Not First Love (7 page)

She took her time. She changed her dress. The gown was gorgeous. The people who packed the clothes in the box had caringly also put accessories with it. She applied lipstick and put on the earrings. She kept a note of everything she used.

She left her hair loose. She opened the door and stepped outside. Raising her long gown a bit up to watch her step, she went down the stairs and entered the hall.

If she didn’t know this place, she would have thought it’s a disc. The place looked like a nightclub. Zilo had resources and knew how to put them to good use. The music was loud, and people seemed to enjoy themselves well.  She couldn’t estimate how many people were there but the party was definitely big. She saw some familiar faces but couldn’t make out much. As the lights got wilder, so did the people. She was happy she was not in the middle of it.  She knew that the best parties happen when the people go into rhythm with music, almost like trance. And it was happening.

She made a note to stay near the walls, it made her feel saner.  She smelled an aroma, it made her head feel lighter and happier. She knew the aroma, it was Ylang Ylang and some jasmine. Aromas like these are meant to be aphrodisiacs. So that people have a good time. In privacy.

Someone was spraying it, she couldn’t see the face. She wondered if Zilo know of this. She watched the people, she could see the effect of the aromatic spray. Men and women were getting closer without noticing it.

She decided to find Zilo out and tell him about it. But where was he and where was Arthur? She couldn’t see any of them. Jan decided to stay near the walls and move. This way she had to face less people. She had to move away from the wall when she found a couple pressing each other against the wall and kissing passionately.

She kept on moving. She had covered almost all of it when she caught sight of the sofa. The sofa was pressed against a corner. She hoped that she would find someone there. She went towards it.

She did find someone there. It was Arthur, half lying on the sofa, with a woman on both the sides. His front buttons were open but the last, showing off his bare chest and the two women ran their nails on it. The same chest Jan had admired and wanted to touch. Arthur was drinking straight from the bottle. The woman on his right took it from him and smooched him. The liquid trickled from his mouth. The other one licked it off.

Arthur was too busy to be aware of Jan standing there and watching him.

Arthur had wanted to forget Jan and redirect his attention to another woman. He spotted the ‘bombshells’ and they spotted her. He was hard to miss.  He didn’t pick any of them and let them both come to him. Maybe two girls will make him forget the one. But it wasn’t so easy. He was hardly feeling a thing while they ran their fingers and dug their nails into his skin. He was feeling emptier. He took up a bottle and started to drink from it. It made him feel a little better. He took another sip and the woman on his right took his mouth slid her tongue into his mouth. 

He didn’t feel satisfied, he needed another sip. He took the bottle from that woman and got another sip. His eye fell on a beautiful figure, clad in a black gown. Part of her left leg showed. He ran his eyes lustily on the body, he felt desire staring to build up in his lower regions.  He needed to have a better look. He removed the woman on the left who was kissing his chest and putting her fingers longingly inside his jeans.

Jan felt her heart wrenching. Arthur was having the time of his life. Jan had nothing to say, he didn’t belong to her. The woman on his left kissed his chest. She wished she was one of them. Then she would have had the chance to come closer to him. When she saw her fingers finding their way inside his jeans, she couldn’t watch it anymore. She wanted to cry out, but she controlled herself. 

Arthur removed the woman on the left and looked at the woman standing in front. The disco lights made everything look different. He looked admiringly at her waist. He wished to have his arms around it.

His sight went up the body and his wish turned to want. He lusted for her. He looked at her chin and then into her eyes. He recognized the eyes.  It was the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. And right now it was the most expressively sad.

Jan felt sadder at the way Arthur scanned her body. Jan was disgusted at how could he ever look at a woman like that. That was just not him. When his eyes met hers, she turned and walked away. She was going back to her cave, whether she found Zilo or not.

Arthur saw her turning away. He made no effort to go after her. It was good she saw him this way, it would make things easier for him. She saw him almost bumping into Zilo. He said something about how great she looked. She smiled at him. Zilo called his friend and introduced her. He offered her to dance with him.

