Obsession 3 (4 page)

“So, if I agree to do everything you just said you wanted me to do,” Secret confirmed after spending the last few minutes listening to Detective Davis run down the plan he had for how Secret could help him set up Lucky, “I can walk out of here with my baby a free woman?” Skepticism laced her voice.

“Well, not walk out of this hospital and into the free world,” Detective Davis said.

Secret sucked her teeth and went limp. She knew this was too good to be true. Here Detective Davis wanted her to help set up Lucky, but he was the one setting her up, for disappointment.

“You have to be processed out of jail,” Detective Davis said. “It shouldn't take long, just a day or two.” He shrugged. “There's a little paperwork involved.”

“But I don't have a day or two. Where will my baby go while I'm back in jail?”

Detective Davis thought for a minute. “Don't you have any friends and family she can stay with?”

“Detective, I don't even have friends or family I can stay with, let alone my daughter.”

He sucked his teeth. “What about your mom?”

Secret shot him a look with her lips poked out and her head tilted sideways.

“Oh, yeah, that's right. Your mom is one hell of a bitch.” He locked eyes with Secret. “Sorry.”

Secret shrugged it off. Yolanda was a bitch. She damn sure couldn't argue against that.

“Hell, I hate to say it, because it doesn't help my case none, but the only place you do have is jail. At least you have a roof over your head, clothes, and three meals a day.”

What little of Secret's spirit that was intact slowly diminished. Better off in jail. What a life.

“Do you mean to tell me that there is not anyone you know who could help you out?” the detective said to Secret.

She once again thought for a moment. Just then the hospital door cracked opened. “Hello, how's my patient doing?”

Both Secret and Detective Davis turned to face the door.

“Hey, Li'l Muffin, you all right?” said the nurse who had seemed to be on a personal basis with Secret from the moment she hit the maternity floor.

Secret looked at the nurse and a smile soon crept on her face. “I'm feeling much better now that you're here,” Secret said to her.

“Good, because that's just what I'm trying to hear,” the nurse said and stepped fully inside the room.

Secret looked up at Detective Davis. “Detective, I think this is going to work out after all.”

He got excited at hearing those words. His eyes lit up.

Secret honestly had no idea just how badly and for how long Detective Davis wanted to shut Lucky and his drug operation down. In all Detective Davis's years, though, no one in Lucky's crew, or even former members of his crew, ever wanted to play informer. Secret hadn't been the first to go to jail when it was Lucky who should have been behind bars. But if Detective Davis had anything to do with it, she'd be the last. The fact that Secret was willing to help get him what he needed in order to take down Lucky had made his day. If all went as planned, it would not only make his day, but his career as well.

Detective Davis using Secret's newborn baby as a pawn to convince her to work with him was a new low for even himself. But he knew she would be his hole in one. For a minute there, though, he thought his efforts would be in vain since Secret didn't have any family or friends to help her and the baby out. Jail had definitely been starting to sound like a better predicament for her. But obviously someone who she felt could help had popped into her mind.

“So you know someone who can keep the baby for a couple days and then help you when you get out?” Detective Davis asked Secret.

“No,” she replied. She looked at the nurse who was pulling over the blood pressure machine. She then looked back at the detective. “But there is somebody who knows me.”

Secret looked back over at the nurse and the detective's eyes followed. After a few seconds the nurse realized she was being stared at.

“What?” the nurse asked, shrugging her shoulders. She looked totally oblivious to the conversation taking place in the room. Before anyone could answer, the nurse looked down at Secret's soiled gown from where she'd vomited. “Sweetie, what happened to your gown?” She immediately went over to the sink to grab some paper towels, wetting them first. She began wiping Secret down the front of her gown. Frustrated she looked up at Detective Davis. “Why is she still in these handcuffs? Have you ever thought she might need to go to the bathroom or anything? Besides, it's not like she has forever to spend with her newborn baby. Are you seriously going to deny her being able to hold her in the little bit of time she does have? Who is your superior? I have a phone call to make.”

“No need to make any phone calls,” Detective Davis said. “I was just about to remove those cuffs.” He shook the keys in his hand. “Something tells me I can trust Miss Miller.” He shot Secret a knowing look as he inserted the key into a cuff. “There you are,” he said after removing both cuffs.

Secret rubbed her wrists but then turned her attention straight to her little one. She looked up at the nurse. “Can I hold her?”

