Obsession (3 page)

“Why did you go out with her then?”  Allison asked.

“At first, she was sweet and caring.  And I suppose I was fascinated by her beauty and successful career.  Those things do not usually interest me, but at that point of my life, I liked the attention she was paying me.” 

Rick saw things differently now, but the truth was that a few weeks ago, the thought of Monica choosing him was really appealing to him.

“What happened next?” Allison continued to insist.  It was very important to her understanding the other woman.  Her own experience with stalking had taught her that she needed to learn as much as possible about the stalker, in order to respond accordingly.

“When it became too much and I started to see her for who she really was – a shallow and possessive woman, I broke up with her.  And to tell you the truth, the break up was really gentle and she accepted it with little to no complaints.  However, once I started dating you all hell broke loose, as you already know.”

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Chapter 3

“I read somewhere that an obsession is where something will not leave your mind.  Therefore, we are all obsessed, obsessed about different things, but all the same obsessed.” 
Monica’s Diary
.

Nothing in Monica’s life had ever been more contradictory than love.  It represented too many things – loss and gain, hope and despair, life and death – and the warm, sharp feeling of it had swirled inside her so often in her relatively short life that her brain could not seem to figure out how it felt about it.  In most ordinary people’s lives, love is a good thing, but for Monica, it was destructive, consuming, something to be feared, avoided.  But she was used to it.  She did not necessarily like it, she was just used to it, like the way you’d get used to having a limp; she was used to the stinging heat on her face and the flare in her eyes and the way it devoured everything in its path and then eventually burned itself out after it’s had its fun.  Like a child throwing a tantrum – better to just get out of the way and let it run its course, because sometimes fighting back causes more problems than it solves.

So much of Monica’s life had been centered on that simple chemical reaction; so many hours spent lounging about something you may never have; usually sweaty and exhausted but satisfied.  She needed love like she needed the air, she breathed, but she wasn’t able to love back.  All she knew was how to use the love of others, while all the way longing to at least once experience the same feeling.  

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Rick was standing in the middle of his room, looking at his beautiful suit, and thinking about the woman who shortly would be sitting in the car beside him.  Allison was everything he ever wanted in a woman.  Strong and gentle, at the same time, simple in her desires and wishes, and complicated in the way she expressed them…  The complete opposite to all those shallow women he dated up to this day.

But would he be able to fall in love with her?  How was he going to distinguish that so exalted by poets feeling from the rest of the emotions he was experiencing?  
What love really is?
  Is it passion, companionship, security, danger…?  The question cannot be answered, as the concept of love exists because it serves a need.  Love must be what we make out of it, doesn’t it?  Another question that can’t be answered might be also:
Why is love needed?

All these theories about the meaning of life and the lack of meaning when love is not in the equation were foreign to him.  He was only twenty three years old when he had finished all studies, and his father showed him what he wanted for his son.  With that, Rick’s life changed.  Excuses to not go out with friends had turned to be his general trend.  His friends soon knew what his answer would be, and stopped calling him.  Fights and arguments rolled in – between him and his father, and between him and his friends.  His life adopted a hectic routine, as managing his career took most of his time.

Soon he was left alone, standing up and commanding over it all.  With that, any social life became nonexistent and finding the perfect girl, impossible.  The truth was that no girl ever really interested him, as the ones he dated only wanted the status and popularity that came from dating a powerful man.  Their lust disgusted him.  The fact that that was all they had to offer made him feel sorry for them.  Their blackened hearts didn’t offer love – that same feeling he still had to find out about.

For a long time, that was all he wanted – to be left alone.  Now, however, he found himself wanting something else.  In Allison, he saw some of that true love everyone was talking about.  The love was transpiring in the way she spoke about her work and friends, in the feelings she had towards the institution of marriage, and the way she felt about faith and God.  It was all new to him, foreign even, but appealing and desirable, when coming from her.  Was that what love was?  Was love simply the feeling of contentment and happiness that he was feeling now, after a simple day spent with that woman?

Rick was finally ready to find the answer of that question.  Allison made him want to search over the Earth, digging it all out, until he was able to find it.  The heartless beast he had become, the manipulator in the trade of business, was looking forward to his destiny, wishing he would find love in it.

A gentle knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, and reminded him of the reason he was even having all these doubts.  He opened the door, letting Allison enter his house and hopefully his life.

Allison entered the room, dressed in simple, but elegant black dress that curled gently around her knees.  His house was large, probably the largest she had ever seen, by the looks of it.  When he had asked her to come to his house instead of the other way around, Allison wondered what the reason was for this, but now she saw it.  Rick was holding a beautiful necklace in his hands, waiting for her to turn around and allow him to put it on her.

They were going to the wedding of one of the oldest Rick’s friends, whose wedding invitations were made by Allison.  She liked the man, and was more than happy to accompany Rick to the big event, although she would know no one there.

“Thank you for joining me tonight,” Rick said once the first course of the dinner was served.  “I wasn’t sure if you would accept my invitation.”

“I’m happy to be here with you, Rick.  You are a very interesting man, about whom I would like to learn more.”

Rick left his cutlery on his plate, placed his elbows on the table, and looked her right in the eyes.  “Really?”  He asked.  “What do you want to know?”

“Tell me more about yourself, about your dreams and wishes for the future,” Allison said, a little worried how he would take her question.

“Okay, then where should I start?  Maybe at the very beginning?”  And with that, Rick started telling her about his exiting childhood and college years, until it all ended for him, when his father took him to work full time in the family law firm.  About the change in him that came with the new responsibility, and the little family support he was given. 