Jan had turned to go and had almost bumped into Zilo. Complimenting her, he asked his friend Van to dance with her.  Jan complied. It would look too rude to decline. She would dance for a while and then walk away.

Arthur could see her dancing.

But Jan had forgotten about Arthur. She had to be careful. She had not been able to tell Zilo or Arthur about the aphrodisiac spray. It was heavy in the air. Coupled with drinking, it could have had a serious effect on your brain’s pleasure centre. She cannot go back to Arthur. She turned to find Zilo. But Van turned her towards him and brought her closer. He placed his hands on the small of her back. 

Arthur felt something stirring strongly in his heart. He forgot about the women beside him. He felt jealous, and never had he felt jealousy this bad.

Van was starting to be affected by the aromas and  lose his control, Jan noted. He tried to bring Jan closer. Jan looked around her. All the couples around her were definitely getting closer. With every spray it grew stronger.

Van tried to kiss her. She moved him and went away quickly. But it only ignited Van. He started to follow her. She almost ran towards the staircase. She started to climb the stairs but then she realized she could not leave everyone in this condition. Things could turn pathetic for the rest of their lives. She had to think of something.

She had an idea. Turn the fire alarm on. The water will wash off the aroma from the air. People will go outside and get some fresh air. Their brain will get clear of the gas. Perfect idea.

She was startled.  Van had come in and placed his hand on her right shoulder.

He pulled her towards himself. Jan tried to take the hand away but instead Van’s hand slipped and caught her gown’s strap. He pulled and it tore. Jan held her dress so that it wouldn’t come off the shoulder. Van was not ever aware what he was doing, Jan thought, he wouldn’t even remember what happened today. Such could be the effect of alcohol and the high dose of aphrodisiac together. It activates pleasure and the primitive areas causing a kind of high, and people may not even remember. It would take real strength of character to resist it. Van clearly didn’t have it. He eyes showed the effect of the drugs.

He was trying to get closer. Jan wondered whether she should take the stairs or go back to the hall. Van tried to get hold of her dress again and pull. But he never reached Jan. Instead he fell down crying out.

Jan hadn’t noticed Arthur coming in. He looked furious. Jan had never seen him this furious.

Arthur was furious when he saw Van going after her. He followed them but stopped for a moment before following them to the staircase. He had felt jealousy on Van for touching her. Now he felt rage. When he saw Van tearing her strap, he wanted to kill him. 

Jan saw Van’s drunkenness made him a poor match to Arthur, not that he could anyway. But Van could get seriously hurt if Arthur didn’t stop. She needed to stop him. None had any idea what was really going on.

“Arthur, that’s enough.” Jan said in a commanding voice.

Van had passed out, Arthur realized. He looked at Jan, she was holding her torn strap with her left hand.

Jan had been thinking clearly till now but as she met Arthur’s eyes, she lost her cool. The situation sunk in, Arthur with the women, she standing here with a torn dress.  Her eyes began to water and she ran to her cave and shut the latch from the inside.

Arthur walked up slowly to her room and knocked.

“Go away Arthur.”

“Jan.”

“Please leave me alone.”

“Jan, I am sorry.”

Everything was quiet. At last Jan said, “Go and put on the fire alarm on. Let them get wet, Arthur.”

Arthur didn’t ask why. Jan heard his footsteps going down. He went to the control panel and turned the alarm. Jan heard the alarm go on downstairs with the sound of rushing water.  People were running outside. It had worked.

The alarm went off. It was long past midnight. One by one they all drove away.  Everything went quiet. She heard footsteps on the stairs and stop before her door. There was no knock. She knew it was Arthur.

Arthur wanted to be near Jan. He sat outside the door of her room. He didn’t knock.

No more demands from her. No more hurting her. He wouldn’t do that nor would allow Ron or Zilo or anybody to do that.