“Sure, but don't you want to change out of that gown first?” The nurse frowned.

Secret looked so desperate, like she couldn't go one more second without holding her baby.

“Hold on,” the nurse said, grabbing a towel and placing it down the front of Secret and over her shoulder. “There, that should work. Just lay her on the towel.” The nurse lifted the baby out of her bassinette and into Secret's arms.

The damn broke and tears flooded from Secret's eyes.

The detective started to feel a little uneasy and awkward standing there in the middle of this mother-infant bonding session. He cleared his throat. “I'll just be right outside the door,” he informed them and then exited the room, closing the door behind him.

“My baby,” Secret cried, rubbing her hair. “She's so beautiful.”

“Just like Mommy.” The nurse smiled. She looked up at the blood pressure machine realizing she hadn't yet taken Secret's blood pressure.
It can wait,
she told herself as she admired mother and child. “She's such a little thing. No wonder I couldn't even tell you were pregnant that day at the gas station.”

Secret looked up at the nurse, whose eyes were glued on the baby. She looked at her nametag, which read RAY. Secret didn't know a Ray from a gas station.

“Gas station,” Secret mumbled under her breath. She thought for a moment and then it hit her. It came back to her where she knew the nurse from. “You're the Good Samaritan. The day I got into it with my mom and she put me out; you let me use your cellphone to call for help. And you even waited around until my ride came and picked me up.”

The nurse smiled. “Yep, that's me. It was the middle of the night and you were dressed in a miniskirt, not to mention you looked like you'd just lost your best friend. I knew something wasn't right.”

Secret was excited that she'd finally been able to figure out who the mystery woman was. She looked her up and down again and stared at her face for a few more seconds. “Raygiene, that's your real name, but you said your friends call you Ray.” Secret nodded toward her badge. “Just like your nametag says. You even had on your hospital scrubs that night.”

“Yes, I had finished up my shift at the hospital and stopped for gas. I'd told myself before leaving work that I had enough to get home and to just do it the next day on my way to work. Call it an instinct or an inner voice, but I went ahead and got it over with. Good thing, too. I was there for you when you needed me.”

“Yes, you were,” Secret said out loud and then thought,
and hopefully you'll be here for me again.

Ray had spent the last ten minutes giving Secret instructions on caring for her baby. “I know some people insist on beating the baby on its back to get them to burp, but a nice rub really will do the trick.”

“I see,” Secret said as she did as the nurse instructed after feeding her little one about an ounce or so of milk.

A tiny burp echoed through the room.

“I see,” Secret reiterated with a chuckle. “Mommy's baby is a greedy gut,” she cooed. “Yes, she is.”

“Right now, because she's so little, sponge baths will be fine. It's not like she'll be going outside playing and needs a bubble bath or anything. Another nurse will be in to help you with all that. They'll show you how to wash her little scalp to prevent cradle cap and all that.”

“You sound like you're the pro,” Secret said. “How many kids do you have?”

“Who me? Oh please, I don't have any.” She shooed her hand and looked away.

Secret didn't miss her attempt to downplay not having children. “But you want them don't you?” Secret began wiping Dina's mouth.

Ray smiled. “Yeah, Ivy and I have talked about kids. We've been together for about four years now. It would be nice to hear the pitter patter of feet running about.”

“So what's stopping you guys?” She kissed Dina on the forehead.

“I work at the hospital and Ivy's band is just really starting to make a name for itself in the music industry. I want kids now, but Ivy doesn't think the time is right just now. She wants to see how this music thing pans out, and I can't—”

“She?” Secret snapped her head up, now giving Ray her full attention. Two seconds after she'd said the word “she,” Secret realized how rude that might have come out. Secret had been too busy paying attention to Dina to realize Ivy was a female name, so that Ray had been talking about a girl, and not a guy, this entire time.

“Yeah, Ivy. She's my life partner.”

Secret looked down at Dina. “I kind of understand where your girl is coming from a little bit. When I found out I was pregnant with Dina I had so many ambitions and aspirations. I felt guilty that for a minute there I wasn't even going to have her. How could I take care of a baby while living out the dream I'd worked so hard for, which was going away to college?”

“Gosh, you really do sound like Ivy.” She began to mock her. “‘How can you finish medical school to become a doctor and me win a Grammy if we're changing diapers? '” She rolled her eyes playfully. “But look at you. You decided to have your baby anyway. And I'm sure going to school and taking care of a baby is not easy, but—”

Gloom covered Secret's face. “I ended up not going to college.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.”

