Obesssion (17 page)

I managed a casual shrug.
“Like I said, I’m freelance. I go where the work is.”

“
So how come you managed to sweet talk Gabe into this? He’s picky about who he talks to in case they deliver a hatchet job.” Her face paled. “Oh God, that’s it. Anita was right, you
did
take those pictures didn’t you, and when you saw me, you must have thought it was too good an opportunity to miss.
Jesus
.” Her lip wobbled, but she continued to glare at me. “I tell you, Joe, you print anything—any-fucking-thing—about my panic attacks or my mum and I’ll… I’ll…”

I so desperately wanted to touch her, to hold and comfort her, but did I dare? My hands fidgeted, moved towards her before I thought better of it and I shoved them into my pockets.
“Listen, Suki—please.” I waited as she subsided. “I
didn’t
take those pictures. I
have
agreed with Gabriel to write a feature about you both. And…” I’d lied convincingly for most of my life, it was probably the thing I did best. So why did I now feel this overwhelming urge to tell the truth?

“
And?” She prompted me, still furious if her stance was anything to go by.

“
And I don’t know, but I feel something familiar about this place. This house…” I dragged out a hand and gestured towards it with my thumb. “I dream about it. I’ve been dreaming about it for years. Being in it.” I had her attention. “With you.” 

CHAPTER 9

9.1 Suki

I wondered if he had any inkling of how appealing he looked? One hand in his jeans pocket, the other hanging loosely at his side, the sunlight creating a fuzzy halo behind his head. With those faded jeans and patterned boots, he only needed a Stetson hat to look like a real cowboy. I rubbed my face, trying to think straight.

“Christ, Joe. You sound even crazier than me.”

Was that a flash of pain on his face? His hand closed gently around my upper arm, I couldn’t move away from him even if I wanted to.
“Suki, baby, you are not crazy. Believe me.”

I laughed. I think there was a slightly hysterical note to it.
“Believe you? And for the record, I am
not
your
baby
.”

“
I explained.” His voice was patient, his eyes warm, his fingers almost burning through my sleeve. “I told Gabriel I saw you at Anita’s.  There’s no confusion.”

How I wanted to believe him, but I struggled. Gabe had been so insistent and he had no reason for lying. I met Joe’s gaze and saw the longing in his eyes. It probably mirrored my own.
“Tell me what you meant. You said you dream about the house.”

Blue eyes rose to look over my shoulder at the house behind me.
“It’s always the same dream. I’m in that bedroom, it’s night time and I’m looking out of the window at the sea.” He paused for so long, I began to wonder if he’d forgotten me. “You’re there, with me.” He stared at me again, blazing heat from his eyes. “You’re my lover.” His voice roughened.

I shivered, despite the heat from the sun.
“I’m married,” I whispered. “I love my husband.”

“
I’ve had this dream for years, yet I saw you for the first time the other week. And it was only when I drove past it, that I knew the house.” He licked his lips. I longed to kiss him again. “I can’t ask my parents. They’re dead.”

I felt my mouth drop open. The pain in his eyes looked genuine.
“I’m sorry. What happened?”

He made an awkward gesture with his hand.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Still he held my arm, his fingers loosely circled around my arm. His other hand rose to my face, one finger stroking a feather light trail along my jaw. My knees felt weak but I stood firm.

“
It’s just a dream, Joe. Nothing more. It
doesn’t mean anything.”
I stressed the last few words. Was I talking about the kiss or his dream? I don’t know. I knew I had to walk away from him, from this dangerous, delicious man, before I was tempted to do more than just kiss him.

“
It’s Josh.”

“
Huh?”

He spoke slowly, as though I dragged the words out of him.
“My name. It’s Josh Delaney. Joe Summers is my, ah, working name.”

“
Shame, it suited you. I thought you tasted like summer.” I clamped my mouth shut before any other embarrassments tumbled out. He’d heard me though, the wary look being replaced by the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen.

“
Do you want to see what a Delaney tastes like?” That wicked twinkle, the little laughter lines crinkling around his eyes. This was a man used to getting what he wanted, just like my husband.
I need to think about Gabe
.

I shook my head with just the right amount of polite regret.
“Thanks, but I’ll pass. If you don’t mind, I’d like to head back to Anita’s now.”

