Not a Chance (36 page)

He stared ahead of him and looked absolutely miserable. But he wasn't crying anymore. "Sorry about the mess," he said, his voice scratchy.

Dustin patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I'll clean it up later."

Travis didn't say anything. Arden sat on her heels and rubbed his arm up and down. He didn't seem to notice her.

Dustin stood and extended his hand to Travis. "Come on. Up you go."

Travis took his hand and pulled himself up. Arden stood. She didn't know what she'd expected. Maybe that he would be sad over his loss, but still find some way to crack a joke or flirt with her or something. But it wasn't so easy. She spent that night and the next three nights with him. She went to work as usual, but stayed in constant contact with Dustin during the day. They'd come to an unspoken agreement that Travis should not be left alone under any circumstances. In the evening she cooked for him and Dustin or brought in take-out. At night she slept with Travis in his bed.

He barely even acknowledged her. He didn't cry anymore. He just kept quiet. He seemed focussed on every movement he had to make during the day, but he didn't do more than absolutely necessary. He went to the shop to work, but he was useless there. One day she went to pick him up after school to find him staring blankly down into the unfinished engine of The Rebel.

Wednesday morning she woke up to find the bed empty. It was unusual that she wouldn't feel him moving. She jumped out of bed but didn't have to go far. He was in the nursery. He was folding blankets and clothes and putting them back in the drawers. Arden watched for a few moments. Travis surprised her by speaking for the first time since Saturday.

"I wish I could have said goodbye," he said. His voice was soft, but even. "Maybe if I can find Tonya I can hold Emily one last time. They might want some of these things, too. I sure as hell don't need them now."

Arden surveyed the room. The grandmothers at church, upon finding out about the baby, had lavished Travis with all their old baby items. As a result, he had at least two of everything.

Travis finished putting the last of the clothes away. He turned to her then. Jeans. No shirt. In any other circumstances, Arden's mind would have wandered to bedroom things. But now she was too concerned about his mental health. He looked her up and down and then a hint of his former swagger appeared. "Hey. Didn't I break up with you?"

She smiled. "I didn't think you meant it."

He looked away, a hint of a smile forming on his lips.

Arden approached him. She draped her arms over his shoulders and kissed his chest. Then she rested her cheek against him. His hands went in her hair and he pulled her head back and kissed her. It wasn't a soft and tender kiss, but a kiss of need...short and hungry. Then he grabbed her by the hand and led her back to the bedroom.

If she'd been looking for a passionate reunion, she would have been disappointed. He was courteous, but uninterested. He took her efficiently and didn't stick around for any extra. He rolled off of her onto his back and she listened to his breathing even out. Arden sat up and gazed down at him. He was just staring up at the ceiling. If his chest hadn't been rising and falling she might have thought he was dead.

Arden touched his face, trailing her fingers down his cheek and neck and chest. "Feel better?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks."

"My pleasure," she said. And even though there hadn't been any "pleasure" in it for her, she was happy to give him some release. It felt good taking care of him. She hoped that after his grieving over losing Emily, he would be able to get back to his normal, optimistic self.

"I wish she'd just come and talked to me," Travis said.

"I know, baby," Arden said. She pushed his hair back off his forehead and ran her fingers through it over and over.

"I know I got no legal right to the baby and I would have given her back. But there's just things Tonya doesn't know. Like how you gotta cut the feet out of her pajamas or she won't sleep. And you can't give her her bath too early or she won't sleep. And after she eats she has to play a while or else she won't sleep. What if she gets sick and Tonya doesn't know what to do? What if they can't afford to take her to the doctor? And what if they decide they don't want her anymore and they...they..." He didn't finish the sentence.

Arden kept stroking his hair. Slowly his eyelids grew heavy and closed.

"I wish I could have said goodbye," he said softly. Arden kept stroking him until he dozed off.