“It wasn't because I was pregnant. I had been banking on this full scholarship to The Ohio State University. I mean, I had worked my butt off, sacrificed enjoying everything most high school students enjoyed in their high school years. I was always studying and doing extra-credit work so that I could earn a full ride to college.”

“What happened?” Ray asked.

Secret shrugged and shook her head. “I don't know. You tell me.” Secret stared off for a moment thinking about what could have been, how her life would have been completely different had she gotten that college scholarship. For one, she wouldn't have had Dina. The only reason she changed her mind from getting an abortion was because she hadn't gotten the scholarship. The main reason she'd wanted the abortion was because she wouldn't have been able to take care of a baby and go away to college. She'd never had a job during high school. She didn't have time to work and focus on her grades like she needed to. So she didn't have any money saved up to even pay for a textbook.

Asking her mother for any type of assistance when it came to college was out of the question. If Secret didn't know any better, her mother was a coconspirator right along with Satan to see her fail. Her mother refused to help her in any way, shape, or form when she'd learned of Secret's pregnancy. So Secret found herself alone and on the streets. It was Lucky and Shawndiece who had conspired to see Secret make it in life.

Ultimately Lucky had turned on her though and Shawndiece was MIA. Now here stood Ray, who had sort of kinda conspired in a way to help Secret out. After all, if she hadn't been there that night at the gas station for Secret, no telling what could have happened to her.

“Well, it's never too late to go back to school,” Ray tried to encourage Secret.

“But way too soon to go back to jail,” Secret said sadly.

That was inevitable. There was nothing Ray could say or do to take that burden from Secret.

“If you don't mind my asking, what are you locked up for anyway?”

Secret sighed and proceeded to tell Ray the short version of what happened that day in the car when she and Lucky were pulled over by the police while she was driving her car.

“Ma'am, I'm Officer Hawkins with the K
-
9 unit. Booser here is a dog trained to sniff out drugs. We have reason to believe drugs might be in that bag. Do we have your permission to check out the content?”

Secret felt cornered as both officers glared at her. “Ye
. . .
yes
. . .
” Secret started.

The officer with the K
-
9 unzipped the bag while the other kept Lucky detained up against the car. The dog started barking wildly.

“You're not going to sit here and tell us that all those drugs belong to your pregnant girlfriend are you? Because unless you tell us the drugs are yours, well
. . .
” The officer shrugged. “The car is in her name. The bag was in her car. As far as we're concerned, the drugs are hers then. So either you man up or we handcuff your girlfriend and haul her and your unborn baby off to jail.”

“Li'l Muffin, I don't even know what to say,” Ray said after hearing Secret's story.

Reliving that moment brought tears to Secret's eyes. “I couldn't believe he let them handcuff me and take me to jail while I was eight months pregnant.” Secret shook her head. “For the past month I have been lying in that jail cell thinking every night that this was the night his conscience would get to him, not let him sleep. Then every morning I'd wait for the guard to come do like they do in movies.” Secret deepened her voice as if trying to sound like a man. “‘Miller, you're out of here.'” She sighed. “But that never happened.”

“I don't understand why you just don't tell them the truth yourself,” Ray said. “Why are you waiting on some knight in shining armor to come rescue you? Rescue yourself.”

Secret nodded. “I know; that's pretty much what Detective Davis out there said. Said I can be a free woman if I help myself.”

Ray got excited for Secret. “Then it's a no-brainer. Tell them the dope was really his and testify against him in court.”

“Well, it's not that simple. They actually want me to help set him up. Kind of go undercover like I want to get with him again, play on his team, you know. In short, they want me to get information that could put him away and feed it to the police.”

“How?” Ray looked confused.

“They want me to act like everything is all good with us again, get him to trust me and then turn on him. They'll drop all charges against me and I won't ever have to worry about jail again.” Secret looked down at Dina and kissed her on the head. “Then I can spend all the time I want with this little one right here.”

“I don't know.” Ray shook her head in doubt. “That sounds kind of dangerous. I mean, do you really want your daughter around that situation? You know this guy better than me, but is he violent or anything? What if he suspects you of setting him up? I've heard guys in drug rings are ruthless.”

