Not Just a Governess (17 page)

Elena was completely dazed as each gentleman stepped forwards to bow respectfully towards her before turning to look at Neville with complete contempt.

Surely the presence this evening of all these eminent gentlemen could not be coincidental?

‘We shall remove him from the sight of all the decent people in this room, gentlemen,’ the judge instructed as he crossed the room, pausing in front of Elena to take her hand gently in both of his much larger ones. ‘You are a very brave young woman,’ he complimented gently. ‘And I trust you will accept my word that this excuse for a man…’ his eyes turned steely as he glanced at Neville ‘…shall never again be allowed to threaten or bother you.’

She gave a tremulous smile. ‘You are very kind.’

His expression softened. ‘I believe kindness is the least that all in society should give you in future.’

‘Which I shall personally ensure that they do,’ Edith St Just spoke imperiously. ‘Now remove that distasteful object from my home at your earliest convenience, if you please, Hawthorne.’
She looked down the length of her impressive nose at the still-struggling Neville Matthews.

‘Your Grace.’ Adam bowed briefly to the dowager duchess before glancing at Elena, relieved to see that she appeared to be recovering some of the colour back in her cheeks.

And hoping, sincerely hoping, as he and Royston carried away a protesting and vengeful Matthews, that she would one day forgive him for the ordeal he had put her through this evening…

‘I feel as if I dreamt the first part of this evening.’ Elena looked up at Adam uncertainly.

He had ridden back in the carriage with Elena and Lady Cicely at the end of the evening, the elderly lady having then announced that she was more than ready for her bed, after all the excitement, and would see them both in the morning, leaving Elena and Adam to retire to the privacy of the library.

Exciting was not quite how Elena would have described the events of the evening just passed. Terrifying. Shocking. Ultimately filled with a surprising warmth and kindness, as Edith St Just’s guests made her feel welcome
in their midst, both during the dinner the dowager duchess had insisted would be served, and afterwards, when the ladies had all retired to the salon for tea and conversation, leaving the men at the table to enjoy their brandy and cigars.

As if Neville had never so much as been in their midst this evening, let alone been revealed as the egotistical monster that he was.

‘Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?’ Adam looked down searchingly into her face, which seemed dominated by her huge blue-green eyes.

If he had needed further proof that Elena had been raised as the granddaughter of a duke—which he had not—then it had been all too apparent this evening, when he and Royston had rejoined the dinner guests to find Elena guarded on either side by Lady Cicely and Edith St Just, as they discussed fashions with several of the other ladies, prior to dinner being served. Adam believed that only a young woman of refinement and innocence could possibly have behaved in such a poised manner only minutes after being publicly flayed by her nearest living relative.

And only someone who knew Elena well would have noticed the way in which she kept
her gloved hands tightly clasped together in order to hide their trembling. Or the way she smiled while at the same time tears shimmered unshed in her eyes.

Tears which even now glistened in those beautiful blue-green eyes as she answered him. ‘Forgive you?’ she repeated incredulously.

He nodded. ‘I wanted to tell you what I had planned for this evening, but dared not, for fear that you might alert Matthews, by some word or gesture, as to what was about to happen. I wished him to believe that you were as stunned as he by your meeting, and that it was Royston with whom you were acquainted rather than myself, so that I was then able to lull him into a false impression of a lack of knowledge of the situation on my part—not difficult to do when, as he stated, I have long been absent from society.’

Neville’s remark about Adam’s wife had given Elena a glimmer of the possible reason for that lengthy absence. ‘I am heartily sorry that in the end Neville chose to make some personal remarks to you.’

‘I have found that men of his nature cannot resist boasting of their conquests, willing and unwilling, given the opportunity to
do so.’ His lip turned back with distaste. ‘In truth, it seems it would be difficult to find a gentleman in society with whom my wife had not been intimate!’

Elena gave a pained wince. ‘It was nevertheless poor recompense for your efforts on my behalf.’

He sighed. ‘I am long past being concerned over such remarks.’

Nevertheless, Elena knew it could not have been easy for Adam to have to listen to them again this evening and from such a vile man as her cousin.

‘You do understand the reason for not revealing to you beforehand my intention of exposing Matthews this evening?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Elena nodded. ‘Did Lady Cicely and the dowager duchess know of your plan?’

He nodded confirmation. ‘Invitations from the dowager duchess are much coveted by the
ton
, and we had to find some way to draw Sheffield out from his imposed mourning for your grandfather. Soames, Royston and Chambourne were also aware of my intentions.’