Then she got up and dressed and went to school, making sure Dustin was awake before she left.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Arden spent another week with Travis just like those first few days. He gradually came out of his despondency to the point that he didn't look like he was on autopilot anymore. According to Dustin, he engaged with customers at the shop. He showed interest in the cars he was fixing. And he even flirted with a young mother of two whom he met at the grocery store.

Still, he was sad and tired when he got home. Arden continued to cook for him and watch him. Dustin seemed to need the break because he snuck off before dinner almost every night. At the end of her second week all-but living there, Travis came home alone. He dropped his keys on the coffee table and went to the kitchen where Arden was standing in front of the stove, a recipe book in one hand, and big spoon in the other. She was trying to make gravy to go with the chicken she was frying.

She glanced up at Travis and smiled before returning her gaze to the recipe in her hand. Travis leaned on the bar separating the kitchen from the little dining area.

"Where's Dustin?" Arden asked.

"On a date."

Arden looked up, then. "With who?"

Travis shrugged. "I asked and he told me to mind my own fucking business. So I assume with Emma."

"Why would you assume that?"

Travis shrugged again. "Because he's been to see her every night for the past week. And he wouldn't be so sensitive about my asking if it were anyone else."

Arden stirred the gravy in the pan. "Well I hope it is Emma. He seems like a smart guy. It's about time he comes to his senses."

"Maybe she's not the girl for him."

"Travis!" She shot him a look. "That's a ridiculous thing to say. Of course she's the girl for him. Some people are just meant to be together."

"Like you and me?"

She didn't look up at him. She knew he wasn't smiling. She had the feeling he was getting tired of having her around. Despite all the free food and sex he was getting. "Yeah," she replied. "Like you and me."

"Is that what all this has been about? You trying to prove yourself to me?"

Arden slammed the spoon on the counter and marched over to him. She stood across the bar from him and looked him in the eye. "All of this has been about keeping you from doing something stupid in your grief. Dustin can't stay with you all the time. I wanted to be here with you through this because I love you and you're my friend. I don't have ulterior motives and I'm insulted that you would suggest that I do."

His expression didn't change. A mixture of despondency and boredom. So far from the Travis she loved and longed for. "I'm not in any position to restart our relationship," he said.

"I'm not asking you to."

He looked down, then. "It's making me feel guilty, all you're doing for me. I think it's time you go back to sleeping at your own place."

Arden's heart sank in spite of herself. "I'll go when Dustin and I agree it's okay for you to be alone. I'll sleep on the couch if it'll make you feel better."

He surprised her by reaching across the counter and taking her hand. He lifted it to his lips. "I want you to have dinner with me tonight. Because you've gotten pretty damn good at fried chicken and I'm really hungry. Then I want you to go home. I appreciate all you've done. But I'm going to be okay now."

She felt the tears she hated so much stinging her eyes. "Travis, I can make you happy, I know I can."

He laughed, then, and took a step back. "Isn't this quite the role reversal. I'm going to take a shower."

Arden took the opportunity to shed a few tears while he was in the shower and she was finishing up dinner. They ate together in silence and then she packed her things. Travis wanted her to go home, but she insisted on waiting until Dustin got back. Then she went back to her apartment to find Emma curled up on the couch in her jammies about to watch a movie. It was a welcome sight. Arden ran upstairs, changed into her own pajamas and then joined Emma.

With Arden around in the evenings, Dustin had taken to checking on Emma. The whole experience with Tonya and her boyfriend had been fairly traumatic and Dustin was concerned. But as Emma regained her composure over the week and no longer needed the shoulder to cry on, Dustin found himself unable to stay away.

One night he went to her apartment, knocked on the door and went inside without waiting for an answer. He'd come to feel quite at home there. Inside, Emma was dressed in her usual 1950's Good Housekeeping style. There were amazing smells coming from the kitchen and she was cheerfully setting two places at the table. She looked up at him in surprise.

No more surprise than what he felt. And then he felt angry. "You expecting someone?" he asked sharply.

Her smile dropped. "Yes. Why?"

Dustin clenched his teeth. "Why? I don't know. Maybe because I've seen you every evening for over a week and you never said anything about having a date."

