Oblivion (17 page)

Daphne nodded and he could see she was coming to her own conclusions that Lindsay ran him. It wasn’t true. He bailed on her and decided not to go for a year to get his affairs in order.

“What were you going to major in?”

“Lindsay said they had a good finance program there. She said that was my best bet.”

“That’s not what I asked you, Jace,” Daphne replied. “I asked you what you wanted to be, not what she recommended you go for. Did you ever think for yourself?”

“You don’t have any right to say that!” Jace snapped and glared at her. “You act like I’m some big dumb jock who does everything my girl says! It wasn’t like that. You don’t know Lindsay. She’s smart and whatever she decided would have been fine with me.”

“That’s my point,” Daphne said sadly and shook her head. “She decided all of it for you. You were just going along for the ride. Did you even want to go to college?”

Jace thought about what he wanted to be when he grew up often and being in finance wasn’t at the top of his list. Rodeo clown was second to a fireman and somewhere on the list he wanted to be a cop.

He always admired Sheriff Wilson. That wasn’t in the plan. Small town cops didn’t go to college and get finance degrees. They went to the police academy in Helena and worked their way up.

Lindsay wanted out of Little Bend and somewhere down the line he realized he wanted to stay and not just because of the kids. His heart wasn’t into going away to a school in Georgia, never had been. He realized it now with Daphne’s clever probing. All along he was doing what Lindsay wanted.

“I wanted to stay in Little Bend near the end. She wanted to get out as long as I knew her,” Jace explained. “She wanted to be a doctor. I would have gone had my dad not been a mess. My brother is only ten and my sister is fourteen. They needed me at home. She assured me the state would find them a nice couple to take care of them so I could go to school. I couldn’t leave them. I told her no. The ring was so she would wait for me. At first she wanted to break up if I didn’t go with her.”

“Ok, now here’s the thing I have a problem with,” Daphne said and ignored his glare. “She knew about your family situation and still expected you to leave with her? Then when you do the right thing; she threatens to break up with you? Where do you guys find these chicks?”

Jace was mad he even told her. “You don’t even know her!”

“I don’t have to know her to see she was a selfish little bitch who only cared about what she wanted,” Daphne stated with shrug. “Who would expect their boyfriend to watch his brother and sister get put in foster care and be alright with that? Come on, that’s family. Sounds like she wanted out and she didn’t consider you at all.”

“She had it rough this last year,” Jace told her angrily. “Her parents split up and everything she knew went out the window.”

“Give me a break, sounds like Princess Lindsay got a rude look at reality,” Daphne snapped. “I’m sorry, but if it had been me I would have stayed. I would have gone to a local school to be with my boyfriend and stick by him. If she’s as smart as you say; what difference did it make where she went to school?”

Jace didn’t know how to answer it without making Lindsay sound worse to Daphne. He was angry she seemed to twist everything to make Lindsay look like a controlling, selfish girlfriend who only thought of herself. Lindsay was not as severe as all that. Sure she made some tough ultimatums the night before he died.

It was the reason he bought the ring. He was going to propose so she wouldn’t break up with him. Hadn’t she already done that? She knew he couldn’t leave. Not him, maybe some other guy, but not him. Yet she forced him to act like that other guy knowing he couldn’t do it.

He was confused now, seeing for the first time Lindsay had to have known he couldn’t just leave. It wasn’t who he was. She knew him better than anybody. He didn’t like the train of his thoughts now or the smug look on Daphne’s face to have pointed it out to him.

“I didn’t say that to hurt you or ruin your perfect image of her and what you had,” she explained in a consoling voice, her blue eyes meeting his in understanding. “I just wanted to know who you are, Jace Turner, who you really are.”

“I’m dead, by the way, so what does any of this matter?” he fumed and tossed her an angry look.

“Because it looks like we’re going to be working together for a while,” she said and smiled, displaying a perfect smile. “Given we get chased by hideous creatures and these deadheads, I just thought we might want to keep it real, even if we’re dead.”