‘You have been very busy these past few days,’ Elena acknowledged ruefully. She had believed Adam to be avoiding her. Instead,
he had spent his time putting together a plan which would ultimately prove her innocent of any wrongdoing. ‘I do not know how I shall ever be able to repay you for the way in which you have revealed Neville, to the dowager duchess’s guests at least, as the cruel and heartless man that he is.’

‘My actions this evening were not done with any thought of being deserving of your gratitude,’ Adam said hotly.

Elena flinched as she once again felt the sting of Adam’s rejection.

Giving her no choice but to accept that his actions this evening had not been meant personally, but were those of the noble gentlemen he was, and that, believing in her innocence, he had simply felt duty bound to correct the wrong inflicted against her.

She lifted her chin. ‘Nevertheless, you have it, my lord, and always will have. As does the Duke of Royston. Judge Lord Soames. Sir Michael Bennett. Doctor Jonathan Graves. And the Earl of Chambourne.’

He nodded. ‘Lord Soames believes it best if the worst of your cousin’s offences against you were not made public.’

‘I am sure he does.’ She smiled sadly. ‘But
I doubt that will be possible after the things that have been said this evening.’

‘The dowager duchess’s guests were all, I assure you, chosen with their discretion in mind. I have their word that they will none of them ever discuss the events of this evening with anyone else.’

‘For which I am very grateful.’ She nodded. ‘Unfortunately, that silence will also mean that I am not absolved of the crime in the eyes of the rest of society.’

Adam’s mouth tightened. ‘I believe we might find a way of achieving that too. With your agreement.’

Her gaze sharpened. ‘My agreement?’

He frowned. ‘The situation is a…delicate one. On the one hand we would obviously wish to see Matthews incarcerated for the rest of his life, for causing your grandfather’s demise when caught forcing his attentions upon you, and the miseries he has admitted inflicting upon you afterwards. On the other hand there is your own reputation. We can prove to society that you are not a murderess or a thief, but it would be at the cost of—’

‘Revealing my lack of—of physical innocence,’ Elena supplied huskily, her face now rather wan.

Adam’s eyes darkened to a stormy grey. ‘Your innocence is not in question—’

‘How can you, of all people, possibly say that?’ she choked.

‘Elena—’

‘Just tell me Lord Soames’s solution to the problem, if you please,’ she asked curtly, no longer able to meet that stormy grey gaze as she turned away. ‘It has been a stressful evening and I am very tired.’

Of course she was tired after such an emotional evening and Adam was a fool for not realising it before now. ‘Soames has suggested that Sheffield make a heartfelt apology to you in the newspapers, explaining that his emotions were overset after the death of your paternal grandfather and causing him to wrongly accuse you, that your grandfather had been ill for some time and had succumbed to that illness. That he, Matthews, was also mistaken about any jewels and money having been taken when you chose to leave, both having now been safely found in a hidden safe in your grandfather’s bedchamber. After which Matthews will remove himself to the Continent for the rest of his natural life.’

‘How would we explain my disappearance this past two months?’

‘That you have been living in the country, in private mourning for your grandfather, and did not know of the rumours and accusations circulating against you.’

Elena gave a pained wince. ‘Do you think Neville would ever accept such a proposal?’

‘At the risk of a public trial, which Matthews will most certainly lose, and which would result in his being incarcerated for some considerable time, or worse? Yes, I believe he might be…persuaded, into accepting Lord Soames’s proposal,’ Adam confirmed ruthlessly.

She arched dark brows. ‘And do you think that society would believe any of it?’

‘I think that the unknowing will believe what the Dowager Duchess of Royston tells them to believe,’ he admitted drily.

‘And the rest?’

‘Already know Matthews for the out-and-out bounder that he is and will just be relieved to have him removed from decent society!’ Adam scowled as he recalled now knowing of the scoundrel’s past association with Fanny, along with some of the tales about him he had heard recently. Tales which had led Adam to believe, no matter how cruelly Elena had been treated by Matthews, that she had at
least been spared some of the man’s darker depravities. Although only the lord knew she had suffered badly enough at the bastard’s hands!

‘What do you think I should do?’

‘It is not for me to say.’

‘But it is.’ Elena insisted firmly. ‘You asked earlier that I trust you. I did then and I still do. As such, I would welcome your opinion on this, too.’

Adam turned away, knowing exactly what he wished for Elena to do, both now and in the future, but also knowing he could not impose upon her newly found freedom by verbally expressing those wishes to her now. That he could never do so.