Minutes later, strapped into his car, he turned to me before driving away.
“I can’t explain it, Suki, I feel a connection to you. I can fix your headaches, calm you when you’re stressed.”

My hands lay in my lap. I twisted them together, then separated and sat on them. If I left them loose, they’d go wandering across to Joe’s side of the car. Or Josh’s side. God, that was confusing.

“I knew when you were trapped in the dark. I felt it.”

I felt an icy shiver oozing down my spine at his words. I glanced across to him, he stared intently back.
“What do you mean?”

“
I was in the gym and then… I was beyond scared. I couldn’t breathe, I was convinced I was going to die—and I knew it was you. So tell me Suki—how can I know this? How can I
feel
you like this?”

* * * *

Anita’s eyes were huge as she goggled at me across the table. “You
kissed
him? Or did he kiss you?”

I shrugged.
“Does it matter? I think he kissed me, but I didn’t fight him off.” I touched my lips, remembering the feel of Josh, the connection with him. He’d been right about that, even if there was no way I’d admit it. From the first time I saw him in the café, when he held my hand, I saw something in him that called out to me. My mind swirled in a crazy spiral, pausing as each new thought emerged. How could he have known about me in the cupboard? Why would he lie about that?

Anita’s fingers curled around the wine glass. She couldn’t take her eyes off me.
“What are you going to do about it?”

“
Do?” I feigned nonchalance. “I’m not doing anything. It didn’t mean a thing.” The lie felt ugly on my tongue.
Did he really dream about me?
I didn’t tell Anita about that, only about The Kiss. “It was one of those in-the-moment things. I feel embarrassed more than anything.” I produced a shrug, but she didn’t look convinced,

“
I still think he took those bloody pictures. It
had
to be him.” She frowned. “I know you like him, Suki, but I think there’s more going on.”

I held up my hands in surrender.
“It’s okay. I told him to get lost. I’ve no intention of talking to him again.” I meant what I said, so why did the idea make my chest hurt?

We sat amidst the debris from dinner. Mindy was asleep in her bed and Josh was presumably at the guesthouse, if he hadn’t already left for home, wherever that was. I’d insisted he drop me at the stables where I could spend the rest of the day with Anita and he’d driven away after I’d refused to talk to him. I’d felt a great urge to speak to Gabe, to anchor myself back to my marriage and I’d sent him a few texts, but he’d been busy. I’d resorted to asking him about Josh in a text.

Hi. Do you know which mag this Joe Summers is writing for? How much detail should I cover with him? How is Paris? Miss you. S xx

His reply, hours later, had been vague.

Summers is freelance, not sure who he’s writing for. Go into as much detail as he wants. Paris is busy. Don’t forget your pills, hope u feel better now. C U later, Gx

As for the pills, I didn’t want to take them. I distracted myself spending some time surfing the Internet searching for ‘Joe Summers’, but couldn’t find anything with his by-line. I also Googled ‘Josh Delaney,’ but couldn’t find anyone who seemed to match his details. It was as though he didn’t exist.

9.2 Gabe

The Diazepam tablets had travelled with me, hidden in a bottle of vitamins. Now that Suki had her own supply of tranquilizers, I’d had an idea about trying them on someone else. Getting Jon Craigowan to take them would be significantly more difficult than Suki, though. I enjoyed the challenge of figuring out how to do it.

In the end, it was ridiculously easy. We’d been ‘celebrating’ his nomination for Sportsman of the Year. The ad agency was thrilled with this extra publicity and insisted that we have a couple of drinks after dinner. Like me, he didn’t drink to excess, so, I reasoned, his tolerance for alcohol would be quite low.

We were staying in the opulent George V hotel and the bar had an excellent selection of obscure beers. I clapped him on the back and held out a tall glass of dark ale.
“Try this. I can recommend it.” I handed out similar drinks to the rest of the party. He didn’t suspect a thing.

9.3 Josh

Right up to the point where I’d kissed her, I’d still been half-convinced my recurring dream was just that—a dream. But Suki… she’d blown me out of the water, and as much as I longed to take her in my arms and repeat
that
kiss, over and over, I had another voice yelling in my head now.
Run
, it urged.
Run as far and as fast as you can
.

