leaving an empty space in my heart.”

She made them some coffee, and they sat and talked about her day.  Having him here reminded her of something she had been thinking about on the plane yesterday.  Flying home and yet knowing this wasn’t really her home anymore, she remembered something, and she shared it with Andrew.

“So many times during these last three months, I asked God why He hadn’t taken me instead of Levi.  It didn’t make any sense to me.  Why should Levi be in Heaven when he could be doing so much good here?  And why couldn’t I be there since I’m so worthless here?  But you know what I think now?”

“What?”

“I think He took both of us to Heaven.  Eternal life--real life with God--can begin here on Earth, can’t it?”

“Yes.”

“You figured that out a long time ago.  Right?”

“No, not really.  I think Annika got that.  She said some things sometimes I didn’t fully understand, but I do now.  Over the last few years God has shown me He’s really here with us all the time.  But if I forget that, I don’t see Him.  So I try not to forget, and I enjoy Him, and if that’s all my life is about, that’s enough.”

“But He gives you more?”

He smiled and kissed her.  “Just when I think I couldn’t be any more blessed, He’s got some surprise waiting I never imagined.”

***

With Andrew helping all week and Chandler and Faye some too, Sarah knew in another week they would be completely finished.  She made plans to stay with Chandler and Heather once all of her furniture had either been sold or given away.  Originally she had been thinking of trying to keep some of it, but as she gave things away and got some good money for the newer furniture, she found she wasn’t crying over any of it.  It was just stuff.  Stuff that had been a part of her life but wasn’t worth the hassle of taking all the way to California.

On Sunday they went to church, and with Andrew at her side, she didn’t worry about anyone saying anything negative to her directly.  Everyone was polite to Andrew, saying it was good to meet him and congratulating them on their engagement.  She knew some were genuine in their comments and others weren’t, but it didn’t matter.

Those she felt the need to visit with more, she did so privately by meeting them for lunch or accepting an invitation to dinner.  Her favorite time was with an older married couple who had been attending the church for many years.  They were both godly people who had always been supportive of her and Levi.  Preston had prayed faithfully with Levi every Monday morning for the last seven years, and June had the heart of a servant, often helping out behind the scenes and faithfully attending Bible study and a ladies’ prayer group whenever Sarah held those kind of meetings.

Andrew was going back to California a week ahead of her, and they had dinner with Preston and June at their home the night before he was planning to leave. Like Andrew and Annika, they had wed in their late teens, and Preston said something that meant a lot to her.

“If I would have left June a widow in her forties, Sarah, I’d expect her to be married to someone else by now.  Levi used to pray for that, you know.”

“Pray for what?”

“He knew his heart was going to give out on him someday, and he prayed that when you were left here without him, God would have someone waiting to take care of you.”

Sarah couldn’t respond.  Glancing at Andrew, she felt her confidence in their relationship being confirmed but was also reminded of Levi’s great love for her, and if Andrew hadn’t said something to make her laugh, she would have cried a river over it right there at the table.

“She thought I was an angel when we first met,” Andrew said.  “And I felt like one.”

***

Levi was sorting through his morning mail and came across an envelope style he hadn’t seen before.  It was purple with his name written in silver.

“What’s this?” he asked Joshua, turning it over to break the seal on the back.

“You’ll see,” He said, waiting for him to take out the enclosed card.

He read it to himself first and then spoke the words for Joshua to hear, phrasing it like a question.  “You are invited to have supper in The Upper Room? Sincerely, The Twelve?”

Joshua smiled.  “I’ll be there too, of course.”

Levi stared at him.  “Is this for real?  Supper with the Twelve Disciples in The Upper Room?”

“That’s what it says.”

“Where’s The Upper Room?”

He had been studying Paradise maps lately and detailed ones of the City.  Joshua had him going everywhere now on any given day to meet with various people who needed guidance in understanding Joshua and Paradise ways.  He often didn’t feel qualified in counseling others.  He still had so much to learn himself.  But Joshua assured him he was doing fine, and he was learning a lot in the journey he could only learn by helping others.

He had never imagined Heaven being so earth-like, and he had never imagined the people still being so people-like.  Death and entrance into Paradise didn’t bring immediate transformation into perfect beings, as he had always imagined.  It was just a starting point into a new kind of journey.  A life where physical death no longer existed, but spiritual aliveness didn’t come so easily.  Joshua was here for all to see, but seeking Him and living in His Presence was still a choice each person had to make every day.

“The Upper Room’s location is always changing, but the instructions to get there are always the same,” Joshua said.

Levi knew what He meant without having to ask, but he was going to have to check the ancient Scriptures to see the exact instructions Jesus had given to His Disciples on how to find The Upper Room in Jerusalem.  Offhand he knew it involved meeting a man in the city and following him there.

“And I’m going to meet The Disciples?  John?  Peter?  Matthew?”

“Also known as the Beloved Disciple, Simon, and Levi,” Joshua reminded him.

He was still getting used to God having a sense of humor, but he did laugh, and he was reminded of what Joshua wanted most from him.  Two weeks ago when given his first “assignments”, it had taken him most of the morning to figure out what Joshua had been trying to teach him the most during his first three months in Paradise.  And like so many things, it seemed so obvious once he did.  Inviting Joshua to walk with him while he did some thinking eventually led to him realizing that’s what it was.  He was in the middle of simply enjoying Yeshua’s presence, taking a break from his deep thinking when it hit him:

“This is what you want, isn’t it?  For me to enjoy You?  To be with me wherever I go, and for me to enjoy that reality, no matter what I’m doing.  That’s what is most important?”

“Yes, Levi.”

“I’m not sure how.”

“You know more than you think.  You enjoyed me on Earth: when you enjoyed your time with Sarah and your children; when you taught others about My love and goodness; when you enjoyed recreation with family and friends and the beauty of Creation.  You just didn’t always think of it that way and often laid it aside when other things became more pressing.”

Levi found The Upper Room that evening with ease as he followed the instructions Jesus had given to His Disciples, and although he was expecting a formal and serious gathering, he wasn’t surprised when it was more of an informal dinner party among friends.  The Disciples were regular guys who clearly enjoyed one another and Joshua.