Not Alone: Trusting God to Help You Raise Godly Kids in a Spiritually Mismatched Home (19 page)

Every moment that we pour into our little people, every time we capture a teachable moment, every word of prayer we lift up, every day we model our faith in the mundane ordinary as well as the extravagant extraordinary, it is worth it. The payoff comes years and years later as our kids become young adults. They will walk from our homes into their adult lives, fully equipped men and women who will pass the legacy of faith to the next generation.

For the L
ORD
is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation (Ps. 100:5,
NLT).

Discovery

Mom, set aside your unfolded laundry for a moment. Grab a hot or cold tea and your Bible, and join me as we discover a few aspects of God’s faithfulness. “Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while but their hearts forever” (author unknown).

1. Describe an environment that you would consider a “safe place to land” for your children.

2. Can you remember someone’s home from your childhood that was an “open-door home” in which kids were welcome? Consider what unique aspects and people contributed to that feeling you had of being welcome. What are those aspects? Can you bring them into your home?

3. Write down each of your children’s names. Under their names write down their best friend’s name, then follow that with the names of the kids who spend a significant amount of time with your children and/or those who bear influence upon them. Use this as a prayer prompt in your quiet time with the Lord.

4. This week ask your children about their friends. Ask your children how you could pray for their friendships. Pray for their concerns this week. Give God thanks for answers to prayer, and share those answers with your son or daughter.

5. Consider what attributes you are hoping for in your children’s future spouses, their in-laws and their marriage relationships. Write these down and then date your paper and save it. In the future, such as on your child’s wedding day, you can look back upon this list and experience God’s faithfulness.

6. Look up Matthew 19:14-15. What does this passage say to you?

Prayer

O Lord, my holy God, today I bring our home before You. Father, may our house be a place in which our children feel they are loved, treasured and safe to live authentically. Let our home be a place in which it’s okay to be messy and a place in which friends are welcome. Lord, never let me see my children as an inconvenience. Every day let me be conscious that You have only lent them to me for a short time, and that I need to use that time wisely. Teach me how to use my influence, my love and all my abilities to mold my children into young men and women of character, grace and love. Mostly, Lord, let me impart to them a contagious love for Your Son, Jesus.

Father, let our house be a place of laughter, filled with forgiveness, compassion and unending adventure. Always allow me to be there with a taco, a smile, a hug and words of wisdom and grace. Lord, let Your Holy Spirit flow through me and out to my children and their friends. Let them catch a glimpse of You in our home and in our hearts. Lord, create in my kids a love for Jesus that impacts our home, their friends and one day their spouses, their in-laws and the world. Protect my kids, provide for them and prepare their lives for all You have for them. I thank You for this crazy, unexpected, astonishing and heart-filled gift of motherhood. Help me to be the best mother I can be. In Jesus’ powerful and holy name. Amen.

Respecting Dad

I know that for many men it can be increasingly challenging to remain engaged in their children’s lives as the kids become older. A father’s work commitments can get in the way. Scheduling of our children’s extracurricular activities also change. Be diligent to encourage Dad to discover new activities and moments in which he can spend time with the kids, developing trust and authentic relationship. Encourage him to spend time with his children’s friends as well.

As a mom, take the initiative and open the door of your home. Make the kids welcome, and include Dad as much as he wants to participate. This kind of gentle respect goes a long way in Dad’s eyes.

Challenging Kids

Handling Tough Questions, Confusing
Situations and Special Needs

Dineen

Those who are victorious will inherit all this,
and I will be their God and they will be my children.

REVELATION 2 1:7

Dear one, this is most likely the hardest yet easiest chapter for me to write in this book. Difficult because of its subject matter but easy since, having walked through depression and cancer with my youngest daughter, my heart is with any mom who faces seemingly impossible challenges. Even if you’re not in a tough place with your kids right now, walk with me and let me explain a journey that for me still continues.

Before Lynn and I began planning this book, I knew that one chapter would need to be about the tough questions our children ask us, about the confusion of living in a spiritually mismatched home and how all this gets even tougher when our children have emotional, physical or mental needs.

I’ve shared tidbits with you about my daughter’s successful battle with cancer, but I’ll tell you now, the emotional aftermath of her recovery and her depression were the most difficult parts of this challenge. Some days I wondered how things would ever get better. I pictured a future looming with an unchanging and unrelenting pattern of mere survival and not much hope.

But during this time my daughter and I learned some of our greatest lessons of faith. We learned that a season of difficulty and trial didn’t define our entire lives. We learned that hope placed in Jesus rather than in our ever-changing circumstances would never fail. We learned that the value and impact of a precious moment could carry us through a day and shore up those places where hope lagged.

We learned that our God is bigger than any issue we may face and has an answer for every question. Even the toughest ones.

The Big Why?

I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

PHILIPPIANS 4:13
(ESV)

As a teenager I babysat a little boy whose favorite word was “why.” Every answer I gave him seemed to lead his curious little brain to another question. Thankfully, most of his questions were easy to handle, even if I had to just tell him, “I don’t know why.”

Most of the questions we get from our kids are pretty manageable, but sometimes, their questions will push us beyond our own ability and right into the presence of the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, God’s wisdom and guidance are readily available for us at the throne of grace (see Heb. 4:16). We don’t have to have all the answers, because God does.

Of all the questions, one of the biggies is, “Why doesn’t Daddy love Jesus?” Lynn shared in chapter 3 how she answered this question when her daughter, Caitie, asked it. I’ve dealt with the same question from both my daughters in much the same way Lynn did, with the goal to keep their love and respect for Dad intact but also to enlist them in the mission to pray for their dad to know Jesus.

Above all, we want to help our children understand why we should and how we can love without judgment and to let our prayers and hope spring from this place. Look at this precious story I received from a woman named Kendra:

My son and I watched
Polar Express
together. When the movie ended, we talked about how he doesn’t believe in Santa. I never outright confessed to his suspicion that parents
are
Santa, but instead I talked with him about how he shouldn’t ruin it for other kids who still believe. Christmas is a joyous and fun time, and if you tell kids there is no Santa, you will be taking some of the joy away from them, and that’s just mean.

When I asked him about the true spirit of Christmas, he replied, “I don’t believe in Santa, but I believe in Jesus!” What an awesome moment for me! He talked about how Easter was important too, and he asked me questions about the resurrection and where Jesus is now. He said we should go to where the tomb is so that maybe we could see Him!

But all of this led him to talk about how Dad does not believe in Jesus. Then he started to cry when he told me that Dad isn’t going to heaven. We sobbed together for a few minutes. I could see the worry on his face. I comforted him by telling him that his job is to pray for Dad, that God loves his dad even more than either of us do and that He wants Dad to believe in Jesus even more than we do. So we are going to pray and let God work on Dad’s heart.