“That’s fair, I get it, just don’t put her down to me,” Jace warned, his brown eyes sad. “She was the best thing in my whole rotten life. Every guy in school had a crush on her and she loved me! She didn’t care if I was dirt poor. You don’t get it. When you were playing with Barbie dolls; I was changing diapers and taking care of my four year-old sister and a baby. That was my reality at seven, lady. I deserved the dream I had with Lindsay.”

“You wake up from dreams, Jace. They aren’t real,” Daphne said softly.

Jace eyed her in anger and stomped out of her room, so angry he wanted to break something. He went to the fire escape and got his temper under control. What did this Newbie think in showing how flawed and one-sided his relationship was? He didn’t want to hear it, but he knew Daphne spoke the truth.

Everything he had with Lindsay was driven by her and he went with it, never stressing his own wants and needs until his brother and sister’s situation forced the issue. Instead of staying local she threatened to break up with him. It hurt, knowing she wanted her future more than theirs and it was obvious to a stranger, no less.

Maybe he would have figured that out if he’d lived. What good did it do now that he was dead? It didn’t change the fact his killer still walked free and Lindsay was at risk. What about Marnie and the baby? He might even have a kid coming now. Dougie and Sara were alone. Nothing changed that. Death never felt so utterly final until Daphne pointed it out to him how very imperfect his future was had he lived.

~ ~ ~

Lindsay couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned. Her dreams were of Jace and finally she got up. She turned on the TV and watched reruns of shows she never watched when they were new. Still, sleep escaped her.

The feeling of missing him, having erred so badly in forcing him to choose between his family and her, all of it, kept her awake. To know he spent the last months of his life in torment while she was ecstatic of their future made her feel riddled with guilt.

“Honey, what are you doing up?” Deborah said as she walked out of her bedroom in her bathrobe.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Deborah nodded and yawned. “Me either. I have to ask you something. I’ve been seeing Jack for only a few weeks and he made a suggestion that could solve all of our problems.”

“What’s going on?”

“He asked me and Sara to move in,” Deborah said and saw her daughter’s eyes widen.

“Mom, you’ve dated him three weeks and you’re talking about moving in?” Lindsay asked in shock. “You hardly know him.”

Deborah looked mad now. “I don’t need to know him ten years to know this is what I want, Lindsay. Jack gets me, unlike your father, who never did. Besides, the kids would be under the same roof again.”

“Why are you rushing into this?” Lindsay demanded. “Don’t do it for the kids. Is it because the divorce is final soon?”

“I know my own mind, Lindsay. Jack is what we used to call a ‘keeper’. You don’t let them get away.”

“But it’s only been three weeks, Mom! You’re acting like dad now!”

“No, your dad had twenty-three years to be a selfish jerk,” her mother fired back. “I recall you telling me to get off my ass and do something with my life. I’m signing up for some classes and this is what I’m doing. You could be happy for me.”

Lindsay snapped the TV off, lowering her voice, realizing Sara was sleeping. “Mom, don’t you think moving in with Jack is kind of sudden? What if the kids get attached and it doesn’t work out? They’ve been through enough.”

Deborah sighed and shook her head. “Lindsay if I sit here and ‘what-iffed’ this thing all day I would feel the same about Jack. I don’t think you realize my marriage was over years ago. We kept up a pretense for you and your brother, but it was over long before he met Margene.”

“I’m sorry but it’s a little irresponsible of you to consider moving in with a guy you’ve known three weeks!”

“You told me you knew you would marry Jace the day you met, Lindsay,” her mom reminded her, “or is that feeling only reserved for you and Jace?”

“Mom, it’s not the same thing.”

“You know when you know, honey,” she countered and shook her head. “Jack and I aren’t running out and getting married. We’re going to give it a while, see if it’s what we both want. We talked about it. If it doesn’t work we remain friends and the kids come first. How does anyone lose in this?”

Lindsay could find no argument. “What about the apartment? What about your job?”

“I think we both know this place had strings attached,” Deborah informed her and chuckled. “Mr. Merriman wanted a shoulder to cry on. He also got off cheap by not having to pay me.”

“When do you make the move?”