She had never demanded anything from them, she didn’t need anything from them. Neither Zilo’s money, nor Ron’s love.

She had just given and given. Love, friendship, encouragement. Hope. Protection. Without a word.

What did she receive from them? Sarcasm, hurt and indifference. Nobody wanted to know what she wanted. Arthur would not allow this to happen anymore. He would care for her. He would not let her get hurt. He would love her without asking for anything in return.

*****

FIVE

When Arthur woke up next morning, he found himself on Jan’s bed. It was late in the morning. He looked around himself but as he tried to move his head, he felt a severe pain. It was all over the head. His neck muscles felt sore. He only remembered feeling asleep outside Jan’s door.

Jan came and placed her palm on his forehead. “You had a light fever,” she said. He tried to get up but she told him to stay put.

“What happened?” he asked.

“You feel asleep in wet clothes last night. I found you outside shaking with fever and brought you in. You undressed yourself and slept on my bed. Remember?”

“I dreamt something like that I remember,” Arthur strained. So that means he is lying naked, on Jan’s bed, he realized. “Where are my clothes?”

“I washed those. It was full of lipstick and stank of alcohol. Anyway, I will get coffee for you.”

Jan came back with coffee and cookies. She helped him raise his head slowly. The sides of his forehead were screaming in pain. He sipped the coffee, it brought him relief. Jan passed the cookies to him. The pain came back. He pressed his forehead with his fingertips. They were many things that came to his mind but the headache overpowered him. He put his head back on the pillow and shut his eyes in pain. Jan told him to finish the coffee.

Jan placed her hand on his forehead and massaged it. It felt better. “Relax Arthur. Don’t think anything. Get some more sleep.” She pressed the sides of his forehead.   Although Arthur had had a mug of coffee, he started to feel sleepy. When he fell asleep he last saw Jan beside him on the bed massaging his head.

When he woke up, it was afternoon. Jan was sitting on chair close to the bed and reading a book. Arthur’s headache was fully gone. He smiled at Jan.

Jan placed her hand on his forehead and said, “No fever.”

“No headache, too.”

“Great.”

“Do you mind if I borrow your sheet? I need to get up.”

“Technically it’s not mine. It belongs to Zilo. But yes you can.”

Arthur wrapped the sheet around his waist like a towel. Jan looked seemed to look away and get busy with something. Arthur went downstairs and saw the mess that the hall was.

The floor was wet and untidy. A strange smell hung in the air. The smell threatened to bring the headache back. He searched for his things. He was relieved to find his bag and laptop dry, he had stuffed everything away in a cabinet yesterday, especially his laptop and the screen. He undid the sheet around him and wrapped the towel and went to the bathroom. He needed a long bath to clear his head.

When he came out, he found the windows of the hall wide open. The smell had vanished, almost all of it was gone. Most of the floor had been wiped clean, only a portion was left to do. Jan was outside taking the food packets from Patrick and nodding her head. Patrick seemed to go on talking endlessly. 

He went out to talk to Patrick, “You are late.”

“I was just apologizing to your girlfriend.”

Jan looked at Arthur in surprise and suppressed her smile.

“Man you won’t believe it. Many of the staff at the cafe didn’t turn up.” Patrick complained. “It seems that either people have run out of excuses or there is an epidemic in town. So many people have called in sick today.”

“What happened?”

“Headaches. All have headaches. All around the head and neck, each and every one. If you want to see Monday blues, come to town. But here’s what I tell you, when you got to do a job on Monday, don’t party late on Sunday night. It’s common sense. I heard there was a party here too last night.” This last sentence was addressed to Jan.

“Yes there was. But we are all fine, as you can see.” Jan replied.

Patrick about to say something when Arthur cut him off. “You must be getting late isn’t it? Jan let Patrick go. I am starving.”

