No Way Back (47 page)

‘That sounds lovely,’ I admit. I think about it. ‘But... ’

‘I know,’ she says. ‘You will always remember.’

‘I can’t live like this. Being this man. I need forgiveness. I need to be reborn.’

‘I know.’

‘Will we get it right this time?’

She shrugs. ‘Maybe. We will see. Whatever happens, I’ll be with you. Because I love you.’

‘I love you, too.’

She takes my hand, and holds it in hers, and we watch the fog burn off the ocean, and a new day begin.

The headmaster didn’t want to like the man who arrived that Wednesday morning at ten o’clock. He was late, first of all, by a full hour. Which is disrespectful, the
first day you arrive at a new job.

But more importantly, he was a replacement for Steve Tanner, and the headmaster had liked Tanner – still liked him, even after what had happened. He couldn’t understand what had made
Tanner do the thing that he did. Why would you throw away an entire career over a woman? It wasn’t just the fact that it was a woman – although, to be honest, the headmaster tended to
be pulled in the other direction by Eros – but, female or otherwise, why would Tanner quit in the middle of the school year, and board an airplane, literally without a day’s notice
– and send a mysterious email when he landed, about a lover in Chile, and a need to ‘follow his heart’? It was impetuous, almost crazy – not at all like the Tanner that the
headmaster had known.

And now here was the new teacher, the replacement, sitting across the desk from the headmaster, in the expansive office, overlooking the manicured athletic fields, and beyond them, the grey
stone buildings that housed the dorms and the classrooms.

The new teacher was older than the headmaster had expected. Dark hair, a bit of a paunch, sleepy eyes, a limp. A nose that had been broken, a bit askew. Not unpleasant looking. But the
man’s covering letters, the glowing references he had received from colleagues and superiors – all had made the headmaster expect someone else – someone younger, perhaps –
someone more vibrant.

It didn’t matter. As long as the man could run a classroom filled with twenty pubescent eighth-graders, and as long as he was available right now, in the middle of the school year, then he
would do. His sudden availability – really extraordinary considering the time of year – meant the headmaster would avoid problems. There would be no pushy parents demanding to know why
a teacher had quit an expensive private boarding school in the middle of the year. The fact that his replacement happened to teach Religion and Ethics – the exact subject that Tanner had
taught – was an extraordinary break. Not that you ever wished disaster upon someone else, but that horrifying fire in the Vermont boarding school, that had killed so many – young and
old – at least had had one salutary effect. The new teacher had not been in the dorm when it had happened, and so he was available, precisely when Tanner went AWOL. So lucky were these
circumstances – it was as if God himself were controlling the events, making everything perfect...

...but no, that was an impious thought. God does not set fires, and

God does not fill vacancies at boarding schools.

But still.

It was lucky. So lucky, that the headmaster had taken the unusual step of hiring the teacher sight unseen, without having met him, based solely on written references. So the headmaster was
secretly glad when the man who arrived in his office proved to be acceptable: white, Anglo-Saxon, probably even Christian.

‘I’m sorry I’m late,’ the new teacher said. ‘It’s really unforgivable. To be late on the first day of a new job.’

‘Yes,’ the headmaster agreed, a bit startled that the man had nearly read his mind. ‘But I suppose you’re not familiar with the area, and the roads up here can be
confusing.’

The new teacher inclined his head.

‘Well,’ the headmaster went on, ‘there’s no harm. Your first class doesn’t start until after lunch. I still have time to show you the campus.’

‘I’d like that.’

The headmaster studied the man. There was something about him, a gentle affability. He’d probably do well with the children. The headmaster complimented himself that he was a good judge of
people. This man seemed to have a kind quality, something genuine, something that made you trust him.

‘I think you’ll fit in here,’ the headmaster said.

‘Thank you. I hope so.’

‘And, if things work out,’ the headmaster added, feeling suddenly expansive and generous, ‘then we can talk about extending your contract into next year.’

The man smiled. ‘I would like that. I have a good feeling about this school.’

‘No other plans, then?’ the headmaster asked. ‘No desire to seek greener pastures?’

‘Oh, no,’ said the man. ‘If you want me, I can stay here for a long time.’

The headmaster realized that he had perhaps over-extended himself, practically offering a job to this man without even seeing him teach. More cautiously he said, ‘Well, let’s see how
these first few months go. We can discuss your future later.’

‘That’s fine,’ the man said. ‘I’m in no hurry.’ He smiled, and added: ‘I have all the time in the world.’