Secret chuckled. “It's not like that with him. He never laid a hand on me, at least not in a way I never wanted him to.” Secret gazed off for a moment as if thinking about the good times with Lucky. “And the cops are trying to say he's the big man on campus in the dope game, but I swear I never saw any proof of that. I mean, I knew he probably did a little something something illegal, but nothing on the grand scale that the cops are trying to say.”

Ray swallowed before she spoke. “Look, don't take this the wrong way, but from the way it sounds to me, you're still protecting him somewhat. Girl, you should be pissed! Who gives a damn whether he is what the police think he is? Turn his ass over to them on a silver platter and keep it moving with you and your baby girl. Shoot, wouldn't have to ask me twice. I'd be like where is the paperwork so I can sign on the dotted line.”

“I would, I mean I want to,” Secret stressed.

“Then what's stopping you?”

Secret paused for a moment. Was this the door she'd been trying to push open? The door of opportunity? This entire conversation with Ray had been Secret knocking, was Ray now opening it? And should Secret walk through it?

“Well,” Secret started, “Detective Davis said I could be out of jail as early as tomorrow.”

Ray gave her an “I told you so” look. She clapped her hands together. “See, so what are you waiting for? Let's get that detective in here and handle this so that you and your little girl can go home.” Ray headed toward the door.

“Wait, hold up.” Secret stopped her. “That's the problem. I can't go home.” Secret's voice became very solemn. “I don't have one.” Secret was almost certain the apartment she'd been living in prior to going to jail was no more. At the time she landed the apartment, she'd been living out of a hotel that Lucky had put her up in. Considered homeless and pregnant, she ended up receiving low- or no-income emergency housing. The police had probably ransacked her place and reported her to the landlord who in turn had probably reported her to the housing authority.

Ray's excitement vanished just like that. Her hand stopped mid-reach for the door. “But where were you staying before you went to jail?”

“It was a place the government subsidized. I'm sure the police have confiscated everything I had in there since I'm this big drug lord.” Secret used her fingers as quotation marks and rolled her eyes. “I don't even know if the landlord has evicted me. I'm just not sure whether it's safe to take the baby there, or if there is still even a ‘there' to go to.”

“Damn,” Ray said under her breath. She thought for a moment and then snapped her finger. “I got it! You can come stay with me, at least until we can figure everything out with your housing.”

If Secret could have, she would have jumped out of that bed and done the Holy Ghost dance she'd witnessed members of her grandmother's church doing when she was a little girl. It used to scare her to death. She thought those people were possessed the way their heads used to bob up and down with their arms flailing wildly.

“Are you serious? Are you sure?” Secret didn't want to appear too excited and come across as if she'd been waiting for Ray to say that all along, even though that's exactly what she'd been waiting for.

“Sure.” She looked down at Dina. “Like I said, I'd love the sound of a little one in the house.”

At first that put a smile on Secret's face, but then it suddenly turned to a frown. “But what about Ivy?”

Ray shooed her hand. “Ivy is on tour with her band. She'll be gone for the next two weeks.”

“But what if it takes longer than two weeks to look into my place, get on my feet, and get situated?”

“Doesn't today have enough worries of its own? We'll drive ourselves crazy if we concern ourselves with two weeks from now, don't you think?”

If it was only Secret fending for herself, she would have agreed with Ray. But she had another life she was in charge of. She didn't want to find herself thrown out on the streets, homeless with a baby. If that was the case, perhaps Dina would be better off going to a foster family or something.

Seeing the doubt and worry in Secret's eyes, Ray walked over and put her hand on Secret's shoulder. “Knowing your story and the fact that I'm in a position to help you but didn't, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.”

Secret thought Ray could teach Lucky a thing or two about having a conscience.

“Please, let me help you. At least let me get in touch with someone who can. Your mother, best friend, father, anybody.”

“Negative,” Secret said, shaking her head. “My mother is the one who kicked me out onto the streets in the first place, after trying to beat my baby out of me.”

Ray gasped.

“My father, he's either dead, somewhere with a needle in his arm shooting up drugs, or he's dead somewhere with a needle in his arm. Or he's at his home away from home: jail. My best friend, she came to visit me when I first got locked up but I haven't heard from her since. I've been so worried about having this baby in jail that I haven't had time to worry where she is at. But knowing Shawndiece, she's okay. If anybody is a survivor, that chick is.” Secret let out a soft laugh. “She's probably over in Paris right now with some guy spending all his money.” Secret's eyes filled with sadness. For the first time ever it hit her that she had nobody, not a single soul. It was just her and Dina.