*****

Arthur and Jan were sitting on the sofa. Jan had cleaned up the place and Arthur had brought the sofa in place and set everything else as before.

“Arthur, whatever happened last night was not good.” So many things had happened last night.

“I am sorry Jan for whatever happened last night.”

“I don’t think we are talking about the same thing”, Jan replied. She didn’t want to think of what Arthur was doing on the sofa with the women.  “I don’t think any of you realized what happened to everybody?”

You heard Patrick, so many people have had headaches.  You think this is a coincidence?”

“Do you have any idea? ”

“Did you notice any aroma or smell in this place?”

“Yes I did. I remember now. It was some aromatic spray somebody had brought along.”

“You know what an aphrodisiac does right?”

“I have heard of it.” Arthur said. “It does a good job.”

Jan ignored the joke, and continued.

“The aromatic spray being used was of Ylang Ylang and jasmine. Both are strong aphrodisiacs and should be used individually and sparsely. Even a small drop can do wonders to your libido. Imagine mixing these both up and using it as a volatile spray. It will turn people mad. That was what happened to Van. “

Arthur’s facial muscles hardened as she took Van’s name. Jan noticed it.

She placed her hand on his and said, “You should forgive him. I don’t think it was his fault. Everyone was under the spell of the aroma and unaware of what they were doing. That’s why I told you to put on the fire alarm.

The water on the heads refreshed them and the fresh air outside helped them clear their heads to minimal sanity. That was the only way to help them all.

When I told you to put the fire alarm, you did it although you were spoiling Zilo’s party. You didn’t know any of this but you did what I said. You trusted me, Arthur.

And because of you many people have been saved from doing things they would have regretted later. The headache was just the hangover of the gas in our system.”

He admired what Jan did. She was the hero.

“Arthur, I wasn’t there for long but I was still affected. It takes great control and mental awareness to resist it. Like you did. I don’t know how but you did. ”

“But I had two women with me. How was I resisting it?”

Jan found her heart tear when Arthur mentioned the incident. She was feeling as hurt as before. She got up and looked outside the window, her back to Arthur. A lone tear fell from her left eye. She wiped it off.

“If you were under the spell, you wouldn’t have left them alone. I saw your eyes, they were clear as day, not intoxicated. What you were doing, was by your own choice.” Jan said.

“I am sorry Jan. For last night.”

“You shouldn’t have to be. I am the one who should be sorry Arthur. For kissing you just like that. I knew you didn’t like it. It was uninvited. You were upset because of me.”

Arthur got up and moved closer to her. He looked into her eyes and said, “I was upset because you said Ron would pay soon and take you away. I don’t want you to go.” He moved his lips close to hers and kissed her.

Jan felt time stop. His lips were soft and he knew how to kiss. But she controlled herself, moved him away gently.

“I can’t do this,” she said.

She came back and sat on the sofa. “I am committed to Ron. You know that. I don’t want to be unfair to him.”

Arthur noticed she didn’t say she loved Ron.

“I will wait for you Jan.”

“Don’t do this to yourself. You deserve someone better than me. Look at me I am such a mess.”

“Leave it for me to decide what I deserve,” he said as he planted an affectionate kiss on her forehead. “But first, I need to call up Zilo and find out where he got the sprays.”

Arthur called him. Zilo said he has this nasty headache. He looked at Jan and she mouthed coffee. Arthur told him to get some coffee. Putting him on hold, Zilo got the coffee, not black, with full milk and sugar as he had been told.

It worked on Zilo too. With a few sips, Zilo felt better. He told Arthur he didn’t know who was spraying. He hadn’t made any such arrangement. He called and asked Greg. He too never gave the order. He told Arthur he will find out and let him know. Looks like someone messed with his party.

Something occurred to Arthur. He turned to Jan and asked, “How on earth did you know the smell so well? Do you use it?”

“There has been no need for me,” Jan answered with a smile, “You would need it more than me.”