“Considering Merriman is not too happy I’m dating Jack, this is going to happen pretty quickly.”

“I see, and where do I go now?”

“He offered my shift to you for the same deal.”

Lindsay glared at her mother as she realized she was stuck with the deal. “So, I have to work for him to continue to live here?”

“Honey, you really need to do something with yourself. All you do is brood over Jace. A job will keep you busy and you’ll have your own place. I think it’s perfect. Either that or you move in with your dad and Margene.”

“I’ll take the job,” Lindsay said sourly.

She smiled and Lindsay could see her mother didn’t feel at all bad for abandoning her. She could say nothing. Every kid she knew in school held a job at some point in their four years of high school. Lindsay never had to work.

She was suddenly ashamed of how rough she thought she had it. Jace scrambled to work as many hours as he could, go to school, take care of Dougie and Sara, and still had time for her. All she did was gripe about how little time he spent with her then. It was becoming a regular thing for her to see how self-centered she’d been.

“If you’re happy about this, then I’m happy for you, Mom.”

Deborah beamed and there was little doubt she was happy. “I just didn’t want you to feel like I was running out on you, Lindsay. Being on your own this summer might be just what you need.”

Now that she mentioned it, the thought of having the apartment wasn’t a bad idea. Working at Merriman’s for room and board stunk, but it was better than living with her dad and Margene.

“I have no issues with working for room and board but how am I going to eat, Mother?”

“I’ll give you the money your dad gives me monthly until you leave.”

Lindsay felt trapped into agreeing. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

“I’ll tell him tomorrow,” Deborah said and kissed her goodnight and went back to bed.

Lindsay knew she could hardly complain. A job working a measly thirty hours a week for a two bedroom apartment was a deal. Five hundred a month for her food and other expenses was more than adequate to see her through the summer. The thought of working in the grocery store as a cashier made her cringe, but it was a job. It was good enough for her mother the last year. It was good enough for her for the summer.

~ ~ ~

Jace could hardly forget his argument with Daphne hours later. He paced as he waited for Merrick to get back. He couldn’t stop dwelling on what she said. Was it true? Would he have realized everything Lindsay wanted for them wasn’t what he wanted at all? Would it have ruined their relationship?

He didn’t like the way he felt to know an outsider read the situation better than him and he’d been in it. The night he refused to go to Georgia he put his foot down. He meant what he said. If she couldn’t wait; it was over. It took six months and Marnie’s situation to tell him he couldn’t leave. He dragged his feet because deep down he knew it would change everything between them.

He died before he found that out for himself. Lindsay would have never been happy to stay in Little Bend and go to local college. She was determined to go to Georgia Tech even when she could have gotten into better schools closer to home. It was her dream, not his. He knew that now. He started to see that and balked at it. Everything began to unravel from there.

Had he lived she would have left. They would have seen each other when she had breaks from school and the summers. Sooner or later she would have stopped coming home or met someone else. Girls like Lindsay never went without a boyfriend.

Wasn’t that why he used half his savings to buy her a ring? He knew now it was because he didn’t think she would wait if they weren’t engaged. He didn’t plan to ask for the right reasons. Yes, he loved her and always had, but they were too young to get married. It was his last ditch effort to hold onto her, knowing he would lose her anyway.

Daphne pointed it out and he was furious with her for it. What did she know? He didn’t want to dwell on the past. It was the future he was worried about. That didn’t change just because he realized their relationship was doomed now.

He had to get back and make sure Lindsay was safe and the kids were taken care of. Cameron was running loose too. A small part of him wondered if he had a child to see born with a fleeting hope.

It was wrong to hope Marnie’s baby was his just to keep some part of him alive, selfish in a way he never was before. Here in Oblivion he had only himself to look after and the others. He was seeing how little thought he gave to his own needs. Besides football, he had no hobbies. He was restless and bored with so little to do when they weren’t training.

For the first time in his short life, he wondered if everything happened for a reason and it wasn’t just rotten luck. Did he have to die to figure out what he really wanted when it was too late to do anything about it now?

“Jace, is that you?” Daphne called from the guest room in a worried tone.