The first part of Elena’s life had been a protected and loving one, initially with both her parents, then with her mother and grandfather following her father’s death. This past few years had robbed her of her mother, and more recently her grandfather, her innocence, and her very existence, when she was forced to flee the only home she was familiar with to take on the name and life of another woman so that she might hide from the man who should have been protecting her, but had instead wounded her deeply.

With the Dowager Duchess of Royston, Lady Cicely Hawthorne and Lady Jocelyn Ambrose as her sponsors, Elena’s future in society was assured. She would likely fall in love with a handsome and uncomplicated young gentleman, one unencumbered by a scandalous first wife and a six-year-old daughter from that marriage. As such, Adam’s advice to Elena must be given unselfishly, with only her future happiness in mind.

He turned decisively. ‘I believe it to be in your very best interest to accept Soames’s suggestion.’

Elena looked at him wordlessly for several seconds, before nodding equally as decisively, her gloved hands tightly clasped together. ‘Then that is what I shall do. Thank you, Adam. For everything that you have done for me tonight.’

Which was, Adam accepted heavily, his cue to depart…

‘I
do not wish to intrude, Adam, but I really need you to explain to me exactly what it is you think you are doing.’ Lady Cicely swept into the privacy of Adam’s study at his London home during the first week of June, looking remarkably spry for a woman of almost seventy years, in her gown and bonnet of pale blue and her parasol of cream lace.

Adam sat back slowly in the chair behind his desk, having seen very little of his grandmother during the month of May, her time being spent much in the society Adam still chose not to be a part of. ‘I am checking estate accounts—’

‘I did not mean at this precise moment.’ His grandmother eyed him impatiently. ‘You
were primarily responsible for returning Miss Magdelena Matthews to society some weeks ago—and you have completely ignored her existence ever since!’

He could never ‘ignore’ Elena’s existence. How could he, when he had spent every waking moment of this past month, thinking about her! ‘I think you are exaggerating, Grandmama,’ he drawled. ‘Nor do I think that Miss Matthews needs or requires any more gentlemen to tell her how beautiful she is.’ His jaw tightened grimly.

‘Ah.’ Lady Cicely beamed her satisfaction.

Adam frowned warily. ‘What does that mean?’

She continued to smile at him. ‘It means that you appear to be as miserable as Elena is.’

He looked startled. ‘I beg your pardon…?’

‘You heard me,’ Lady Cicely repeated remorselessly. ‘Which is a little frustrating, as it happens.’ She frowned. ‘Edith, Jocelyn and I have worked tirelessly these past few weeks to see that Elena was launched into society, since it was decided that three months of mourning for her grandfather would suffice. We wished to have her formally presented as soon as was possible after that dreadful man rescinded all of his accusations and fled to the Continent.
I am not sure if I said so at the time, but I am very proud of you, Adam, for the efficient way in which you cleared Elena of all wrongdoing.’

‘No, you did not say, Grandmama,’ he acknowledged drily. ‘And I was only too pleased to remove Sheffield from Elena’s life,’ he added with satisfaction.

‘I am sure you were.’ Lady Cicely gave an appreciative chuckle, before sobering. ‘Anyway, Elena has become quite the thing and I believe several young gentlemen may already be about to offer for her—did you just
growl
, Adam?’ She raised mock-surprised grey brows.

He had, damn it! At the mere thought of Elena accepting the offer of one of those young cubs he had only a month ago decided would be the best thing for her.

Best for Elena, perhaps.

Not for Adam. He had missed her presence in his home these past five weeks. Not just the passion they had shared. He had also missed their lively conversations—occasions when Elena invariably upbraided him over some mistake or other on his part, usually regarding Amanda. And he knew that Amanda had missed Elena, too. Although his grandmother
had taken the little girl out on several occasions, allowing Elena and Amanda to spend time together in her home.

Occasions when his young daughter would return home to talk of nothing else but ‘Miss Matthews’ this and ‘Miss Matthews’ that—with the resilience of most young children, Amanda had accepted the change of her old governess’s name and circumstance, without blinking a silken eyelash—all succeeding in emphasising the hollow in Adam’s chest at his own lack of even the sight of ‘Miss Matthews’.

In a word, Adam felt…lonely for Elena.

He gave his a grandmother a self-derisive smile. ‘I believe it may have been, yes, Grandmama.’

She gave an exasperated shake of her head. ‘I do not understand you at all, Adam! Why do you sit here moping, day after day, night after night, when you might have attended any number of social occasions and so spent time with Elena yourself? After which you could have—’

‘Could have what, Grandmama?’ he cut in harshly. ‘I am a widower, with a young daughter and a scandalous marriage behind me; do you not think that Elena has had enough scandal
in her life recently, without the notorious Lord Hawthorne showing her his marked attentions?’ For Adam had no doubt it would be marked; he could not bear to be in the same room with Elena and watch other gentlemen, more eligible and younger gentlemen than he, fawn over and covet her. ‘It will not do, Grandmama.’