“I’d love to,” he said with a charming smile. Jan’s heart skipped a beat.  She looked away.

“Yes I did recognize the aroma without any difficulty.” Ron came and sat beside her. She became pensive. After a few minutes, she spoke.

“Remember I told you that we stayed in India for some years?” Arthur nodded.

“My parents would leave me at my grandmother’s place during the summer vacations. Summers could get very hot there and most schools would remain closed for almost 45 to 50 days. 

I loved to spend this time there, it was so verdant. Fragrant plants like jasmine, tuberose and gardenia were planted all around the house and as it got hotter, the flowers would bloom and it would get so heavenly. If you spent too much time sitting and smelling the flowers, you would feel giddy.   Every night I would sit in the terrace and sometimes dream about my ‘soul mate’.

Don’t smile Arthur. I was just a teenager then.” She rebuked him.

“Go on.”

“Every morning I would get up and collect the flowers fallen on the ground. I would get all but the jasmine would be gone. Sometimes flowers would also be plucked off from the branches. I asked my grandmother who took the flowers but she said flowers belong to God and nobody has a claim on it. But when I insisted, she said it was a Tantrik.”

“Tantrik?  You know that word?” 

Arthur was stunned. It was the same word he had been looking for and searching in Google. Now out of the six billion people in the world, it was Jan taking that name.

“Yes, I know. It’s quite a common word in India.”

“What language is it?”

“Well, a number of languages use this same word. But it is originally Sanskrit.”

“Sanskrit?”

“Yes, you know it?” Jan asked him.

“Only one word.”

“Which one?”

“Kama Sutra,” Arthur teased her.

“Oh please! Give me a break.” Jan made a face. “Put your attention into more useful things.”

“I will think about it. Go on.”

“I had heard stories from my grandmother how a Tantrik would dabble in dark magic. Most people are afraid so of them that they would rather overlook or avoid them than even see them face to face. My grandmother wasn’t scared of the Tantriks, although she preferred not to talk about them much.

But It was much too interesting for me. I had a lot of leisure and I would go to the library and read about them.

Sometimes I would tell my grandmother tell about the hair - raising accounts I had read, of how they sit in the cremation grounds and drink liquor out of human skulls.

It was not new for her, she knew more than I did.  My excitement and curiosity grew more.

One day I decided to stay up all night and see the Tantrik. I used to sleep with my grandmother in the huge teakwood bed. As she fell asleep, I went and sat by a window where I could get a view of the jasmine plant.

No one came until the darkest hour that comes before dawn. I first saw that the plant was being shaken, so that the flowers fell into the ground. Then I saw a woman emerge and she started picking up the flowers.

She was dressed in either deep orange or red I couldn’t say and her hair was loose and frayed. I was watching her perfectly still and without a breath as if she could hear me breathing.  She picked up the flowers and started going away. I was holding my breath and now I exhaled.

Just then I saw her turn and look at the window where was standing.  She had vermilion smeared across her forehead. Her dark eyes bore into me whereas I was sure she couldn’t see me in this pitch darkness. Then she turned and left. I went back to bed. When I got up in the morning I was burning with fever. It stayed for three days.”

“Did you see her again?”

“Once. Our neighbour’s son had got married two years back but he did not have any interest in begetting children. That was like disaster to them. She told my grandmother that she wanted to visit the Tantrik, she had blind faith in her powers. But she was afraid to go alone and wanted my grandmother to come along. I knew it was the perfect chance to see more. Although they didn’t want me come but eventually they agreed to my wilfulness.  

The Tantrik had a hut at the beyond the cremation grounds. My grandmother knew the way, I wondered if she had been here before. The hut was made of mud and was thatched with old and decaying straw. Once we reached there, and before we had called her she came out of her hut.

She looked almost the same. Open hair, vermilion streaks. She spoke very civilly, much to my surprise. She looked at me and smiled knowingly. She had recognized me but she didn’t mention it.