"Who said it was a date?"

"It pretty much looks like a date."

"So what if it is?"

"Stop answering me with questions, dammit. Who is he? Huh? Who is it you're cooking dinner for?"

She tossed a handful of silverware on the table and then stood up with her fists on her hips. "It's not a date. I was cooking dinner for you, dummy. But now I want you to leave because you're being a jackass!"

Dustin froze. "Oh," was all he could think to say.

"So go ahead," Emma said. "Leave."

Dustin shuffled his feet. He glanced past her into the kitchen. "What did you make?"

"Meat loaf. Your favorite."

He wondered how she knew what his favorite meal was. "Can I stay?" he asked.

Emma shrugged and looked away.

"I'm sorry. I was jealous, I guess. Can I please stay?"

She shrugged again. "I guess so. This isn't a date, though."

"Of course not."

Dustin helped her finish setting the table and pouring tea. During that process the tension vanished and they ate together and chatted about every little thing. When dinner was over, they washed dishes together and by the end of the evening, Dustin didn't want to leave. He was starting to forget why he'd broken up with this girl.

"You want to maybe go to the movies tomorrow night?" Dustin asked as they sat on the sofa sipping coffee.

"Um..."

"It wouldn't be a date," Dustin hurried to say. "Just as friends."

"Oh." Emma still hesitated.

"There's a new Kate Hudson movie playing that's supposed to be...good."

She laughed, then. "You can't even say that with a straight face. You do not want to go see any Kate Hudson movie."

"No," he said, "but I wouldn't mind sitting next to you and holding your hand while you see it," he said.

She turned red and looked away. "Okay," she said. "As long as it isn't a date."

"Absolutely not a date." Then he sat his coffee down. Took hers and sat it aside. And kissed her on the lips. It was another hour before he finally went home.

Arden sat at her dining table early Saturday morning. There were school papers spread out in front of her, but she wasn't looking at them. She was tapping her pen on the table and pondering the conversation she'd had yesterday with a private detective she'd hired to track down Tonya.

"I found her," he said. "She's over in a one-bedroom apartment in Garber living with some guy and his two kids. I tracked down the car using the license plate numbers you gave me and then found her from there."

Arden had given him the plate numbers off of Travis's Cyclone which Tonya had stolen a couple of months ago. "You found the car?" she asked.

"I found the guy who bought the car. You want his number and address?"

Arden said yes. Now maybe she could get Travis his goodbye and possibly his car back, too. That had been a bonus.

The only question in her mind now, was, whether she should go find Emma herself first. Or tell Travis and let him deal with it. She really wanted to go herself and get things lined up so she could surprise him. But that man that Tonya was dating had hit Emma. If he was around, it would be best for her not to be alone. So she opted to bring Travis with her.

She waited until she knew he'd be getting ready to go to work and then drove to his house. It had been a week since she'd stopped spending the night. It was the end of February and a warm, false-spring day. Arden kept her windows down and enjoyed the excitement of Spring's approach.

Travis actually smiled when he opened the door to find her there. He even looked her up and down despite the fact that she was only dressed in her ratty jeans and a t-shirt. "Well, hey there beautiful," he said.

She blushed all over. "I've got some news for you. Can we sit?"

Travis stepped back and gestured for her to enter. When they were seated on the couch she took his hands in hers. "I know where Tonya is."

He immediately paled. "How...why...." He looked away, confused.

"I hired a detective my dad knows over in Bixy. Do you want to go say goodbye to Emily?"

He looked at her, then, as though he was seeing her for the first time. She waited and watched him, unsure whether he would be angry or relieved or happy or what. And then he grabbed her face between his hands and shoved his tongue down her throat. Arden squeaked once in surprise before losing herself in the most passionate kiss of her life. He grabbed her shoulders and held her tight. She felt hot and tingly all over and a longing spread from her center throughout her body. She wanted to feel all of his skin on all of her skin. She wanted to wrestle with him and roll around and take turns being on top and make the loving last for hours.