‘And if it is you whom Elena wants?’

Adam looked at her sharply, hopefully, before he as quickly dampened down that hope. ‘If she ever felt even the smallest measure of affection for me, then I am sure it has been forgotten by now.’

Lady Cicely gave him a reproving look. ‘Are all young men as ignorant in their knowledge of women as you appear to be?’

‘Grandmama!’ He eyed her incredulously.

‘I am not about to apologise, Adam, so you may take that offended expression off your face!’ She eyed him impatiently. ‘Elena does not have a “small measure of affection” for you—’

‘Good,’ he grated through gritted teeth.

‘—but instead, it’s clear she feels emotions of the enduring and faithful kind,’ his grandmother continued. ‘No, you shall hear me out, Adam,’ she added determinedly as he would
have interrupted once more. ‘Elena is not one of those flirtatious young débutantes who appear in society at the start of each new Season, but a poised young lady of almost one and twenty. Moreover, she is a young lady to whom life has dealt a harsh hand—’

‘Which is why I have no intention of taking advantage of the gratitude she expressed to me when we last spoke together!’ Elena’s gratitude, whilst better than having her feeling nothing for him at all, was not enough for Adam. Not nearly enough!

Lady Cicely sighed deeply. ‘It is my belief that gratitude is definitely not all she feels for you. Far from it! Oh, she has put a brave face on things these past few weeks, accepting all that Edith, Jocelyn and I have arranged for her, has been very gracious to all in society. But we are all three agreed, Elena cannot hide from us the fact that she searches for a particular face every time we attend a party or ball and that her disappointment is palpable when that face is never there.’

‘And you believe that face to be my own…?’ Adam was almost too afraid to believe what his grandmother was telling him, his own heart pounding furiously in his chest
as she imparted this last piece of information to him.

‘I know it is,’ Lady Cicely stated positively.

‘This is not another of your machinations to try to see me married again?’ He eyed her suspiciously.

A delicate blush coloured her powdered cheeks. ‘No, it is not,’ she said huskily. ‘My only wish has been to see you happy again, Adam.’

‘I was not criticising, Grandmama, merely trying to ascertain whether or not this is all wishful thinking on your part.’

She met Adam’s gaze unblinkingly. ‘I assure you, it is not.’

Was it possible—could Elena really be missing him as much as he was missing her? Could she feel something more than gratitude for him, after all?

There was only one way for him to find out…

‘Your hair is as dark and beautiful as a raven’s wing.’

‘You are too kind, Lord Randall,’ Elena responded politely to the compliment as the two of them stood talking together at the musical soirée being given by his mother; it was Elena’s
usual response to the effusive praise and admiration which had been showered upon her over the last few weeks by so many of the eligible gentlemen of the
ton
.

It had been a very busy time for her, the mornings spent shopping for suitable gowns and other clothing considered necessary by Lady Cicely for her entrance into society, the evenings just as full and busy, Elena’s popularity assured as she attended a different social occasion every evening, in the company of Lady Cicely, Lady Edith and Lady Jocelyn.

It should have been every young débutante’s dream.

And yet…

There was something missing from Elena’s life, an absence which had resulted in her feeling hollow inside, no matter how busy she was, or how effusive and genuine the gentlemen’s compliments were.

Because those compliments were never given by the voice she ached to hear again. And the eyes, which gazed so admiringly into hers, were never of a soft dove grey. Nor were the hands, which lightly clasped hers in greeting or during a dance, ever the hands she longed to feel again.

Because they did not belong to Adam.

It was silly of her, Elena knew, to hunger for the sound, the sight, the touch, of a man who obviously had not given her a second thought since the evening of Neville’s denouncement—yet she could not stop herself from doing so.

She longed to see Adam again, to speak with him—oh Lord, if she could just
see
him again! Just once—

‘Lord Adam Hawthorne.’

‘What the devil!’

Elena did not so much as spare another thought for Lord Randall, let alone have any interest in his sudden exclamation, as she instead turned sharply, as had all of the
ton
, to stare across to where Adam stood so tall and handsome in the doorway.

Her heart leapt with happiness at her first sight of him in weeks, that happiness glowing in her eyes as she drank in her fill of the man she knew she loved so deeply he seemed to have taken up residence in her heart, so that she could no longer see and think of anything but him.