The tale was a sad one, full of unfulfilled dreams and flitting superficial relationships.  Rick even admitted to have never really loved or felt loved in his life.  It explained a lot, especially after she had heard all the deep observations, made by some of his friends.  Rick was mysterious, because he wasn’t letting anyone close enough to really know him.  She wondered if people thought the same about her.

It was easy to judge the one you know nothing about, especially when he or she looks more successful, and appears superior to yourself.  Tonight, she found out that inside that handsome, successful man was hidden an unsecure and starving for love little boy who wasn’t given the chance to grow up.

Allison told him then all her successful business investments, and the way she was using them to achieve her dreams.  Life was smiling at them, and Allison was happy to see how they were slowly walking towards their goals.

With that, their evening changed direction, and they spent the rest of the meal talking about films, books, and favored poets.  Rick wasn’t a passionate poem lover, but he knew enough about the world’s famous poets to make the conversations entertaining. 

“Do you think that Monica would leave us be now?”  Allison asked out of the blue, changing the course of the conversation.

“I hope so,” Rick answered carefully.  “There has been no more violence after the car accident, but the messages... my God, there are really escalating.  She is threatening to use physical violence against us.”

“I can see that you are worried...”

“It is not about me...,” Rick sighed heavily.  “It is you I worry about.”

“Thank you,” Allison smiled sweetly at him, and he reached to take her hand across the table.  “Let’s change the subject...  How do you imagine your own wedding?”

“Really!?  This is how you change the subject?”  The man laughed and bent over to kiss her on the lips.  “Let me see... I am most certain that pink is out of the equation, but I may agree with some yellow roses.”

“What about the doves?  Do you want them flying while you promise to love your wife forever?”

“No, I would want her to fly with happiness...”

“How sweet!”  Allison exclaimed.

“Now it’s your turn.  How do you see your wedding?”  Rick asked her, while bringing his chair closer to hers.

“I never actually thought about it.  I think that when I have the right man, I would have all I would ever need,” she said, looking Rick right into the eyes, and imagining him beside her at the wedding.

Rick said nothing at that, but once again bent over and kissed her on the lips, this time deeper and with much more passion.

Then Rick took Allison’s hand, and guided her to the center of the room.  “Would you like to dance with me?” he asked in a perfect gentleman's manner.  The first swing was like an awakening for her.  It was as if she has been waiting the whole evening for this particular moment. 

His body against hers, his hand holding hers and embracing her waist, without making her feel cornered or overpowered.  Rick was a wonderful dancer, full of surprises and little gentle touches.  The music was slowly bringing down all her defenses, leaving Allison naked and powerless in the hands of this charismatic man.

“Stupid woman!”
she thought, all hopeless and long-suffering, as if he was worldly in ways she would never be.  His heart was beating against her face, strong and warm.  Rick was just Rick, but he had a way about him, to which Allison wasn’t immune.  She was probably even more susceptible than other women; because she now knew the difference between the proud successful man most bystanders saw and the real Rick, who longed for love and companionship.

Allison had seen Rick in action, and knew from personal experience that he was painfully attractive.  Almost everything about him was right and perfect.  She supposed, even if he had too big feet or bad hair, she would still feel the same.  It was both confusing and pleasing to her that a man like him seemed to want to tell her things he had never shared with anyone else.

Allison turned her head slightly into his designer’s shirt, and basked in the feeling that overwhelmed her.  It was an intense, low and insistent feeling that she couldn’t scare away.  She was jealous, she guessed, jealous of the woman who might one day win over this wonderful man’s heart and share his life.

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Chapter 4

“I am feeling weak and powerless in front of the passion burning inside of me.  I love him and I hate him, all at once.  I want him to be mine and only mine, so that this burning feeling can leave me alone.” 
Monica’s Diary
.

Rick watched Mike, his high school rival, dance at the other side of the dance floor, and remembered how hard that man had made the high school years for him.  At first, Rick thought that they could be friends, but Mike was quick to show his own way to see things.

The boy had even tried to make everybody believe that Rick was gay.  Not that Rick had anything against gays, but that wasn’t the point.  Jocks treated gays differently, and some even were forced to leave the sports teams.  Mike’s plan would have been perfect, if Rick did not have found about his plan in time.

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Rick sat in the small classroom, checking his watch every other second.  Jock boy was late again.  Of course, Mike probably thought that his time was more important than Rick's own. Mike was the captain of the football, basketball, and ski teams and Rick not only was his competitor in the ski team, but was also the smart kid drafted to keep him from failing and getting kicked off all three teams.

He huffed a little as he saw the person in question hurrying toward the door.  It didn’t help Rick’s mood that Mike was, in a word, a proud bastard.  Fortunately, in high school, everybody hates everybody, and Rick was not hiding his feelings towards the other boy. 

Therefore, Rick was scowling as Mike burst into the room. “Sorry…” Mike started.

But didn’t get any further than that, as Rick took out his frustration on the first person available, Rick’s voice was already loud and angry when he started speaking.  “Listen, don’t waste my time.   I’m doing you a favor with these tutoring sessions, so try to be on time.”

Mike did not look actually contrite, making Rick regret that he ever agreed to do this. “I know and I do appreciate it, smart boy.  I really need your help,” Mike said in a singsong voice, grinning mockingly.

Rick sighed and relented, gesturing to the seat across from him and Mike sat down gingerly.  Mike did need Rick’s help. If he failed his classes, then he would be kicked off the ski team and then his father would make this last weekend look like summer camp.  His legs were so sore that he could barely walk.  After the game on Friday, his father had said that Mike looked out of shape and had run the teen into the ground all weekend, including this morning.