My mind flashed back to the stilted conversation in the car. Her wide, frightened eyes. Her disgust at the thought of me dreaming about her. The way she’d clammed up completely and retreated as far from me as possible. She’d requested—no,
demanded—
that I drop her at the stables, and insisted I never contact her again. Frustration and hurt rampaged through me.
Way to go, Josh
. I deserved a gold medal in fucking-up.

My feeble justification for staying another night was purely in case Suki had another nightmare or panic attack. I’d promised to help her and I’d stick by that promise, at least while I figured out some longer game plan. I was sprawled in the guesthouse lounge staring into space when I saw Anita arrive, Mindy in her arms, and Suki by her side. Anita was clearly upset, handing her sleeping daughter to her mother while explaining something with rapid words and gestures. As I waited, unsure whether to interrupt, Suki turned to me.

“It’s Jon. There’s been an accident in Paris, at his hotel. He’s been rushed to hospital and Anita needs to get there as quickly as possible.” She rubbed her forehead, and then looked up to meet my eyes, before ducking her head. I craved her touch, and reached out to catch her hand.

“
Please, let go of me. I need to talk to Gabe.” Then emptiness, as her hand disentangled itself from mine.

The story came out in bits and pieces. Gabriel had gone to Jon’s hotel room for something, finding him inebriated and threatening to throw himself off his balcony—on the sixth floor. It seemed that Gabriel was the hero of the hour, coaxing Jon back into his room and calling an ambulance. Anita appeared shell-shocked. 
“He doesn’t drink,” she repeated, over and over, “he
never
drinks. Two glasses of wine or beer is his limit. I can’t understand it.”

Suki terminated a call on her phone, anxiety written clearly across her face.
“That was Gabe. He’s been trying to sort out a flight for Anita, but there aren’t any more until tomorrow morning. The earliest is 6:30.”

“
God
.” Anita swayed slightly, her face crumpling.

“
What about Alex?” Her mum spoke. “Would he be able to help?” I glanced at Suki. She sat across from me in the lounge, her arms wrapped around herself. Our eyes met and she shrugged. As we watched, Anita dialled another number and held a quiet conversation. I moved round to Suki and spoke to her in an undertone.

“
You been okay today, Suki?”

“
Yes.” She finally met my eyes and offered a tiny smile. “I’m okay, thanks.” Meanwhile, Anita had finished her phone call. She sank into a chair opposite, fingers twisting through her hair. She looked exhausted. Feelings of panic and fear swirled around her.

“
That’s our flight sorted.” She gave us the ghost of a smile. “Alex, a friend of ours, is seriously loaded and he’s making arrangements for a private jet to take us to Paris. We just need to get to Manchester. He offered to drive us, but they’ve got a little baby, and he’s being so kind anyway.” She looked across at me, a question in her eyes and I nodded firmly.

“
I’ll drive you, we can leave as soon as you’re ready.”

While she settled her daughter, I grabbed my bags and went outside to load up the car. There, standing in the shadows, was Suki. Need coursed through me, but I waited for her to speak.

“Thank you, Josh. For doing this.” Her hands were firmly tucked into her pockets and she gave an awkward shrug as she spoke. “I meant what I said earlier. I don’t want to continue with the interview.” I wondered who she was trying to convince.

At that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was to haul her into my arms and kiss her senseless, but I managed to stop myself and load my bags into the car. Slamming the trunk, I turned to see Suki leaning against the car door, watching me.
Jesus
. She looked beautiful. I moved closer. I itched to touch her. She tilted her head back, a look of trusting vulnerability on her face and licked her lips.  It was only the sound of footsteps that made me pause. Anita and her mother.

***

Suki and Anita huddled in the back of my car, whispering to each other while I focused on the road, or tried to. Everything I thought I knew had changed. Somehow, I had to have Suki, and not just a quick shag. I wanted more. How much more was still unclear.

We arrived at the Manchester airport in the dead of night, but it bustled with activity, shops and coffee stalls open, tired passengers hauling bags around the concourse. I dumped my car in the short stay car park rather than dropping the women at the entrance, and walked with them to the Enquiries Desk. They both looked pale and anxious, Anita trembling with the strain of not knowing what had happened to her beloved husband. I recalled the photo of them together, their love wrapped round them so clearly. I wondered for a moment if I could ever have that with Suki? If it wasn’t for her husband, maybe. I conveniently ignored the barrage of lies I’d told. Dragging myself back to the present, a sudden thought hit me.