Adam…

Adam paid not the slightest heed to the stunned silence which had fallen over the
Countess of Livingstone’s crowded salon after the butler had announced his presence. The
ton
were obviously extremely surprised to see him here, the first society function he had attended in the past four years, but Adam had eyes and ears for only one person in the room.

Elena.

Looking more wonderful, more beautiful than he had even imagined these past long weeks, in a gown of the softest turquoise, the darkness of her hair secured in a fashionable abundance of curls upon her crown, her eyes glowing that same deep, luminous turquoise as she gazed back at him in unadulterated pleasure.

Adam continued to meet that glowing gaze as, nodding tersely to his twittering hostess, he began to stride purposefully across the room to where Elena now stood alone, a blush in her cheeks and a welcoming smile parting those full and rosy-red lips by the time he reached her side.

They continued to drink their fill of each other with their eyes for several long, telling moments, totally unaware as the hushed conversation—speculative now—resumed around them.

‘Elena—’

‘Adam!’

They both began talking at the same time, only to both stop at the same time, too. Elena started chuckling, Adam joining in seconds later. ‘Please tell me that I am not imagining your pleasure in seeing me again!’ he urged gruffly.

She met his gaze unwaveringly. ‘You are not.’

His breath left him in a relieved sigh. ‘It is so very good to see you again, too, Elena.’ His gaze roamed hungrily over her face. ‘And looking every inch the much-praised and admired Miss Magdelena Matthews.’

Her smile faltered slightly. ‘Thank you, but I—I—’

‘Elena?’ He looked at her concernedly as he reached out to grasp both her gloved hands in his own.

‘I have missed you so, Adam!’ The air seemed to be forced from her lungs. ‘I—’

‘I love you, Elena.’ Adam could no longer bear to see that pained look in her eyes.

‘You do?’ Elena looked up at him wondrously.

‘I should have told you before,’ he confirmed huskily. ‘But I did not want you to think—I could not bear to think that you
might feel kindly towards me because you felt grateful for—for—’ He shook his head, not wishing to talk of Neville Matthews’s treatment of her now, or his own part in removing the bounder from her life once and for all time. ‘And so I stayed away,’ he continued determinedly. ‘Wished for you to go out into the society to which you belonged, to find a more suitable gentleman to love you, to marry—’ He ceased speaking as Elena released one of her hands to place gentle fingertips against his lips.

‘I shall never marry, Adam.’ Elena gave a sad shake of her head, her heart heavy.

‘Why the hell not?’ he demanded incredulously.

‘We have never spoken of it openly but—you know the reason I can never marry, Adam!’ Tears stung her eyes. ‘I am no longer innocent!’

‘That is not of your doing!’

She gave another despondent shake of her head. ‘It does not matter whose fault it is.’

‘Elena, I know what happened to you and it does not matter to me. You are everything that is good and beautiful, and—’

‘And I shall never marry now,’ she repeated firmly. ‘Indeed, these past few weeks of missing
you I have several times considered accepting the offer you once made for me to become your—’

‘Do not say it!’ Adam commanded. ‘I must have been insane to have ever made you such an offer. I wish for you to be my wife, Elena, not my mistress.’

‘You know I cannot.’ Elena’s heart felt as if it were breaking, as she listened to Adam tell her that he loved her, but knowing she could never be a proper wife to him. No matter how much she might long to be. ‘Besides which, you do not intend ever marrying again, remember, and are quite happy for your third cousin Wilfred to inherit the title,’ she reminded him in a broken attempt at teasing.

‘To the devil with Wilfred!’

‘People are staring, Adam,’ she admonished softly, lashes lowering as she became aware of curious stares.

‘Then let them stare!’

‘Perhaps we should remove ourselves somewhere more private…?’ Elena murmured.

Adam looked about them, conversation once again ceasing as he boldly met, and challenged, those curious stares, pausing briefly as he met that of his grandmother, before he
turned back to a now white-faced Elena. ‘I love you, Elena, dare I hope that you—could you ever love me in return?’ he begged.

‘I already love you. So very much, my darling Adam.’ She looked up at him glowingly. ‘More that words alone can ever express.’

Adam looked down at her hungrily for several long seconds, seeing that love for him blazing unconditionally in those beautiful turquoise eyes.

His fingers tightened about hers as he straightened to give her a respectful bow before dropping down on to one knee in front of her. She heard the gasps around them before the room once again fell deathly silent. Adam continued to look up at Elena as she stared down at him in shocked disbelief. ‘I love you, Miss Magdelena Matthews, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?’ he spoke loudly enough for all in the room to hear.